29. Brooke

TWENTY-NINE

brOOKE

T he early morning air was crisp and cool as I set up my produce stand at the farmers market. I tried to keep my movements brisk and efficient to stay warm in the chill air. As much as I loved autumn in Pennsylvania, those first few weeks could be brutal with the change in temperature.

I had just finished arranging the last basket of zucchini when a familiar voice made me freeze.

"Daddy, can I get a cupcake?"

My heart stuttered in my chest. I looked up to see Jude approaching my stand, flanked by Sebastian and Amelia. My gaze drank in the sight of him hungrily after so many weeks apart. He appeared…not good, if I was being honest. Tired and stressed, with his brow furrowed and shoulders slumped.

But then his eyes met mine, and I felt that familiar jolt low in my belly. The same longing and love I'd felt for him since the beginning. Clearly, the separation had been affecting him as deeply as it had me.

Sure, we'd talked every day, if not multiple times a day through texts and phone calls, but this last month had been the longest Jude and I had gone without seeing each other in…well, since Mira had been alive. We'd been mere friends then, acquaintances who chatted when we saw each other. Since then, we'd grown, become woven so deeply into the fabric of each other's lives there was no way we could unravel it.

I didn't want to unravel it.

I knew he didn't either.

Especially after that voice mail he left me last night.

I forced myself to turn away from the sight of Jude and his kids talking to someone two tables down before I did something reckless, like vault over my veggies to throw myself at him. Instead, I busied myself with getting ready. People were already strolling through the tents, and if it weren't for Nicole, I'd be way late.

I'd been feeling congested the last few days, so I'd taken some nighttime cold medicine last night and was out like a light. Which meant I'd missed Jude's call and my alarm this morning.

Although the feel of a hand on my back now was its own wake-up call. A straight shot of adrenaline. I recognized the warmth and feel of Jude before I even turned around.

He stood in front of me, his hand extended with a cup of coffee and a cupcake. "I got your usual order from Diane, plus a cupcake from that new stand."

I accepted them reflexively. "I didn't know you'd be here today."

He sipped his own coffee. "There're only a few more weeks left," he said, referring to how the farmers market closed for the winter. "And I wanted to make sure my parents knew what they were doing, so we stopped here for breakfast before we go to our appointment."

"Brooke!" Amelia waved at me, icing all over her mouth and fingers .

I bent to her. "Hey, girlfriend. You sure demolished your cupcake fast."

"You gonna eat yours?"

"Why? You think I'm going to give you mine?"

She batted her eyelashes at me.

"You're cute, but not that cute."

I popped the plastic lid and lifted the cupcake to peel the wrapper. After taking a bite, I held it out for Amelia to do the same. She bit into it like a lion attacking a gazelle, and I snorted a laugh. "You're an animal."

Trying and failing to wipe her mouth clean with my fingers, I searched for something to help, and Jude held out a napkin. I took it with a quiet thanks and wiped Amelia down before standing up straight to finish the rest of the treat. Holding it out to Jude, I offered him a bite, which he declined.

His focus pinned on my mouth as I finished the rest, licking my lips, and he shook his head as if coming to. He blinked down to Amelia. "Didn't you say you had something for Brooke? What did you do with it?"

She held up one of her unicorns—Purse, I believed—but didn't have whatever the thing was she'd apparently brought for me. "I-I-I think I forgot it at your table." She stuck her finger up at me. "Be right back."

"Amelia!" Jude took off after his sprinting daughter, leaving me with only Sebastian.

He pointedly ignored me, his foot scuffing the macadam, so I tried an easy greeting. "How's it going, Seb? Do you like fifth grade so far?"

He nodded, answering with a mumbled, "It's good."

"Good. I'm glad." After a few moments, I tried again. "You didn't want a cupcake?"

He shook his head.

"Why not?"

He combed his hand through his hair the same way Jude did and chanced a peek at me. When I offered a small smile, he told me, "Dad said I could have a cupcake now, or he'd take me out later, just me and him, for something."

"Oh? That's great. Where are you going to go?"

"Probably for ice cream."

"That'll be nice. I'm glad you are having some one-on-one time with your dad. I think you two need it."

He studied me under dark, thick lashes, frowning. I started to turn away since, obviously, today was not the day to bury the hatchet, when he said, "I'm sorry."

I flicked my gaze up to find Jude and Amelia on their way back to me, but when he caught my pointed look, he stopped to check out Sarah Ann and Tori's soaps, easily redirecting Amelia.

I gestured for Sebastian to follow me behind my table, out of the way of people, and we sat on the two folding chairs while Nicole took care of any customers. Facing each other now, Seb couldn't avoid me. I leaned forward, lightly tapping his knee. "I'm sorry too."

