Chapter Fifteen

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

TREVOR

D ays go by with me attempting to relax while Beau goes to work. We haven’t explicitly talked about the future, but it’s unfurling easily before us. While the house is empty, I work on applications for graduate school. I’m not sure why I waited so long. Maybe being in Georgia after graduation was just a flyover, because I knew I’d somehow end up back here. Where I belong with Beau.

A few online-only programs appeal to me. My grades were good, and professors liked me, so I’m pretty sure I can get glowing references to help my application. But now I have to consider the proximity to this place, to Beau. For the first time in my life, I have to consider someone else. It’s not as hard as I imagined it would be, to place another person's feelings or wants close to my own.

Midway through the week, Beau comes home, restless and anxious out of his skin. Most nights we spend together, just basking in the glow of each other’s presence. Wanting to help him, ease whatever is worrying him, I stop him at the kitchen counter with a gentle hand on his forearm. His muscles are bunched tight as if ready for a fight. But that’s not Beau, he’s not a fighter. Those kind eyes ping to me, a little furrow forms between his brows.

“Wanna have a date night with me?”

Beau grimaces a little. “I’m so tired, Trevor.”

“Nothing fancy.” I squeeze his arm gently. “We can do it here.”

After letting out a heavy breath, he nods in agreement. With a genuine smile, a rare thing for me that I only discovered once I met Beau, I shove him into his bedroom to shower and change out of his work clothes. I throw together a haphazard charcuterie board, then grab a few beers, and make my way towards the hammock in the backyard.

The hammock sways gently in the breeze under my weight. I give one fleeting thought to wondering if we’ll both fit, but I end up not caring. We’ll find a way. Moments later, Beau steps out onto the back porch, hair still slightly damp from his shower. He’s the epitome of perfection, of strength, of everything that makes my bruised heart beat.

He nods his head towards the hammock once he stands beside me. “What’s this, sweetheart?”

“Date night.” I pat the hammock in clear invitation.

The hammock sways dangerously under our joined weight, but it holds, for which I’m forever grateful. He lies back against the netting and tugs me tight against the solid line of his body. He smells like his body wash, woodsy and strong, with the underlying scent of Beau that lingers on my skin after he holds me.

“Thank you,” Beau murmurs softly. It’s clear to me he’s still not used to this, allowing someone to care for him, and that’s fine because I’m still getting used to caring for him too. We’ll find our way together.

“Rough day?” I rub my hand around his stomach, feeling the rise and fall from his breaths.

His fingers curl into my hair, their favorite place to find home. “Thought about my dad a lot. Lots of weight on me at the farm with the upcoming fall season. It’s the first season that I’m heading alone, and I’m scared to fuck up.”

“How many times have you fucked up before?” I ask, countering his worries with truth.

His fingers stutter in my hair, before a soft chuckle vibrates through his chest. “Not many times, future therapist.”

“I’m not psychoanalyzing you; I swear.”

“Just teasing.” Beau presses a hard kiss to my forehead. “I just don’t want to be a disappointment. Want to make everyone happy. The farm means so much to not just my family but everyone that lives here.”

“I can’t ease all your worries, but I can promise you that everyone has a lot of faith in you. And you have a great support system at the farm. It’s going to be great.”

Beau nods shakily against my head, his cheek stubble rubbing my hair. The breeze pushes the hammock into swaying, and the sweet smell of the gardenias, still stubbornly blooming despite the approaching season change, wafts over us. That smell will always make me think of Beau.

“I applied to a few graduate programs today. In the meantime… I need to get a job.”

“No, you don’t.”

I sit up halfway, bracing my forearm against his strong chest. “Beau, I need a job.”

He swipes his thumb across my cheek, staring deeply into my eyes. I feel unmoored by him, how deeply he can see into me.

“Why don’t you take a little break for a bit. Just be here with me. You can start school when you’re ready.”

“I’ve always had a job since I left home.”

