28. Cecilia

28

CECILIA

T he last thing Cecilia wanted to do after her first sexual victory since the attack was go see Vincent the following morning. But she had no choice but to appease him for now. She smoothed her hands down the bodice of her wool dress and paused in the hallway, trying to steel herself to face Vincent.

She hadn't been aware Castle Savero had a throne room. Guards bracketed the large, intricately carved wooden doors. Cecilia recognized the scene cut into the wood only because she'd seen the moment illustrated in artwork back in Olney. It depicted the fall of the front line, the battle where Rainer's birth father, Zelden Novaris, had fallen. For Olney the scene depicted courage against all odds, but in Argaria it was clearly meant to be a monument to victory. Cecilia glanced down the hall, wondering if Rainer had glimpsed this art.

She didn't know why he'd never told her who his birth father was. She wouldn't have thought of him any differently. There were so many things that made sense now that she knew. Rainer always made a point to stop and look at the art of this scene in Olney. All their lives Cecilia had assumed it was born of an aspirational commitment to being a good warrior. Now her heart ached because Rainer was probably just looking for signs of himself .

All her life she'd felt so isolated and strange until she'd learned who she truly was. All that time she'd thought Rainer fit in so easily. Now, she wondered if he'd felt just as lonely and had hidden behind a cheerful, gregarious exterior. It hurt even worse that if he didn't remember, she might never know.

One of the guards cleared his throat. "My lady?"

Cecilia nodded and the guard opened the door.

She walked into the throne room. The crowd of pandering nobles all seemed to stop speaking at once. They stared at her, parting as she crossed the room to the dais where Vincent sat. She dipped into a shallow curtsey.

"Your Grace, you summoned?"

Vincent leaned back in his seat, looking much too comfortable on the throne he'd stolen, his eyes raking over her menacingly. "You look lovely today, dearest."

Cecilia said nothing, holding perfectly still under his appraisal. She did not look lovely. She looked washed out in the ugly gold dress, but she didn't care because she'd secretly had a spectacular dress made for Rainer and Eloise's engagement party that evening.

"Thank you," she said with the fakest smile she could manage.

He smoothed his tunic. "I want you to spend some time with Eloise this afternoon. She was hoping you'd be one of her maids in the wedding and I assured her you'd be delighted. She'd be so honored to have the future queen in her wedding party."

"You want me to attend her?" Cecilia forced her face into a neutral mask, but Vincent's grin let her know she'd done a poor job.

"Yes. She was hoping for some pointers on Guardian McKay, and since you've known each other for so long, I thought you would be the best person to offer her counsel."

"I'm afraid I'm quite busy this afternoon."

Vincent frowned. "Surely not too busy to bestow wisdom on a bride."

Cecilia clasped her hands together. There was no way to avoid Vincent's cruel games. Emotional warfare was his chosen method, and he was so skilled at it that he didn't need to deliver the punishment himself anymore.

"Of course," Cecilia said reluctantly.

Vincent clapped his hands. "Marvelous. She's in her rooms awaiting you for tea. You may go."

Cecilia curtseyed and left the room, ignoring the gawking of the various lords and ladies who were clearly hoping for a more dramatic show, most notably Edward Spellman, who stood by the throne room doors, grinning and holding court with several other council members.

She breezed out of the throne room and up to Eloise's rooms. Her mind spun. She wanted to believe that Eloise wasn't inherently cruel—that she was just another woman being told what to do by men who controlled her future. But Eloise had admitted she was attracted to Rainer even before the attack. While Cecilia didn't want to give in to the paranoia that became stronger by the day, she couldn't overlook the possibility that Eloise had been in on it since the beginning.

There was only one way to find out and at the very least Cecilia could try to excavate some more critical details they would need for the wedding.

Cecilia knocked and was summoned inside.

"Lady Reznik, you have perfect timing," Eloise said.

Cecilia considered leaving until she spotted a seating chart for the wedding ceremony. She took a few steps toward the table where two copies of it were laid out. She tried to appear casual as she glanced at Eloise. "Perfect timing for what?"

Eloise gave her a triumphant smile. "My fiancé will be visiting my bedchamber tonight for the first time. I could use every insight you have."

Cecilia's heart hammered in her chest. "I think you mean my fiancé."

Eloise rolled her eyes, dismissing the servant who had been fluffing a dress hanging from a hook by the closet.

When they were alone, Eloise turned her green eyes on Cecilia. "I hope you don't blame me. It's not my fault you didn't marry him while you had the chance."

Eloise's words stung. Cecilia had kicked herself so many times. She'd been so foolish and stuck in her own grief and now she might really lose him.

"He's quite the catch," Eloise continued. "He's handsome, strong, intelligent, charming. He has those beautiful green eyes. And he's very well-endowed."

It took every ounce of self-control for Cecilia not to take a swing at her.

Eloise pursed her lips. "No, I haven't seen it yet, but I have felt it when he had me in his lap and he was kissing me. And my gods, the way he made me scream with his tongue."

