Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

S eth forced himself to turn his attention to other things as the day went on, not wanting to allow himself to get caught up in thoughts of Lady Lavinia. If it was clear to so many people around him that he had been paying her too much attention, that meant he had to step back. And besides, he told himself, it looked as if she wasn’t going to have any trouble finding gentlemen to spend time with now.

He still felt that she was far too clever to become entangled with Lord Hennington. He was a nice enough fellow, but he was so simple. He wouldn’t be a challenge to her intellect. He wouldn’t match wits with her, and she would quickly become bored. But if she had engaged his interest, she would find someone else.

She doesn’t need me anymore .

And he was confident of that until he rounded a corner in the upstairs hallway and found himself face to face with her.

She smiled at him. “Your Grace,” she said. “Did you enjoy the picnic today?”

“I did,” he said, hearing how stiff his own voice sounded. Well, that was probably a good thing. He needed to start putting up walls between the two of them. What had existed between them had to end.

“Lord Hennington spent the whole outing with me,” she enthused. “We had such a good time! And he didn’t seem to think I was too strange or awkward to be around. I think your lessons must be working, Your Grace.”

“They aren’t working that well,” Seth told her sharply. “You’re still pulling at your gown. I did tell you to stop doing that. I know I did. I told you it made you look uncomfortable and awkward.”

Lady Lavinia’s hands fell to her sides. Her smile disappeared as well. “I—I’m sorry,” she said.

“You don’t have to apologize to me ,” Seth said. “I’m not the one you’re doing this for. But if you want to be successful, you need to try to remember these things.”

“I don’t know if I was fidgeting today at the picnic or not,” Lady Lavinia fretted. “What if I was? What if he thinks terribly of me because of it? I forgot to even think about it.”

Seth knew that he could have eased her worries in that moment, for he had watched her at the picnic and knew that she hadn’t fidgeted. He could have said something—and yet, he held his tongue. He could see her doubting herself, and though he knew he shouldn’t want that, a part of him was glad. It meant that she would still need him in her life, that their time together wouldn’t be at an end.

He cursed himself inwardly. He wasn’t supposed to want that. He was supposed to be distancing himself.

So he drew a breath and forced himself to say what he knew he should. “Lord Hennington is a good man. He’s kind and easy to get along with. I’m sure he didn’t think any the worse of you, no matter what you might have done. After all, he did choose to spend the whole outing with you, as you said. No one forced his hand. If he wasn’t having a nice time, he could have got up and walked away, but he didn’t do that.”

Lady Lavinia brightened. “That’s right,” she agreed. “He didn’t. He must have thought I was all right, mustn’t he?”

“I think so,” Seth agreed. “And I think that you shouldn’t worry too much about it. Be happy for the time you spent together. Did you enjoy it?”

“Oh, yes,” Lady Lavinia enthused. “He’s just so kind! He asked me so many questions about myself, and he seemed genuinely interested in my answers…” She trailed off. “I hope I didn’t talk too much. Sometimes I talk too much. I know gentlemen find that irksome.”

“I’m sure you did fine,” Seth said.

“But you think so too, don’t you? That I talk too much?”

“Sometimes you do, but I’m beginning to think that can’t be helped. Everyone has a flaw or two, and you can’t be expected to make all of them vanish in the course of a single house party.”

Lady Lavinia sighed. “You’re probably right,” she said. “Still, it’s encouraging that I was able to persuade someone to spend an entire outing with me.”

“You didn’t persuade him at all.” Seth could give her that much. “He was the one who came to you, Lady Lavinia. He was the one who elected to spend time with you. Don’t overlook that fact. It’s important. You should feel proud of the progress you’ve made.”

“Well…thank you.” She blushed. “I suppose I do feel proud. And thank you for your help, Your Grace. I do feel more confident, more certain of myself, than I did when I first arrived at this party. It doesn’t exactly seem likely that I’ll find love by the deadline my father has given me, but it’s beginning to seem possible, and that’s quite an improvement.”

Seth nodded. “An improvement indeed.”

“So when will we have our next lesson?”

“Our next lesson?”

“I do still need more lessons, don’t I?” she asked him. “It’s like you said. I still have plenty of flaws. I still can’t seem to remember not to fidget.”

“Yes, tell me why you do that,” he said.

“I don’t know why.” She was wide-eyed. “I’m not doing it on purpose.”

“I know you’re not thinking about it as you do it. But I wonder if there’s some sort of reason all the same. It’s a habit you’ve developed, but why? What causes it?”