Beau’s mouth quirks up. “I’d like this to be your home now. One thing you’ll learn about the South is that there’s no rush here. Good things come with time. So, take your time figuring out your next step. If you really want a job, I can put you to work at the farm.”

I grimace. “I’m not sure I’m built for manual labor.”

Beau runs his hand down my back, letting his hand come to rest at the small of my back. His exploring hand is gentle, but firm, reminding me of exactly how much I enjoy his touch.

“I can teach you all you need to know about manual labor.”

A laugh bubbles out of me. “Are you flirting with me?”

Red blooms across his cheeks, shattering my heart into a million pieces while simultaneously putting my fragile heart back together. “I’m always flirtin’ with you.”

Ignoring his blatant attempt at distraction, I cuddle deeper against his side. His arm tightens as I release a contented sigh. The setting sun disappears over the horizon, casting the yard in an orange glow. Beau’s body softens beneath me, until I realize he’s sound asleep.

The hammock sways in the breeze, under our heavy weight. I use this time to catalog everything I can about Beau. Dark brown hair with flecks of silver that tell me he’s going to be salt and pepper in a few years. I can’t wait to watch him age, to grow old with him, to love him. Lines around his eyes and mouth tell me that he’s lived a happy life, despite the grief that’s clouded the past few years. The wiriness of his forearms, strength of his fingers, tells me that he can hold me up no matter what threatens to take me down. Everything about Beau is perfect to me, always will be.

Beau startles awake, just as the stars blink to life above us.

“We didn’t even eat the food you made,” Beau points out, voice sleep soft.

“It kept. Hungry?”

Beau nods, so I carefully maneuver us in the hammock to be sitting in the hammock like a swing, then grab the tray of food. We share the meal together, picking at the food until it’s halfway gone. One beer is enough for both of us, so we make our way inside once the breeze turns just a little too chilly.

Once the dishes are washed and put away, I guide Beau back towards his bedroom. The past few nights we’ve gotten a small tradition going. We finish our day by standing at the doorway of our rooms in our pajamas and talk about our days. It’s always delightfully domestic and it always makes me feel some type of way. Some perfect type of happy.

Beau heads into his bedroom, and I head into mine. Once changed into sweatpants and a T-shirt, I lean against the doorjamb, arms crossed over my chest. When Beau opens his door, my breath lodges in my rib cage. He fills the entire doorway like usual, but something about the sight of him tonight, softened around the edges from admitting the weight he’s under with the farm… it just feels like something special is happening between us.

Something so real that the idea it could slip through my fingers terrifies me.

“Alright?” Beau asks, eyes flitting between mine.

I smile warmly, emotions clogging my throat. “Perfect.”

“I’ve got a busy few weeks at the farm.” Beau runs his hands over his tired face. “But I want you here, like having you here. I just gotta get through this season, then we can settle in, figure out what kind of life you want here.”

“Beau, this is exactly the life I want. There’s no getting through seasons. Alright?”

Beau ducks his head for a moment, and when his gaze lifts back to mine, there’s relief etched across his entire face. Relief that someone like me could want everything he has to give. Everything about my childhood, the fast cars, the money, the drugs, none of it could ever compare to the simple, quiet life that’s promised for me with Beau. There’s something to be said about a kind and gentle life. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, but never realized. Not until Beau.

“Thank you.”

I cross the small hallway to press a sweet kiss against his perfect mouth. “Always, handsome.”

His hands wrap around me to hold my body tight against his, and I allow it, letting him take comfort from my presence. We stand together for a short while, until finally sleep comes for Beau. I watch as he heads into his room, then listen intently for the sounds of him climbing into bed. Once I’m sure he’s asleep, I climb into the guest bed, and sleep comes for me with the smell of cedar and home clinging to the edges of my subconscious.

