41. Xander

41

XANDER

S itting in the grand dining room in Castle Savero with the light of sunset streaming through the window, Xander could hardly believe that just days ago they'd put an end to the war that had raged for his entire life.

The table was set in spectacular fashion, with delicately painted golden dishes, crystal wine glasses, and tall candelabras filling the air with the scent of beeswax.

Jessamin had taken to her first non-battle-related task as queen with relish, insisting that it was important to celebrate victories, especially those fought so hard for.

"Darling, it looks fantastic. Who knew you'd be as excellent a hostess as you are a warrior?" Xander said.

She smiled smugly. "You'll learn to never doubt me or I'll be forced to keep reminding you that you're foolish."

Jessamin was still dealing with morning sickness, but she absolutely glowed, her scarlet dress brilliant in the warm candlelight.

Xander turned to his other side, where Isla was equally resplendent in a burgundy gown with a plunging neckline that made him want to drag her into the adjoining sitting room for some alone time .

She caught him staring and her mouth twisted into a satisfied smile.

"You look stunning," he said.

"And you look in over your head," she countered, leaning over to brush his hair back from his forehead. He loved having her fuss over him. "I still think you should have worn the crown."

He waved a hand. "Not my style."

Xander hoped that within his lifetime perhaps there'd be no more need for crowns. No doubt there would always be opposition to his rule and to any change at all, but he hoped that his power could be shared, not just to bring more voices to the table but also to free him of the responsibility of trying to determine what was best for everyone when he was only one man.

He wanted more for the next generations. He wanted his children to have options he didn't, without the pressure of being impeccable or doubts about whether they were worthy. A new goal was beginning to form in his mind and, after all this time, he was finally surrounded by people who he truly believed could help him do it.

His friends slowly filed into the room. Cal, Reese, and Chris sat on the far end of the table along with Evan and Sylvie, who was dressed more like she was going to a formal ball than a celebratory dinner. The priestesses sat on the opposite side of the table with Maren and Jessamin's other guards. At the head of the table Xander sat with Jessamin, Cece, and Rainer beside her. Isla sat to his left and Mika sat on the other side of her.

At the center of the table, four seats sat empty for their fallen friends and family, white roses across their place settings along with glasses of bubble wine. One seat for Davide, one for Teddy, one for Leo, and one for Magdalena.

Once everyone was seated, Xander stood, tapping his knife on his glass to silence their chatter. His mouth went suddenly dry. It was overwhelming to see all of his friends' exacting gazes on him. Never in his life had he expected to be the one everyone wanted to hear speak, but they looked to him now.

Xander took a breath. "It's with both joy and sorrow tonight that I take in the faces of everyone here and all of those we've lost in this fight for equity and peace. I'd like to honor my older brother, who protected me as best he could. To Davide Savero."

He raised his glass and everyone toasted and drank.

Xander cleared his throat. "The mark of true friendship is the way you never stop feeling the loss. Teddy was my dear friend and I miss his warmth, his humor, and his relentless optimism. I feel his absence daily. To Teddy Reynolds."

He raised his glass and they all drank. Xander nodded to Cece and she stood.

"The huntmaster—" Her voice broke and Rainer reached out to squeeze her hand. "Leo Reznik was a good man and an amazing father. He trusted me to make my own choices, equipped me with the skills to ensure that no one took advantage of me, and loved me like I was his own flesh and blood. He died trying to save me, not because he didn't think I could make a hard choice, but because he didn't want me to have to. I miss him every day. To Leo Reznik."

She held up her glass and they all toasted again.

Finally, Mika stood. She still would not even glance at Rainer. "There is likely not a person in this room whom Magdalena did not help or heal at one time or another. She was kind and far too generous with her time and energy. She was also a terrible singer, though no one dared tell her. She raised the first woman I ever loved and she helped me heal more than once when I was certain grief would carry me away. I miss her, but I feel her in every hallway in this castle. I see her in all my friend's scars. And I hold her in my heart all day every day. To Magdalena Graves."

They all clinked glasses and drank as Xander stood again.

"Finally, to all those who have sacrificed their lives in this blood war and to everyone who risked and lost something fighting for what is right. To the fallen."

They clinked glasses one final time and Xander swallowed the lump in his throat down with the last of his wine.

