Chapter 28

Zagan

I LEANED MY HEAD ON the doorframe, careful to stay quiet as I peered into Iyla’s room. Her hands rested under her cheek, and her lips were slightly parted as she slept soundly. We’d stayed out late into the night, and I’d kept her busy dancing and fucking. By the time we were done, I’d had to carry an exhausted Iyla to the shower and then to bed. She was still asleep, and I wasn’t about to wake her.

This week had been eye-opening. My world had turned upside down with the realization of what Iyla meant to me, and when I looked at her now, I still reeled from the truth of it.

She probably had no idea how I felt—hell, I barely knew—and I wasn’t sure how or if I should say it. I mean, would she want a demon’s affection? She was everything good in the world, and I was the embodiment of sin. For the first time in my long-ass existence, I worried about tainting her with my darkness. But I also wanted to share it with her. I wanted to give all I had to her and do everything I could to make her happy.

If she wanted a piano, I’d get her an entire music hall. If she wanted to travel the world, I’d give her wings to fly. If she wanted a star, I’d soar up to the sky and gather her the whole goddamn galaxy. Anything, if only to see her smile.

The familiar itch in the back of my mind started up, and I straightened, my heart suddenly beating hard. I quickly turned on my heel and raced down both flights of stairs to the recording studio. I couldn’t take in a full breath as my shaky fingers grabbed the blank music sheet and pencil. I ran back up the stairs and made my way to the grand piano, placed the paper and pencil on the music desk, and reached my trembling hands out as the notes and words suddenly poured out of me.

My eyes closed as the slow, romantic melody and lyrics spilled from inside of me like a geyser that finally erupted. I couldn’t even stop to write down the notes and the words. I couldn’t stop singing or playing, not until the song ended and my breathing evened out.

“Holy shit,” I mumbled in the quiet of the ballroom.

The sweet hum of inspiration still lingered in my chest, burning brightly like the sun. It had been so long since I’d felt its presence inside me, and feeling it now as I thought of Iyla made adrenaline rush through my bloodstream.

She was what I’d been missing.

She was what I’d needed to find myself again.

The song was rough around the edges. It needed work and fine-tuning, but it was a start to what I knew I could do. The buzz of life that I’d missed so much but felt now was proof of that.

I’d just finished jotting down the first chord on the music sheet when my phone vibrated in my back pocket. I pulled it out of my jeans and tried to contain my annoyed huff when I saw Leo’s name on the display.

“Yeah?” I answered, rubbing my forehead. I’d just gotten into things, and already, I felt the song slipping away from me again.

“I’m outside your house,” Leo announced, his voice all business. “Let me in.”

My irritation spiked, and I hung up without another word. Getting up, I went to the front door and opened it to find the big bald man in his business-casual shirt and slacks.

“Zagan,” Leo boomed. “Good to see you.” The hulking man swept past me and stood in the center of the room, surveying the expansive living room and kitchen. “I haven’t seen your place yet. Looks good.”

I shut the front door and leaned against it as I leveled my blank stare on my manager. “I’m sure you aren’t here to see what my house looks like. So what? You here to gripe about us going on hiatus?”

Leo raised his brows and placed his hands on his hips. “Hiatus?” He chuckled and shook his head. “I wish that’s what this was about. I can deal with you guys taking a break from releases and concerts. What I can’t deal with is the fans’ outrage over this new rumor going around.”

My brow furrowed. “Rumor? What rumor?”

The guys and I weren’t privy to most gossip that circulated about Sinners Do It Better. We didn’t give two shits about what humans had to say or what they whispered about us, so tuning in to talk about the band wasn’t something we did. We all had social media platforms, because that was the only way to promote yourself these days, but even that was out of our hands. Leo ran our accounts. I didn’t even know what my socials looked like.

Was it smart letting a rapist control our accounts? Sure.

The one time he thought he could revert back to his human ways and be a pervy sleeze with our faces, he learned the hard way how wrong he’d been. He’d been strapped to a bed where Coldin then peeled each layer of skin off his dick, shoving the bloody, flappy pieces into his throat to choke on. And that was just Coldin’s first stage of torture. I didn’t know what else the demon did as punishment. I didn’t want to lose my dinner by asking. To make things even better, Leo was forced to stay awake the entire time, thanks to a little demon magic, and no matter what he endured, he couldn’t die.

