45. Cecilia

45

CECILIA

M ika had explained everything to Cecilia and had also gone over rules and boundaries with Rainer. Still, Cecilia was a nervous wreck as they stepped inside the Reznik family's summer house. Set slightly farther north on the eastern coast of Olney, it was a smaller, breezier home away from the hustle and bustle of Olney City that they'd hardly visited since Cecilia was a girl.

The caretakers, Pierce and Liz Leiben, had been delighted to receive her letter requesting access and were awaiting her and Rainer when they arrived. Liz had hugged them both, having not seen them since they were children. Then she had smiled knowingly and winked at Cecilia, telling her to have fun and to be safe so that her wedding dress would fit.

Cecilia didn't have the heart to tell the woman she'd never need to worry about that particular problem. From time to time she still turned over the cryptic words Raven Whitewind had said about the unfairness of her exchange not truly being a choice and how Cecilia was asking the right questions. But those questions left her angrier and more confused when she so badly wanted peace .

Once the caretakers left, Cecilia pumped in water for a bath and took her time scrubbing her skin and hair as if soap alone could wash away her nerves. She tried not to think about the fact that Rainer was doing the same on the other side of the house, preparing for the evening.

She dried off and changed into a lilac silk dress before stepping into the kitchen and gazing out the glass doors that led onto the patio with wooden stairs that descended to the rocky beach.

Rainer's reflection appeared behind her in the glass. He wrapped his arms around her. "You look gorgeous in this color."

His gaze darted to the large dining table across the room. She swallowed hard, sensing his intention. Mika's instructions had been clear that recreating a similar set of circumstances in a safer environment would bring up maximum fear, but also the greatest opportunity to master it. If Cecilia could do this, it was possible that she'd get over the worst of her apprehension and be able to return to some semblance of normal intimacy.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Rainer asked, his voice taking on a sexy, authoritative edge that set her blood simmering.

She nodded. Cecilia loved Rainer enough to hand him all of her hurts and carry them with her. She trusted him enough to let him push her.

"You are giving me your trust, your pain, your fear. You believe I'll take care of you, don't you?" Rainer whispered. His lips brushed up the column of her neck and she shivered, pressing her back into his chest. "Mm, yes, you do. You're going to be a good girl for me, aren't you?"

She whimpered, her head lolling back against his chest, then laughed. "Why does something so patronizing make me so hot?"

He nipped at her earlobe. "Because you know I'll reward you for good behavior," he taunted. "Because you like when I'm in control. You like this darker side of me. I may have forgotten a lot, but I didn't forget the way those words affected you."

She was mesmerized by this new side of him—terrified and turned on by the idea of what he might do. She wanted to feel everything only Rainer could make her feel.

"Say you trust me. Let me take control, Cece," he said.

"I trust you. You're in control."

"If I do anything you don't like, you know what to say to stop me."

Xander . That was the safe word Rainer had given her, knowing that her ex's name would stop both of them in their tracks.

"I'll keep you safe. I'll take care of you," he whispered as he pulled her into a kiss. His hands roamed down her body, caressing her curves through the silk of her dress.

Though Cecilia had struggled with touch since Vincent attacked her, Rainer's touch was easier to take. Perhaps it was because she loved him or because she was connected to him and could sense his proximity, but she was better able to let herself relax when she was with him.

"Gods, I have such exciting plans for you. Let's get you out of this dress." Rainer's fingers deftly unbuttoned her dress and he slipped her free of the silk so she stood in only midnight-blue lace. She turned to face him.

"You look incredible," he murmured, breaking his stern character for a moment.

She smiled at him and reached for the hem of his shirt.

He clicked his tongue. "Did I say you could help? Turn around."

She stuck out her lip in a pout and turned her back to him.

"Put your hands on the tabletop."

She hesitated only a moment. The fear was the same but the room was not. Still, she took a breath and flattened her hands against the cool wood. She tried to calm her breathing and ignore the memory that surged to mind.

Fingers brushed the back of her bare thighs and she gasped.

"Don't think about that, Cece. Think about this. This is real," Rainer murmured.

