CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Renn

"Nate?" I lower the gun slowly, not believing who is standing in front of me. He stares back at me, eyes wide and brown like a deer, his mouth slightly gaping.

"Holy shit. It really is you." He says.

Before we can say anything else, we grab onto each other, gripping one another in a tight hug. I pull away, studying his face, feeling the tears stinging my eyes, and find the same tears in his eyes looking back at me. I take in his long hair and the short stubble on his face. He looks different, but it's him. It's Nate.

"How in the hell are you here right now?" I ask, my voice staggering. Nate looks at me with absolute disbelief, and I know I am wearing the same expression.

"I picked up on your signal about six weeks ago, but I wasn't the only one who did."

"Locke," I say flatly, and Nate's eyes go wide.

"He was here?"

I nod in response.

"What happened?"

"He's dead."

Nate's eyes go wide again, but he calmly says, "You killed him."

I nod again. His expression is a mix of shock and awe. "He got here the day before yesterday. He attacked me and a . . . friend."

Nate shakes his head, struggling to find words. "Are you okay?" He looks at the cuts on my eyebrow and cheek.

"I looked much worse yesterday."

"Who is this friend?" he asks quickly, the words muffled together slightly.

I take a deep breath. "She got hurt, but she's okay."

"She?" Nate's eyebrows go so high, I can't help but smile a little bit.

"Yes."

"Does she know?" And I know what he's implying.

"Yes."

He blinks rapidly. "Okay, hold on. Back up. I need to know everything," he says, putting up a hand. The phrase reminds me of how Tasha talks to Maven.

"Same goes for you," I say, laughing, pushing his shoulder to test to see if this is real or a dream. Nate snickers, shaking his head with the same disbelief on his face.

"Is this really happening? Are you really here right now?" he says, grabbing on to my shoulders. I smile wide, and it's all a bit much to put words together. "Renn. You're alive." He says it as if he needs to hear it aloud to believe it.

"I'm alive," I say, smiling. "And so are you. How?"

He smiles back. "How are you alive? That's the bigger question. You've been MIA for six years." He steps back a little, scanning me as I do him. He looks older, but well. Age has only enhanced his good looks, which I'm sure he already knows, so I don't feed his ego even now. I must look different to him too. "I like the lumberjack hipster look. Reminds me of when it was back in style like twenty years ago on Earth," he says through a laugh.

I shake my head, blowing my lips. "Hey, don't give me shit about my clothes. I actually really like them," I say, looking down at myself.

"I was kidding. I like it too. It suits you," he says, looking me over again.

"I could say the same for you," I say, looking him over again. He really is standing in front of me right now.

"What can I say? For the first time in, what? Forever? I get to grow my hair out and wear whatever I want. Well, for the most part. I am still technically in the SEA"

"You are?" I ask, feeling the smile fade from my face.

"It's complicated, but let's start with the basics first." I make note of how quickly he wants to change the subject. That can't be good.

"How long have you been here?" he says, motioning his hands around us.

"Five years."

Nate's eyes go wide again. "Five years? What exactly have you been doing for the last five years?"

"Let's go inside and I'll explain everything." I whistle for Shy, and she comes bounding down to us. She warmly greets Nate like she's known him all her life.

When I open the door to the cabin, Nate gazes around. "This is yours?"

"It is," I say as I gesture for him to sit at the table.

"I like it," he says, rubbing Shy's ears as she sits besides him.

"So let's just get to it," I say.

"Okay then. Here we go. What exactly happened after . . . that day?" he asks, a little hesitant.

"I did as you said. I ran. Spent a year floating aimlessly in space," I say, looking out the window. "Was on the brink of death, then I came to this place. I've been on Aetherium for five years. I've been living here in Solitude Ridge for four."

"Aetherium?"

I nod.

Nate furrows his brow. "How did you do it? How are you still doing it? No one suspects anything?" I scoff lightly at all the questions flying from his mouth, but I don't blame him. "Sorry," he says with a bashful grin. "It just seems like you fit in here. I kind of expected you to be living as a hermit, or worse."

"You can tell just from this?" I say jokingly, motioning to myself and the cabin.

"I'm being serious. You look settled somehow," he says in earnest. It hits me in a way I wasn't expecting.

"What about you?" I ask.

"Oh, I haven't been lying low by any means," he says, chuckling.

I know he doesn't intend for the comment to hurt me, but I'm riddled with guilt.

Yeah, I've been living a good life here, happy and content while God knows what has been happening all this time out there.