Leo sighed at my lack of awareness and pulled out his phone. After tapping away a bit, he held it up for me to see some article with a photo of me and Iyla leaving Bloomings and another of the two of us dancing at the club Addie took us to. I skimmed the article, digesting the anger in the writer’s voice as they accused me of dating in secret and not being available for my fans. They linked my “relationship” to the reason for the lack of new music and our recently announced hiatus.

Even after years of being in the music industry, it blew my mind when people got like this. Humans had a tendency to make claims on things and people they idolized, despite there being no foundation for it. I didn’t know this author or even ninety-eight-percent of my fans, yet they felt some sort of ownership of me, because I was their prized idol. If they couldn’t have me all to themselves, no one could. I’d seen the same scenario play out countless times where a musician or some other celebrity started a relationship and people attacked that significant other for trying to keep the celebrity to themselves.

It was bad rep for the person coming into the relationship, the celebrity, and their success rate. Announcements of a supposed relationship were typically followed by a decrease in viewership and sales.

Meeting Leo’s gaze again, I shrugged. “So?”

Leo gave me an incredulous look. “ So ? So we need to play clean-up. Now. You’ve been seen multiple times with this girl, and fans are getting pissy about it. Is it true? Are you dating?”

I walked past him to head for the kitchen, sparing a fleeting glance for the stairwell that led to Iyla’s room. I hoped she was still fast asleep and not listening to this bullshit. The relentless bastard was right on my heels.

“It’s no one’s business if I’m dating.” I grabbed a water from the fridge and turned back to Leo whose knuckles had gone white as he gripped his phone. “Let them think what they want.”

“And let your career tank? Let your friends’ careers tank?” Leo ran a tired hand over his face and shook his head. “This is your fan’s business, Zagan. You are a public figure, demon or not. Your fans have a vested interest in all of you guys, so when things like dating spring up, the fans feel like they have a right to know, reasonable or not.”

My patience with this conversation was growing dangerously thin. I didn’t stop working on that song that I actually felt something for to be nagged at about some unfounded—well, not totally unfounded—rumor that wasn’t even anyone’s business. I didn’t give a fuck if I was a “public figure.” It gave no one a right to me and my personal life.

I walked over to Leo and jabbed him in the chest, harder than necessary. “If you’re that worried about it, you clean it up. This is your punishment for your sins, remember? Doing as we fucking tell you. So do your job and squash the rumor to calm the Sinners down.”

Leo’s eyes narrowed while his lips curved in an icy smile. “I figured that’s what you’d say. So I already did. You and the rest of the boys get your suits ready. We’ll be doing a charity event this Friday at Bloomings.”

“WHAT A FUCKING JOKE,” DANTE groaned. He leaned back next to me, readjusting the lapels on his maroon tux. “I can’t believe we have to put on a show for these cameras all because you got caught with your human.”

I ignored Dante’s dozenth complaint of the week.

“I don’t even get what the big deal is,” Perseus said. He sat across the limo from Dante, Coldin, and I. His navy tux jacket was open, exposing the crisp white shirt beneath. “It’s a known fact that we mess around. Why does it matter if Z got spotted with Iyla?”

“Because she’s a threat to the fans,” Xander chuckled.

The asshole had found the whole situation amusing ever since Leo broke the news of the rumor and clean-up plan to us. Xander didn’t see tonight as an annoying inconvenience like Dante did. He saw it as a chance to poke fun at me and the fan’s insane outlook on us.

“People aren’t allowed to claim us, remember?” Xander added, flicking a piece of non-existent lint off his forest-green tux. “We belong to our fans as their distant lover. They see Zagan being with Iyla as him cheating on them.”

“I’ll never understand humans,” Perseus grumbled and stared out the window.

“We don’t have to understand them to enjoy them,” Xander grinned, licking his lips suggestively.

“None of that tonight,” I warned Xander. “This is a charity event for Bloomings. It’s just a bunch of sick or injured kids and adolescents. Not your thing.”

“Won’t the nurses and doctors be there? Family members of the kids?” Xander asked with a single raised brow.

I rolled my eyes, realizing the demon was going to find someone to leave with, even if that wasn’t what we were here for. I wasn’t going to waste my breath trying to convince him to keep it in his pants tonight.

Leo’s “brilliant” plan to do away with the rumors of me dating were to explain the mystery girl in the photos as a fan who’d reached out with a heart-wrenching story of her sick sister. Together, she and I were putting together this event for the patients and their families, and the reason we’d gone to the club was to check out different DJs for the event—at least, that was the story Leo gave the press. The members of Sinners Do It Better would come, pose for some choice photos, and make a hefty donation to Bloomings.

