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50. Rainer

50

RAINER

R ainer woke to the sound of waves crashing far below the cottage windows. Despite the chillier nights, Cecilia insisted on sleeping with a window cracked to bring in the fresh sea air. Gull calls and the faint sound of bells at the harbor swept in with the breeze.

Rainer smiled and rolled over, reaching for his wife.

Instead of finding Cecilia, he was met with a set of bright green eyes.

"Stella, what are you doing awake?" He smiled at his daughter as she kicked her pudgy legs and let out a soft gurgle.

He had a bleary memory of Cecilia stirring in the night, soothing a teething Stella in the rocking chair that now sat next to the bed.

"I know, little star. I know it hurts, but I promise you'll feel better if you go to sleep for a little bit," she'd whispered.

Rainer ran a finger down Stella's soft cheek as he glanced at Cecilia asleep beside her. His wife was splayed out on her back, her hair pinned up on top of her head and her cheeks rosy in the morning light. One of her arms was curled around the baby so Rainer wouldn't roll over and crush her. She didn't even stir as Stella bumped against her .

"Did you keep your mom up all night? Aren't you tired?" Rainer whispered.

Stella grinned and babbled.

He laughed. "Shh, don't wake her up."

He pulled Stella onto his chest, rubbing her back in the hopes that she'd lay down and go back to sleep. Instead, she pressed herself up onto her hands, blinking at him. Wisps of wild dark curls sprang out from her head in all directions.

"Not tired, huh? Want to go for a walk?"

Stella cooed softly.

"All right, let's go," he said.

It only took a few moments to get her changed, dressed in warmer clothes, and tucked into the sling on Rainer's chest. He tugged a hat over her head, which she instantly ripped off and threw on the floor.

He bent to retrieve it. "I know you hate it, but it's sunny and you have your mother's complexion, so you have to wear it."

She frowned as he placed the hat back on her head. Her legs churned in excitement as he ducked out of the cottage.

Rainer grinned. The first time he had felt his daughter kick, he was overwhelmed that he could love someone so much without ever meeting her. Cecilia had been equally in awe, though she was concerned that their little warrior was just going to try to kick her way out. Now that Stella was out in the world, her legs were always churning, as if he could set her down and she'd take off running.

Despite Rainer's upbringing, being a father came so easily to him. All the worry that he'd felt for years was replaced with the absolute joy of watching Stella develop a personality right before his eyes. Sometimes, she was fierce and quick to anger like her mother, and others, she was serious like him, an identical crease forming in her forehead like she was deeply concerned. Watching her learn and grow healed something in him he hadn't thought he'd ever make peace with.

Between fatherhood, finishing his apprenticeship, and starting to take on his own work, Rainer felt for the first time like he'd become something of his own making. While he still trained daily, he didn't push as hard, and the hands-on nature of woodworking and all the heavy lifting of building furniture kept him active enough to burn off his excess energy.

Rainer walked down the trail toward the beach, sand and pebbles crunching under his feet. Stella snuggled against his chest.

"See, I knew you were tired," Rainer chided. "Do you want to hear a story?"

Stella dropped her head back to look at him, her face brightening. He'd begun telling her stories from the moment they found out Cecilia was pregnant. He'd lay in bed each night with his head beside Cecilia's stomach, telling both mother and baby a bedtime story. Now, even at such a young age, Stella would sit still, listening attentively as he spun tales.

"How about one about your mom? You sometimes like to hear about her getting into trouble." Stella frowned and Rainer shook his head. "Okay fine, I'll tell you another one about sharks ."

Stella barked out an approving screech and he laughed.

"I don't know why you like the scary stories the most, but whatever you want, Stell-bell."

He cradled her head as he walked and began to spin a tale about a mermaid escaping a vicious shark. Before long, Stella's head lolled against his chest and she fell asleep. He continued down the beach.

In sleep, Stella looked so much like her mother, her dark lashes fanned over rosy cheeks and her lips pursed in a soft pout. Rainer loved her more than words. The moment Lyra first placed the baby in his arms, he thought his heart would burst. Cecilia had been clinging to him, a joyful, sobbing mess. For perhaps the first time, he'd understood completely what it felt like to be so overwhelmed by emotions that it was impossible to settle on just one. The two of them had sat there for hours just staring at Stella's perfect face.

