Chapter 29

Iyla

MY CHEEKS WERE SO HOT, I feared touching them would burn my fingertips. But what did I expect when Zagan stared at me like his world started and ended with me? He stood on the opposite side of the room now, but that did little to calm my racing heart. It didn’t help that he looked like seduction in his all black tux with his black hair combed back. Wetness gathered at my core just looking at him.

“Is this lemonade?” Gemma asked Patrice at the drink table.

The woman who wore a dark, matronly dress tonight nodded. “It is. Would you two like some?”

“Yes, please!”

Sienna appeared at Gemma’s side then. Her lime green gown looked gorgeous against her deep brown skin, and for once, she didn’t wear a cap or toboggan over her bald head but an elastic headband with a white flower attached.

“Sienna,” I beamed. “You look like a princess!”

She giggled and looked down at her dress. “Thank you. Daddy said the same thing.” Her gaze found Gemma’s again. “Come dance with me.”

Gemma looked up at me as if to silently ask permission. Smiling, I nodded toward the dance floor. “Go on. I’ll get your lemonade.”

She took Sienna’s hand and left in a flutter of purple silk. The two girls joined other kids and teens who danced to the loud pop music. The party had seemed to invigorate everyone, giving those who usually appeared weary, a boost of energy. Those in wheelchairs laughed and danced with their arms. Teens who were weak held onto a friend or family member, otherwise oblivious to their ailments. Even Gemma, who’d been on the up and up with Zagan’s weekly doses, swayed and bounced gently from foot to foot as she danced with Sienna.

There were still IV poles among the crowd, face masks on certain people, and signs of reasons why everyone was really here, but for tonight, it seemed no one saw those things. How could you when so much life and light poured into the space?

I accepted the lemonades from Patrice and moved to the side, watching my sister dance with a wide smile on her face. A couple months ago, I never thought I’d see her like this. Boisterous. Dancing. Living .

Yet here she was, twirling around and laughing.

My gaze drifted to the corner where Zagan currently smiled down at Marla, who wore her burns proudly tonight. He grabbed her blistered hand and twirled her around, making her face light up in glee. My heart soared into my throat, and I couldn’t fight the budding emotion filling my chest.

He’d done this. He’d brought this warmth into an otherwise dreary place. He’d given a chance at life back to my sister, and I …

“Having fun?”

I turned my head, startled from my thoughts by the sound of Noya’s voice. She wore a pink closed abaya and matching hijab, and she smiled at me.

Catching my breath, I returned the look. “I am. You?”

She nodded and turned to the sea of patients and their families. “It’s nice seeing everyone like this, isn’t it? They deserve to have nights like this when they can. I’m glad you met Zagan and brought him here. Otherwise, this probably wouldn’t have happened.”

At the mention of his name, my eyes inadvertently sought him out. He was now surrounded by the teen girls and boys who took turns dancing with him. That hot, ticklish sensation filled my chest again.

“I’m happy for you,” Noya suddenly admitted.

I looked at her, the confusion clearly painted on my face.

She laughed at my expression. “You’ve been best friends with my sister for a long time. I know you, and I can see how much you’ve changed since he came into your life. You seem … lighter. Happier. You’ve always looked so shut down or like you were afraid of happiness. But you don’t seem scared anymore.”

A sharp pierce joined the already sporadic feelings inside me. I had to blink a few times and take a deep breath to keep from crying right there. My whole life, I’d lived on autopilot, and it just got worse after Dad died. I did as I was told like an obedient, pre-programmed robot. Just like Zagan brought life into this room, he’d brought it to me. Where once being free would’ve scared me, I now embraced it.

Noya was right.

I wasn’t afraid of myself anymore.

“He’s a really amazing guy,” I whispered.

The music playing overhead suddenly slowed and turned into a soft melodic rhythm, and people broke apart to slow dance with a parent, sibling, or friend.

“I can tell.” Noya paused and pursed her lips thoughtfully. “I hope I find someone someday who looks at me the way he looks at you.”

My heart stuttered, and I bit my lip. “The way he looks at me?”

While I’d noticed the lingering looks from the demon, there had been a part of me that thought I was reading too much into it. But Noya had seen something, too. The knowledge made the air thin in my lungs.

“You haven’t noticed?” Noya asked with wide eyes. She laughed softly and gave me a pointed look. “It’s the same way you look at him .”

I stared at her, too dumbfounded to do more than uselessly open and close my mouth. My cheeks warmed. Had someone turned up the heat in the room?

A throat cleared.

