Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

S he would be late. That was what Seth told himself as he approached the library that evening. After all, she was always late. He would learn from the past, and this time he wouldn’t expect anything else.

He opened the door of the library—and was stunned.

Lady Lavinia was already there.

She stood in the middle of the room, turning in a slow circle. Her back was to him—she hadn’t noticed him yet.

But then she completed her circle and came face to face with him. “Your Grace,” she said, and her hands knitted together quickly.

Seth thought he recognized what she was doing—trying not to start fidgeting again. He respected the attempt. He respected, too, the fact that she had made it here on time. “You’re early,” he said.

“I felt bad about having been late in the past.”

“Well, at least I can see that you know how to tell the time,” he said. “I admit, you had me worried about that.”

She sighed and turned away from him.

At once, Seth felt regretful. He shouldn’t have criticized her like that—there was no need. He knew there was no need. He was trying to keep his distance from her, and that was all very well, but surely he could do that and still show her kindness.

“Well, come here,” he said. “We have dance lessons to get through, and then we’ll have to get you back to your bed—I don’t want to be up too late tonight.”

She nodded. “I agree,” she said. “I don’t want to look tired tomorrow. It’s important to show myself at my best. I’m sure you agree.”

He did, and yet there was that old pinprick of jealousy, needling at him again as he imagined her showcasing her beauty for other gentlemen to observe.

Perhaps he was only feeling frustrated because, after all the work he had put into making sure she would be ready to win the approval of gentlemen, it was others who would reap the benefits. Perhaps he was aware that all his efforts would yield no personal reward, and that was what had him feeling so frustrated.

He cleared his throat and held out his arms. “Come,” he said. “Let’s see what you’re capable of.”

“You mean—dance with you?”

“What did you think we were going to do? Did you imagine I would summon your sister to dance with you, as you described to me? You need to be able to dance with a real gentleman.”

“Oh—no, I know that,” she said, her face flushed. Her hands unknitted, and she began to pluck at the stitching on the bodice of her gown. “I wasn’t sure what you meant. That’s all.”

Seth thought back to what she had said earlier that day. She fidgeted like that when she was nervous, she’d said. And she had readily admitted that he made her nervous, so it made sense to see her doing it now.

But then he thought of what he had seen at the picnic, when she had sat with Lord Hennington. Her hands had been still and easy. And based on what she had said to him after that, she hadn’t been incredibly mindful about not fidgeting—she wasn’t even sure whether she’d done it or not. Her calm demeanor had come to her naturally, with no effort on her part whatsoever.

She had not been nervous around Lord Hennington, in other words.

And she was nervous with Seth.

What did that mean? That Lord Hennington was easier for her to be around?

Well…perhaps.

But perhaps it meant something else. Maybe what it meant was that she didn’t have any particular feelings for him; that he didn’t excite her. Maybe she wasn’t interested in Lord Hennington. Would she even realize it, if that were the case? Would she even understand that the calm she felt in his presence could mean that she had no feelings for him?

Well, whether she realized it or not, he couldn’t be the one to tell her. He couldn’t be responsible for the task of letting her know that the outing she’d had today might be meaningless. He was here to teach her to dance, nothing more. Honestly, he had already taken far too much responsibility for her.

“Shall we?” he asked.

“There’s no music.”

“For heaven’s sake—you’re stalling, Lady Lavinia. You knew that there wouldn’t be music. What did you think, that I would bring musicians along to observe what we were doing? That I would have them play music that would wake people up and possibly even draw them here? We would be discovered in a moment if I did that. You couldn’t have honestly believed that was going to happen.”

She flushed. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You don’t need to be so critical. I was a little uncertain, that’s all.”

“Well, what did you and your sister do when you practiced? You wouldn’t have had any music to dance to.”

“We sang,” she said. “We sang as we danced, and we danced to our songs.”

“You may sing, if you’d like to,” he said. “As long as you keep your voice low.”

She blushed even more fiercely. “I’m not going to do that,” she said. “I only told you because you asked about it. I’m sorry I made any comment about the lack of music. It’s just that I’m…” She trailed off.

“You’re what?”

“I’m just a little nervous,” she said quietly.

Seth felt as if the words had hit him like a splash of water to the face. She said it over and over again—he made her nervous. She was nervous around him. The thought of it made him feel almost giddy.