His throat bobbed on a swallow, his gaze down at where he picked at his thumbnail. "What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in your own home. That is the last thing I want to do, and you're smart, so I won't pretend like you don't know what it means that I was in bed with your dad."

He folded his arms, nodding a few times, and when he didn't respond, I figured I could keep going.

"I want you to know that I love your dad. I've loved him like a friend for a very long time, and I recently realized that I love him as more than a friend. I also want you to know that I understand you and your sister are a package deal with him. I would never ever want to hurt you, not only because you're part of the package deal, but also because I really like you. I think you're a pretty cool kid."

He finally lifted his head, reluctantly meeting my gaze. I considered that a win .

"I like that you're a great big brother, protective and kind. I also think you're brave for going after what you want and trying out for the baseball team." When he opened his mouth to speak, probably to argue that point, I stopped him with my hand on his shoulder. "It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. A lot of people won't try things because they're afraid to fail, but you tried. I know you were really upset you didn't make it, and I was upset for you too. I wish you would have made the team, but I also know you're going to try again next year, and I'm really proud of you."

He seemed amazed that I knew all of that.

I smiled. "Your dad told me you're still practicing in the backyard, and that Uncle Dylan is coming over to help sometimes."

He nodded. "Yeah. I have to work on my mechanics."

I didn't know what that meant, but I was happy he was even talking to me. "Well, good for you for doing that."

He sat up from his slouched position and rubbed his hand over his jaw, exactly like his dad. I imagined Sebastian twenty years from now, rubbing his hand over his bearded jaw. "Did, uh, did my dad tell you that he's making me talk to a therapist?"

"He told me you all are."

"Yeah, but it's mainly me."

"That's okay, though. Lots of people go to therapy. I did. It helped me a lot."

"I started going after my mom died," he admitted, and he might as well have reached into my chest to rip out my heart. No ten-year-old should ever have to utter those words, though I stayed quiet, waiting to see where this conversation was headed.

"But then I stopped for a while. I guess Dad didn't think I needed it anymore, and I didn't."

I filled in the blank. He didn't need it until he saw me in bed with his dad .

Relatable.

What kind of therapy would I need if I found my parents in bed? I once saw my dad squeeze my mom's boob when I was little and nearly threw up.

"Do you think it's helping?" I asked and held my breath until he answered.

"I guess."

"Good. That's good. That's really good."

A few moments passed before Sebastian cleared his throat, his gaze flitting up and down between mine and where he scratched a stain on his jeans. "Sorry for yelling at you that day."

"I appreciate that, but I know you were upset, and sometimes when people are upset, they react without thinking."

"You've always been really nice to me and Lulu, and…I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

When he looked up at me for more than half a second, I opened my arms. "Could I have a hug?"

He thought about it, chewing on his lip, and then nodded. I reached over, folding him in my arms and, after a few seconds, felt his hands wrap around my back. "I'm sorry, Sebastian. If I ever do anything to hurt your feelings, I hope we can talk like this. Or even if you want to talk about anything else going on in your life. I'm here for you. I hope you know that."

He nodded, and I swore I heard a tiny sniffle. I hugged him tighter. "I love you."

He didn't respond, but I didn't mind. Not when I felt his hands lock in place at my back and his face tuck into my shoulder.

I smiled against his temple. "When you're ready—when you and your sister are ready—I would really like to play Go Fish with you. All of us, me, you, Amelia, and your dad."

He backed away from me, his solemn eyes taking in me and my offer. He understood, because like I said, he was a smart kid. He smiled then, and I knew we'd be okay. All of us would be okay.

"Here you go!" Amelia skipped around the table, waving a piece of construction paper at me, grinning widely enough to show off how her front tooth was coming in.

I crouched down to meet her and take the paper from her hand. "What's this?"

"I made it at school."

I made sure to keep the smile on my face as I admired the…face? made out of macaroni.

"We-we're doing shapes and fractions!"

"Lu, take the volume down," Jude said, tugging on one of her curls.

I held the paper out in front of me so everyone could see the Picasso. "And you made this for me?"

She hopped on her toes, all proud and innocent, and god, I loved her too. I towed her into me with one arm. "I love it so much. I'm going to hang it up at home. Thank you."

Pleased with herself, she hugged me back, wrapping her arms around my neck. I picked up the little pixie and kissed her cheek. "Love you, girlfriend."

"Love you too!" she squealed in my ear.

Even though she might have burst my eardrum, I still heard Jude's low rumble of a laugh. He stared at me, wordlessly speaking.

I love you , he told me.

I raised my brow at him. I know .

"Come on, little one. We gotta get going." Jude took Amelia from me and motioned Sebastian over to him.

I waved to them. "I'll see you guys later."

"Bye, Brooke!" Amelia shouted while Seb lifted his hand.

Jude grinned at me, the sparkle back in his eyes, and I couldn't have been happier to see it.

It was worth the wait.

We were worth the wait.