A wave of nausea surged through Cecilia as she forced herself to sit in a chair by the window. Eloise had to be lying, but doubt crept into Cecilia's mind.

She'd felt so confident when she woke that morning, thinking about the desperate way Rainer had groaned her name, how he'd been entirely at her mercy, and how she'd felt powerful for the first time since Vincent had held her down and carved his initials into her thigh.

Now, Eloise was ruining the vision.

Maybe Cecilia was just a conquest to Rainer. Just one last dalliance before he settled down. She couldn't read any dishonesty in Eloise's expression.

Eloise plopped down on the chair beside hers as if they were the best of friends. "Now tell me everything."

Cecilia frowned.

Eloise laughed. "Your petulance was amusing in the beginning but it's exhausting now. You should want your love to be happy. I can give him what he wants most. I am one of six children, Cecilia. Imagine his joy at having that many children. Imagine them with his beautiful green eyes."

Cecilia blinked away the burning in her eyes. She did want Rainer to have that. It was the one thing she couldn't give him, and it broke her heart.

Eloise blew out a breath. "If that's not motivation enough, the king said to warn you that if you don't help me, he will make you perform every act you don't talk about with him tonight."

Cecilia recoiled at the thought of Vincent touching her.

"You knew better than to fall in love with someone you couldn't satisfy. Now tell me how to make him happy," Eloise said.

Cecilia met her eye and for the first time she could read Eloise's insecurity. "He'll never love you like he loves me."

Eloise frowned. "He will if I give him time. He doesn't even know you."

Cecilia shook her head. "You'll never have what we do."

"Nothing?" Eloise taunted.

Cecilia swallowed hard and stared into the fire, forcing herself to hold her tongue.

"Fine," Eloise said. "If you want to be that way, I'll tell the king that you weren't cooperative."

Cecilia tipped her head back and sighed. "Why are you helping Vincent? Surely you must know he's a monster."

Eloise wavered. "We are all the monsters the world makes us, Cecilia. All of us are just trying to survive."

She may have called herself a monster, but for the first time Cecilia saw Eloise as a scared girl who'd been the victim of a monster, rather than a villain herself. She might have felt pity if she wasn't so jealous.

Cecilia gripped the arms of her chair. She sent a surge of love through her bond with Rainer. She knew he wouldn't know what it was, but she wanted him to feel loved anyway.

"I've never had anyone be so gentle with me," Cecilia said. "He's respectful and careful. He probably won't feel comfortable sleeping with you before you're married."

Eloise gave her a skeptical look.

"I know," Cecilia said. "I'm sure you've heard that he was prolific back in Olney, but that was an illusion. He hasn't been with as many women as he'd led people to believe. He has a lot of honor. I think he will tell you he doesn't want to shame you, and that he wants to do things the right way. He can be a bit superstitious sometimes, especially when he's anxious. Right now, he's very anxious because he doesn't remember things."

"How do you know?" Eloise asked.

"Because I've known him most of my life. I know every look on his face. I know every tic, every sigh, every shadow that passes through his eyes."

Eloise swallowed.

Cecilia laughed. "I'm jealous of you too. Rest assured the feeling is mutual. Rainer is the best man I've ever known. He will respect you because you're his wife. I wouldn't count on him staying the night, even if he wants to."

Eloise brushed her hair over her shoulder. "I can be persuasive."

Cecilia bit her tongue.

"Tell me what he likes," Eloise commanded.

Cecilia nodded and took a deep breath. "He's an amazing kisser. He likes to be thorough, so he'll kiss for a very long time, but you probably already know that."

Cecilia couldn't help someone else please the man she loved. She didn't care about the consequences. She switched strategies.

"He can be shy at first, especially since it's your first time together and he doesn't want to pressure you. It's best if you take the lead. Truth be told, he likes a little aggression, so the more forward you can be the better."

Eloise looked at her doubtfully, but Cecilia continued without missing a beat.

"He takes consent extremely seriously. If he has a hint that you're not on board he will bail out. He can't stand to feel like a woman is uncomfortable."

Eloise sat back, considering. "What if I'm too aggressive?"

"You?" Cecilia laughed. "The first time we were together, I was a goddess. I don't think there's such a thing as too aggressive for him." She failed to mention how Rainer had still been incredibly slow and gentle with her.

Eloise was satisfied with that explanation.

"He likes when I use my mouth on him, although as you can imagine, it's a challenge. You have to really go for it and not be tentative."

Eloise raised an eyebrow. "I won't be."

Cecilia pressed on. "You can't treat him like things are transactional. Sometimes he likes to give just because he wants me to feel good and he doesn't want anything but that. But you can't treat him like he needs to earn love. He's always been treated that way—" Her voice broke and she cleared her throat. "Rainer is worth much more than what he can give me."