He dropped to his knees behind her and his breath danced over the skin he caressed. She froze for a whole different reason. Desire tore through her like wildfire .

"Do you like that?" he asked.

His hands brushed up and down her legs. The slow, tantalizing movements gave her chills. She was mesmerized by the feeling.

She was snapped out of her trance by the sharp slap of Rainer's palm on her backside. She sucked in a breath as his hand gently rubbed away the hurt from the spanking.

"I asked a question, Cece. You'll answer or you'll be reminded to answer." He kissed her inner thigh.

She shuddered as she pushed her butt out.

He chuckled. "Oh, I see—you liked that."

"Yes. I like what you're doing. All of it."

He smacked her ass again, smoothing away the sting with a gentle caress, the pain and comfort blending into something intoxicating.

"Good girl."

His hands slid higher, rising to the lace edge of her underwear. He was so close to touching her where she wanted him, so she pushed herself back, rubbing against his hand. He slapped her ass again and clicked his tongue.

"I'm in charge, Cece. You said you trust me. Now trust me to give you exactly what you need," he whispered. "Say it."

"You're in charge. I trust you," she rasped.

He rewarded her by rubbing her through the lace. She let out a soft moan.

"Good girl. Now hold still," Rainer whispered. His lips brushed up and down her inner thighs.

She dug her fingernails into her palms to try to keep from wiggling. She was so turned on. She shifted so his lips would go slightly higher, expecting a smack on the bottom, but instead was rewarded by a nip of his teeth on her inner thigh.

"Oh, fuck," she said, collapsing onto her forearms on the table. Rainer's tongue laved over the bite and she moaned.

"You're not doing a very good job of holding still," he scolded.

She shifted her feet slightly wider to give him more space.

"Please," she whimpered.

He rewarded her by nipping up and down her inner thighs and kissing and licking away each hurt. She forced herself to hold still even though the sensation drove her crazy. She didn't want him to stop.

He slowly rose to stand behind her. "Stand up and turn around."

She obeyed and he chuckled when he saw her face. She was certain she was flushed and half-ruined for him already.

"I think you deserve a reward," he said, pulling her into a kiss and lifting her onto the edge of the table so that her legs dangled.

He pulled away and dragged a chair in front of her before sitting down. Rainer took her left foot in his hand, kissing the freckle on her little toe before placing it on the armrest of the chair as he kissed the freckle inside her knee. He placed her right foot on the other armrest. She stayed there, legs spread wide for him as he leaned back in the chair and smiled.

"Lay down," he said firmly.

Cecilia laid back and stared up at the ceiling. Flickering firelight made the shadows dance over the stone ceiling. She tried to contain her urgency.

"Stay still," Rainer whispered. His hands caressed her inner thighs, moving up and down in slow, languid patterns. It felt wonderful, but she was so turned on she wanted to yell at him to do more.

After what felt like an eternity of waiting, he broke the silence. "You're still okay?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Good, because I think you deserve another reward. Hold still," he whispered and his breath was hot through the lace.

He brought his mouth down on her, licking and sucking through the thin material. It took all of her concentration to not grab the back of his head and hold him right where she wanted him—to not moan and writhe all over the table. She thought the lace would be an obstacle but for some reason it made her even hotter that he could wring that type of pleasure out of her without even getting her naked.

He flicked his tongue against her and her thighs trembled from the effort of staying still.

"Rain," she moaned .

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I need to move. I'm so—" She moaned as he sucked hard on her clit. "I'm going to?—"

"You can move now. Be a good girl and come when I say," he murmured before continuing his ministrations.

She wound her hands through his hair and her legs clamped around his ears.

Rainer continued in earnest and the pleasure of his mouth on her through the damp lace, of his hands lifting her hips so he could feast on her, sparked her pleasure. Her whole body tensed, about to uncoil.

Cecilia arched her back, digging her fingernails into his scalp and moaning as the wave of pleasure crested and crashed down on her hard. Her thighs shook as the climax receded. Slowly Rainer lowered her back to the table and she untangled her fingers from his hair.

He kissed her inner thighs and stood tall. His smile lit up his whole face.

"Good girl," he whispered. "How do you feel?"

