CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Maven

The moment I open the door, something feels wrong, but I don't see panic in Renn's eyes, rather a mix of concern and worry. And his message, though cryptic, didn't suggest there was anything to be worried about.

"We have another visitor . . ." he starts to say, and my mouth falls open, fear freezing my limbs until he adds, "It's okay, we're safe."

My heart calms slightly, but I'm still worried because Renn also doesn't seem overly happy about whoever this visitor may be. "So, what's wrong then?" I ask, glancing around the cabin as if I can find something out of the ordinary. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but it all seems normal, nothing out of place.

"I have good news and bad news."

I walk forward to meet him where he stands. "What is it?" I ask, barely above a whisper.

He looks down at me, his eyes sad, so I reach up and cup his cheek. He turns his head so his lips press against my palm, then grabs my other hand, pulling me into him. I wrap my arms around him and he holds me tight, resting his chin on my head. I always thought this gesture was meant to comfort me, but I realize it's just as comforting to him. We mold into one another perfectly every time.

"Tell me the good news first," I say, pressing my ear against his chest, finding the thumping of his heart steady even though he's clearly troubled.

"Well, there's really no other way to say this." The hum as he speaks reverberates in his chest. "Nate is here."

I pull away from his embrace and shake my head, bewildered. I thought Nate was dead.

As if he reads my thoughts, he continues, "He's alive and has been looking for me."

Just when I thought I had a grasp on all this, something else reveals itself.

"Nate's alive." It is not a question, more of a confirmation. He smiles warmly in response. "That's amazing! Where is he now?" I ask, looking around.

"He took Shy for a walk. I asked him to give me a moment to explain everything to you." I see the grievance flash in his green eyes, and it turns my stomach in knots, suddenly remembering that there is more.

"So, what's the bad news?" My voice is not as steady as I hoped. He gulps nervously.

"I'm already breaking my promise to you." My heart sinks in my chest, and the knots in my stomach become tighter. "Nate isn't here just by chance." I stare at him, unblinking, my heart beat becoming louder in my ears as he speaks slowly, "I have to go back with him." I say nothing, nor do I move. "I have to go back to Earth."

If my heart was erratic seconds ago, it might as well have stopped beating now, because all I can think of is the star atlas that he showed me earlier.

Was that only this morning?

All I can picture is the distance that he will have to travel, the literal miles upon miles of dark space that will be between us . . . I can't fathom it.

"Why?" I ask, my voice wavering.

He inhales deeply, his chest rising and falling in deep breaths. "I have to finish what I started," he says, looking back at me. "The association's council, they've been handling everything while I've been away, and now they want me to come back to give an official account of my side of the story." He pauses, shaking his head with annoyance. "And give me recognition for my good works." He scoffs at that last part.

If there's one thing I know about Renn, it's that he doesn't feel pride in what he did. Yes, he saved lives, but also lost many. People who were his family, so to speak. I'm starting to realize that a great deal of people see him for who he truly is, who he's always been, a man of honor with a brave, kind, and loyal heart. Of course he would want to make things right.

"That's not all," he says.

I step back a little. "There's more?" I ask softly, my voice unsteady as I try to process everything.

I watch his throat bob before he speaks again. "I've seen terrible things, Mave. Horrific acts that people like Locke did to humans on other planets, and maybe I'm being overly protective of you, but I won't risk anyone from my planet finding this place, finding you, so . . ." He turns away from me, rubbing his hands over his face before he goes on. "We can't have contact while I'm gone." His voice shakes, and I can't help the quiet but heavy gasp that escapes me. A couple of tears escape from my eyes. For a moment I think I might fall to my knees, but as I stand here, looking at Renn like this, seeing the pain that he has endured for so long, I know he's right. He needs to close this part of his life completely before moving on. I trust him to make the right call, even if it's killing me. So right now, I need to be brave for him, be strong for him, because he deserves that and more. I step around to stand in front of him and pull his hands away from his face.

"It's okay, Renn." He looks down at me, biting his lip, a painful look in his eyes. I rub his still bruised and battered knuckles. "Alright, it's not okay, but I understand why you need to do this." We stand for a moment just staring at each other.

"God. I don't deserve you," he finally says, then lifts my chin so he can kiss me slow and soft, a thank you searing into my lips. My body instantly feels molten inside. But then another terrifying realization comes to mind.

"We still have time right? Before you have to go?" I ask against his lips.

