28. Jude

TWENTY-EIGHT

JUDE

I t had been one month. One miserable month since I'd seen Brooke in person, and I finally had a night out by myself to head to Walt's.

When Nate spotted me from behind the bar, he tapped Tabitha on the shoulder, said something to her, then hopped around to the other side, clapping my hand to pull me into a hug. Tabitha slid two pints our way, and I murmured my thanks.

She offered me a jut of her chin in return then pivoted away from me to fill two more pints.

I lifted the beer to my lips. "She doesn't talk much, huh?"

"Tab?" He slung a lazy arm over the back of his chair, eyeing her. "Takes her a bit to warm up."

She placed the other two beers on the bar top, obviously for Dylan and Liam, who hadn't arrived yet. Then she slanted her dark eyes to Nate, who grinned at her. "Thanks, tabby cat."

She didn't return the smile. "Be a good little boy and take your party over there. Leave these seats for the paying customers."

Nate clucked his tongue at her but picked up his pint and Liam's Guinness, so I took my lager and Dylan's Sam Adams, and we stood in the corner around a high-top like the apparent good little boys we were.

A minute later, Liam ambled in, appearing like he was coming right from work at the university and accepted his beer from Nate with a pat on the back. Then he proceeded to down about half of it.

"You all right?" I asked, and he thumped the pint glass down on the table with a nod.

"I got stuck teaching a one-hundred-level intro to poli-sci class, and they're driving me nuts. They email me like they're texting their friend. One of them sends his assignments in as screenshots. Another doesn't format her papers correctly."

"Formatting her papers incorrectly, oh no," Nate mocked.

Liam swiped his hand over his hair, looking exhausted. "Plus, we're trying to get Finn tested for ADHD, and that's a whole thing." He blew out a breath. "Everyone's like, he'll grow out of it, he'll grow out of it. You just have to be stricter with him. He's not growing out of it, and we don't have to be stricter with him."

"Be stricter with who?" Dylan asked, appearing at the table with a backward baseball hat and red lipstick on his jaw.

I tapped my chin, subtly letting him know about the makeup, but Nate noticed first.

"Don't tell me that's my sister's lipstick on your face."

Dylan shrugged. "Okay. I won't."

"So what's up with Finn?" I asked, trying to get back on track.

Dylan scrubbed at the red lipstick with his palm while Liam explained, "The wait list for pediatric psychologists is a mile long."

It had been hard enough for me to find a therapist for my kids when Mira'd died; I suspected child psychologists were as busy, if not more. "I know how that is. I'm sorry, man."

Liam pushed up the sleeves of his sweater and rolled his shoulders as if shaking off the day. "Eh, it'll work out eventually. What about you?"

I wagged my head side to side. "Okay."

My three friends stared at me.

"Amelia loves kindergarten."

They waited.

"Sebastian's struggling in his math class a little bit."

And waited.

I reclined against the wall, attention on one of the televisions. Some car commercial.

"What about you and Brooke?" Nate asked.

I took a sip of my beer, watching a couple kiss on screen, all happy and smiles. "We're fine."

"Yeah? Why do you look like you haven't slept in weeks?"

I wiped my fingers over my eyes. "Because I haven't."

"What? You two break up already?" Dylan asked into his pint.

I heaved a sigh. "Never even got a chance to get started."

"Seb's still not coming around?"

I lifted a heavy shoulder. "He's still got a lot to work through. Delayed grief." I thought about the days he'd spent in silence with me over the last few weeks, especially after his counseling sessions. "Amelia, she's…" I laughed, despite the nights I'd spent angry at my son, at myself, at the past, at Brooke, at having something amazing barely out of reach. "All she knows is her brother's been sad, and I've been—" I bent my fingers in air quotes "—throwing a lot of tantrums."

Nate slapped the table in amusement. "Throwing tantrums?"

"I've been…impatient lately."

Dylan smirked. "I'd be impatient too if my kid was cockblocking me."

I shot him a glare. "You know it's not that."

"So what is it, then?"

"It's everything." I gestured vaguely with my beer. "I'm trying my best to keep it together and always do the right thing, but between Seb's attitude and missing Brooke, it feels like I'm gonna lose it at any second."

"So tell Brooke," Liam suggested. "She's?—"

"I've told her I wanted to see her, but she said she doesn't want to see me until she really has me. She said it would be too hard, and… I don't know." I rubbed my beard. "Sometimes I think she's right, and sometimes I think I should club her over the head and bring her home to my cave."

Nate made a noise of agreement. "Not the worst idea I've ever heard."

"It is if it's only going to piss Sebastian off and make Brooke uncomfortable." I set my beer down then looked all my friends in the eye. "I never thought I'd get a second shot at having a woman in my life again, and I don't want to mess it up. I can't lose her." I sliced my hand through the air. "If there's any chance that my kids aren't ready for me to bring her home, then I'm not gonna do it, because Brooke is going to be in my life forever. I need everybody on the same page."

Dylan raised his glass as Liam slapped my back, muttering a quiet, "Good for you."

Nate smiled. "I love when you go all Papa Bear."

"'Cause you love that Dad energy."

He flicked his hand in front of his face as if something smelled bad. "You're gonna curse me talking like that."

Liam folded his arms over his chest. "When are you settling down? Haven't heard anything from you lately."

"Not much to tell." Nate opened his arms. "Ruling my kingdom."

"More like the court jester," Dylan shot, and Nate shoved his shoulder.

I searched my brain for the last time he'd mentioned anything about a girl. "Weren't you hanging out with a Russian chick?"

"Czech, and she had to go back home. "

Dylan snapped his fingers. "You hooked up with that girl on your birthday."

He brushed that off. "One-night stand. Barely remember her."

With a glance to the dark-haired bartender, I told Nate, "I feel like you're looking in all the wrong places."

"I'm not looking at all," he said and flipped his cell phone out of his pocket, looking at Liam. "Where's your brother working now?"

"Which one?"

"Whichever one is the chef."

"Collin. Who the hell knows with that guy? You two would get along great."

Nate wagged his cell. "You think he'd mind me contacting him about possibly working together?"

Liam shrugged and pulled out his cell phone, texting Nate his brother's contact. "What are you planning?"

Nate explained his possible plans for a wine bar and bistro, but my palm itched with the desire to take out my cell phone to call Brooke. I loved hanging out with my buddies, but I loved hearing my girl's voice even more.

As soon as I closed my car door at the end of the night, I called her, but she didn't answer. Probably already asleep. I left her a voice mail. "I'm just calling to say goodnight and I love you. I hate not being able to see you, but you giving me this time to get everything sorted with the kids proves that you were meant for me. You're it for me, Brooke Fraser, and when the time is right, I'd like to make it permanent. So, thank you for allowing me to figure it out now, so that we can be happy later. We will be happy later. I promise you that."