She laughed as she sat up. She felt triumphant. Now she knew it was possible. She wanted more. "I can't express it but maybe I can make you feel it."

Rainer's eyes lit up and he let her draw him into a kiss. For a moment, there was nothing but the two of them. No history of war and pain and fear. No blazing fire in the fireplace. No scored wood table under her that reminded her so much of the past. There was only Rainer's mouth on hers. Only his warm, rough hands on her skin. Only their shallow breathing as they pulled back and looked at each other.

Rainer cocked an eyebrow. "I think I can do better. Lay back."

She laughed but followed his command.

He kissed her stomach and hip bone through the gap in the lace of her bustier and underwear before catching the edge of her panties in his teeth and drawing them down. His fingers hooked on the other side, helping them along.

Cecilia cursed at the sight of it. Rainer was so sexy and he was finally hers again. She let her head fall back against the table and surrendered to the feeling of him as he pulled off the lace and began kissing up her legs.

He pushed her thighs further apart, and she gasped at how exposed she felt.

"It's just me, okay?" he soothed. He opened their connection, sending love through, and she relaxed.

"Yes," she whispered.

She moaned at the first brush of his tongue and lips, all her fear forgotten. He took his time with her. Any time he sensed her mind starting to drift, any time she felt a hint of fear, he'd brush his thumb over her inner wrist to remind her it was him until she fully relaxed and gave herself over. She writhed on the table and he gripped her hips, holding her in place. She let out a string of expletives as she went over the edge again, legs trembling with the intensity of it.

Rainer waited for her to come down, to relax back to the wood in a boneless pile. He kissed up her body until he finally met her lips and smiled against them.

"You're such a good girl."

She groaned at the affirmation and Rainer chuckled.

"Gods, if I knew that expression would wind you up so much, I would have used it long ago."

He pulled away abruptly and she let out a discontented whine.

"Stand up," Rainer commanded.

She stood up quickly and let Rainer unhook her bustier so she stood before him naked. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she waited for instructions.

"I missed you," Rainer whispered, turning her to face the table.

She sucked in a panicked breath as her hands settled on the tabletop. Her mind pulled her under. Out of nowhere, she drowned in the dark—imagining firm hands on her arms, the bones in her hand being broken one by one, a knife hacking at her dress, and?—

"Cece." Rainer's arm wrapped around her, his lips brushing the shell of her ear, and she shuddered. "You are mine. It's just me and you right now. No one else can have you. I'm going to take care of you. You're safe. "

He ground his hardness against her ass. She relaxed as his hand slid down her stomach, brushing her lightly between her legs. Pleasure snaked through her.

"Is there anything you need to say?" he asked.

Relief hit her. Rainer was waiting to see if she'd say her safe word. That alone was enough to make her relax.

"Keep going," she said.

"Good girl. Now, bend over," he whispered, kissing her neck.

Cecilia slowly bent forward, leaning far enough across the table that her feet dangled off the ground. The wood was cold against her breasts. She took a deep breath, focusing on Rainer's hands as they trailed down her back.

Her mind started to wander again. She was in this same position when Vincent?—

A slap against her bottom jolted her right back to the present. She let out a whimper as Rainer soothed away the hurt with his palm.

"Focus. It's just me, Cece. It's just Rainer. Say it."

Cecilia fought hard against the torrent of memories warring with the desire to stay present. She hated that Vincent still took up space in her mind.

Rainer slapped her ass again, three times in quick succession, trying to obliterate the fear and focus her entirely on his touch.

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes," she said, blinking away surprised tears.

"And who does your fear belong to?" Rainer asked.

She hesitated. "You. It's yours."

"So why are you trying to keep it from me?"

Cecilia took a shaky breath. She thought it would be easy to surrender everything to Rainer, but now she was hesitating. She didn't want the fear hanging over her any longer. It would always be there in some way, but it felt like she was right on the edge of something critical.

"Do you want me to stop?" Rainer's voice softened.

She turned slightly, meeting his eyes. "No," she breathed. "Push me. "

He nodded before spanking her several more times. The fiery sting grounded her almost as well as her desire. She pushed her ass out, hoping for more.