Noya and I turned to find Zagan, flanked by lots of giggling patients.

The demon smiled at me and offered me his hand. “Would you like to dance?”

What Noya and I had been discussing was still on the forefront of my mind, and now, I had an audience of teens, eagerly watching as Zagan held his hand out for me. I practically moved solely by instinct, taking hold of his outstretched hand. The moment my skin touched his, though, a sense of rightness flooded my system, like my hand had been made to fit in his. The nerves and confusion over my sporadic feelings slowly seeped away as I followed my demon to the dance floor.

He swung me around in a grand flourish, and I was laughing when he finally pulled me in, clutching my hand and holding the small of my back with the other. I squeezed his hand and rested my free one on his shoulder, offering him my own smile.

“The cameras finally left,” Zagan murmured softly, his voice for me alone. “I figured it would be safe to ask you to dance now.”

“You wanted to ask me to dance?” I teased with a raised brow.

He shrugged and feigned indifference. “I was being forced into it. Did you know? Teen girls are relentless when they want something. They’ve been breathing down my neck all evening about asking you.”

I glanced at the teens, who sure enough, sat at nearby tables, watching us with their chins in their hands and stars in their eyes. Laughing under my breath, I looked back at Zagan. “They definitely seem invested.”

Zagan stepped back and raised his arm as he spun me around with ease then pulled me back into his strong arms again. When my hand found his shoulder and his found my waist, his eyes had softened at the edges. “You look beautiful, by the way. Absolutely stunning.”

There was no fighting my grin. “Thank you. Addie helped me with everything.” I let my gaze drink in his fitted black tux and the crisp black shirt beneath it. My insides warmed with flames of desire, and I had to swallow hard before saying, “You look very nice, too. I like you in this outfit.”

He quirked a pierced brow. “What about out of it?”

I laughed but quickly tried to stifle the sound so as not to gain even more attention than what we already had. “I definitely like you that way, too.” I bit my lip as guilt tried to weave its way through me. “Also, I wanted to apologize. I know you were forced to do this party tonight. Because of me and … and those rumors.”

Zagan had told me about the articles circulating once he found out from Leo. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel about them at first. The fact that people thought we were dating made me feel kinda good, which was immediately followed by feeling silly. Because really—Zagan and me? Sure, I was his bond that he fucked, but our arrangement was solely something forced onto him.

If there wasn’t demonic magic tying us together, he’d get rid of me in an instant. And if an opportunity presented itself where I could die in an accident, he’d stand by and watch. It was nothing against me . It just was . He’d been forced to keep me around by magical demands, and that was the only reason we stood here. No matter what our friendship meant to him, his freedom meant more.

“Don’t apologize,” Zagan replied. “I don’t mind it.”

It was my turn to quirk a brow at him. “But it’s an inconvenience, which we both know you hate.”

“This party might be for Bloomings benefit, but I’m here for you. And nothing about you is an inconvenience.”

I pressed my lips tightly together and stared up at him. His blue eyes never left mine. They were unwavering and as steadfast as his words. He meant what he said, and that … that confused me. I’d been nothing but an inconvenience since we’d met. He thought he was venturing down one path, and I constantly threw walls up on it, forcing him to turn around and venture elsewhere. Everything about us was “inconvenient.” Everything about us was lack of choices.

So why had I never felt freer?

“Iyla.”

I snapped out of my thoughts to look down at Gemma. Gone was the ecstatic little girl, and in her place stood a distressed, fidgeting child. Her frantic eyes moved to the doorway, and I followed them, already figuring who I’d see.

Mom didn’t cross the threshold of the sunroom. It was like she thought doing so would be acknowledging Zagan’s gift, and she’d never do that. It was why she’d ignored the invite to tonight’s event, sending the RSVP card back to Bloomings with no response. She wanted no part in anything concerning me or Zagan.

Mom’s fuming eyes were locked on me, and the girl of old reared up inside me, trying to make me cower in the face of the woman.

I cleared my throat and placed a hand on Gemma’s shoulder. I gave her a reassuring smile that she no doubt saw right through. “I’m gonna go talk to her. You stay here and keep dancing.”

My eyes briefly found Zagan’s, and the disdain simmering there couldn’t be clearer. But he didn’t stop me as I crossed the room to where my mother waited. He knew I needed to face my demon, and for once, that wasn’t him.

When I neared the doorway, Mom spun on her heel and stormed down the hallway, already assuming I would follow. Because, of course I would. I always had, and part of me worried that I always would to some degree.

