16. Brooke

SIXTEEN

brOOKE

I knocked on Jude's front door at quarter to six, refusing to let myself fall into a pit of despair and jealousy. Yesterday, when he'd told me he'd arranged a date for tonight, it felt like my stomach plummeted out of my body.

Once again, he was headed out on a date. Charming and funny and kind Jude found yet another willing woman, while I couldn't even find a guy who was interested in me past a few conversations. Not that I'd been trying very hard. Not since my disaster of a date weeks ago and what happened after with Jude on the couch of my farmhouse.

So, yeah, I was a jealous shrew.

Jealous that he matched up a storm of women, while I had not had the same luck.

Not to mention, I was jealous of whoever this woman was, who so easily made Jude forget about what happened between us. Not once or twice, but three times!

Sex was a big deal for me, and I knew Jude planned on sowing his wild oats or whatever, but it had never occurred to me to go back to the app to find a match. That he would go back to the app .

So maybe, for a minute or two, I'd become disoriented by my delusion, believing what had happened between us meant something more for him too, but…

I slapped on a smile and volunteered myself to babysit. Because I was a mature adult and Jude's friend. And I could be happy for him.

"I get it! I get it!" Amelia shouted a moment before she swung the door wide open. "Hi!"

"Hey, girlfriend." I rubbed her back when she threw herself around my leg, hugging me tight, along with Small Unicorn. "Daddy said you're gonna stay with us tonight!"

"I am. You happy?"

She nodded, practically vibrating.

"Me too."

"Will you play Go Fish?"

I bent down to her level, telling her seriously, "I would love to play Go Fish with you."

"Yes!" She took off, sliding on the wood floor with her socks on. "I'mma get them!"

I closed the door behind me, poking my head around the wall to the dining room, finding it cluttered with backpacks, toys, papers, and shoes. Walking into the kitchen, I spotted Sebastian over the pass-through, lounged out on the couch in the living room as Amelia tossed pillows around, on the hunt for her Go Fish cards.

"Hey, Seb."

He briefly turned to me and waved before going back to his handheld gaming system.

"Found it!" Amelia raced toward me, smacking into my legs. "See? See? It's-it's-it's fish. All different fish! What's your favorite fish?"

"Hm. I don't know. No one has ever asked me before."

"Swordfish? Starfish? Seahorse?" she guessed rapid-fire.

"Yeah, maybe seahorse. What's?—"

"Hey. "

I spun around as Jude entered the kitchen, tugging at the collar of his short-sleeved black button-down. With his hair slicked back, his beard trimmed, and his sun-kissed tan, he looked… Well, he looked hot.

He held his arms out for my inspection and, as if to rub it in, asked, "What do you think?"

I deliberately dragged my gaze over his body. From the two buttons open at the top of his shirt, to the black shorts that fit his thighs perfectly, down to the dark-gray canvas shoes, and then back up. I gave him a thumbs-up.

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he squinted, like he didn't believe me.

I brushed my hand across the front of his shirt. "Fits you really well."

"Thank you." He tugged at his collar again then bent to pick up Amelia. He kissed her temple. "Be good for Brooke, okay?" He kept her in his arms, and the way he held her would've melted my ovaries if I'd had any. Crossing to the living room, he laid a hand on Seb's head. "I don't want you on this all night. Only a few more minutes, okay?"

He frowned. "Where're you going?"

"A meeting," Jude said without missing a beat.

"A meeting?" Obviously unconvinced, Seb tossed his game on the couch. "For work?"

I noticed Jude's shoulders tense and knew he wouldn't want to continue to lie to his son, so I butted in. "Hey, I was thinking about ordering pizza for dinner. That all right?"

Jude and his kids looked over at me. Seb and Amelia both agreed, while Jude reached into his pocket for his wallet as he headed back my way. He placed a credit card on the counter in front of me then set Amelia down too. "Get whatever you want," he told me then smiled down at Amelia. "But no soda past six o'clock for you."

She widened her eyes in my direction as she flipped Small Unicorn in the air, kicking her feet. "Sugar makes me crazy. "

I popped my hand on my hip, brows raised in Jude's direction. "Wonder where she gets the sugar demand from?"

He glanced over both of his shoulders, searching for the culprit, before grinning back at me. "I shouldn't be too late."

I followed him to the door. "Any last-minute instructions?"

"Besides the sugar for her, no. He might give you a hard time about putting his Switch away, but other than that, give me a ring if you need anything."

"I won't."

He stepped out onto the stoop, holding the door open between us. "I appreciate you coming over."

I waved him off. "Have fun."

He nodded but didn't move. Merely stood there, staring at me.

"What?"

"You got sunburned a little bit." He touched the bridge of my nose. "Right here."