"Who does your fear belong to?" Rainer asked.

"You," she whispered.

"Good girl," Rainer said, rewarding her with two more hard slaps. He dropped to his knees behind her, kissing away the sting. "Gods, you're so wet. Do you like this?" he asked.

"Yes."

It was confusing and overwhelming, but Cecilia loved what he was doing. He stood, removed his shirt, and tossed it aside. Then, he bent over her body. His chest was warm against her back.

"You look so sexy like this. I could stare at you all night," he whispered in her ear. "But instead, I'm going to fuck you until you can't stop coming around my cock."

Cecilia groaned. He pulled away and she felt him press against her.

She tried not to tense, but Rainer was big and he normally spent a lot of time warming her up with his fingers.

"Do you trust me?" Rainer asked, reading her apprehension through their connection.

"Yes," she whispered.

He pressed into her slowly, inch by inch. Cecilia relaxed into the stretch, taking deep breaths as Rainer moved meticulously slowly. The slowness meant she felt everything. His hands flexed on her hips. The intake of breath when he bottomed out.

He held himself in place, both of them perfectly still.

"Fuck, you're so tight," Rainer rasped. He bent over her, kissing up her spine, and she shivered.

Cecilia could have stayed there just like that. So close to him, feeling how much he loved her through their connection. Feeling how hard he was, how he was holding himself back, how he wanted to take all her pain and fear and grief and hold it for her. She blinked away tears of relief.

"Are you well?" he asked .

"So good," she breathed.

"That's good because I need you now," he whispered.

He pulled out abruptly and thrust back into her as she groaned. There was the slightest bite of pain, but it was quickly swallowed up by pleasure.

Rainer moved faster, wrapping her hair around his fist and pulling her head back. Warmth pooled below her navel. Cecilia was already so close. Rainer knew her and her body, but most of all, he knew her heart and he knew what she needed. He moved faster, his lips and teeth nipping at her neck.

"Do you have any idea how many nights I fantasized about this? Taking you just like this? How many times I touched myself and thought of you when I couldn't even remember who you were to me? All while you were trying to drive me out of my mind. Gods, Cecilia, the fantasies don't do it justice. You feel so fucking good. There is nothing in the world like being with you."

Cecilia moaned. The dirty talk was going to send her over the edge.

"Do you like that? You like that I thought of you when I touched myself? That I couldn't stop? Gods, the way you made me ache for you. You were such a little tease. You feel perfect. You're so hot and wet for me." Rainer groaned. "Tell me how it feels."

"So full, almost too much. I thought about this so many times, but I was afraid. I wanted you to take me. I wanted exactly this." Her whole body trembled.

"That's right, and now you're going to come, aren't you?"

His hand came to her neck, holding her in place as his teeth dragged down the delicate skin where her neck met her shoulder. She cursed. He thrust into her harder and she dropped her head back against his shoulder and fell apart. Her legs shook violently, her whole body twitching with pleasure.

Rainer groaned. "Yes, good girl," he murmured into her skin.

She felt frenzied, manic with lust. Rainer didn't slow his pace at all. He thrust into her harder, drawing out her climax until she felt like she might black out. Her hand slapped against the table, fumbling for anything to hold on to, her heartbeat thundering in her ears.

"Fuck," he grunted into her shoulder. His hands flexed on her hips as he tried to keep himself from going over the edge with her.

She whimpered as he slid his hand between her and the table and began to rub her clit as he made shorter thrusts. She cursed, the words dissolving into incomprehensible nonsense. Rainer was entirely in control. Her body twitched and clenched under his ministrations.

"When we get home, I'm going to do this every day. I'm not even going to let you get out of bed for a week or two. I want you all to myself. I want this all to myself," he said, rubbing her harder. His teeth grazed her earlobe and she shuddered. "After that, I'm going to wake you up every morning with my tongue between your thighs. I'm going to make you get on your knees and take me in that hot little mouth. Then I'm going to fuck you until I'm late for everything. I'll give you anything you want, and I'll ask for everything back. Would you like that?"

"Yes," she moaned.

His fingers rubbed her furiously and she was so close to another climax she could hardly breathe.