The only thing that kept me from being irritated with the whole charade was the fact that this place was important to Iyla, and our donation would actually help them. So if it made Iyla happy to host this event, it wasn’t an inconvenience.

Anticipation broke out inside me like a crashing wave. I hadn’t really seen Iyla today, only popping my head into her room to tell her bye as I left to meet Leo and the band for final preparations for today. I couldn’t wait to see what dress she and Addie had picked out for tonight, though she could show up in a fucking potato sack, and it wouldn’t matter. She’d still be the most gorgeous girl in the room.

The limo pulled around to the front doors of Bloomings. There were three cameramen already there, practically chomping at the bit to get the best shots of the night. We got out of the limo with our plastered-on charm—except for Coldin, who always appeared bored. We brushed past the photographers in a chorus of flashing lights and waltzed into the building.

Dr. Seward and the nurses met us at the doors with bright smiles, their scrubs and doctor’s coat traded in for evening dress wear.

“Thank you so much for coming,” Dr. Seward greeted, shaking each of our hands. “We’re so thankful for your donation and your putting this all together.”

Flashes captured the handshake and grins exchanged by the doctor and myself.

“Please,” I said politely. “It’s the least we could do. You guys are doing some great work here, helping and treating those who need that constant health care attention. We’re proud to contribute anything we can.”

“I have a feeling you’ll be contributing much happiness tonight,” Dr. Seward said with a hearty chuckle. “All the residents are over the moon to have you guys here.” He leaned in like he wanted to share a secret and whispered, “The little ones have no idea who you guys are. They just know someone famous is here.”

I grinned. “Glad to hear it.”

He swept his arm wide, and the nurses parted like the Red Sea as Dr. Seward said, “This way. We’re holding the celebration in the sunroom.”

Over the moon was right.

From the moment we entered the extremely packed sunroom, we were all bombarded with squeals of delight, requests for photos and signatures, and shy hugs. Everyone, family members and patients alike, were dressed up for the evening, and the sunroom had been turned into a scene right out of some low-budget movie about high school prom.

Tables lined the edge of the room with refreshments, monitored by my favorite—Patrice. Her pointy nose was turned up at us, though I saw the hint of a smile when she saw how happy the residents were. Red-and-black balloons had been blown up and clung to the ceiling as the helium forced them to fly. Little cheap multi-colored strobe lights sat in each corner of the dimly lit room, and tables had been brought in for all the people to sit around, arranged perfectly around the center of the room, which had been left open as a dance floor.

The photographers from outside had shuffled into the room and were capturing plenty of shots of all five band members interacting with the crowd. As I put on a show of smiling and engaging in small-talk, I tried looking around the room in search of Iyla. I didn’t spot her anywhere, and the impatient anticipation to see her doubled.

“Looking for someone?” Dante whispered, giving me a knowing smirk that looked more like a sneer.

“No,” I lied. “Just taking it all in.”

Dante clapped my shoulder. “Right.” He looked around the room. “Hopefully we can take these photos and get out of here.”

Two older teen girls—one walking with crutches and another with a portable oxygen tank—came up to Dante, their eyes glittering as they stared at him, shyly asking for his autograph. He plastered on a grin and turned his back to me to offer his attention to his fans, and I took the chance to slip away from him.

My get-away was interrupted as three girls from the group I’d met my first day here came over with their families trailing behind. I smiled brightly as they called my name.

“Don’t you all look lovely tonight,” I praised.

All the girls wore make-up, flowing dresses, and had their hair done. A man, presumably Arianna’s dad, pushed her wheelchair today, and her yellow dress practically spilled over the seat in a mess of fabric. Kaylpto, who typically had an ashy undertone to her otherwise beautiful brown skin, looked bright and much healthier than the last time I’d seen her. She still clung to her walker, but she no longer had an IV as she walked around. Even Marla looked far better. She’d pinned her dark hair up, leaving every inch of her burned flesh exposed for people to see. She’d even worn a short-sleeved mauve dress that showed off her scarred arm.

“Look at you,” I said to Marla. “Very pretty.”

She beamed at me. “Thank you.”

The girls introduced their family members to me, and I made a show of listening and caring about who these people were. Really, every part of me coiled tightly, like a predator lying in wait for their prey to appear.

After introductions were made and a pop song came on over the speakers to pull the girls toward the dance floor, Marla’s mom stepped away from her daughter and approached me.

