35. Hazel

HAZEL

None of them pressed me about my old nest. I didn't think Ben even let the others see it.

Instead, they gave me the space to run my fingers over the new purchases. I didn't want to think too hard about how Ben and Remy knew exactly what I liked. It was absolutely nothing like Sierra Echo's nest for the cameras. Sierra's nest was what people thought an omega nest should be like. Neutral tones, lots of pillows, everything super soft.

Ben and Remy picked earthy, green tones for me. Plucked from nature and placed in my nest. I slowly put my nest together and I swore it came alive somehow.

There was a jumble of textures. Slippery silk, firm cotton, plush faux fur and woven fibres. I ran my fingers across the bumpy rope-like patterns. I loved it. I found a bit of fringe edging on a throw and carded my fingers through it. It separated easily before falling back into place. The satisfaction from that alone had me biting back a pleased whimper.

It's so good.

There was just one thing missing.

Three somethings.

Three someones.

I'd denied myself this for too long and my omega was scraping at the door I'd shut her behind.

I eventually made my way back out to the living room where they were all waiting for me. Ben gave me the words I was too afraid to say.

"Do you want us to come into your nest and make it smell right?"

My eyes dropped to the floor. "I-I'm…"

"Actually, how about we all have dinner together? It's been a long day," Ben quickly course-corrected. "After that, if you like, we can stay over. Just sleep. We can stay as many nights as you need until it feels right."

I don't think there was another alpha in the world more attuned to his omega than Ben was with me.

We were too tired to cook but we didn't order in.

Ben and Aleks ran to the shop and came back with everything to make pizzas.

It was chaos in my kitchen.

"Stop eating the toppings before it can make it onto the pizzas!" I batted my sauce-covered spoon at Remy and he dodged it easily.

"Why?" His incorrigible grin was infectious. "It's like a pre-dinner charcuterie board." Remy looked over the spread, clearly about to ignore me and select his next bite. "The names almost sound romantic. Don't you think, my darling soppressata?"

I spread the sauce on my pizza with enough extra aggression that it splashed. "Your nicknames are getting worse," I said through clenched teeth.

"So that's a no?" Remy said around a mouthful of olives.

"Yes it's a no!"

Aleks waved at Remy to get his attention. "Pass me some prosciutto," he asked, pointing at the far end of the kitchen bench. I narrowed my eyes at him and he shrugged helplessly. Traitor.

Remy attempted to throw the prosciutto. It landed limply between us, far from Aleks' reach.

"That was quite possibly the worst ingredient you could've chosen to throw," Ben commented matter-of-factly.

Remy picked it up and walked it over to Aleks. "I'm in porn. I don't need my brain."

"Hey!" I protested. "Don't say that. Our jobs are not easy."

He grinned. "I didn't say it was easy. I said I don't use my brain."

"You use your second brain," Aleks offered graciously.

"The penis brain," Ben clarified.

"Oh for god's sake," I grumbled. I was surrounded by idiots.

Remy hugged me tightly from behind. "Do you want us to gooo?" he asked in a sing-song voice.

"No, dammit," I said crossly. I watched Ben work. To my great dismay every second pepperoni ended up in his mouth instead of on the pizza.

My stomach growled and I caved like a house of cards. "Give me some, I haven't had any yet."

Ben was more than happy to shove some meat in my mouth.

We eventually spread an assortment of pizzas (some looking a little more sparse than others) out on the dining table and Remy let out a relieved sigh. "Now that we have Ben here, we can finally watch something that isn't analysing maggot life cycles for once."

Ben's head whipped around. "What?"

"We like true crime…anything," Aleks explained.

"Remy doesn't." I smiled broadly.

Ben looked between us all. "Yeah…I'm with Remy on this one."

"Oh so you can agree with me," he replied instantly before realising what he'd done. "Did I ruin it?"

"Yep." I patted his shoulder. "Let's just eat and give Ben the responsibility of picking something we're all happy with."

Ben eventually selected Kill Bill, reasoning that we would get lots of blood but also a storyline to enjoy. I fell asleep when the limbs started flying. I was vaguely aware of being moved to my nest, three bodies pressing against me.

Peppermint as my pillow. Bonfires at my back. Freshwater hugging my middle.

"Try again, Hazel."

"I am trying." My head pounded from the effort.

A hand roughly grabbed mine and placed it on top of Adrian's.

"I told you you had to touch him as well!"

I flinched from the rebuke. "S-sorry."

He was like ice in my palm. There was no response as I curled my fingers around him. It was like holding hands with a corpse.

"Focus, Hazel. And find him in the bond."

I took a deep breath and went back inside myself. Trying to find that thread that connected me and Adrian. It was so dim and fleeting. Always ever so slightly out of reach. I could only ever sense it on the edges of my vision no matter how hard I twisted and turned.

I screamed as the cold, clammy hand beneath me suddenly gripped my wrist. Immovable and inescapable no matter how hard I pulled. I stared in horror as Adrian's face transformed into the lipless, vacant-eyed mask and bore directly into my soul.

I looked around at the faces around me. Begged and pleaded for them to help me.

No one cared.

"You did this to him, Hazel."

"Now you get what you deserve."

They watched as ice crept up my arm, spread across my torso and travelled up my throat, crushing my windpipe.

"Hazel!"

"Fuck, these are her nightmares, aren't they?"

"It's never been this bad before but the new nest might have triggered it. Don't let her hurt herself!"

I bucked, trying to tear at the ice suffocating me. Trying to dig at my throat and chest.

"Sweetness, you're not there. You're here. With us."

You're mine, Zelly.

Peppermint blurred into lemons and evergreen. Chocolate and summer rain. They clashed and fought in my head.

Scent match scent match scent match.

I screamed, trying to get away. Thrashing, trying to find a way out until—

Fire swallowed me whole. I gasped, oxygen flooding my lungs. The sharp bite of whisky on my tongue and then heat. Smoke and spices burning away the chill all the way down my throat.

I blinked, only just able to make out the form of Remy above me, covering my body with his. His green eyes glimmered in the darkness. I surged up, hooking my hand around his neck and crushing my mouth to his. Wanting to taste his fire and light a pyre to all the memories screaming in my head.

"It's ok, Hazel."

He was kissing me back but not like I wanted. Too tender, too soft. Transforming my desperation into compassion as he held my cheeks and weathered the sharp dig of my nails in his flesh. A slow, steady thrum emanated from his chest and the timbre of it melted through me.

"You're ok." I followed his voice like a beacon. "You're ok."

The spasms wracking my body gradually stilled the longer he kissed and purred for me.

"What time is it?" I finally croaked. My head felt like I'd been grinding it against sandpaper for the last hour.

There was a sudden burst of light from a phone. "Almost 3am," Aleks said, before turning it off and plunging us back into darkness.

The silence between us was palpable.

"I can't do this," I whispered.