"You have no shade in your backyard," I said defensively since I always wore SPF. Didn't want to trade one type of cancer for another.

"I have an umbrella."

" An umbrella," I repeated. "Could use a gazebo or something out there."

He nodded, his eyes far off, considering. "Next house, I'll get you a gazebo."

I huffed. Who would he be with when he got this next house? Who would I be with?

"All right. Get going." I shoved him away. "Have fun."

"See you in a few hours."

I waited until he was seated in his car to head back inside his house, greeted by Amelia splayed out in front of the door, cards divided into two piles. "I counted your cards. We each have six. See? See? One, two, three, four, five, six," she tallied, showing me her Go Fish cards. "I go first. Do you have a crab?"

"Hold on." I gathered up the cards. "How 'bout we move this party to a table?"

She followed me to the dining room table, where I cleared off space for us to play. "Do you have a crab?"

"No."

"You hafta say ‘No. Go fish!'"

I stifled a laugh at her serious reprimand. "No. Go fish."

After inadvertently showing me all of her cards as she picked a new one, I tried a card I knew she didn't have, earning a giggle. "No! Go Fish!"

I let her beat me quite soundly and stood to pop my head into the living room. "Seb, you want to come play Go Fish with us?"

He shook his head, eyes down on his controller.

"Okay. Well, how about in another fifteen minutes, we order pizza?"

"Yeah. Whatever."

Amelia and I finished another two games while she told me about something funny Scarlett, Dylan's daughter, had told her and how she wanted Santa to bring her a yo-yo for Christmas. I ordered pizza from a local place, and since Jude had left his card to use, I added some garlic knots and little mini cannoli for dessert.

"You got a few months to wait until Christmastime," I told her as we settled on the couch in the living room, admiring the blown-up picture of Jude, Mira, and the kids after her last race. I tried to imagine being in Jude's place, lifting the weight of his own grief along with the weight of his children's. It was exhausting.

But he was doing well, and I couldn't have been more proud, especially in following through with his desire to put himself out there. It took bravery. I knew because I was doing it too. Or, attempting it .

Once again, I pushed away the creeping jealousy in my veins as I thought about him with some woman, making her laugh, curling his warm hands around her waist, kissing her in the same way he kissed me, like spun sugar and pure sin. Giving me everything I could ask for, fulfilling every fantasy, and somehow still holding on tightly to what we were at the core: friends.

I couldn't stand it. Picturing him with someone else. So I tapped Seb's shoulder. "Why don't you pick a movie? Whatever you like."

His eyes lit up. "Even rated R?"

"I wouldn't go that far, my guy."

He sniffed a laugh and traded his game for the remote control, flipping through their streaming services.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Amelia danced around. "H-h-how 'bout Ratatouille ?" She turned to me, her face so close to mine her eyes became one. "It's a rat cooking, and he-he is so funny. Pulls on the guy's hair and, like…" She acted out some scene from the movie, and I nodded to her brother.

"What do you say? Ratatouille ?"

Amelia threw herself at him, hands folded. "Please, brother!"

He heaved a sigh, though he couldn't hide his smile. "Fine."

He put the movie on—it was actually quite cute—and we all ate our pizza in the living room with promises that they wouldn't tell their dad, then laughed together as Amelia reenacted her favorite parts. I worried Seb would give me a hard time, but the three of us had fun. I may have paid him off with a gigantic ice cream sundae, but still, a ten-year-old boy calling me "awesome" was awesome .

Bedtime was pretty easy, both of them self-sufficient enough to take a bath or shower by themselves, changing into pajamas and brushing their teeth. All these two needed was a bit of prodding and a few minutes on my cell phone, one of them on either side of me as I flipped through an Instagram account that featured videos of farm animals doing cute things, like baby goats hopping around or a cow lying on top of her favorite human to cuddle.

"That was the last one," I said, shutting off my phone.

"One more?" Amelia pleaded, big eyes blinking up at me.

It was already past 9:30, and I assumed Jude would be coming home soon. I couldn't be the babysitter who let the kids rule the roost.

"Next time," I told her. "You want me to tuck you in?"

She nodded, but when I asked the same of Seb, he said he was fine and walked to his bedroom. "I'll be right here," I told him, and he offered me a tight-lipped smile.

Couldn't lie. My heart did flip once or twice when he closed his door with a quiet, "Night, Brooke."

My heart flopped for the third time when I bent over Amelia in her purple bed, her arms reaching out to me. "Hug."

I happily obliged, cuddling her tiny frame to me, kissing the side of her head. "Goodnight, sweet girl."

She yawned against my ear. "Night night. I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered, giving in to my need for another embrace. When I let her go, she immediately rolled to her side, snuggling three of her unicorns under her arm.