A week later Beau forces me into comfortable clothes one afternoon with an infectious grin that’s full of mischief. I love seeing him this way. With me he’s sweet, gentle, but also so silly that I can’t help but fall for him a little more every day. Dressed in gym shorts, an old shirt, and one of Beau’s worn-in ball caps, I feel like a totally different person. In the best sort of way.

The truck rumbles down the old asphalt roads that kick up mirages in the distance from the still-stifling Florida heat. Oak trees laden with moss line the road, cutting shadows across the road where the sun cuts through. I can’t explain how some place so magically feels like home after so many years of feeling aimless. Feeling like there isn’t anywhere in the world that I belong. But with Beau’s hand on my thigh, country music filling the cab through the speakers, my heart settles in a way that once seemed impossible.

Beau turns down a dirt road, the truck spitting up dust around us. I fight back an indecent moan at the sight of his forearms as he handles the wheel. Bigger men haven’t usually been my thing, but Beau’s been exactly my type since I laid eyes on him. Big and broad, with a heart of gold, a heart that’s tender for me. Apparently, that’s my type. Maybe it always has been, and I just didn’t know until Beau.

Surprises aren’t something I have ever enjoyed. But Beau, he gets a pass, and always will, because surprises from him usually end up meaning fun . I expect Beau to take me to a nice dinner, maybe to a movie, but instead he aims the truck further away from town. My grin grows wider as the concrete road turns to gravel, then to clay dirt. Putting the window down, I unbuckle my seat belt, and hang my head outside.

“Be careful!” Beau shouts, his right hand painfully tight on my thigh.

“You drive so slow!” I shout back, letting the air whip through my hair.

“Precious cargo,” Beau murmurs darkly under his breath. But I hear him. And I’m in love with him. So deeply, wildly in love, that my heart glows with the force of it. Hanging my torso out the window, I hold my hands out to feel the wind whip against me, all the while feeling Beau’s tight grip on my thigh keeping me from floating away.

Recognition hits me. The truck comes to a crawl in a wooded area. Beau climbs out of the car to open the chain-link fence, then comes back to drive us through. He keeps his eyes off me, but I can see the smile at the edge of his lips. He can’t hide that from me. The truck crawls down a tiny clay road, until finally the clearing opens up to the river that feeds into the spring. Beau looks absolutely disgruntled, so I lean back into the cab to press a kiss to his frowning mouth.

“You make me feel alive.”

“You almost gave me a heart attack.”

I kiss his pliant mouth again, until he opens for me, letting me sip at the sweet taste of him. “I keep you young.”

Beau sighs softly against my lips. “Get out of the truck.”

Well, no arguing with an order like that. The water is just as blue green as I remember. Just as calm. The cicadas aren’t as loud now, but they still buzz faintly in the background. The sounds, smells, even the color of the sky comfort me like an old memory in the darkest of times. Magic is at work here in Clay Springs with Beau. A scary kind of old magic only found among the loud buzz of cicadas and Beau’s gentle smile as he kisses me whole.

When I glance over at Beau, my eyes practically bug out of my head. Shirt halfway over his head, his muscled stomach shows off just for me under the bright yellow late afternoon sun. The moment his head pops through his shirt, he hastily tosses the shirt into the truck, and levels me with an absolutely devilish grin.

“Get naked, Trevor,” Beau says, voice low and demanding.

An uncontrollable shiver rolls through my entire body, tip to toe. Disobeying Beau was never an option. Clothes have never flown off me faster. A deep chuckle from Beau has my head swinging his way, only to see a flash of his perfect bare ass before he dives into the water. He breaks through the sparkling water and his hands come up to brush water from his eyes. Beau grins that wide, infectious grin at me, and I’m a total goner.

“Waitin’ on you, sweetheart,” Beau drawls.

The combination of the accent and the sweetheart will always be my greatest undoing. Something about the words, the tone, just everything goes straight to my dopamine factory. Probably everything about Beau has that effect on me. A pure shot of sunshine to my heart.

