49. Cecilia

49

CECILIA

C ecilia's heart was in her throat as she pounded her fist on the seer's cottage door. She was terrified of what Raven's warning meant—of what might be wrong now.

She'd let her guard down. So much had gone well and now something was bound to be wrong.

The door swung open, revealing Raven Whitewind. She looked entirely unsurprised to see them.

"I take it the world has not stopped spinning," she said with a grin.

"Why am I sick? Is there something wrong with me? With my magic?" Cecilia asked.

Rainer's fear hit her in the chest.

"What's going on?" he asked.

Cecilia turned to look at him. "I didn't tell you, not for not wanting to, but because I was still trying to reckon with it myself. While we were in Argaria, just after Raven severed our bond, she came to me."

"And what did I say, girl?" Raven asked.

"You said that I was asking the right question—how could my mother let me sacrifice something so permanent? How could I consent to an exchange that would have ripped away my soul?"

"That's right."

Rainer's jaw dropped as he looked from Cecilia to the ancient witch. He looked ready to throttle the woman.

Cecilia placed her hands on her hips, trying to steady herself for whatever bad news the seer was about to drop on her. "What's wrong with me?"

"You tell me," Raven said. "You're dizzy, nauseous, exhausted, and a newlywed. I wonder what it could be."

All Cecilia's bravado fled. Raven couldn't be implying what she seemed to be. "But you said?—"

"I said you did exactly as your mother hoped you would," Raven said. "An exchange requires consent, but what happened to you was never really a choice, and as such, nature needed to balance it somehow. The only way to do that was to have the exchange be temporary."

Cecilia frowned. "My goddess power would have gone away?"

Raven shook her head. "Not exactly. The rules of magic say that something cannot be given without exchange, but that goddess power was always yours—it was just bound by your mother at birth. The Cave of Longings simply unbound the magic. You gave up your ability to bear children to release the binding spell, but that was only meant to buy you the time to defeat Cato and Endros and bring peace to the realm. It was supposed to keep Cato from using you in the way we suspected he wanted to."

Cecilia shook her head, her heart thundering so loudly in her ears she could hardly hear anything else beyond her own shallow breathing. "So that means—" She looked from the witch to Rainer, her hand coming to rest on her stomach.

Raven tracked the movement. "What do you feel?"

Cecilia closed her eyes, her brow furrowed in concentration as she tried to ground herself in her body, to scan her magic. She felt the pulse of her magic through her body like a heartbeat, but there was also something else—an entirely new rhythm .

Cecilia blinked her eyes open. "What is that?"

"What does it feel like?" Raven asked.

"Like a part of myself I can't fully sense," Cecilia said, her eyes suddenly glassy. "Am I?—"

"Pregnant," Raven said. "Yes. I suspect a couple months along."

Cecilia felt weak in the knees, like she might collapse from shock or relief. She'd been especially exhausted in the last few weeks of their honeymoon, turning down wine because it made her too sleepy and eating every lemon cake she could get her hands on. She'd written the exhaustion and cravings off as sheer excitement of traveling and late nights in bed together, but now it all made sense.

"But I thought?—"

"It was always a chance. You could have given in to Cato. But you became your mother's wildest dream for you," Raven said. "I'm happy that you had the faith to get here."

Cecilia was so stunned she could barely speak. After all her grief and frustration, after all her righteous anger about her choice being taken away… Every struggle and every choice had led her in a full circle to this moment.

Cecilia was afraid to believe it. "You're sure?"

Raven reached out a hand, placing it on Cecilia's stomach and grinning. "I'm certain. I suspect you'll be welcoming this little one in early May. I have a memory to show you before you go."

Raven took hold of each of their hands and Cecilia felt a gentle press on her mind.

She knew that face at first glance because it was so much like her own. She was looking at Selene Carrick.

Selene Carrick smiled and placed a hand on her swollen stomach. "My darling girl, I wish I could save you the heartache that Raven assures me awaits you. What an enormous blessing to be your mother, but also a curse to know I'll never meet you as a grown woman and won't have the opportunity to hold your hand through your struggles. I am already so proud of you and you aren't even here yet. Raven has been kind enough to share glimpses of you."

She cleared her throat. "As you might have guessed, I planned this all along for you, Cecilia. There was only one path through that saw you get all the things you wanted, and it was so painful. I did not want that for you but I had to believe that you were strong enough to weather it, that you have the perseverance and fortitude or the sheer stubbornness to keep going until you got everything you wanted. Raven assured your father and I that the Rezniks were part of that, as was the guardian you'll one day be paired with. I hope that someday you'll be able to have the option to choose exactly what you want without apology. All I ever wanted for you is for you to be able to make your own choices. I love you and I'm very proud of you, my brave girl."

The memory dissipated as they all blinked their eyes open.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Cecilia asked.

"I couldn't risk that I'd influence the outcome," Raven said. "It is the curse of a seer to know what's best but have to contain it. Just like how Clastor could not tell you that making a selfless sacrifice for Rainer would allow you to come back to life. I could not tell you that the exchange would be temporary without it affecting how you reacted. The chances were so slim that with every turn you took down this path, I was afraid that any hints might interfere. Congratulations, Lady McKay. You'll make a wonderful mother."

Raven shooed the stunned duo toward the door. "You should be getting home before the sun sets and the woods get too dark. Remember lots of water and protein, Cecilia. Good luck."

Cecilia and Rainer wandered, dazed, to the picket fence around the seer's garden, staring at each other. The grief, gratitude, and overwhelm hit Cecilia all at once.

Her knees buckled and Rainer swept her into a hug. She sobbed against his shoulder, both of them utterly at a loss for what to say. Finally, he set her down .

"How do you feel?" Rainer asked.

She gave him a watery smile. "I would have been thrilled with me and you and adopted children. And I'm certainly not the sort of woman who believes she can only be happy with a child—" She shook her head as if she could shake off the flood of emotion. "But I felt robbed of the option. For so long, I thought I could stop wanting it when I knew it wouldn't happen and it never quite settled in. The wanting never abated and I didn't want to tell you because I knew how badly you wanted it too. Especially when you finally admitted it back in Argaria."

Rainer hung his head. "I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't tell me. I meant that I would just be happy to be with you and adopt children, but obviously, I'm delighted with this also."

She blinked away happy tears as he lowered to his knees and pressed his mouth against her stomach.

"Hello, baby, this is your father. I am so excited to meet you, but please, for the love of the gods, stop making your mother so sick."

Rainer grinned up at Cecilia and rose to his feet, sweeping her into his arms and carrying her home.