And then it slips out, the one thing I've longed to convey to him over all these years. "I'm so sorry, Nate. For everything."

Nate cocks his head to the side, his expression puzzled and sad.

"What are you talking about, Renn?"

Is he really going to make me say it out loud? Spell it out for him with each piece of my broken soul? I guess he is, because he looks at me completely seriously, and he deserves to hear it. I at least owe him that.

I rest my elbows on top of the table, pressing my palms into my eyes. It's almost too painful to say it out loud, but I find the strength to do it because it's Nate.

"For destroying our lives. For the crew. They're dead because of me. Then let's not forget the planets I handed over willingly."

Nate looks down at his hands for a moment smiling sadly. "You would make yourself the villain, wouldn't you?" His joking tone makes me angrier than I want it to.

"What else would you call me when I sacrificed everything—everyone—for what I believed?" I try to keep my voice steady, but even after all this time apart, Nate doesn"t hesitate to say exactly what he thinks.

"A hero."

I stand abruptly, turning my back to him. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" I say, blowing out air.

"First of all, everyone thinks you're dead. Second, you weren't the only one who was deceived, Renn, but you were the only one willing to do something about it. That's why I came to you once I knew the truth. I was too terrified to know what to do, but not you. You took action." I turn to face him, my hands balled up into fists at my side. "And in case you forgot, the crew stood by you until the very end." This time, I don't take a second or two to check myself before my anger gets the best of me.

"Did you think I could forget? I see it every time I close my eyes. I relive it every fucking night!"

Nate remains stoic sitting at the table, acting as if I'm not directing my frustration at him. I take a couple of deep breaths. I'm not angry with Nate, I'm angry with myself because I know he's right.

"I understand. I do, trust me. What I'm trying to say is that you were already admired and respected before any of this happened. They followed you knowing the possibilities, and there is no doubt in my mind that they all would have done it again if they had the choice."

His words sink into me, settling into the parts of me that have been hurting all these years, my shame for what I did, but for some reason, hearing Maven, and now Nate, saying these things makes my mind accept them . . . finally. Nate sees the realization in my eyes as he smiles sadly at me.

"That's why you're the captain. I'm glad I was able to remind you."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, my emotions running too high. I take a deep breath, slightly embarrassed at the stuttering sound I make as I exhale. All this time, I had been so terrified of what Nate thought of me.

I swallow. "You want to know something? I think I've been waiting all these years to hear you say that. First her, now you. How pathetic am I to resort to being this broken?"

Nate perks up a little in his seat. "Not pathetic. Human. It makes you human, Renn."

That hits a chord in me, resonating all the way to my bones.

"Speaking of her, are you actually going to tell me who she is?" He gives me an undignified look. I already know where his mind is going, so I flip him off, and he barks out a laugh. "Same Renn it seems. So very protective of his love life."

He's dodging the obvious subject again, and it's not like I don't want to tell him about Maven. I will as soon as I get some answers. The first of them being how we are even having this conversation right now. How did he survive? And what is the state of the SEA?

"Nate, I need to know what's been happening out there," I say, completely serious.

He blows out a breath. "I'm not gonna lie, it wasn't pretty, but everything is back to normal for the most part. Everyone involved was arrested, most of them killed. Unfortunately, Locke slipped through our fingers more than once. That's why I was trailing him."

And even though what he says is good news, the way his voice carries makes me nervous. He gives me a pained look, and I hold my breath for what he's about to say.

"Do you still have the drive? It still has the data?" he asks.

"Yes, and yes."

His shoulders sag a bit relieved, and he clears his throat. "Renn. I need you to come back with me."

I start to shake my head because I know where this is going.

"I need you to come back with me to headquarters on Earth."

Pure panic rises in my chest. I try to speak, but I can't form words. Nate gives me a moment, clearly seeing my distress.

"I can't," I say quietly.

"You have to make things right," he says, his tone sad.

I shake my head fervently. "No."

"But you're still technically captain. You aren't pardoned officially, and people need to hear what happened from your own voice. It carries more weight than others. And I'm not talking about a recorded hologram—they need to see you in person. Renn, you're not just some guy. You're Captain Aldrenn Anton,"

"Was Captain Anton, Nate. Was. I think it's safe to say that I'm no longer him, not in the slightest," I say darkly, so much so that Nate actually looks uneasy, like I'm a foreign being that he doesn't recognize anymore. I give him credit as he stares me down, not willing to balk.