"Now that we have tended to our dead, let us tend to the living and feast. "

He sat back in his chair, watching his friends talk and laugh and enjoy their food. Plate after plate, from appetizers to dessert, their joy was in no way diminished by what they'd lost, and that was what he'd been fighting for to begin with.

He hadn't realized it until that moment, but it was the truth. When he'd set out for Olney as a teenager, hoping to find the Lost God, he'd not done it in the hopes of making war. In his own juvenile way, he'd done it for peace. It might have been foolish of him to not realize that bringing the Lost Goddess back to Argaria would have resulted in a war that crushed Olney, but that hadn't been on his mind when he was still so young and idealistic.

Now, as Cece met his eyes across the table, he finally believed that even if it was in the most roundabout way, he'd done what he set out to do so many years before.

There were plenty of snags to work through with the families of the traitors and in pushing toward a more equitable, less classist kingdom. If Xander had his way, he'd also try to make the monarchy as small a role as possible in ruling the kingdom so that someday his children would have the option to do what they wanted, instead of what was expected of them. Beyond that, he was well aware of the impossible task of trying to rule for an entire kingdom of people when he'd experienced one singular life of privilege.

As if sensing his overwhelm, Isla reached under the table and gave his hand a squeeze.

Xander smiled at her. There was so much he wanted to say to her. He was overflowing with relief that she hadn't left yet, but he was still afraid she might.

"Isla—" he started.

She shook her head. "There will be time to talk later when the dust has settled. Tonight let's just be present."

The words were not a guarantee, but they were enough to release the tension from his shoulders.

For the first time—possibly ever, but at the very least since he'd first set out for Olney at fourteen—Xander felt surrounded by people who truly cared about him and entirely at peace.

Isla stood on the balcony, looking down at the castle grounds and the city of Ardenis. Despite the cold, she wore the same dress she'd worn to dinner with no coat. Her arms were bare against the chilly breeze, her dark skin shining in the silver moonlight.

"You're staring." Her voice was just a whisper carried on the mountain wind.

"I've got to get all these longing glances in while I can," Xander said. He was trying to sound teasing but he knew by the way she turned to look at him that he'd failed.

"Have I given the impression that I'm going somewhere or is this just your incredible impatience?"

He crossed the balcony and ran his hands up her arms. Her skin was cold under his warm palms.

"I will always be impatient for you," Xander said. "I think it's what I was made for, just as you were made to make me wait."

"You like the suspense."

"I love and loathe it in equal measure. I like the chance to win you over—the thrill of a challenge, and also," he kissed her shoulder, "I know how crushed I will be if I fail. So please, Isla. Put me out of my misery. End the suspense."

She studied him, her fingers running over his cheek like she was tracing the moonlight on his skin.

His heart was in his throat. He didn't know if he wanted this dance between them to end or if he liked the rush of the suspense. The old hunter instinct was still so strong. He loved the chase—the adrenaline of a good fight. Victory felt like validation—but it was the fight itself that made him feel like he had earned it.

If Isla gave in too soon, before he believed she wanted to, he'd always be worried that she'd change her mind. But if he gave her time and she chose to stay, she'd be deciding it again daily and he'd be winning her over not just once, but thousands of times.

He pulled her into a kiss, his fingers lingering on her neck before sliding down her chest to rest between her breasts. He leaned his forehead against hers.

"What do you say, darling? Is today the day you accept my offer? Have I earned more than a maybe?"

She smiled, drawing far away enough that she could meet his eyes. "I have considered your offer?—"

He braced himself, waiting for rejection, praying silently that she'd say anything else. She watched him, a ghost of a smile on her lips like she liked holding the power to break him.

"I want full autonomy to run the army training programs the way I wish," Isla said. "If I'm going to do this, I don't want to hear some ego-bruised hunter complaining about having to fight like a woman. I'll need your full support."

All the air rushed out of his lungs at once. "You'll stay?"

"To lead your army."

He couldn't help but smile. She was playing this for all it was worth—trying to maximize his suffering, yet it only made him love her more.

"And to be my consort?" he asked. "The position comes with a rather stunning heirloom ring."

She shrugged noncommittally but there was heat in her eyes. "That will take some convincing."

Xander wanted to sweep her into his arms and celebrate, but he forced himself to play it cool. "So it's still just a maybe?"

She ran her hand along his chest as she walked back toward the bedroom. She paused in the doorway, gilded in firelight as she cast a playful glance over her shoulder. "No, darling. It's the best maybe of your life."