He doesn't respond. Instead, he kisses me harder, digging his fingers into my hair. I don't notice that he's guiding me to the couch until he pulls me down to straddle him as he sits. His mouth never leaves mine. I pull back, gasping for air, and place a finger against his lips.

"When?"

His chest rises and falls in a quick rhythm, clearly as breathless as I am. I slowly pull my finger away.

"Tomorrow," he says softly as his green eyes shine with tears.

The reality hits me like I'm falling off a cliff. We are, in an instant, on borrowed time. What we have is over before it has truly begun. I can't form words, so instead, I crush my lips back into his, and he kisses just as fiercely back.

His lips travel to my neck as he starts to undo the buttons of my flannel shirt. Once they are free, he shifts me to lie on my back. Our space is limited on the couch, but we don't seem to care. He holds himself above me for a moment, then drops his head down to plant a trail of kisses against my stomach. I run my fingers through his hair, gripping it slightly, urging him to keep going. He moves up my body, and once at my breast, he bites softly through the fabric of my bra. I can't help but buck my hips to push against him, and a deep moan comes from the back of his throat.

I can sense a sort of panic in him, which scares me, but right now, I don't want to care. It's frantic but intoxicating—this need for each other as we try to push away everything that is trying to pull us apart. I wish we could stay in this moment forever and pretend that we are just a normal couple with no worries of other worlds, or pasts riddled with death. But as I look down at Renn's face between my breasts, his tongue coaxing sounds out of me that make him smile against my skin, I don't care about anything, past or future. He is here right now, and that is all that matters.

"I don't want to break my promise to you," he says, looking up at me under his lashes. I tug his shirt, urging him to move until he's right above me.

"You're not," I say. He scans my face, waiting for me to go on. "You have to know that distance would never change that fact that you are mine, right?" I ask. His throat works with emotion, and I reach up to rub my thumb over the hollow of his throat. "Tell me you know that, Renn," I whisper. A single tear drops from his eyes

"I know, and a million miles between us could never change that, because you're mine too," he says, then rests his forehead against mine. I see the resolve on his face, but the worry still lingers in his eyes just as it does mine. It stings a little that he even thought he could disappoint me, especially when it is out of his control.

Just as he's about to press his lips to mine again, Shy's happy barking rings from somewhere outside.

"I'm guessing that's Nate with Shy," I say.

Renn grunts playfully in frustration, pulling himself off of me, then helping me to my feet. He looks down at my open shirt and bites his lip, trying not to smile too big.

Shy barks happily again, closer this time.

"So, are you ready to meet my best friend?"

I glance toward the windows, noticing how strange the sentence sounds.

"Absolutely. Just let me freshen up, and I will be right out." I head toward the bathroom, fumbling with the buttons on my shirt, but he grabs my waist, spinning me back to face him.

"We're finishing this later." His voice is deep and wanting. I press up onto my tiptoes, acting like I'm about to kiss him, but hover just out of reach.

"I hope so," I say, teasing, and pull away, heading back to the bathroom. He squints his eyes at me as if to say not fair.

I start to shut the door.

"Maven." The deep tenor of his voice that feels like a spell makes me stop instantly. "I love you."

My heart jumps in my chest. I will never get tired of hearing that from his lips.

"I love you, too."

His gaze travels up and down my body for a second or two, and my cheeks blush instantly—every time.

"I know," he says, winking in a roguish manner. I shake my head, but not without smiling widely.

I close the door, then splash some cold water on my face, smoothing my hair behind my ears. I watch my reflection for a beat or two, a million thoughts running through my mind, trying to let them all catch up so I can make sense of something.

I am about to meet Renn's best friend, who he thought was dead.

They're both from a planet called Earth.

Their crew members were murdered because of what they uncovered.

And on top of all that, I am wildly in love with Renn.

And he loves me back.

"Did I miss anything?" I say to myself. I watch the shock shift into sadness, spreading across my features. I trace my fingers down my throat and chest where Renn's mouth was just moments before. Just thinking about it makes me blush. Then I see tears forming in my eyes, because soon, the sound of his voice, his touch, all of him will be out of reach, and I have no idea how long he will be gone, or if he will come back at all. I wipe away the tears, then take a deep breath. There's still so much to say and do before Renn leaves tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

He's leaving tomorrow, and I'm not sure I can imagine my heart aching more than it does right now.