18. Xander

The elevator opens surprising me as a 5 foot 7, dark haired menace steps out of it. I stare at my sister for a couple of seconds.

“Surprise!” she yells, waving her hands in the air. Her eyes roam the apartment for a second. “Nice house. Where’s my little troublemaker?

“Mikayla, what are you doing here?” I question. “And why wasn’t I notified before you came up?”

She smiles that mischievous smile that always puts me on edge.

“I told them I was your sister,” she replies.

My jaw grinds. “And they just believed you?”

“I showed them my ID so they could confirm I was a Steele. I just wanted to surprise you.”

“Great. Color me surprised,” I mutter.

After Katerina’s revelations earlier this morning. I’m on edge, my mind constantly waging a war of opposing sides that I don’t fully understand. I don’t even know what to feel. Anger, betrayal, guilt, sympathy, it’s all a jumbled mess.

I thought I would find peace once she told me the truth. But honestly, peace is the last thing I feel as I try to figure how to navigate everything. It’s a lot.

My sister blinks, “What’s got you in a sour mood?”

I don’t reply, walking towards the kitchen to grab a drink of water. My sister follows, her heels clacking against the floors.

“Seriously, I knew you’d be brooding in light of recent events but dad said you were mouthing off and being rude and that you left the company. He also said you walked out of your office with your head held high. He’s quite angry with you. But when I heard what you did I was so proud, Xan. You finally stood up to him.”

My chest heaves as I sigh. “Yeah, I did. It felt great. You should try it sometimes.”

She grins. “Maybe I will.”

“When did you get to New York?” I ask, leaning against the counter after pouring some water in a cup.

“I arrived with our dear father a few days ago. We’ve been staying at a hotel in Manhattan. I would have come to New York sooner actually. But as you know he controls my movements and would not allow me to take the jet unsupervised and without leave from work. Have I told you how much I hate that job?”

“Several times,” I say.

Mikalya works as a manager in one of our branches, helping to develop and design products. The only problem is that she’s never had an affinity for anything technology. She has always veered towards fashion actually but my father has never considered that a viable career option.

“Anyway I wanted to come here as soon as we arrived but dad insisted I wait for a while until things settled in light of your scandal. But I knew you’d appreciate the help today.”

“Thanks,” I say gruffly, placing my hand on my jaw. “Have you seen your other brother?”

I can barely keep the rage from my voice at the thought of Graham. Mikayla’s face falls.

“I heard what he did and I am really angry with him, Xan. He should have never done that. He crossed a line.”

“Graham’s crossed more lines that I care to count since he was born. I don’t know why I thought he could ever be different.”

Mikayla sighs. “I spoke to him over the phone. He really regrets what he did, Xan. He feels really guilty.”

“If he shows his face in front of me, I’ll kill him,” I mutter

“You don’t mean that.”

I give her a hard look, conveying just how serious I am. She looks away, lets out a soft breath before looking back at me.

“Alright fine. Enough about that big doofus. Let’s go back to you. Why are you so upset? And where is Nate?” she questions.

I’m opening my mouth to reply when we both hear light footsteps coming down the stairs. A couple seconds later, Katerina appears in the doorway to the kitchen. I swear my sister grows pale as she takes her in. Mikayla always one for the dramatics lets out a soft gasp.

“Xan isn’t that...” she trails off.

It occurs to me that she probably had no idea I was in contact with Katerina. Or that she had come to be a part of my life again. She also probably didn’t know that father sent me here to New York and contributed to our reconnection.

“Yeah, about that,” I say clearing my throat. “Kay, this is Katerina. Katerina, you remember my sister Mikayla, right?”

They both look slightly uncomfortable. Katerina stays on the edge of the doorway. Finally, Mikayla recovers, stepping forward. She smiles widely.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she says in delight. “You might not remember me much. I was only fifteen the first time we met and it wasn’t exactly under pleasurable circumstances.”

“Of course I remember you. It’s nice to see you again and you’ve grown even more beautiful,” Katerina says sincerely.

Mikayela shakes her head. “Are you kidding me? Look at you, you’re a goddess and you’re glowing. You have got to share your skin care routine with me. Oh and I love that shirt...”

I stop her rambling before it goes any further. “Kay,” I say firmly. “Tone down the enthusiasm.”

She turns around, shooting me a dirty look before looking back at Katerina who still seems a little uncomfortable despite the soft smile gracing her lips.

“I am so sorry about what my family has put you through,” Mikayla states.