When Rainer had said those words to her—" Cece, you are worth more than just what you can give me "—it had healed something that had been broken in her for so long.

Eloise frowned. "Keep going. What positions does he like?"

Cecilia couldn't tell all lies or Eloise would realize and start doing the opposite of what Cecilia suggested. She had to slip some truth in.

"He likes to take me from behind because he loves looking at my ass. I doubt he'll feel the same way with you since you're just a lady."

Eloise balked. "What do you mean?"

"I've spent my whole life training as a hunter, working my ass into shape while you've been sitting on yours at tea. That's one place you can't compete."

Cecilia smiled at the recognition on Eloise's face. She was pissed but she knew it was true.

"He also loves to have me in his lap because he has his hands free to touch me. He likes the closeness but he's also in love with me, so he might feel uncomfortable with that kind of intimacy with you."

" Was in love with you. It's important that we all stop living in the past." Eloise scowled. "I'm sure we'll get there."

Cecilia smiled as a wicked thought came to mind. She shook her head and Eloise took the bait.

"What? What is it? You must tell me, or I'll tell the king. "

Cecilia sighed as if it hurt to give away such a secret. "Eloise, I can't. It's the one thing that's still just between us."

Eloise grabbed Cecilia's hand and squeezed. "Please, just tell me. I don't want Vincent to hurt you."

Cecilia wanted to slap her—to tell her he already had, to say if she knew what he'd done she'd never threaten to tell him. She wanted to tell Eloise if she didn't want him to hurt her, Eloise and her family wouldn't have helped him come to power.

Cecilia looked down at the floor and forced tears into her eyes before meeting Eloise's desperate gaze.

"Please don't make me—" Cecilia begged.

"It's for the best." Eloise sounded so sincerely conciliatory.

Cecilia's shoulders slumped in faux defeat. "I told you how much he loves my ass?—"

Eloise shrunk back, stunned. "You've done that."

Cecilia hadn't, but Eloise deserved to feel a little bit nervous. She was helping hold Cecilia captive with the man who had assaulted her. A few nerves were the least Cecilia could inflict upon her, but it was enough to assuage her more violent fantasies of what she'd do to Eloise.

"I love him. If it isn't already clear, I would do anything for him," Cecilia said.

Eloise stared at her, and Cecilia held her gaze. She could practically feel Eloise trying to find the lie in it. A worried crease settled into her brow as she sat back and took a long drink of wine.

"Wine helps," Cecilia said with a sad half-smile.

Eloise's eyes went wide for a moment, but she nodded.

It was almost impossible for Cecilia not to laugh. She was worried she oversold it, but Eloise still looked terrified. Maybe it would be enough to scare her off from rushing into things.

Cecilia looked away, biting her lip as if trying not to cry. "Is there anything else, or have I poured enough of my heart out?" she asked curtly.

Eloise remembered the position she was in and fixed her face into a mask of indifference. "Does he like to cuddle after? "

"He does with me. He likes to lay in bed and kiss me for a long time. He whispers how he loves me over and over while he kisses any skin he can get to. Then he holds me tight to his chest and strokes my scar." Cecilia brought her hand to her chest. That was all true. "But as I recall, that wasn't the case with other women he was with, so don't be disappointed."

Eloise rolled her eyes. "He may not be there now, but he'll get there."

Cecilia raised an eyebrow in challenge. "We'll see, I suppose. Anything else?"

Eloise looked suddenly self-conscious. She looked down at her lap and then back up at Cecilia. "Do you think he could get there with me?" she asked.

Cecilia held her gaze. She wanted to scratch the eyes out of Eloise's perfect face. She wanted to kill her for helping Vincent. She wanted to hurt her as badly as possible.

She kept her face placid. "No, I don't." She meant it. "You don't stand a chance. He might do what he has to, but he won't lie to you. And even if he did, you will never know for sure that he would have chosen you if it wasn't about his duty."

Eloise stood suddenly. "You don't know that. You'll see at the party tonight."

Cecilia shrugged. "Maybe I will, but I doubt it."

The truth was Cecilia wasn't sure that was true. Rainer might fall in love with Eloise. There was no way to know for sure.

Eloise clenched her fists at her sides. Fury burned through the air around her. "He will love me."

Cecilia laughed as she stood, pausing in front of the table with the seating arrangements for the wedding. She studied the layout, memorizing as much as she could. "I suppose it's a shame your rich daddy can't purchase that love, huh?"

Eloise huffed out a disbelieving laugh.

"You want to know what Rainer wants?" Cecilia taunted, giving the seating chart one last long look. "What will truly make him happy? What will satisfy him in bed like nothing else?" She glanced at Eloise over her shoulder. "It's me."

Eloise gave her a wicked smile. "Then I'll just have to settle for satisfying him in life with the only thing he's ever wanted. Our children will be so beautiful and for that he will love me more than he ever loved you."

Cecilia crossed the room in a huff and slammed the door behind her as she left, trying not to feel the truth of those words.