16. Sophia

16

SOPHIA

V oices outside the window rouse me from sleep, and it takes me a moment to remember where I am.

The Iron Outlaws clubhouse.

A newly decorated room.

With my husband.

My thumb goes to touch the beautiful ring on my ring finger. It's solid. Has substance.

A reminder I'm a married woman.

Because my family tried to marry me off to a family ally. For what? Power? Security? Oh, God…money?

"It's okay, babe," Theo mumbles behind me, half asleep. "It's just King and Niro."

He tightens his hold on me, pulling my back to his chest, and I relax into his arms. He thinks it was the voices outside that bothered me. I'm not going to correct him.

His lips brush my neck briefly, but then he falls back to sleep. Sunlight edges in through the gaps in the curtains. And now that my brain is firing up for the day, I can't get back to sleep.

I slip from beneath Theo's grip and make my way to the bathroom. I blush when I see the bench seat of the shower.

The way Theo made me feel was…sexual. Beautiful. The whole thing intimate and way less embarrassing than I had imagined sex to be. I feel relieved.

Happy.

And ravenously hungry.

For food and Theo.

I want to know what full penetrative sex feels like. I watched a raunchy show set in the Regency period, so I have the basic mechanics down, but I want to experience it with Theo.

I do what I need to do, then pull on some clothes. Theo barely stirs, and I let him sleep. As we climbed into bed last night, he started struggling for words again, and then a headache hit him hard. He took some of the pills Niro had given him and finally found sleep.

Quietly, I leave the room and find my way to the kitchen.

A little girl sits on the counter while Niro makes pancakes in a large skillet.

"You hungry?" she asks. "‘Cause Uncle Colton makes the best pancakes in the whole world."

Niro turns around and spots me. He waves a spatula at the seats tugged under the counter. "Take a seat. I'll make you some."

"If it's not too much trouble, that would be great."

"I'm Avery, and my dad is the enforcer of the club, which means he's the biggest and strongest."

"Hey, Avery. I'm Sophia. And I met your dad already."

"And he is definitely not the biggest and strongest in the club," Niro says with a chuckle. "He's not bigger than Spark or Halo."

Avery's eyes narrow. "Yes. But he's the fiercest."

Niro dabs a bit of pancake batter on the tip of Avery's nose. "He's probably the best at jump rope, how about that?"

Avery chuckles as she wipes it away and turns to me. "My daddy is the best at jump rope, he can cross his arms over and everything."

"That does sound like he's very good. So, your daddy is the best at jump rope, and Uncle Colton is the best at pancakes. What are you best at?"

Dramatically, she taps her finger against her lip and looks at the ceiling.

"She's best at talking. Or maybe being annoying," Niro says with a grin.

"Hey," she says. "I was going to say I'm best at being your best friend."

Niro's whole face softens. "Yeah, kiddo. You're definitely best at that." He scoops three pancakes off the griddle and hands them to Avery. "You know what to do."

She hurries to the table and then takes toppings from three different bowls. Blueberries. Chocolate chips. And sprinkles. Then she smothers the pile in syrup.

I wince at how sweet that must all taste. "All the basic food groups, huh?"

"The food we eat at mine and Uncle Colton's sleepover club stays in sleepover club," Avery says. "Mommy and Daddy will never know, will they, Uncle Colton?"

"Nope. Not a word from me. And Sophia can only be in our club if she agrees to the rules."

I put my hands in the air. "I agree to the rules."

Niro watches Avery until she's sitting with her plate and begins to eat. "Same again?" he says, tipping his chin towards Avery's plate.

"Yes, please. I might skip the candy toppings though."

"Spoilsport." Niro carefully pours three ladles of batter onto the skillet. "Sleep well?" he asks.

"Better than I have in a while."

He looks up at me for a second. "That's the power of freedom."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugs as he watches the little bubbles pop in the pancake mixture. "You and Switch, you've both been cooped up in that rehab unit, Switch without his bike, and you without whatever it is you used to do and be. Then you found out you were meant to be married off to some guy, and that's probably why you had your accident."

I look around to make sure no one else can overhear. Avery is too engrossed in her food to pay Niro's softly spoken words any mind.

"Don't worry," Niro says. "The clubhouse is slow to get moving in the morning. I was outside with King a few minutes ago because he needed to work on his bike in the garage, but that's it."

My relief must be palpable.

"Listen, I'm on your side. I'm one of the few who will be once it comes out why you're here and why you married Switch. But that's where I was going with the power of freedom. You gaining your freedom means my brother has lost his."

His words hit me hard. "There's truth to that."

Niro nods as he flips the pancakes. "And as his friend, and as perhaps the only person here who fully understands what you're going through, I want to hear your reasons for letting him give that up for you."

"I wish I had a better answer than I do. He's a handsome, capable man with a kind heart, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here. And I'm just a?—"

"Fuck. Don't look at me like that. You say you're nothing, and I'm gonna punch you in the face." Niro raises his voice.

