Chapter Eighteen

Violet pressed her lips together as her fingers threaded through one another.

“You are anxious about seeing him.”

Looking to Miss Chesterton, Violet nodded. “Yes, I am. There is a great deal that I must tell him and I am quite certain as to what his reaction will be.”

Miss Chesterton smiled sympathetically. “You do not know that for certain.”

“I am sure that I do,” Violet replied, softly, hating that there were tears behind her eyes at the very thought of what she was to do. “Though I must be truthful with him about what my father demands. There is no other way.”

After crying over what her father had demanded of her and the threats he had made, Violet’s only consideration was what she was going to do next. The first consideration had been Lady Caroline and how she was to protect her, and thereafter, she had thought about her father’s demand that she try to draw close to the Duke.

The only answer she had come up with was to tell the Duke of Lancaster the truth and make it quite clear that she had no desire to do as her father demanded… though her heart cried out for something quite different. She did want to draw close to the Duke again, wanted very much to be in his arms and in his heart, but it was not something she could permit herself to do. She would give up that desire, give up that hope and nurse a broken heart within herself rather than let her father achieve what he hoped for.

It was difficult for her to consider but Violet knew in her heart that it was the right thing to do. All she had to do now was find a way to begin that conversation.

“The Duke might find himself overcome by your honesty,” Miss Chesterton suggested, quietly. “I saw his reaction when you took his hand earlier today.”

Violet shot a quick look towards her friend, seeing Miss Chesterton’s smile grow a little.

“I did notice that,” she said, as Violet flushed with embarrassment. “It was done without any great consideration, was it not?”

With a nod, Violet took in a deep breath and then let it out again. “It was, perhaps, a little foolish to let myself act without any real thought but I could not help it. The way he spoke to me, the words he said… I could not help but realise just how much my heart still cared for him and knowing that he now looked at me with understanding rather than anger… I could not help but act.”

“He did not pull away,” Miss Chesterton reminded her, as Violet flushed all over again. “There is something in that.”

“But I cannot let myself think of it,” Violet answered, honestly. “I will not let myself think of it. I have to tell him the truth about my father’s demands and threats and I am quite certain that in doing so, all of that will be pushed away from me.”

“I will pray that he does not turn from you,” Miss Chesterton replied, softly. “After all you have endured, I must hope that you will be granted a little happiness.”

“I do not know if I deserve it,” Violet answered, softly, her throat constricting. “But I thank you for it, Miss Chesterton.” Her eyes flared as she caught sight of the very gentleman she had been looking for, her heart beginning to pound furiously as his gaze turned back towards her. “Goodness, there he is.”

It was as though he had known she was looking for him, for he gave her a small nod and then quickly began to make his way towards her. Violet licked her lips, her hands clasped in front of her as she tried to smile, though the expression on her face was not one of joy, she was sure.

“Lady Violet, Miss Chesterton.” The Duke inclined his head. “Good evening.”

“Good evening,” Violet said, chiming along with Miss Chesterton, though her friend gave her a small glance and then, without a word, stepped away. “Your Grace, there is something I must speak to you about.”

“As you said this afternoon.” The Duke came closer and, much to her surprise, touched her hand, sending flames of fire shooting up her arm. “What is wrong, Violet? I have found you in my thoughts ever since we spoke and – ”

“You were thinking of me?”

There came a small, half-smile on the Duke’s lips as he nodded. “Yes, I was.”

Violet did not know what to say to this. She did not know whether it came from a place of interest; that he should be thinking of her in such a way, or if it came from a place of concern, that he was worried as to what she might say to him next. Either way, her heart squeezed and she swallowed hard, not quite certain what she should do or say next. Everything that she had thought to say, all the words in her mind, had flung themselves away at his words.

“Violet?”

There was a tenderness in the way he spoke her name and, with a small sigh, Violet looked up at him again, telling herself to guard her own heart. She could not let her heart feel anything, not when she had so much else to tell him.

“Your Grace, please,” she said hoarsely, not quite certain what it was she wanted him to do or to stop doing. His thumb ran over the back of her hand and Violet closed her eyes, trembling just a little.