A few days later, Rainer and Cece were finally packed and ready to go home.

Xander watched the two of them fall into the practiced rhythm of getting ready for a long journey, Cece teasing Rainer for triple- checking the buckles on all their saddlebags, Rainer pretending to be annoyed about it but smiling when she wasn't looking. The two of them had been inseparable since Rainer recovered his memories, but Cece watched him like she was worried he'd forget again.

The guardian rubbed his hands down Cece's arms and tucked her cloak around her tighter. Cece chided him for worrying and trotted over to Mika to help her finish packing her horse.

The biggest surprise was Mika's departure. With Magdalena gone, she had decided to leave Argaria. She wanted a chance to start fresh in Olney. Cece was delighted to have her and the two of them had caught Xander up on their plans for a women's clinic at the healing center.

Rainer turned to meet his eye. "Xander."

"Rainer."

"I think it's worth mentioning that the best man won." His tone was more teasing than barbed.

Xander burst out laughing. "I thought you put a fine point on that in my library. No need to rub it in." He nodded toward Isla and Jessamin. "I'd say I did all right for myself."

"Will she stay?" Rainer asked.

Xander shouldn't have been surprised that Cece had caught Rainer up on everything that had transpired, but Xander still felt protective of what he had with Isla. It felt so delicate and he didn't want anyone else to get too close or it could crumble before his eyes.

"Maybe," Xander said.

Rainer shook his head. "Truly, I don't understand your appeal, but you know how to make it work."

Xander grinned. "Well, luckily I don't need you to understand." He nodded to Isla. "Just her."

Rainer patted him on the shoulder. It was stiff, but perhaps all friendships started off a little awkwardly. "You've always been good at giving a woman the space and encouragement to trust her own mind. I think you'll be okay."

Rainer cleared his throat, his eyes darting to Cece, who stood chatting with Jessamin and Isla. "Thank you for keeping her together. Even when I didn't know what was going on, I saw you watching out for her in subtle ways. Thank you for everything."

He pulled Xander into a hug. For a moment Xander stood uncomfortably before hugging the man who'd been his nemesis for two years.

"Are we friends now?" Xander asked.

Rainer laughed. "Let's just say that I'll enjoy you better in smaller doses."

Xander grinned as Rainer walked back toward the waiting horses. "I'm growing on you, McKay," he called after him.

"Like a fungus," Rainer quipped over his shoulder.

Xander would take it. They'd come a very long way from fighting over Cece's affection and his respect for Rainer had only grown. He hoped the feeling was mutual, but he wouldn't push his luck on the first try.

The snow crunched under Cece's boots as she closed the distance between them. Her eyes were bright and her smile was wide and tremulous.

The last time they had parted, Xander had walked away from Cece, leaving unfinished business between them and their kingdoms. This time, their business was settled, as was the chaos of the kingdom, and all that was left between them was history and a budding friendship.

"Xander," she said, cupping his face in her cold hands.

"Cece."

For a moment they were silent, their eyes speaking volumes in the way only two people who had suffered with and for each other could.

"I expect you to come back again and visit and finally get to enjoy my kingdom without threat of death or captivity," he said.

She shrugged. "Sounds boring."

"I promise I will find a way to make it more exciting. I'll take you on a proper hunt. We can go sledding."

"Sledding?" she asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Yes, speeding down the snowy mountainside on a piece of wood with steel rails. It's exceptionally fun and dangerous. You'll love it. Making Rainer worry himself to death is just an added benefit."

She giggled. "Sounds perfect." Her face grew serious. "Xan—" Her voice cracked and her eyes misted over. "I'm so proud of you. I know you're still doubting yourself, but you have already proved that you know how to be a great leader. It's the same as how to be a great partner—listening."

He pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm really going to miss you. Please say you'll keep writing. I swear I'll actually write back this time."

She nodded vigorously. "You better or I'll march back here and hunt you down. And Xan?—"

He met her eyes.

"You're not King Damian. You're warm and kind and present. That baby is very lucky to have you and a gaggle of women who know how to keep you in line."

Xander laughed. "Yes, I expect I'll be bullied out of my doubts." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "We'll see you in a couple months for the wedding."

She grinned and kissed his cheek before finally letting him go.

This time, when Xander watched Cece turn to go, his heart didn't break; it surged with joy, knowing that all would finally be well.