Chapter Nineteen

“What do you mean?”

Stephen looked down into Lady Violet’s face, feeling all of the happiness he had within him slowly beginning to drain away.

“I mean that we cannot…” Lady Violet closed her eyes and Stephen caught the way her chin wobbled. Clearly, there was a great deal that she felt but not much that she was able to express. “It is not that I do not wish for such a thing, as I have said, but I cannot. I cannot do this to you, Stephen.”

Again, the sound of his name on her lips brought such a strong reaction to him that Stephen could barely breathe. He pressed one hand to his stomach lightly, his other hand still gripping hers – and he was not about to let it go any time soon.

“What is it you cannot do?” he asked, throatily. “I do not understand. If you say that you have the same feelings as I, if you are telling me that there is a hope of a further connection between us, that we might begin to court again and, mayhap, be given the happiness which we did not have before, then why would you not seek it out?”

Lady Violet’s tears dripped onto her cheeks. “As I said, it is because of my father,” she whispered, hoarsely. “I cannot do this because of what it will do to you and even to your sister.”

At the mention of Caroline, Stephen’s stomach twisted. “What do you mean?”

Shaking her head, it took Lady Violet a few moments to find the strength to speak. Stephen watched as her throat bobbed, her lips trembled as she opened and then closed her mouth on multiple occasions. Eventually, she looked up at him and, with a heavy sigh, shook her head. “My father has stated that I must try to seek out your affections again.”

Stephen’s eyebrows lifted. “What for?”

“Because, as I think I have told you before, my father is determined that I should marry someone with a great fortune,” she said, softly. “You have a vast fortune, of course, and therefore, he is determined that I should seek to reaffirm the connection we once had.”

Stephen shrugged, finding that while the idea was rather reprehensible, he did not see any difficulty there. In speaking with her again, it had become clear that this was what he wanted, what he desired. To be back again in connection with Lady Violet was all that his heart craved and it did not matter to him whether or not Lady Violet’s father thought him a suitable match.

“You do not understand,” she told him, her hand pressing his. “My dear Stephen, my father wants me to marry a gentleman of great fortune so that, in time, I will be able to encourage my husband to hand some of his coin – significant sums, I believe – over to my father.”

“But I would never do such a thing,” Stephen replied, frowning. “Should you marry me, then you would be my wife and your father would have no say in what we did or what we did not do.”

Another tear fell to Lady Violet’s cheek. “He has already threatened your sister’s reputation if I did not do as he asked. I have no doubt that he would do the very same thing again – if not worse – if I did not do as he demanded, whether I was your wife or not!”

A dark cloud pulled over Stephen’s head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean precisely that!” she exclaimed, her eyes now searching his. “My father will do whatever he has to in order to gain coin from his sons-in-law. Whatever it is that he wants, he will gain simply by threats and coercion.”

“What was it that he said about my sister?” Stephen wanted to know, aware that he was still holding her hand but having to force himself not to squeeze it, hard. “What threat was made?”

She pressed her lips together tightly. “It was that he would do something to ruin her reputation, if I did not do my utmost to try and encourage your affections back towards me,” she said, her voice filled with fear. “I could not refuse to do as he asked but neither could I keep this from you. I had to tell you, to make you aware of what my father has threatened so that I could keep both you and your sister protected.” Her eyes closed and much to his disappointment, she pulled her hand out of his. “You cannot believe for a moment that this is something I want, Your Grace. I beg of you not to think ill of me, for I speak nothing but the truth. It is not as though I do not want to return to the happiness we were so close to achieving – I do, more than anything – but I must step back from you, so that you are not tainted nor injured by my father’s demands.”

Stephen shook his head. “This is not what you want, though.”

“It does not matter.” Lady Violet folded her arms across her chest and looked away, though he did not miss the tears in her eyes. “My heart tells me that I cannot cause you more pain. I have already done that once before and I will not be responsible for that again. I will stay by your side this Season but you must make it clear to my father, in one way or another, that you will not tolerate any sort of connection between us again. That way, he will understand that not only have I done what he asked – and therefore, he cannot use any of this threats to coerce me into doing as he asked – but also that you will be kept safe from any of his future demands and threats.” A tear ran down her cheek, though she brushed it away quickly, leaving Stephen’s heart filled with both sympathy and sorrow. “I must do this. You must do this, Your Grace, so that you are protected and kept quite safe from my father.”

Stephen took a step closer to her, wanting to fill the space between them, wanting to feel her hand on his again. “It is not right for you to have to do this, Violet. It is not fair that you should have to deny yourself in order to protect me.”