My grin is borderline painful as I run straight to the edge, jumping in with a sharp inhale. The water is just as cold as it was last summer, but the warmth of Beau makes the crystalline waves less sharp. He wraps his strong arms around me so tight that I’m forced to wrap my legs around him to keep from being squished to death. But I don’t mind, not one bit. Being squished by Beau would be an amazing way to die.

“This has always been my safe place,” Beau murmurs into my neck. His voice is so muffled that I can just barely make out his words. “All of us farm kids came here in the summers. We’d get up to no good, stay here until we were pruned or one of our parents came here to send us all right back home.”

I place a kiss just under his ear, where he smells the sweetest. “It sounds perfect.”

His hands readjust on my back, to cup my ass, pulling me flush against him. A smile fights to break free when he makes a low, soft sound of want. The sun beams bright through the branches, forcing me to blink rapidly as I look up at the small pieces of blue sky visible through the trees.

“Do you want kids?” Beau asks hesitantly.

“Not a deal breaker for me either way.”

Beau sighs in relief. “I think I want them.”

“They sound like a fun adventure,” I admit honestly.

Beau nods against my neck, then lifts his head to meet my gaze. “Marriage?”

God, we really are doing everything backwards. Fake dating, falling in love, separation, just to find one another again and date for real. What a bunch of fools. But we’re fools for each other, so maybe it’s safe this time. That’s a lie. No “maybe” about it. I’m safe with Beau and he’s safe with me. Safe harbors in a raging storm.

I delicately rub his wiry beard with my fingers. “I’m not too interested in marriage.”

“Why?” Beau kisses the tip of my thumb.

“I like the idea of marriage without the legal ramifications. All the devotion of marriage, shared bills, promises of forever… just no piece of paper.”

“Sounds a lot like marriage to me,” Beau points out.

He’s not wrong. I sweetly kiss his nose. “Well, if that’s marriage to you, then it’s something I definitely want one day.”

“Do you prefer to do the dishes or put them away?”

The question makes me laugh which must’ve been Beau’s intention because his eyes crinkle with happiness at the corners. Love radiates from him. The idea makes me nervous but overjoyed at the same time.

“Put them away for sure.”

Beau kisses me then as he cups my ass, tugging me closer against him until my hard cock rubs against his stomach. My moan slips from my mouth and right into his, making him tug me tighter against him. He licks into my mouth, tasting me, savoring me. I let him until I can’t do anything but melt against him in a puddle of want.

“We’re a perfect match,” Beau whispers against my mouth.

“Because I like to put the dishes away?”

Beau nods, his forehead sliding against mine. “Best indicator of if a relationship is gonna work. Preferences for dishes.”

I tighten my legs around his waist and bite my lip. “Good. Tell me more about your childhood growing up here? Tell me about your friends. About your parents. I want to know it all.”

One of his big, strong hands runs up my back to cup my neck, then slowly brings me down to kiss me again, but softer this time. Just a tender press of his mouth to mine. But somehow that kiss is even better than the first. Even sweeter than sweet tea.

“I wanna know more about you too. It’s a two-way street, sweetheart,” Beau says once he pulls away from my mouth. And I know he’s right. I have to give, to get. If I’m safe with anyone, it’s Beau.

“Alright,” I whisper.

“That’s another great thing about this place,” Beau reassures me, fingers distractedly twisting in my wet hair. “Anything we tell each other here, stays here, between us. No one else will ever know. Pretty cool, right?”

My breath hitches painfully in my chest. Annoyingly even tears form in my eyes. I don’t know what I did to deserve Beau Callahan. I must’ve been a saint in another life. I hug him tightly, breathing in the scent of him mixed with the smell of the spring. Kind of perfect really.