“I must tell you something too,” the Duke said, when she did not speak. “Oh, Violet, can you not see just how much your presence has on me? These last few weeks, I have found myself being drawn back towards you and on hearing the truth from you, on hearing that you did not want to end our engagement and indeed, that you fought to keep it, has made me step out of the heavy shadows which have clung to me for so long and instead, bathe myself in the light. I cannot tell you the joy which is within my heart and soul, the sheer happiness which I now find myself in. It is a state which I cannot fully comprehend and indeed, I am a little angry with myself for what I allowed myself to do these last few years. My regrets are many – most notably, the regret in staying away from you entirely after our wedding day. I should have written to you. I should have done something rather than hiding myself away in anger and upset. I blamed you for it all, I told myself that you lied to me, that you pretended, that you were nothing but false and deceitful – but I see now that such thoughts were entirely wrong. I should never have thought such things about you, I should never have put a blame upon your shoulders. Oh, Violet, if only I could be assured of your forgiveness, I would find myself a good deal happier.”

His eyes searched her face and Violet’s heart was so filled with joy that she could not speak. Tears burned behind her eyes and she swallowed them away, blinking furiously as she gazed back up at him, wondering at every moment, at every word which softened her heart. She wanted to tell him that she forgave him, wanted to tell him, in fact, that there was nothing really to forgive, that she understood, that she was sorry for what had taken place and for what she had been forced to do, but all she could do was gaze back into his eyes and see the tenderness there. Was there a chance that what she felt for him might be returned? Was there even the smallest possibility that he held some affection for her still?

What are you letting yourself think? The quiet voice of her conscience spoke up and Violet squeezed her eyes closed tightly. “Oh, Your Grace… Stephen. I – ”

“To hear you say my name with such softness thrills my heart.” The Duke lifted her hand and to Violet’s astonishment, pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. “Oh, Violet, you cannot know of how much my heart sings. It truly has been a transformative experience, coming back to London and speaking with you.” The imprint of his lips upon her hand made her heart beat all the faster, making her all too aware of the shadows which wrapped around them both. They were a little hidden from the others, a little secluded and yet, even if they had been in the midst of the crowd, Violet did not think she would have been able to see anyone but him.

“Stephen,” she whispered, unable to pull her gaze from him, unable to think of anything other than being close to him. The Duke smiled softly and set his other hand over hers, holding her close to him. Violet could not move, she could not even breathe. Instead, almost unwillingly, she was stepping forward, moving even closer to him until there was barely an inch between them. His breath swept across her cheek and Violet blinked furiously, uncertain as to what she ought to do and what it was she wanted to do.

“Violet,” the Duke breathed, his head lowering just a little. “My dear Violet, I have never forgotten you. My heart cannot step back from you. The love I once had has begun to build itself up again, has begun to grow with such an intensity, I am sure that it will soon reach even greater heights than before. Please, tell me that there is something you have in your heart for me still? I cannot imagine that we might be given another chance but if fate has seen fit to draw us back together again, then who are we to disagree with it?”

Tears swept into Violet’s eyes though she smiled, her heart quailed just a little. She knew that she had to tell him the truth, had to tell him all that her father had stated and in doing so, no doubt, would push him back again from her. All that he had said, all that they had shared in these last few minutes would once more, be ripped apart.

“Violet?” he asked her again and, closing her eyes, Violet felt a single tear drip down her cheek.

“Your Grace,” she began, her voice trembling as her hand held tight to his. “There is something that I must tell you.”

“Is it that your heart belongs to me?” he asked, a smile there whereas Violet felt nothing but dread. “That would give me the greatest joy.”

She shook her head, opened her eyes and saw the light fade from his expression .

“It is not that I cannot say such a thing,” she continued, brokenly, “only that I dare not. There is more that I must say to you, Your Grace. Words that I am sure will drive you from me forever.”

The Duke’s eyebrows lifted and Violet closed hers again as she forced herself to continue speaking.

“It is my father,” she whispered, no longer able to force strength into her voice. “Your Grace, it is because of his demands that I can never be close to you again, no matter what I myself desire.” She shuddered violently, squeezing his hand. “This must end. We can never be together again.”