I quietly cleaned up the kitchen for a bit, but it wasn't long before I heard the lock on the front door unlatch. A few moments later, Jude sidled up next to me at the sink. "Hey. How was your night? How were the kids?"

"Perfect angel babies." I opened the dishwasher to load it, giving me an out so I didn't have to meet his gaze. "How'd the date go?"

"Good. Fun. She's…"

I finished lining the dirty dishes on the bottom rack and stood up straight, raising my brows in his direction at his incomplete thought .

"She's more my speed."

I slanted my attention to a dish towel, nodding absently, trying to be adult about this. Remembering to relax my jaw.

"Hey. You all right?"

I cleared my throat. "Yeah. Fine."

"You seem it," he said, finely threaded amusement lacing his words.

I felt him move closer to me, the heat of him against my side, and I tried to be adult about that too. About how his familiarity meant nothing. We were friends and helped each other work through some intense and intimate things and…

And that was it.

I bent, closing the dishwasher door with more force than necessary. Smashing my thumb in the process.

"Oh shit," I hissed, backing up, right into Jude's chest. I waved my right hand in the air. "Fuck."

"What?" He spun me around. "What happened?"

I curled my fingers around my thumb, shoving it between my legs, as if hiding it would take away the pain. "Jammed my thumb in the door."

He tugged on my arm, urging me to release my tightly gripped fist. "Let me see." He uncurled my fingers, his breath hot on my hand as he held it close to his face, examining it, gently flipping it over. "It's not bleeding, but you pinched it good. You've already got some bruising under your fingernail."

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling my heartbeat in it. "It's throbbing."

"You want some ice?"

"No, it's okay. I?—"

Then his mouth was on my thumb, kissing it, his lips pressing into the skin on the inside, below my knuckle, once, twice, three times. I opened my lids to find him staring at me, his dark eyes hooded, nostrils flared.

"Better?" he murmured against my knuckle .

I nodded silently, the fire in his gaze burning away my ability to speak.

"How about this?" He dragged his tongue over my knuckle, and I felt the echo of it between my legs, my mind instantly back to the day he'd pushed me to the ground and licked me until I screamed out to the sky. And I didn't feel the painful throb in the tip of my thumb anymore, not when he drew it into his mouth, gentle suction eliciting a groan from the back of my throat.

He responded in kind, closing the few inches of space between us, backing me up against the counter, his thigh between mine. He sucked again, and my nipples hardened under my bra, hips rolling to find some kind of relief for the growing pressure in my core.

I whispered his name, and he released my thumb, only to take my mouth, his fingers roughly combing into my hair, stealing my breath right from my lungs. I curled my fingers into his shirt, holding on to him for dear life, mindlessly grinding against his thigh, unable to get what I needed.

"You showed up tonight in these little shorts and smelling sweet, like lavender and honey." His pebbled voice caressed my skin, leaving goose bumps in its wake. "It was hard for me to leave." His words curled in my belly, soothing the wretched, jealous parts of me.

"It was hard for me too," I admitted as he molded his palms to my face, his thumbs brushing over my cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

I held on to his forearms, leaning into him. "You don't need to apologize."

His eyes wrinkled in the corners, tension bracketing his features, but I cut off his argument with another kiss. This time, I led, sweeping my tongue into his mouth, licking against his, and it occurred to me, as he trapped my bottom lip between his, pulling slightly, that this was the first time we weren't high or playing a game .

This kiss was real.

Sober and sincere, shucked of all pretenses.

He nudged his thigh farther between mine, skimming his hands down to my waist, and I arched my back, my breasts against his chest, my skin tingling.

I panted, mouth open against his, catching my breath. "I need…"

"What? What do you need?"

"I—"

"Dad?"

We tore away from each other at the sound of Sebastian's voice. I pivoted to the sink, slapping my hand to my chest, hoping to calm my racing heart, as Jude adjusted himself a second before his son crept through the doorway of the kitchen.

"Hey, buddy," Jude said, his voice not quite steady. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I heard…"

I chanced a glance over my shoulder to find Seb's eyes pinging between me and his dad.

Jude draped his arm around his son's shoulder, directing him away. "Sorry. Were we talking too loud?"

Sebastian mumbled something I couldn't make out, and when Jude tossed me a look, I nodded in understanding. I'd have to let myself out.

Once I heard the click of the bedroom door, I bent over the counter, shaking my head, laughing quietly.

Amazing how quickly kids could put out a fire.

I found my purse and made my way to the front door, pausing briefly to see if I could hear anything from Sebastian's room, and when I didn't, I sent a text to Jude, informing him that I'd put the leftover pizza in the fridge.

I received a reply about an hour later.

Jude

Thanks for tonight.

My first instinct was to respond Anytime! But I refrained because I didn't want to offer my babysitting services anytime. Not if it meant he would be going out with someone else.

No. No, thank you.