A stiff breeze blew in off the sea and he gazed tentatively into the waves, wondering if perhaps he was about to be joined by Auntie Adira, as Cecilia liked to call her now. But no goddess stepped from the surf, so he turned and strode back toward the cottage trail .

A few minutes later, Stella stirred and woke, looking at him expectantly.

A zing of love passed through his connection with Cecilia as if to say, " Where did you go with my baby? "

Rainer straightened Stella's hat. "I know you're hungry. We'll go find your mom. She's looking for us."

Stella let out a discontented whine of protest, looking longingly at the sea, reaching her pudgy hand toward it.

"It's going to be cold. Are you sure?"

She kicked her legs frantically in response as he lifted her from the sling. He loved that she seemed to share his love for the sea. He couldn't wait for her to be old enough to swim with him in the mornings.

He pulled off her tiny socks, tucking them in his pocket. Then he walked to the shoreline, bending low so Stella could dip her toes in the water.

She let out a squeal of surprise and he lifted her right away.

"I warned you, but you're as stubborn as your mother," Rainer said as he tucked her back into the sling, facing out this time so she could see the world—but she tilted her head back, looking up at him instead.

"Want to go see your mom?"

Stella smiled and cooed softly and he climbed the cliff trail toward the cottage.

After a lifetime of being regimented and eternally on time, Rainer was blessed to be joyfully and woefully late for everything. He could blame nothing but his happiness for it. He loved everything about his life. He was so stubbornly present and unconcerned about the future that he constantly lost track of just how much time had passed.

Rainer took the last few steps up the trail from his walk on the beach. As Cecilia came into view, standing in the cottage doorway, a hand on her hip, his daughter's tiny legs began kicking up a storm in excitement. Stella let out a happy babble at the sight of her.

"There they are—my two favorite people in the whole world," Cecilia said with a grin as she scooped the baby from the sling .

She held Stella high and the baby squealed in delight as Cecilia blew kisses on her stomach. Rainer had never had any doubt, but Cecilia was a wonderful mother—patient, gentle, and calm through fevers and teething.

"Have you ever seen anyone so beautiful?" Cecilia asked, smiling at Stella, who promptly ripped off her hat and threw it in the dirt.

Rainer grinned at Cecilia. "Just every day of my life."

She blushed and kissed him.

The older she got, the more Stella looked like Cecilia. It was an astonishing thing to see his wife's face reflected in his daughter, along with his own green eyes. She demonstrated more personality by the day, and he hadn't decided yet if they were blessed or doomed that she seemed to mirror her mother's swift temper and daring nature.

Stella cooed, looking quite seriously at Cecilia as if she was having a full conversation.

"I agree, your father is a shameless baby hog. Always finding excuses to wander off with you and hoard you to himself. I can't say I blame him. You are the most adorable baby in the world."

Rainer did tend to wander off with Stella, but it was only because he wanted their daughter to see everything. That and she was always hungry in the mornings and shared her mother's temperament, becoming incredibly cranky when she needed to eat. He took her for walks when she woke up so that Cecilia could have a few more precious moments of sleep.

Cecilia smiled at their daughter. "What's that?" She leaned in, pretending the baby was talking to her. "You're right, he does get more handsome every day and it's rather unfair." She winked at Rainer.

He felt the same way about his wife. If anyone had asked on his wedding day, he would have said with certainty that Cecilia never could have been more lovely than she was then, but somehow, each day she seemed to bloom progressively brighter. Perhaps it was the relaxation that came after a hard-fought battle. Maybe it was simply being happy but she grew more radiant daily.

"Perhaps we could leave Stella with Aunt Clara tonight and you could have some much-needed alone time with your very handsome husband. Let him remind you that he's not just a pretty face, but also a man of many talents," he whispered.

Lust fluttered through their bond.

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? I'm sure Clara would be delighted to have this girl to herself." She looked at Stella and her face changed. Worry creased her brow.

Rainer laughed. "Sweetheart, she will be right up the trail and it's just overnight. I'll go get her first thing."