“I just wanted to say thank you,” the round woman said to me. Tears filled her eyes, and she watched her daughter as she turned Arianna’s wheelchair in their own little dance. “Marla has really struggled ever since the accident. She’s—She’s hated the way she looks, but her confidence has grown leaps and bounds ever since she spoke to you. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you for helping my daughter see that she’s not less than just because of her scars.”

I gave the woman a comforting pat on the arm. “No thanks necessary. I’m glad Marla’s been doing well.”

She nodded and wiped under her eyes. “She has been. Dr. Seward thinks she’ll be able to come home soon. Her burns aren’t causing her nearly as much pain as they used to, and she hasn’t had anymore self-harm thoughts. We’re over the moon that she’s made this much progress, and we know a lot of it is because of what you told her.”

I wasn’t sure my words held as much power as Marla’s mom believed, but if it meant that much to her, who was I to argue? I smiled, accepted her thanks, and continued my rounds about the room.

“Zagan!”

I turned at the excited sound of my name coming from what could only be Gemma. Despite being called to by her, I didn’t even see the youngest Winters daughter. Every part of me locked onto the vision standing in the doorway beside her. Iyla’s long hair had been curled, and it hung around her in a silky curtain. A dusting of make-up had been applied, accentuating her big brown eyes and plump lips. Her gold gown with a plunging neckline hugged her torso while the skirt moved about her legs with grace and ease.

In that moment, I became lost in her. Lost in the way sunshine filled the room when she smiled at me. Lost in the shining constellations of her eyes as they held mine. Lost in the flush of her cheeks and the inhale of her breath as she walked toward me with her sister. She was a vision of all that was good and beautiful in the world come to life, and in that moment, I found my salvation in her.

“Hey,” she said when she and Gemma reached me. “You look very handsome.”

It took me two times to swallow the grit from my voice, and I cleared the rest from my throat. “Thank you. You—”

“Zagan,” Leo interrupted, coming to stand beside us. He forced a smile as he glanced at Iyla. “Since she’s here, let’s get some photos of you three and another one with the doctor and nurses.” Leo looked around Iyla and Gemma then leaned in to ask her, “Are your parents here? It would be good to have them in the photo, too.”

“Oh,” Iyla said, her eyes dropping sheepishly. “No. Our dad passed away, and Mom … She’s not here. I’m not sure if she’ll be coming.”

Of course she isn’t .

I tried to keep the loathing of her mom off my face as I followed Iyla and Gemma to the windows where Leo positioned us for the cameras.

I looked down at Iyla as the three of us got positioned—me and Iyla standing on either side of Gemma—and my heart beat against my chest like a drum. I’d never felt anything like what I did when I looked at her. Hell, I didn’t even know I could feel this surge of affection when looking at another person. A demon like me, who thrived in the dark and twisted, craved for her light and goodness. It was new and kinda fucking scary, but it was also thrilling. She was stunning at every turn, every angle, and I wanted to keep my eyes on her all night.

Flashes lit up the corner of my vision, and I suddenly remembered we had an audience. My eyes desperately wanted to stay locked on Iyla’s profile, but I forced them away to smile for the cameras. Dr. Seward and a handful of nurses joined us for some other photos and then the rest of the band joined, too.

It felt like an hour of nothing but forced smiles and shuffling of poses when someone finally turned up the music and people disbanded into smaller groups at tables and on the dance floor.

Iyla followed Gemma to the refreshment table, and my eyes trailed after her. I started to follow when Perseus stepped in front of me.

“Don’t,” he ordered flatly. “Don’t make this entire night be for nothing. If you go chasing after her all evening, people are going to see what you’re trying to hide.”

I narrowed my eyes at the golden-haired demon. “And what am I trying to hide?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Your infatuation with that human.”

I dropped my head to fight off my laugh. “You’re one to talk, considering your latest obsession.”

Perseus’s green eyes darkened, and his jaw worked. “That’s different. Mine is a game. It’s not real. Yours is.”

I glanced over his shoulder at Iyla, who laughed at something Gemma said. My chest tightened with a pressure so unfamiliar to me that it rendered me speechless. I wanted to argue with Perseus, but he was right about one thing. As long as the cameras were still here, they could snap plenty of photos to paint the rumors as true. So with great effort, I turned my back on Iyla and joined Sinners Do It Better on the other side of the room—if not for the sake of avoiding more rumors, for the sake of proving Perseus wrong about what was happening to me.