"Uncle Colton," Avery snaps. Tears fill her eyes. "Don't be mean to our new friend."

He takes a deep breath. His lips move, silently counting up to five, then back down again. "Sorry, Ave. Didn't mean it like it sounded. It's just Sophia was about to tell me that she was less."

"Less than what, Uncle Colton?"

"Less than the rest of us," he says.

"Oh no," Avery says, jumping up from her seat. She throws her arms around me. "Daddy says hugs solve everything."

Like Avery, tears sting my eyes. "Your daddy might be right." I hold her close for a second. "I got it. You know what you're best at?"

"What?"

"Making someone feel better. And hugs. You're really good at those."

Avery smiles. "I am. You have a scar like Uncle Colton."

I touch it with my fingertips. "I do."

"It makes you unique and special like Uncle Colton is."

The softly spoken words squeeze my heart.

She looks at Niro who winks at her then tips his head towards her seat.

"Go sit down," he says. "I'll make you some more when I've made Sophia's."

Avery skips back to her seat, her tears staved off by the thought of more high-octane pancake toppings.

"Niro," I say quietly. "You're right to ask. I have no income that I'm aware of. I have no career that I can draw on. And I have no past that I can remember. I stand here in these clothes that I don't remember choosing. I don't know where I go from here."

Niro slips my pancakes on my plate. "I know what it's like to remember every minute of my past, and sometimes I wish I couldn't. I remember watching my sister be murdered. I'm not sure remembering is always better. But you've been offered the gift of a do-over. Everything is a blank page. You don't like your hair, cut it. You don't like those clothes, hop online, get ideas, and shop. You want to be a fucking architect, sign up for online classes, go to college. Just…I know what it is to stay stuck. I was stuck for a decade." He glances over my shoulder briefly. "Don't do that. Move, Sophia. Be. Show us what Switch gets out of this, not for us or for Switch, but for you. You're free now, so do something fucking useful with it."

Arms slip around my waist that aren't Avery's. They're firm and strong and covered in ink. Lips brush my neck, and I sink back against Theo.

Switch.

"You can be anything you want, but you don't need to be anything other than who you are for me." Then he stands and places his hands on either side of me, gripping the counter. "Watch what you say to her, brother."

Niro pours three more pancakes onto the griddle. "As I said to Sophia, I'm on your side. Which means you need to figure out how the fuck you convince everyone that the two of you fell in love so fast before you ask them to get involved in a war no one is going to want. King doesn't think we should tell you everything because it would all be out of context. With no memory, none of it would make sense, but this"—he gestures between the two of us—"directly impacts what we have going on."

Theo's breath is warm against the side of my face, but there's a heady strength that comes from feeling him protect me.

"Then tell me," he says. "I have flashes of memory. Of you not giving a fuck about the rules. So, break them now."

"Go eat your pancakes with Avery," Niro tells me.

"No, if this involves me or my family, I have a right to know."

Niro gestures to the table. "Go sit. You want to live this life with my brother, then you need to learn some shit isn't for your ears, even if it directly affects you."

"But—"

"Do as he says, Sparrow."

I bite down the urge to tell them both where to shove it. Theo married me. The bikers are letting me stay in the clubhouse. But when it's just Theo and me, we're going to have a conversation about how he doesn't get to dismiss me like that.

I grab my plate, then walk to the table and sit down with Avery.

"Are they doing boy talk?" Avery asks.

"What, sweetheart?"

"Boy talk. It's what Mommy calls it when they go off to talk about serious things."

I smile at that. "Yes. It's boy talk. But sometimes I think they should make it everyone talk, not boy talk."

Avery nods seriously. "I overheard Mommy tell Daddy that she's a fembi-nist and that I will be a fembi-nist too when I'm big. And that Daddy needs to get with the fembi-nist program."

I bite on my tongue to stop the chuckle. "And how did he take that?"

"Daddy walked over to her, and they smooched for ages. It was gross. And then Daddy asked Mommy whether her fembi-nist self liked his hands on her."

"Well, I'd like to think I'm a feminist too. I think that's why it bothers me they went off to talk without me."

And wait. Why am I telling a kid who can't even be six my boy problems?

I top my pancakes with fruit and a little syrup, then take a bite. "Oh my God. These are good."

Avery grins. "Told you Uncle Colton makes the best pancakes."

He does. They're light and fluffy and the perfect amount of sugar. Not even a tiny bit soggy. Cooked to perfection.

"He really does," I say with a mouth full of food.

We eat the rest of our food in companionable silence.

Periodically, I glance over to Theo and Niro, who are deep in conversation as Niro continues to make pancakes. I wish I knew what they were talking about. Theo's brow is furrowed as Niro explains something.

I see Theo mutter the f-bomb and run his hand over his scar. He glances my way, but the smile he offers me doesn't quite reach his eyes.

When I'm finished with my plate, I take it to the sink to rinse it and wash my hands. Uncertain of what to do next, I pause. But Theo reaches for my hand and tugs me to him.