"You know you will always be the captain, Renn."

It's so much worse than I ever could have imagined, facing the demons of my past. I've never been afraid to do hard things, but this—this is beyond hard. It's unfathomable.

"I won't do it. I won't leave. I can't leave . . . her." I can't even say her name. It's too painful, like my heart is being ripped from me. Nate is quiet for several seconds.

"What's her name?" he asks, and I know he's not asking to be a smartass this time.

"Maven." I say her name like a confession. "Her name is Maven." Nate blinks a couple of times in thought.

"Maven." He ponders it for a moment. "I like it." Then the realization comes across his face just from me saying her name. It was all he needed to know.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" His tone is solemn. I turn to face the window, closing my eyes, thinking it will help me say what I need to say out loud.

"I love her more than anything," I whisper. I open my eyes to stare out into the forest. I don't turn to face him, but I hear the chair scrape against the floor, and then he places a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Renn."

And that's all he says, because we both know what I have to do. After all that has happened between Maven and me—our friendship, our love—to be ripped away so quickly, it's the final piece of my heart that wasn't completely destroyed . . . that last bit of my heart that was waiting for her to come into my life only to be lost too soon.

"I just found her," I whisper.

I thought I'd only said it in my mind until Nate says, "I wish there was another way."

I don't know what's worse: that it's only taken mere months to meet and fall in love with Maven, or that we met, only to have our time together cut short. My heart beats faster at the thought of never meeting her, but what's worse? I fell in love with her . . . made love to her only to say goodbye?

Nate stands by me patiently, waiting for me to work through my thoughts.

"You need to finish what you started," he says calmly.

Even after all these years, Nate knows what I need to hear to make me realize what I already know, what I have to do. Even if it's going to kill me to do it, I will do it. For the simple fact that I owe it to my crew. This has to be done right.

"I know," I say softly.

Nate removes his hand from my shoulder, and I run a hand over my face, taking deep breaths.

"So how long do you estimate it will take us to get back to Earth?" I ask.

Nate grimaces before he responds. "If my calculations are correct . . . six months." I swear under my breath. "My ship is small and fast, but we are far, far away, which is why it took so long for anyone to first pick up on your beacon and then get here," he adds.

I bury my face in my hands, trying to calculate the amount of time I could potentially be away, but there's no way of knowing how long I'll need to be on Earth on top of the journey back.

Nate gives me space to process it all, and then finally, I turn to him.

"Tell me everything," I say, and so he does.

Nate didn't pause for a second as he told me about every moment since the day I had last seen him. We probably sat there for an hour at least. Nate was able to escape by programming the admiral's ship to self-destruct, and by some miracle, no one found him. He gave the crew time to escape, but the chaos was enough of a distraction that no one noticed him jump into an escape shuttle alone. From there, he had to navigate back to Earth but take the "long way" to avoid running to anyone from the admiral's crew, and when he got back to headquarters, he went straight to the highest ranking official he trusted, and then the fire was lit.

The gist of it was that Grey, Locke, and a handful of other higher-ranked officials were in the process of staging a coup to take over the SEA, with the end goal being that they would take over the galaxy.

"Very Galactic Empire, right?" he said at one point.

"Are you seriously referring to Star Wars right now?" I asked, unamused, and he just laughed. I didn't need to mention that the movie was almost three hundred years old but, for some strange reason, still beloved by many on Earth.

I found out that the Locke Family, no surprise, were paying off individuals to "quietly" take control of planets with viable resources and little force available to stop them. Then, with the added expertise of members of the SEA, they formed an underground Galactic Conquest. Their knowledge and diplomatic influence helped them gain access to planets all over the galaxy. Add in ground forces, weapons, strategic planning, and a hell of a lot of nerve. They had the moving parts in motion, but fell apart the second Nate found those files.

Admiral Grey wasn't the only higher up officer involved, and after lengthy trials, those who were involved were brought to justice, and the imprisoned planets were set free and promised a lot of resources and assistance to rebuild—all to be provided by the association. Some of those involved, like Locke, attempted to escape, so Nate was tasked with tracking them down.

Nate kept speaking as if it was a happy ending for everyone, and I hate that he kept saying things like "because of you" and "thanks to you, this terrible thing wasn't as bad as it could have been." It didn't matter how many times he said it, I still felt that heavy guilt in me. My crew paid the price for the choice I had made.

"They'll want you to make an official statement of the events and"—he purses his lips, hesitating to go on—"to honor you with an award."