She waited in Gemma’s room, and I found her standing at the window, staring into the night. She hadn’t bothered turning on the light, nor had I. Only the moonlight streaming through the window lit our battleground.

“What were you thinking?” she hissed before sucking in a sharp breath. Just speaking to me seemed to agitate her.

“About what, Mom?” I asked flatly.

She whipped around and pointed a slender finger at me. “Don’t you dare call me that! You aren’t my daughter. You are not the girl I raised. Disobedient. Dishonest. Delusional .” She heaved a laugh and ran a hand over her hair, which had loose pieces falling from her usually pristine bun. “I mean, should I be surprised given the company you keep?”

I tried to take a calming breath, but each of her words were a fresh cut on my heart, stealing my ability to take in a full gulp of air. “You don’t know him. You don’t understand what he’s done for—”

“What he’s done?” she snapped. “What that—that … thing has done? Let me think. He assaulted me, which you didn’t give a damn about. He’s corrupted my eldest into someone I don’t recognize, and that same imbecile is bringing him around children. Kids , Iyla! He’s—He’s … evil ! He could be a predator. Do you understand nothing ? You are ruining your sister. And for what? Because you don’t know how to keep your legs closed? Because you see one attractive man and become blind to your morals? I’ve never seen someone more selfish.”

My blood boiled, getting hotter and uglier with each of her accusations, the last bringing me to a boiling point. “Why is being with Zagan selfish?” I demanded. “Why is trying to be happy selfish ?”

“Please,” she scoffed. “Have you truly deluded yourself into thinking this is happiness? Ruining your life, my life, your sister’s life? How could you do this to her? She is dying , Iyla, and you come strutting in here, showing off some monster, trying to darken her mind with impurities. You make her feel less than, acting like you have everything while she sits here alone, sick and dying.”

My lip trembled, and I bit it in an effort to keep it hidden. I couldn’t let her see that she was getting to me—that she was hurting me. Because that would only give her fuel to keep going.

All her words from over the years came back to me, hitting me with the force of a freight train.

Desire is wrong, and giving into that makes you no better than trash you find on the streets.

Piano isn’t a real career, and I won’t have you dragging our family’s name through the mud just so you can tap away on some keys. Real success comes from a real job.

The world is full of lazy, ungrateful, and sinful people, Iyla. You don’t want to be one of them , do you?

You need to set a good example for your sister. Do as you’re told and she’ll thrive, too.

The sharp words funneled through my mind in a whirlwind, slicing me with each sweep, knocking me down smaller and smaller. But the worst of them all was the idea that reaching for my own dreams was hurting Gemma.

Was I showing off? Was I making her feel bad when I brought Zagan here, making her think I had things she’d never get to experience?

“I love Gemma,” I whispered, tears brimming my eyes too quickly for me to fight off.

“Do you?” Mom demanded. “Because from where I’m standing, all you care about is yourself. All you care about is sleeping around and trying to hurt this family with your acting out. Do you know how stressed Gemma is because of you? Because she knows you’re doing wrong and is worried for you?”

I shook my head slowly as if doing so would keep the words from reaching me.

“You’re killing your sister faster,” she snarled.

The world was falling out from under me. I wobbled on my legs and had to grip the foot of Gemma’s bed to keep from crumbling to the floor. Mom was wrong. She had to be wrong. Words wouldn’t come to my lips, and my brain misfired as it worked to fight against the idea that I had been hurting Gemma all this time.

Shoes tapped against the tiled floor, walking calmly into the dim room. I couldn’t even turn to see who it was. I was stunned, rendered immobile.

A dark figure appeared beside me, facing my mother with hands shoved in his pockets and his posture the perfect picture of ease.

“You,” Mom growled, but for all her effort to sound fierce, I saw her shift backward.

“I know you’re probably struggling,” Zagan’s deep voice rang out calmly. “You’re afraid of losing Gemma. But you should really think about what you’re saying before you lose both daughters.”

She scoffed and came to stand directly in front of me. The eyes that had only ever been cold and hard toward me never left mine. “She’s already lost to me.”

She swept past us, leaving Zagan and I alone in the dark room. My insides went numb. My body ran cold. The tears rolling down my cheeks didn’t even bother me as I stared into the empty space where my mom had been.

“Iyla …” Zagan’s soft voice cut through the fog.

I couldn’t bear to hear him right now. I couldn’t face him. The numbness ebbed with a sudden need to get away.

“I-I need to go,” I croaked. “Can you tell Gemma I had to leave and that I love her?”

I didn’t wait for an answer. I spun on my heel and barreled for the exit without looking back.