He reached out, took her hand, and pulled her slowly into his arms. He held her at a respectful distance, resisting the temptation to pull her closer.

But the temptation was powerful—more powerful than he would have imagined it would be. He had to avoid looking her in the eyes. He swallowed hard and forced himself to remain calm.

“Just follow my lead,” he said quietly. “Let me take you through the steps, and I’ll see how naturally you’re able to follow along.”

She nodded. “I do believe I’m good at this,” she said. “But I suppose a person can always be wrong—you’ll correct me if I’m making any mistakes.

Seth knew himself to be a good dancer. His mother had insisted when he was growing up that he learn, and that had involved regular practice. It wasn’t a skill he utilized very often, but he knew it was one that he possessed. No matter how good Lady Lavinia was, he was sure she wouldn’t be able to match him.

But—as she so often did—she took him by surprise.

She hadn’t been wrong. She was a skilled dancer. All that time spent practicing with her sister that she had alluded to must have served her well. She had the steps down immediately and was able to move with a relaxed grace that usually eluded her.

If only she could have danced all the time, he reflected, and never had to worry about simply walking around like a normal person, she would probably have caught the eye of dozens of gentlemen. At the very least, she wouldn’t have stood out for being awkward the way she did now, and that would have been an improvement.

He had expected to have to correct the way she did things. Instead, he found himself getting caught up in their shared dance.

Seth allowed himself to pull her just a little bit closer, telling himself that it was a necessary part of what they were doing. He couldn’t hold her at arm’s length, the way he had been, and expect her to learn the steps of the dance.

But she didn’t need to learn them. That was already clear to him. She had been right to say she was good at this, and he had been wrong to insist that she needed lessons. She didn’t need any lessons. They could stop the evening right here and now. He could send her back to her room.

He should do that.

He should—but she was warm in his arms, and he couldn’t bring himself to let her go.

Instead, he gripped her more tightly, pulling her against him and drawing her into a turn. She moved with him easily, following his lead, her steps sure and more confident than she had been in anything he had ever seen her do. And yet…she was still nervous. He could feel the tension in her body.

“Relax,” he said. That was one piece of advice he was still capable of giving her, one thing she still needed to learn. “You’re still nervous, aren’t you?”

“A little,” she said. Her voice was something close to a gasp, as if she had been running.

He couldn’t feel her heart beating. They weren’t quite close enough for that. And yet, he imagined he could. He imagined what it would feel like to experience the pulse of her body against his. It was such an intimate idea that he felt guilty for thinking about it, and he pushed her back from him slightly and allowed his arms to fall to his sides.

She looked up at him. “Is everything all right?”

“You don’t need any more dance lessons,” he said quickly. He needed to get her out of the room. He needed to bring an end to all of this before things got out of control. “You should go back to your room.”

“Wait—you’re not going to teach me anymore?” She looked up at him, an expression of hurt on her face.

He turned away. He couldn’t stand to see her looking like that. “You don’t need me to teach you anymore,” he said. “You were right. You taught yourself well. You and your sister must have learned all you needed to about how to dance, and you don’t need my help to improve yourself.”

“But I do need your help,” she insisted. “I know I can be better than I am. Even though I have the steps mastered, I’m still nervous when I dance. You said it yourself—I need to relax. I need to learn how to stay calm if I’m going to be confident and impress gentlemen.”

“That will come with practice,” he told her. “Time and practice. You don’t need to spend time with me.”

“This is practice,” she countered. “How am I to prepare for the ball, if not like this? Look at me. You can’t mean to say that you honestly think I’m ready.”

“I do think so,” he told her. “You’re ready. You’re going to be able to handle it. And, Lady Lavinia, at some point you have to handle it on your own. I can’t continue to guide you forever. You know that you did well with Lord Hennington. You don’t need my help. Not anymore.”

He started to walk away from her.

“You’re wrong,” she said sharply.

He turned back, knowing that he shouldn’t.

“I do need you,” she insisted. “I do need your help, Your Grace. I need as much of your help as I can get, because I have never been able to manage these things on my own. If you turn me away now, I don’t think I’ll ever find love.

“I have only a few days left. You have to help me. You can’t end things now. I know the steps of the dance, but I don’t know how to make them seem natural. Please.”

Seth wiped a hand across his face.

He wanted to tell her no. He wanted to tell her that she simply had to learn how to fend for herself.

He also wanted to tell her that he would be by her side as long as she needed him.