"And by they, you mean The Council," I say.

"Yes. They want everything straight for the records. You know how the SEA is. They like order."

I run a hand through my hair, scoffing. "That sounds terrible, Nate. No way am I accepting an award. If anything, they should be discharging me with no honors."

Nate shakes his head, blowing a raspberry. "Oh, please."

"Don't they already have enough evidence from my recording and your statement, plus all the records you took? Isn't that enough?"

"Like I said, not when they can confirm it all from the one and only Aldrenn Anton."

I shake my head, unimpressed. "Please stop saying things like that."

"It's the truth, and if you don't come back with me now, someone else will make you come back. It's protocol. You know that," he says in a harsh tone.

He isn't wrong; we both know the code well. I'm technically still under the oath of allegiance I swore.

I lean back in my chair, crossing my arms in front of me.

Nate studies me suspiciously. "I see those wheels turning in your head. What are you planning?"

"If I do this, I want negotiations to pardon me from my rank as a captain and from the association altogether." Nate leans forward slightly, listening intently. "And a promise to leave Aetherium alone . . . forever"

Nate blows out a breath and whistles for exaggeration. "That is quite the ask, my friend, but once they know you're alive, honestly, I think they'll give you anything you want." I give him a narrowed look. "Okay, they probably will. For you, I would almost say that they would grant you total leniency."

I don't like any of it, but if I have to do it, then I want to make it worth it for Maven and this planet. My presence here doesn't need to involve anyone else. I just need the council to agree once I speak with them and get everything over with officially.

"Look, I'm glad to hear that this planet is in no immediate danger, but if there is a chance I can make this bargain for them, for her, then I'm going to do everything I can to make it so. I can't leave even the slightest risk that someone finds this place in case it ever happens again."

I can see the resolve in Nate's face as he says, "I believe you, and I'll help in any way I can."

I nod in thanks.

Nate stands, stretching his arms over his head. He glances around the room.

"Well the added bonus is that you can tell the council you already took care of Locke. Where is he, exactly?"

"About two miles that way," I say, pointing. "At least what I left of him."

Nate is thoroughly stunned, no doubt at my casualness about it. He flops onto the couch, rubbing his eyes. "This is freaking me out a little bit. Everything looks so . . . Earth-like but just slightly off."

I laugh, mostly because nothing feels off to me anymore. When I return to Earth, I wonder if it will feel foreign to me as Aetherium did. The thought causes my skin to crawl, knowing how far Earth is from here and that I will be walking on its surface once again soon.

"How did our lovely friend, Lieutenant Colin Locke, meet his untimely demise?"

I clear my throat and decide to get it all out as quickly as possible. "He kidnapped my dog and lured Maven into the forest." Nate notices my hands going into fits, my knuckles turning white. "He hurt her, almost killed her, but I got there just in time. He almost ended me. But I killed him, then I dragged him deep into the woods, doused him with termite, and it was done."

Nate stares at me for a beat or two. "Oh, is that all? Holy shit, Renn." He shakes his head in disbelief. "All I'll say is that I'm glad the bastard is dead. I don't know how he found your signal, but once he did, I was immediately alerted that someone else had tapped into it. He was already on our radar, and I guess it was a blessing in disguise because he led me to you. He must have been working on that for a long time to have tracked you down."

Perhaps it made me cold-blooded, but killing Colin had little effect on me besides feeling glad that he would never hurt anyone ever again, especially Maven.

"And look at you, a knight in shining armor. If she didn't love you before, she has to now, right?"

I roll my eyes. "It's not like that at all. She is far from a damsel in distress," I say. He smiles, looking pleased. I realize that she will most likely be making her way home soon. "So . . . do you want to meet her?"

Nate smiles wide and nods. "I'd love to."

I pull out my phone to text Maven, asking when she will be home. I tap send as Nate casually adds, "It's too bad I can't get to know her more, but I will take what I can if it means I get to meet the woman who won your heart," he says, swooning dramatically.

Instead of hearing of the sentiment, I only hear the underlying implication that this may be the only time he will get to speak with her.

"Nate, you never mentioned when you were planning on leaving to return to Earth." His face goes sad again, and I know there is more bad news to add to this already strange day.

"Did I not mention that part?"

I ignore the humorous tone to his voice, trying to make light of the situation.

"Nate," I say, urging him to get it out. He turns to me with nothing short of dread in his eyes. "When do we leave?" I ask.

I already know the answer before it leaves his lips.

"Tomorrow."