"I'm gonna go out on my bike. Maybe just a short ride. Wanna come with me?" Theo asks.

Niro glances at Theo's left arm. "You sure you're good to ride?"

"Guess there's only one way to find out. What to come?" Theo asks me.

I think about Niro's words.

Everything is a blank page… I know what it is to stay stuck…Don't do that. Move, Sophia. Be. Show us what Switch gets out of this, not for us or for Switch, but for you. You're free now, so do something fucking useful with it.

I know I need to talk to him about what just happened. But I also need to take Niro's advice.

"I'd love that."

Theo grins. "But first we have a call to make."

It takes us five minutes to set the call up in our room, but as Theo's phone rings, I'm nervous. "You should have let me do something nicer with my hair," I say.

"Your hair looks great."

"It looks like I slept with damp hair, which I did."

"She's gonna love you," he says, before kissing me firmly.

"Hey, Teddy Bear. Whoa. Okay."

Theo grins and looks at his phone. "Hey, Mom."

"This must be the girl," she says, putting her hand on her heart. I immediately see the similarities. They have the same kind eyes and smile.

"Yeah. Mom, this is Sophia. Sophia, this is my mom, Clare."

"It's so nice to meet you," I say.

"Well, it's even nicer to meet you. Wait, hang on." She leans back in her chair. "Jason, get your butt in here." She looks back at the screen. "Your dad's coming."

I place my hand on Theo's thigh and squeeze hard. He glances at me and winks.

"Thought you didn't need to leave for the hospital for another ten minutes," a man says off camera.

"No." She gestures him over. "Theo's got a girlfriend. Come meet her."

Theo grins as his father comes into view. "She's not my girlfriend. She's my wife."

Both their mouths open. Then Clare raises both hands in celebration. "I knew it. When those girls came back to the clubhouse telling me how cute the two of you were together, I knew. It was a Spidey sense."

Jason shakes his head. "You did not know."

"Oh, shush. I knew. It's a mom's second sense. I could tell you were happy, Teddy Bear."

I glance up at Theo. "Teddy Bear, huh?"

He furrows his brows. "You ever call me that and I'll divorce you. Bad enough she still does."

"Why did you get married so damn fast? You couldn't wait a few weeks? Wait, am I gonna be a grandma too?"

"God, no. No babies. At least not yet," Theo says.

"She wouldn't have minded," Jason says. "Was just building those bunk beds in the back room she keeps going on about. Congratulations, Son. Sophia."

"Tell me all the things," Clare says. "How did you propose? Is there a ring?"

Theo opens his mouth to speak, but then doesn't. I don't know if it's because he can't think of the words, but I suddenly sense that lying to his mom isn't as easy as lying to his brothers.

"It happened at lunch," I say, stepping in. "Which I suppose doesn't sound all that romantic. But we spend time with each other every day. And we support each other through it. And you can't go through things like that without getting close to the other person. So, we were eating our food, talking about what it would look like when we left. You found it hard at first to say you couldn't live without me, right?"

Theo looks at me, his face ripe with its own kind of emotion. "It's not the kind of thing you just blurt out."

I keep my eyes focused on him, but out of shot, I press the tips of my nails into his denim-clad thigh. He seems to encourage me to press them into him harder when we have sex, and I wonder if it will help center him. "It started with where our first date outside would be." I feel awful lying to my new mother-in-law, but this was Theo's end of the deal. His mom got to see him happy while she battled cancer. I can pull this off. "You said we should go to a bike rally."

Theo glances down at my fingers and then closes his eyes for a second as he sighs.

"Oh, Theo," Clare said. "You can do better than that."

"Pretty sure a bike rally is where you conceived Theo," Jason says. "You want those grandbabies, it's not a bad idea."

I laugh as Clare blushes.

"You said we should go see the world. That you wanted to go on safari," Theo replies, brushing his thumb over my lower lip. "I said you keep looking at me like that, and I'd take you anywhere."

"You said you'd move heaven and earth to make it happen."

Clare puts her hand back on her heart. "Oh, Theo. Is there a ring?"

"There is." I hold my finger towards the camera on the phone. "No wedding band yet because the whole marriage part was spontaneous."

"Then maybe you'll let me and your dad pay for those, seeing we would have paid for the wedding. And when I'm better and not immunocompromised, you'll let us throw you a big party."

Theo coughs and finds his voice again. "We'd love that, Mom."

"And I can't wait to meet your parents, Sophia. I'm sorry we can't talk longer, but I can't miss my chemo appointment. We're happy for you. Really, truly happy for you. And if you're half as happy and half as lucky as we've been, then life is going to be something really special for the two of you."

When we hang up the phone, Theo sighs as he slips it into his pocket. "Do your physio while I go get the bike."

"I'm sorry that was tough. I could tell it was?—"

"I'll be back within the hour."

And with that, he leaves me staring at the empty spot the phone sat.