“I could’ve been an asshole. All that money as a kid. The private schools, the nannies, the total absence of my parents, so they just threw money and expensive things at me. My first car was a Lamborghini, I mean totally obnoxious. That got taken by the feds too, by the way. All of it got taken. I had nowhere to go, nothing, even my school kicked me out. One of my former nannies took pity on me, let me stay with her, but she had a house full of kids, and that didn’t last long. Just long enough for me to figure out how to get my GED. Then I worked shitty job after shitty job, couch surfed, until Claire pitched me the idea The Boyfriend Experience . That’s my life story as an elevator pitch. Not much else to say.”

I’m out of breath by the time I’m finished. Can’t quite meet Beau’s eyes either. His fingers leave my hair, to gently grip my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. Those dark eyes are fathomless as they take me in, working overtime to put all my jagged-edged puzzle pieces together. In time, I know he will.

“What were you like as a kid?” Beau asks, curiosity coloring his voice.

“Quiet mostly,” I admit fondly. “I loved to go to the movies. I had a nanny that took me all the time. She said that’s where everyone is the same, sitting in a bad seat at the movies, with a big bag of popcorn and a soda.”

“I love the movies too. Growing up, we went into the city to this fancy theater to see old movies. It was so much fun.”

“I love that,” I say around a small smile. “I have this pass where I can go as many times as I want in a month. That and the gym. My two favorite places.”

“We show movies at the farm once a month on a big projector screen. I’ll take you.”

My rib cage suddenly feels just a bit too small to contain my heart. Simple as that. So Beau. So sweet. His smile goes double wide at whatever look I get in my eyes. He kisses me again, no doubt a little reward for all my honesty, then pulls away to crouch down further, until the chilly water covers our shoulders. The blaring light of the sun on my bare shoulders makes the water even colder, but I relish it as Beau tugs me even closer.

“You’re beautiful,” Beau says quietly, eyes twinkling in the sunlight.

“Beau.” I don’t know what else to say.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. You’re safe with me. I promise.”

And then he kisses me for an endless age. By the time he gently pulls away from my mouth, I feel dazed in the best sense of the word. The emotion must show on my face because Beau lets out a delighted, warm chuckle.

“That easy?” Beau asks, fingers tangled in my hair.

“For you, yeah.”

Beau chuckles again. “Hold your breath.”

I obey without even asking follow-up questions. He dips us under the water. The cool water is sharp against my skin, but my skin warms as I rapidly blink under the water, taking in the sight of Beau grinning at me. His lips move under the water, bubbles floating to the surface.

I don’t know what he says, but I can hope.

We swim in the crystal-blue spring for what feels like hours. A game of Marco Polo keeps us distracted for a bit, until Beau finds me, and tugs me against him to kiss the breath right out of me. Being with Beau makes me feel free. By the time we climb out of the spring, our fingers are pruned, but Beau’s joyful smile makes it worth it.

Biting my lip hard, I take in Beau’s naked body. Drops of water roll down his back, coming to a brief stop at the top of his perfect ass, before continuing down his legs. After throwing a towel at me, he smirks when he catches where my gaze had been.

“Checking me out?” Beau asks, tone teasing.

“Yeah, you’re hot as hell. You know this already.”

He hides his flush by rubbing the towel over his face. “I’m just fine.”

“We’re not arguing about this.”

“I’m not much for arguin’, sweetheart.”

“What’s with the sweetheart pet name?” I ask curiously while tugging on my dry clothes.

Beau eyes me as he runs fingers through his wet hair. “’Cause you’ve got a sweet heart.”

And there promptly goes said heart. Gone. Lost to the world. Lost to Beau Callahan and his gaze that tells me everything I need to know. That I really am safe here with him.

The sound of the tailgate opening has me spinning around. In the truck bed is a mountain of blankets and pillows, along with a cooler. Confusion steals my breath for a second, before Beau’s hand strokes down my arm, tugging my gaze back to him.

“Wanna sleep under the stars with me?”

“Mosquitoes,” I murmur helplessly.

Beau aims a wry look at me, then pulls out a device from under the blankets. “It’ll keep ’em away. Promise. I’ve got bracelets we can wear too that’ll keep ’em away.”

“I trust you.”

