Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

“ E dwina, keep your hands still.” Her mother reached over and rested a hand on top of Edwina’s, which were gripping at one another and at her skirts in her lap. “You look like a bird about to take wing. What will the Dowager Duchess think?”

“She already likes Edwina, Mother,” Matthew said easily, picking up a biscuit.

“Matthew, for heaven’s sake, put that down. The biscuits are here for our guest, and she will be arriving any minute. I don’t have time to have more brought out because you ate them all.”

“I was going to eat one ,” Matthew laughed, returning the biscuit to the tray. “The Dowager Duchess would never have noticed one solitary missing biscuit, Mother.”

As he said the words, a footman appeared at the door. Edwina’s mother leaped to her feet. “Oh, goodness,” she said. “She’s here. Matthew, sit down at once. Edwina, are you ready?”

Edwina didn’t feel ready at all, truth be told. She had never expected a moment like this to be a part of her life. She had never thought she would care about impressing a gentleman’s mother. She had seen her own sister go through it, and at the time, it had amused her—why should Lavinia invest so much energy in winning someone else’s approval? Why did she need anyone else’s approval? Edwina had been certain at the time that she herself would never be in such a position.

And now here she was, anxious and eager to get the Dowager Duchess to like her, feeling as if it was the most important thing she could possibly do. If she failed, she would be ruining her prospects at marriage to the Duke—and she suddenly found herself filled with a desire to marry him, something she never could have imagined wanting. After their encounter in the carriage, she felt as though her very soul would be crushed if she could not have him.

“It’s all right,” Matthew whispered to her as their mother went to the door to welcome the Dowager Duchess. “I know you’ll do well, Edwina.”

Edwina nodded. She sat up straighter and forced herself to still her hands, though it was difficult to do so. She had never felt so nervous about anything in all her life. She had never been so conscious of the stakes before.

Her mother returned to the room with the Dowager Duchess beside her. The Dowager was an imposing lady. Edwina had seen her before, but they had never spoken, and she had to wonder what the Dowager made of this sudden engagement, knowing that it wasn’t something any of them had anticipated. What would she think had been behind it all?

The Dowager settled herself in a chair opposite Edwina and fixed her with a stern gaze.

Edwina felt a shiver run down her spine, but she forced herself to remain calm. She permitted herself a quick glance over at Matthew, who gave her a nod of encouragement as if to let her know that he had faith in her, that he knew she could do this. Edwina wished she felt as certain.

But she was certain of one thing—her feelings for the Duke.

No—for Allan . He had told her, after their kiss in the carriage, that she ought to drop the title and begin to call him by his name since they were going to be married. It was quite an adjustment, convincing herself that that was the right thing to do, but it was exhilarating, too. And it reminded her of the fact that she was going to be a duchess— his duchess. There was no reason to tremble at the thought of using his name now that they were going to be linked together for the rest of their days.

“So,” the Dowager said, “you are the young lady who has so captivated my grandson.”

“You honor me, Your Grace,” Edwina replied. “He is the one who’s captivated me.”

“I don’t doubt that. Yours is quite an ambitious family, isn’t it? First your sister married a duke, and now, you are engaged to one. It must be a very exciting time for this household.”

“Of course, we’re excited at the prospect of Edwina’s marriage,” her mother said.

But the Dowager didn’t break eye contact with Edwina. She didn’t even glance at Edwina’s mother. “I’ve heard all about you, of course,” she said. “The unattainable spinster, they call you—though I suppose they won’t call you that any longer if indeed you are to marry.”

“No, I don’t think they will,” Edwina agreed.

“Did you enjoy having such a reputation?” the Dowager asked her.

Edwina hesitated before answering, wanting to tell the truth. “I think that it helped me when I didn’t want to marry,” she said. “I think that it kept people away from me. And for a time, that was what I wanted. Gossip can make life difficult, but I think that when the gossip reflects the truth and helps people to understand you better, it can be useful.”

“And that’s what you think that nickname did?” the Dowager asked. “You believe it gave the people of the ton a truer picture of who you were?”

“I believe it let everyone know that I did not wish to marry—and while I had that nickname, that was the truth,” Edwina explained.

“Do you think you’ll be able to leave it behind and move on to the next stage in your life? Or do you believe it will follow you around?”

“It will be difficult, I think, for people to call me spinster after I am married,” Edwina observed. “It will be hard for them to make any sense of the label.”