When she met his eyes, he recognized the heat in them. "You've got a lot of ground to cover in just one night."

He kissed her neck and whispered against her skin, "I'm certain I'm up for it. The question is whether you're willing to give up a night of sleep because I have no intention of letting you get any rest."

They'd found their moments when Stella napped, but they hadn't had extended time together since she was born. They'd recently moved her into the additional bedroom he'd built onto the side of the cabin, which had offered them a bit more privacy, but being parents was exhausting.

Cecilia's appetites were still borderline insatiable and they were forced to find any moments they could to sneak away—in a frenzy bent over the kitchen table after dropping Stella at Clara's for the afternoon, or up against the wall while Rainer muffled Cecilia's moans with a hand during nap time, or in the moments before they gave into exhaustion in bed at night.

Rainer would be lying if he said he wasn't a little bit desperate to be with her. He missed their uninterrupted chats and not having to rush. He wanted to take his time, hold her close, remind her how much he loved her. He wanted to hear her moaning in his ear, desperately whispering how she was just for him. The words were possessive and archaic, but it drove him out of his mind when she said them. They'd been together so many times, but she still knew how to make him absolutely wild.

"It would be nice to have you to myself before I have to share you with our friends this weekend," she said .

Xander and all of their friends were visiting Olney for the winter holidays and his birthday and Rainer knew he wouldn't have his wife to himself until after they'd all packed up and headed back to Olney weeks later.

Her hand slid lower and she gave his butt a squeeze. "I'll stop by and talk to Aunt Clara on my way to the queen's garden this morning for me and Stella's girl talk. Now come inside and feed me so I can feed her before we both get cranky."

Rainer laughed and followed her into the kitchen.

Rainer didn't want to intrude. Saturday mornings were sacred to Cecilia, as they had been since her mother took her to the queen's garden as a child. He usually left Cecilia and Stella alone, but for some reason he felt restless, curious about their weekly ritual.

Instead of finishing the third commission he'd received this month for a table and chairs, he'd left his half-finished woodwork in his workshop. Now he was peeking through the hedges of the queen's garden, spying on his wife.

From this angle, he could see Cecilia's back, her lilac dress beautiful against her fair skin and her curls piled up on top of her head, out of reach of the baby, who loved to yank on them. Stella sat on Cecilia's lap, facing Rainer but staring intently at Cecilia as she spoke.

"I know it's hard," Cecilia said. "I know you're small and fierce and you can't do all the things you want to. I've been there too. But I want you to know that when you're bigger and stronger and older, I'm going to make sure you can do what you choose to do, that you can make your way in the world, no matter how different that way is from the norm."

Stella cooed, smiling up at her mother.

"I know it's hard to be little and have so much fire you think you might burn alive if you can't vent it, but I will be here to help you. So will your dad. He's good at it, too. He's so patient. I hope someday you find a partner like him. Someone who sees you even when you're terrified to be seen. Someone who loves you and knows how to push you. Someone steady and kind. We are a couple of very lucky ladies to have your dad to mellow us out—even when he spies on us. Don't you think?" She turned and smiled over her shoulder at Rainer. "You know, if you wanted to join us, you could just ask, Rain."

"I didn't want to intrude."

Stella let out a squeal of delight as she spotted him, her whole face lighting up.

"I think Stella speaks for both of us. You're always welcome," Cecilia said.

Rainer kissed both of their cheeks and sat next to Cecilia on the bench. "Is this what you do every Saturday?"

It was so sweet to watch the two of them together. The way Cecilia spoke to the baby like she understood, the way Stella stared at her mother, her eyes bright with intelligence.

For so long, he'd thought he needed to prove he was strong through force, that he'd feel satisfied once he fulfilled the legacy of his father, but the thing that he was most proud of was that he'd stayed himself no matter how the world had tried to change him. Hearing the way Cecilia spoke about him to their daughter, hearing her vision of his influence, solidified everything in his mind.

He had needed to prove to himself that he was worthy of his own dreams and wishes, that his value didn't come from someone else but was found in simply being himself. Rainer's legacy wasn't one of violence nor of greatness in battle—his legacy had become one of telling stories, of believing in long shots, of wishes that came true. His was a legacy of stars.

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