"Tell me what you want me to do to you when we get back."

"Anything you want," she mumbled.

Rainer cursed, his fingers pressing hard on her clit, and she moaned. He pulled out and dropped to his knees, licking her as she shuddered.

"Rain, I want to see you," she gasped, her legs shaking so violently she wasn't even certain they would hold her if they switched positions.

He stood, turning her around to lay her back on the table. He slid back inside her.

"You feel so good," he whispered between kisses. "I love you."

He wrapped his hand around her neck, not to choke her but to remind her that he was in charge. Her whole body clenched in reaction .

Rainer's eyebrows shot up. "You like that?" he taunted. "You like when I hold you down and make you come all over my cock?"

"Oh my gods," she gasped.

She felt like she was burning from the inside out. How was he so good at this? He'd always been amazing in bed but never so commanding.

"Say it." His voice was so different, so demanding, and she wanted to do everything he said.

She knew exactly what he was looking for. The words that turned him on just as much as they comforted her.

"I'm just for you, Rain."

He gave her a lupine smile. "And what about this?" he asked, his hand sliding down to rub between her legs as he thrusted.

She was dizzy with lust, each possessive question ratcheting her pleasure higher. "Just for you."

His hand slid higher, coming to rest over her heart, his gaze softening. "And what about this?"

"It's just for you, Rain," she rasped.

He rewarded her by brushing his thumb over her golden scar. Every muscle in her body squeezed, her toes curled, her heels pressing into Rainer's back. She felt suspended in midair, separated from reality, so close to orgasm again. All the pent-up tension in her body made every feeling more intense.

Rainer smiled down at her, sweat dripping down his chest, his hair stuck to his temples. He looked so sexy and feral with desire for her.

"I want to be in control," she breathed.

Rainer's eyes lit up in surprise. He lifted her up and spun her so that he could lay back on the table, allowing her to lower herself on top of him.

"Fuck," he groaned. "Take what you need."

Cecilia did. She rolled her hips, moving with him. He sat up, folding her into his arms, meeting her rhythm.

Tears streamed down her face. She couldn't express the relief, the triumph she felt, the immensity of the love she felt for Rainer .

"You're so beautiful. So brave. So strong," Rainer murmured. His voice was warm, his lips full of praise as he kissed her.

She was right on the edge. It felt impossible, but the joy was going to send her over again.

The climax tore through her and Rainer opened their connection wide. She arched into him and his hands on her lower back held her in place as he pulsed inside her with a loud groan. Her whole body tingled with the sparkling starlight feeling she always felt when they were together.

Through it all, what existed between them stayed intact. Rainer still made her feel better than anyone ever had. He still loved her. She still loved him.

What they'd done didn't fix everything, but his plan worked because she no longer felt creeping dread. She felt relaxed, wrung out, pleasantly exhausted.

Rainer kissed the tears from her cheeks. "How do you feel?"

"Powerful. Loved," she said. "Like I just let out all the stress from the past few months at once and I'm going to sleep for days."

The concerned crease in Rainer's brow softened. They'd both gone a bit outside of their comfort zones.

"Thank you, Rain. I was scared, but you kept me safe. You pushed me just enough. Thank you for taking care of me."

"I can't believe you're thanking me," he said. "I'm honored that you trust me so much. That was so sexy I thought I was going to lose it right away."

"I like you bossy," she said, blushing.

He chuckled. "I noticed. We can do that anytime you like."

He pulled Cecilia into a kiss and she sighed in satisfaction.

It was hard to fathom the relief she felt taking back something she'd been afraid she lost. It didn't make it as if it never happened. Part of her would always carry that haunting fear. But in some small way, Rainer helped her heal over it by taking her fear and pain and letting her be in control of how it happened. It took tremendous trust, but she was relieved that he could give that to her. Relieved she was brave enough to try .

For a long time, they lay there in the rectangles of fading sunlight streaming through the glass doors as Rainer stroked her back and told her a story about a man who lost all the memories of the love of his life until she kissed him and his body remembered.

Cecilia snuggled into his side, nearly asleep by the time he reached the moral of his story: It was good to be a fool in love.