She shook her head. “It is just as I deserve,” she answered, her eyes searching his again, though they glistened still with tears. “I was not strong enough to stand up against my father before. I did not find a way to reach out, to tell you the truth about what had happened and in doing that, I caused you such a tremendous amount of pain and suffering, I cannot help but think that this suffering that I now endure is exactly what I deserve.”

“No, it is not.” Stephen spoke with great fervency, leaning closer to her, so close that he could kiss her if he wished to… and that desire grew strong as he looked down into her eyes. “This is not your fault, Violet. Please believe me when I tell you that I do not hold a single thing against you, not any more. I am sorry for what I have done in my anger and my resentment. It may have been a very quick change in my heart but when I saw you, when I spoke to you and when I understood that Caroline had been right in all that she had said, all of that faded from me. I do not think you are responsible for what happened, Violet. You are not responsible for my pain, for my suffering, as you say. None of that is placed at your feet or on your shoulders. It is not a guilt that you have to bear.”

She blinked at him. “I feel it all the same.”

Stephen would have kissed her there and then, had he had the opportunity. When he looked back at her, there was such a sadness in her eyes, he could barely take it in. He wanted to end her pain, wanted to heal her heart and at the same time, find a way to sort things out so they might have some sort of happiness.

“Let me ask you something,” he said, coming a little closer to her, aware of the urge to press his lips to hers though it was an urge he fought with every part of his being. “If there was a way to find ourselves back together again, a chance to heal the wounds of the past and instead, step forward into a new and brilliant happiness – a happiness that would come without the struggle of your father and the difficulties of his threats, then would you take it?”

Lady Violet looked up at him steadily, though he could still see the shimmering pain in her eyes. “I do not see a way that it could happen. Even if we were…” Her eyes closed briefly. “Even if we were to find ourselves happy again, even if we were to wed – though I can barely bring myself to imagine such a thing – then I cannot think of anything that would prevent my father from achieving his goals. He will threaten your sister’s reputation or, mayhap, even your own! There will be nothing to stop him.”

“But if there was,” Stephen persisted, suddenly urgent and fervent in his thoughts and his determination. “If there was a way for me to remove that threat from us, if there was a way for us to step forward without him, then would you take it?” He closed the space between them even more, his other hand finding hers as gratitude for the darkness wound around them. “Would you want that, Violet? Would you want me back beside you again?”

She closed her eyes, a trembling running through her that he felt in his hands. “Yes,” she said softly, her breathing coming a little quicker as she opened her eyes to look up at him. “My heart has never stopped being yours.”

“No?”

She shook her head, a small but sad smile spreading across her face. “Never. I have had nothing but darkness and pain these last three years. It is not something that I have ever permitted myself to hope for, however. It is not a scenario which I have even imagined!”

“But it is something that I can present to you now,” Stephen whispered, softly. “If your heart yearns for me as my heart yearns for you, then I can assure you that there is nothing which I want more than to give you that happy future. Oh, Violet, I have longed for you every single day which we have been apart! I have clouded it with pain and shadow, telling myself that all I believed of you was a lie but my heart has still been filled with a great and ardent affection for you which I have never been able to forget. I believe that I am still in love with you.”

Lady Violet caught her breath, her eyes widening as Stephen began to lower his head.

“Tell me that you feel the same for me.”

When she nodded – a small, almost unnoticeable nod – it was all Stephen could do not to pull her tight into his arms and crush her to him. Instead, he contented himself by lowering his head and brushing his lips across hers.

The fire which erupted within him was so fierce, Stephen fought for breath, fought to contain himself as he looked down into her eyes, aware of the fierce longing within him. Part of him wanted to grasp her hand and pull her from the ballroom and into his carriage, ready to make his way to whichever place he could go to in order to get a special license or, in fact, to drive to Scotland so they might elope. But the threats which Lord Craighall had made, the fear which still clung to her expression put an end to all of that. There was nothing he could do other than to squeeze her hand and promise that all would be well very soon.

“Leave this matter with me,” he said, quietly. “I will think of what I can do and what, in fact, must be done in order to free us from this dreadful situation. I have been torn from you once, Violet and I will not let that happen again.”

The fire in his words seemed to dry away the tears in her eyes for she began to smile and with it, the happiness which lit her expression chased away any lingering sadness.

“I do hope that you can do something,” she said, pressing his hands. “I believe I am in love with you still, Your Grace.”

“Stephen.”

She smiled again. “Stephen.”

“You are not to call me anything else when we are in private,” he told her, letting go of her hand but only to touch her cheek. “I will have you as my bride, Violet. I swear to you that this time, nothing will keep us from our happiness. Not even your father’s dark threats.” Bending his head, he dared another kiss, though it was only a feather’s touch. “I swear it.”