My eyebrows furrow and Katerina’s mouth falls open slightly.

“I’m pretty sure that’s my line,” she mutters.

Mikayla shakes her head. “My father played a part in the circumstances we’ve found ourselves in today. And I know in my heart that you would have never stayed away from your son for so long if you didn’t have a choice.”

Katerina’s eyes widen even further at the simple understanding. I suddenly feel like a horrible person. The situation isn’t exactly black and white but watching my sister come to that understanding goes a long way in trying to sort out my feelings. Because she’s right. My family also had a hand in what happened. We contributed.

“Thank you, Mikayla,” she says unsurely.

My sister claps her hands together before turning to face me. “Now, I’m getting really tired of asking where that nephew of mine is,” she states.

“He’s upstairs,” Katerina informs her. “We were hanging out but he asked for some apple juice so I came down here to get him some.”

“I’ll go and give it to him. He’ll be so happy to see me. And Katerina I really hope we get to talk more sometime. I have a feeling we can be friends.”

She heads for the fridge and grabs a small juice box. Facing me on the way out, she mouths, “You owe me an explanation.”

My lips twitch.

“That might be the nicest interaction I’ve ever had with any of your family members,” Katerina says as we watch Mikayla leave.

“Yeah, Kay has a pure heart. She’d never blame you for your actions.”

She’s also extremely trusting to a fault. It’s one of her best and worst qualities.

“And do you? Blame me?” Katerina asks quietly.

I look at her, feeling a muscle tick in my jaw. “You’re not exactly blameless, princess.”

She nods. “Still angry then.”

“I’m not angry,” I state, causing her to arch a disbelieving brow. “I’m not angry, just confused because I don’t know what to feel. What do you expect me to feel?” I ask in frustration.

“I can’t tell you what to feel, Xander,” she answers, shaking her head. “Your every emotion is valid. And I know I’ve caused you a lot of pain and grief. I’m just glad, that you finally have answers. That I was able to explain. I know it’s selfish of me, but at least that weight’s being lifted off my chest. It’s one less secret I’m keeping from you.”

“How many more secrets are there? How many more layers can you possibly have?”

I watch the rise and fall of her chest through the material of the shirt she’s wearing. To top of it all off, I can’t seem to take my eyes off the expanse of the skin of her legs showing owing to the shorts she’s wearing. Everything she does affects me. It’s maddening.

Katerina walks further into the kitchen, stopping just a few feet away from me.

“Do you remember our first date?” she asks suddenly.

“Of course I remember,” I reply.

I could never forget that.

“I told you that first date that knowing me wouldn’t be easy. My life revolves around challenges, and sometimes it hurts. I made it clear to you from that start that it would be easier if you just gave up. Because I’m not a conquest and I’m not just any other woman that would be falling at your feet. I’m so much more than you could begin to imagine. I had a lot of wants and aspirations. And none of that included falling in love. Not with you or anyone else. That was supposed to be our first and last date. I laid it all out for you, clearly,” she states.

“Yeah I thought about what you said throughout the date. And you remember what I did when I dropped you off back at your dorm?” I question, moving closer.

Her breath hitches when I stand in front of her, only inches between us. Her scent surrounds me, intoxicating, maddening.

“You kissed me,” she whispers.

“I kissed you,” I murmur. “And you let me. Because you knew, just like I did when I first met you. That there’s this invisible string, always pulling me to you. And I have no idea how to cut it, Katerina.”

Her tongue darts out, licking her bottom lip. “I don’t think you can.”

My eyes fall shut for a moment. “I thought I was rid of you.”

“I’ve never been rid of you, Xander,” she says softly.

My eyes open, met hers with an intensity that sends a chill through me. My heart pounds against my ribcage as I stare at her.

Do it, the voice in my head is insistent, leaving no room for hesitation.

My hand reaches up, grazes her jaw. “I still hate you,” I say into her beautiful brown eyes.

“I know. But you also want to kiss me,” she retorts, brown eyes fierce, teeming with desire and something else. Uncertainty. “Do it, Xander.”

She’s always so strong, I guess I’m allowed to be weak in the face of her. So I listen. To the voice in my head, to her. My head lowers slowly, my heart continues to thud in anticipation. My mind whirs with disbelief as my mouth meets hers. And then everything stops.

It’s like a jolt of electricity. A pathway into my mind, bringing up everything I thought otherwise buried. The passion that used to consume me, fills me to the brim.

Kissing her used to feel like a drug. And years later it’s still as potent as ever.