Beau shakes his head ruefully while grabbing a cooler. “I made sandwiches for us and packed snacks.”

“My romantic.”

“Yours?” Beau asks gently, tone belying his confidence.

“Mine,” I tell him firmly.

A beautiful flush creeps up his neck, so I kiss his cheek, tempering whatever emotion flows through him. Toeing off my shoes, I jump into the bed of the truck with a flourish. Beau copies me by taking off his own shoes, climbing into the back alongside me. He presses me down into the comforter, arms on either side of my head. A shiver of anticipation rolls right through me.

“Tonight, I’m gonna make love to you.”

Oh. My breath picks up a little and I swallow loudly. “Yeah?”

Beau nods slowly, fingers teasing at the hem of my shirt. “That alright with you?”

“What’s making love entail?”

“I’m thinking I just want to suck you off, long and slow, have you tremblin’. Maybe you can suck me off too, if you’re good.”

“You don’t want to fuck me?”

Beau laughs again. “We don’t always have to fuck. You’ll see. This can be even better. Want me to show you?”

“Show me,” I beg, voice gruff with desire.

“Later.”

Record scratch. “What?”

Beau moves to the side, lying on his back, then pulls me against him. “Let’s eat and watch the stars come out, maybe slow dance to a song or two, then I’ll show you what it means to be made love to.”

“I’m so going to get you back.”

Beau’s lips dance under his beard. “I bet.”

“There’s something else we need to talk about.” Heart pounding painfully against my ribs, I tilt my head to look up at Beau. “I stopped having sex with boyfriends a bit ago. I got tested earlier this year. Everything came back fine. All that to say if you want to… ever think about…” I trail off and tear my gaze from his, to instead stare up at the dark sky. “If you want to fuck me without a condom, then that’s something we can entertain.”

Beau grabs my chin, forcing my eyes back to meet his own. “Sweetheart, why did that make you nervous?”

“Not all men like it. I’ve never done it before, but I’d like to do it with you.”

“My annual physical was a few months ago. Everything was fine for me too. If that’s something you want to try, then we will. All you ever have to do is ask.”

I hope this man always makes my heart soar and swoop. But there’s also something else I want to discuss with him.

I draw circles against his chest, gathering courage, and using the warmth of his body to steady my nerves. A couple of deep breaths, and his hand firm against my neck, steadies me.

“Before you, I used to take the meaner johns, or should I say… the ones that like it rough.”

Beau’s fingers tighten ever so slightly on my neck. “Were you hurt?”

“Only when I wanted to be, mostly.”

“Mostly?” Beau asks, voice dark.

“I’m fine now. But I just… I wanted to share that part of me with you. I never really liked it; I think it was another way to punish myself. Sex with you is intimate and sweet. I like it that way… you make me feel cherished.”

Beau turns my head to meet his gaze. “I’ll give you whatever you want. You know that, right?”

My face heats. “Yes.” I press a kiss over his heart. “I like the way we are, the way we will be.”

“Good,” Beau says firmly.

As darkness descends on the day, we quietly eat together, no need for talking. Our thighs and sides press tight together, like maybe if we try, we can become one person. Wouldn’t be such a bad thing really. To be tied to Beau forever. The birds quiet as the forest darkens, so the sound of the river overtakes all the other sounds around us. Calm ebbs and flows over us, as if the forest and river extends their calm to us.

Silence with Beau is always comfortable. Never before have I felt no need to fill silence. Something about him just settles me, settles my sometimes too-fragile heart. Maybe that’s the beauty of Beau. His presence calms all those terrible urges inside me so that I can just be myself, just be Trevor. I never thought it was possible to find someone that felt like a warm blanket out of the dryer, or the end of a summer day at the beach. But that’s how Beau feels to me. His love is easy and warm.

“Thinkin’ pretty loudly, sweetheart,” Beau points out as we snuggle back down into the comforter.

“Thinking about you.”