“I suppose…I suppose I must do it when I’m nervous. That’s when I have the most trouble sitting still. That’s also when I find myself talking more than I should. It all comes from feeling nervous. And that’s why your advice to be confident has helped me so much. Of course, I can’t just decide to be more confident, but you’re right that it’s the thing I lack. It’s the thing I have to try to correct if I’m going to be more charming to the gentlemen of the ton .”

“You fidget when you’re nervous,” he repeated. “Are you nervous now?”

“What?”

“Am I making you nervous? You fidget when you’re around me.”

“Oh,” she said. “Well, yes, actually. I suspect you would make anybody nervous, Your Grace.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re so commanding. You can be a very intimidating presence. I would have thought that would be something you’d know about yourself.”

“Well, I’m surprised you said it,” he confessed. “Most people wouldn’t speak to me that directly.”

“Most people are trying to impress you,” she said candidly.

“And you aren’t trying to impress me?”

“Not in the same way. I’m trying to show you that I’ve learned the lessons I know you want to teach me, but I’m not trying to win your favor in the way other ladies do.”

Seth nodded, wondering why it bothered him to hear her say that. After all, it was only the truth. It would have been a problem if she had believed she was trying to win his favor. As it was, he should be relieved. At least there was one person who understood that, no matter how much attention he might pay her, it didn’t mean anything that ought to be taken seriously.

“So,” she said, “our next lesson?”

He knew what he should say. He should tell her that she didn’t require any further lessons, and that she was ready to face things on her own. Or perhaps he should tell her that he simply didn’t have any more time to devote to her—that she had already taken enough from him.

He ought to say those things, but he found he couldn’t do it.

“There’s a ball coming,” he said. “The night after tomorrow. You ought to prepare yourself for that. You’ll need to practice dancing.”

“I know how to dance,” she said. “I’m not half bad at it.”

“Oh, really?”

“My sister and I used to practice together when we were young,” she explained. “My father provided her with a governess, but he never provided either of us with dance lessons. I don’t know if he was simply too tightfisted to spend the money, or if perhaps it never occurred to him that that was something a young lady might need—but whatever the reason, we knew that it would fall to us to teach ourselves what to do. We spent hours practicing. We took turns pretending to be the gentleman.” She giggled and blushed a little.

“You’re doing it again,” Seth said.

“I’m doing what?”

“Talking too much.”

“Oh,” she said.

The truth was that he hadn’t minded at all. In fact, he thought the story was funny. But he found himself imagining her telling that story to someone else and found that he didn’t like it very much. It made him feel sick to his stomach, and he was uncomfortably aware that the feeling he was experiencing was something like jealousy.

He couldn’t be jealous . That went against the spirit of everything they were trying to do. He wanted her to find happiness with someone else. He wanted her to tell humorous stories that would charm people like Lord Hennington.

He forced himself to focus, instead, on what she had said about her dance skills. “I’m afraid if your knowledge of dance comes from practicing with your sister, we can’t be sure if you have any skill or not,” he said. “What seemed good to you dancing in your bedroom as a child might actually be laughable. No, we must have a practice lesson to ensure that you don’t make a fool of yourself.”

“If you think that’s important, I’m grateful for your help,” Lady Lavinia said. “Will we meet at the same time and place?”

“Yes,” Seth said. “Tonight.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Try to be on time, for once,” Seth said.

“Try to be polite , for once,” she shot back.

He said nothing, and after a moment, she walked away.

He knew he had been rude. He felt bad about it. But he wasn’t sure what else to do. If he allowed himself to be kind to her, he would inevitably let her get too close, and that would be disastrous. He had to make sure that when she met the right gentleman—whether it turned out to be Lord Hennington or someone else—he could step out of her life without any trouble.

Today had served to wake him up to the fact that he was too close to her. He was forgetting the need to be careful. If he could feel an emotion like jealousy toward Lady Lavinia, it meant that his mother and Allan were right. He had gotten far too close.

He shouldn’t have even agreed to give her dance lessons. Well, this would be the last thing. He would prepare her to dance, and then he would let her know that their time together was at an end. She would just have to accept that he had given her all he could. Surely she would understand that.

If there was one thing he could say in her favor, it was that she never seemed to take anything for granted. She never behaved as if she was entitled to any special treatment. In fact, she had always seemed very grateful for every good thing that came her way. Plenty of ladies he had met could have taken a lesson from her in that respect.

He would teach her to dance. They would have one last night together in secret. And then it would be time for him to let go of her for good.