“And yet I wonder whether it will impact the way people see you,” the Dowager said, leaning forward as if to examine Edwina more closely. “For years, you’ve made it clear that you don’t wish to marry, Lady Edwina. You’ve gone so far as to welcome the name spinster , something most young ladies would never do. People have a very particular idea of who you are as you said yourself. And now they’ll see you marrying. Don’t you think it’s natural that people would wonder why you’ve changed after all this time?”

“If they do wonder, I’m happy to tell them the truth,” Edwina offered. “There’s nothing shameful in it. Perhaps you’re worried that people will suspect some sort of scandal between the Duke and myself?”

“No,” the Dowager said. “I know my grandson. I know that he would never compromise a lady.”

“You have him right,” Edwina agreed, offering the Dowager a smile. “I knew of his reputation when the two of us began to spend time together. I worried about it. But he has never been anything but respectful of me. He has always been a gentleman. Anyone who believes that we’re marrying because of any untoward behavior would be wrong, and I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them so.”

“Yes, I know the man he is,” the Dowager said. “That isn’t what I worry about. My concern, Lady Edwina, is that I don’t know you .”

“You told me that you knew my reputation well.”

“And so, I do. But that’s only a part of who you are. You must admit that there’s something odd about the fact that your sister married a duke. and now, you are doing the same. You, a lady who built her reputation on the fact that she would never marry and turned away every gentleman who asked you until a duke came along. I know that you rejected Lord Kentrow just days ago. Allan told me that.”

“Yes, I did,” Edwina confirmed, frowning. “But are you suggesting that I’m only accepting Allan’s proposal because of his title?”

“There are certainly ladies who would do such a thing. I would like to know whether or not you are one of them. And I think I have the right to ask it.”

“Well, I’m not,” Edwina said. She supposed she had grounds to be angry at this line of questioning, but as it happened, she didn’t feel anger. She could see that the Dowager was only trying to protect Allan, and that was an aim with which she could sympathize. She didn’t want to see any harm come to him either.

She knew that she needed to reassure the Dowager. “I have no interest in the title of duchess,” she assured. “I will do my best to live up to it because I know that it’s important to Allan to have a good duchess. I know he worries about making his parents proud with his choice, and I want to honor that. But for myself, it’s not something I am concerned about—and neither was my sister. We each happened to find ourselves in love with a duke. It wasn’t something we planned for or even something we hoped for.”

The Dowager raised her eyebrows, taking in Edwina’s words.

“But now that it’s happened,” Edwina continued, “what I can assure you of, Your Grace, is that nothing will turn me away from the love I feel for Allan. Nothing will change the way I feel. If he came to me tomorrow and told me that he had lost his title and that the two of us would be commoners, I would still wish to marry him because no one has ever made me feel the way he does. That’s the reason I remained alone for so long, and that’s the reason I’m now ready to marry. It isn’t that I was waiting for a man of high wealth or status. It’s simply that I never believed I would find myself feeling this kind of affection—this kind of love—for any man.”

“I see,” the Dowager said.

“Now that it’s happened, I am not going to let it go,” Edwina stated firmly. “I hope to win your approval today, Your Grace. But if I cannot, it will be enough for me to know that Allan approves of me. It’s enough for me to know that he loves me. In the end, nothing else matters beyond that. He loves me, I love him, and I know the two of us will be happy together.”

“Well, that’s what I hoped to hear, I must say,” the Dowager said, breaking into a smile for the first time since her arrival at their home. “I wasn’t sure you would be able to convince me that your feelings were true, Lady Edwina—but you have. Well done. My grandson has made a fine choice. You will be a very suitable duchess indeed, and I’m happy with you.”

Edwina’s eyes shot to her mother, who was positively beaming.

“We’ll make arrangements to have the wedding as soon as we are able,” the Dowager decided, “and in the meantime, our families must spend more time together. I’ll wish to get to know you all a little better since we are going to be one family now.”

“That sounds wonderful to me,” Edwina’s mother spoke up. “We’ll have you all to dinner sometime very soon.”

The Dowager rose to her feet. The expression on her face was much warmer than it had been when she had arrived, and Edwina couldn’t help feeling a swell of pride at the realization of what she had accomplished here. She had won the Dowager over. The marriage would go forward.

She knew, without having to wait to see it for herself firsthand, that Allan would be very proud of her, and she couldn’t wait to relate the events of today’s meeting to him.

From now on, it seemed as if everything was going to go the way it should.