Beau hums thoughtfully, fingers idly playing with my hair. “Yeah?”

I tip my head to gaze softly up at him, letting every emotion coursing through me reflect on my face. His eyes sparkle even in the dying light of day. Just for me. Only ever for me. Leaning up, I sweetly glide my lips over his, just a soft press of my mouth to Beau’s. Kissing Beau will never get old. The soft kisses, hungry kisses, the give me more kisses, all of them tilt my world on its axis.

Once the sun is long gone, and darkness surrounds us, Beau pulls out his phone to play soft country love songs. With a flush up my neck, I let him pull me out of the truck bed, to slow dance in the clay dirt. His hand finds a home at the small of my back, proprietary, claiming, tugging me as close to him as our bodies will allow.

“Dance with me,” Beau demands, voice firm and low.

Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I tangle my fingers together at the nape of his neck. An emotion I haven’t felt in a long-time bubbles up inside me. Joy. Hard to explain, but being so in love, being so cared for, makes me feel so full of joy, full of stark relief. Like maybe it was worth me living just to have this moment with Beau.

A hiccuped sob almost escapes me but I roughly swallow it down. As usual, ever-observant Beau notices the fleeting emotion.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. Just be with me.”

Beau twirls us slowly under the stars, cheek tenderly pressed against mine. Life is so much more worth living when I accept the love around me.

Beau takes my face in the palms of his strong hands and kisses my mouth like he’s starving for me. Melting against him, he holds me up, like always. He pulls away from my mouth to trail searing kisses down my neck, biting at my exposed skin with sharp teeth. Shivers roll through me from the heat of his touch. Fingers bite into the small of my back, pulling me closer against him until I feel the hot press of his clothed cock against mine. A hiss seeps out of me at just the thought of his cock, hard and waiting for me.

“Lie back,” Beau orders, but his voice is tender, not demanding.

The back of my knees hits the bed of the truck. Letting myself fall back gently, Beau follows me down, so he obscures my vision of the inky night sky. Stars twinkle around him, but all I see is Beau Callahan. All the power of a thousand suns burning out millions of years ago can’t even begin to match the force this man has over me. He was made for me.

I tug him down to me to kiss him, because I can’t last one more moment without him. Beau shushes me through kisses, startling me into realizing pained whimpers were slipping out of my mouth. Warm hands slip under my shirt, sliding it up until we are forced to break away so Beau can pull the offending garment over my head. I blink in a daze up at Beau, head buzzing just at the nearness of him.

“Absolutely perfect,” Beau murmurs as he reverently runs his hands along my ribs. “You were made for me. Weren’t you?”

My lips tremble at his words. “I think so, yeah.”

Beau’s answering smile is earth-shattering. The force of his love makes me dizzy, all the blood rushing to my head like I’ve just awoken from a years-long sleep. Beau’s love wakes me up. His love is healing.

My breath picks up when Beau’s fingers undo the button of my jeans, pulling them slowly down my legs, until I’m left in just my boxer briefs. Kissing down my chest, my fingers clench in the blankets to stop from grabbing on to Beau. He slots himself between my thighs and rubs his beard against the tender skin of my thigh. The prickle of his beard is sharp, but perfect, giving me the edge of pain that I sometimes crave.

Beau buries his face against me, mouthing at my cock until my underwear is damp with his spit. Sparks of pleasure zip down my spine, until my toes curl against the bed of the truck where the blanket doesn’t reach. The cold metal of the truck roots me to the moment so I don’t float away.

“Fuck,” I swear loudly as Beau finally tugs my underwear away. My cock slaps my stomach, leaving a trail of pre-cum on my skin. Beau bites his lip, eyes blown with desire, and licks my stomach with a barely restrained moan.

Survival from the onslaught of pleasure he’s going to give me is probably optional.

Just when I’m wrapping my head around everything, Beau grips my cock at the base, sucking the head into his warm, perfect mouth.

“Beau!” I shout as my thighs tremble around his head. Oh, fuck. I am definitely not going to survive tonight. Just the feel of his mouth around my cock, the sight of his head dipped down to take me into his mouth, sends me hurtling towards an unfairly close orgasm.

Beau ignores me, sucking me down like he needs me to come down his throat just to stay alive. Maybe he does. The stars blink above me, bright against the inky-black sky. Everything feels so big, so real, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so alive in my life.

A moan escapes me when Beau sucks me down all the way to the back of his throat, only to swallow around me. My hands fly from the blankets to grip at his short hair, finding any purchase I can. Beau only sucks me down harder, like my reaction spurs him on.

“Beau, Beau, Beau,” I chant as pleasure radiates through my entire body.

His fingers dig into my hips, holding me down so I can’t thrust up into his welcoming mouth. Pulling off abruptly, he sucks at the head of my cock again, before licking down my shaft to lavish kisses at the base. Fuck. He’s worshiping me, this is what it’s like to be wanted, to be needed. Just the thought alone shatters me into a million pieces of desire. His dark eyes stare at me, taking me apart, while simultaneously putting me back together. My chest heaves with my stuttered breaths.

“Give it to me,” Beau orders, fingers a loose grip around my cock wet with his spit. “I want you to let go. Let go, Trevor. Please. You’re safe.”

He swallows me back down, his throat moving around me, a moan falling from his lips as if just the taste of me turns him on. Stars immediately explode behind my eyes. The stars in the sky, and supernovas behind my eyelids from the exquisite, perfect pleasure of being in Beau’s mouth. Sucking me to the back of his throat, he holds me there, swallowing around me again. Thighs trembling, stars filling my vision, I come down his throat with a pained shout of ecstasy. In a daze, body floating, I blink up at the glittering sky.

Beau licks my cock clean, then slides up my body to kiss me, sharing the taste of myself on his tongue. Wrapping my arms around him, I tug him down tighter against me, until the warmth of his skin bleeds into my own. His fingers tangle in my hair, holding me close, like I’m fine china, like he’s afraid to break me. But he never could. Beau could never do anything but give me joy, peace, and comfort.

“I want to taste you,” I say against his mouth, breathless.

Beau chuckles, pushing the hair from my face. “Another day. Tonight was about you.”

“Beau,” I growl.

Beau just chuckles, totally unfazed by me. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe I need to get used to being taken care of without owing anything back. Beau takes his shirt off, then tucks me against his body, pulling a blanket over us to keep us warm against the damp and slightly chilly air. I love the smell of his skin, even his sweat, it's sweet and earthy and comforting.

“Do you think there’s life after death?” Beau asks quietly, sadness coloring his words.

“Like the Cher song?”

Beau chuckles. “I think you’ve got the names mixed up, but I like your intention.”

I stare up at the sky, head tucked against the crook of his arm, my hand curled against his strong stomach. I rub my thumb in a circle over his skin, needing to touch him, but knowing he needs my touch too.

“I like to think there’s something out there.”

Beau squeezes my arm gently. “Sometimes it’s nice to imagine.”

“Do you think your dad’s waiting for you?”

Beau hums in agreement. “He’s workin’ on a car, waiting for me to come home.”

“What kind of car?”

Beau’s fingers press hard against my spine bringing me even closer. I don’t think he’s going to answer me for a while. Just the sound of the heat bugs, and the gentle flow of the river filter around us. Staring up at the black night sky, the blinking stars sing a quiet song of stillness. Of hope, that I spent so long not allowing myself.

“He’s working on an old truck, for you and me. One that we can drive into the sunset. His gift to us. Sounds nice, right?”

“Yeah, Beau. It sounds perfect.”

Closing my eyes with a bittersweet smile, I settle more firmly against Beau. Sleep comes for me, soft and gentle. Sounds of Beau’s fingers carding through my hair, wind through the trees, and the river lull me into one of the most peaceful sleeps of my entire life.