CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Maven

Imust look a bit deranged as I quickly throw items into a large bag. I have a moment of hesitation when I start up my car, glancing at the stuffed bag of my belongings next to me on the passenger seat. I can almost hear Tasha's voice in my head: "How long are you staying? A week?"

"Oh, shut up," I say out loud and then back out of the driveway. I'm cautious driving, probably overly so, because it takes me fifteen extra minutes to get to Renn's. Since I don't actually remember the crash from that rainy night many years ago, it doesn't give me anxiety as much as it makes me mindful when driving in these conditions.

I'm fairly familiar with Renn's place, but it's been many years since I've seen it in person. It's barely visible as the rain bounces off the windshield when I pull up the drive. As I move closer, I spot Renn on the side of the house, gathering firewood from a large pile sheltered from the rain. I pull the hood of my raincoat over my head, grab the bag, and brave the downpour.

When he turns to find me there, I call out to him. "Do you need any help?"

He jogs over quickly, meeting me at the porch steps. His dark green rain coat and hood cover most of him, but it still doesn't hide his broad shoulders and chest underneath.

"I got it," he says with a grin, glancing down at my bag. "So, a month then? I don't think your power will be out that long."

It takes me a second to realize what he means because I'm too busy drinking him in, but once I do, I hit him lightly on the arm. "Oh, stop! I'm just prepared, that's all. What if we get snowed in or something?"

Renn bites his lip almost nervously, and I think I spy a hint of blush on his cheeks again, which only makes me blush in return. "Always good to be prepared," he says, winking, then motions to the door. I carefully walk up the porch steps, him following closely behind as I push open the door. Stepping into Renn's house gives me a rush of excitement, and Shy is there to greet me, her tail wagging happily. It has a similar layout to my own, just smaller with fewer bedrooms. The space is open, a seating area and fireplace with a small kitchen at the end of the room and a back door that leads to the deck. To the left is a set of stairs with a door beside them for the bathroom. No pictures hang on the dark wooden walls, but it's tidy and inviting. A simple but cozy-looking couch sits in front of a large, greystone fireplace.

"This must be where I'm sleeping?" I ask, nodding to the couch. Renn gives me a bemused look as I set down my bag. We both remove our shoes and hang our coats on the hooks near the door.

"If I had it my way, I'd be sleeping there and you would be in the loft, but yes, that's one place that you can sleep," he says.

"So upstairs is your room," I say, walking further into the house and nodding toward the stairs.

"It is."

That was a dumb thing to say. Obviously that's where he sleeps. I pretend to be interested in the kitchen, hiding my embarrassment as I continue to look around.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?" he asks, walking into the kitchen with me.

"Something to drink would be nice, thank you."

"I didn't stop at the store on my way home, so I don't have a lot of food options, but I do have coffee," he says, placing his hands on the countertop of the small island in the middle of the kitchen.

"Coffee would be great. I'm still feeling a bit cold."

"You got it." I watch him gather up supplies and a mug from a cupboard. "Please, make yourself at home."

I walk over to the couch and flop down. It really is as comfy as it looks, and Shy jumps up to join me, placing her head on my lap. I scratch her ears, busying myself as Renn makes the coffee. Soon, the warm aroma mixes with the fire . . . and the smell of Renn, that is, of course, everywhere in this house. I wish I could drink it all in, not just the coffee.

"Here you go." He hands me the mug, our fingers brushing slightly before he sits down on the other end of the couch with Shy between us.

"Thank you so much for this, and I don't just mean the coffee." I don't look at him as I say it, feeling silly that I'm so nervous sitting here in his house.

"Of course. Like I said, I'm here, for anything." I look up at him, and his green eyes are just as bright and deep in the firelight. I part my lips but can't find the words to respond. He looks toward the fire. "I better throw a few more on just in case the power goes off during the night," he says, walking toward the pile of logs neatly stacked near the hearth.

As he crouches to add the wood to the fire, I notice for the first time what he's wearing. He has on a pair of black, cotton jogger pants and a long-sleeve, light gray shirt that is, of course, rolled up on his muscled forearms. The pants stretch across his thighs as he leans in, adding a few more logs. I spot the chain of his necklace peeking over the collar, lying across the back of his neck. If he feels my gaze on him, I don't care. I don't try to hide the fact that I am completely and fully checking him out. Especially now that I know what it feels like to be pressed up against his body, what those arms feel like around me. I take a small sip of my coffee as he stands to retrieve the poker next to the wood pile.

"I'm not usually this helpless, you know." I blurt, and I don't know why, maybe to calm my nerves by talking—not that it's helped much in the past. But it's too late to take it back now.

He stands, turning with a confused expression.

"I never said you were helpless," he says, calm and serious. Renn mimics me by crossing his arms to give me one of his soul-piercing stares.

"I know you didn't. I just . . . Well, you seem to be saving me a lot lately. So, it probably looks that way."

Renn's reaction surprises me. It's not a look of pity, but I can't decide what it is. Maybe frustration?

"You think that's why I came over? That I thought you needed me to rescue you?" His voice becomes harsher

"Maybe? I don't know. We didn't really get to finish our conversation."

Renn's serious face suddenly becomes softer again, stepping away from the fireplace, walking toward me.

"That's not why I came over, but I think you already know that," he says, giving me a knowing look. "I told you I care about you, so why are you questioning it?"

I swallow before I say, "I guess I'm just worried about what you might think of me now. Now that you know everything."

He takes a couple more steps toward me. "So, you think I don't like what I saw, and now you're worried you scared me away?"

I shrug. "Yeah, in a way, I guess." He smiles at me, biting his tongue, and I can't help but smile back. "What?"

"You really think that's what the problem is here?" He motions to the space between us. I inhale nervously. "The problem isn't me liking you less the more I get to know you, Maven. It's the fact that the more you share with me, the more things there are to like about you." He sighs, defeated, almost like it pains him to say it.

"Why would it be a problem if you liked me?" I ask, my voice soft.

He's still as he searches my face, close enough now that I can see the rim of light gray circling his green irises.

"Maven, I've told you more things about me than I've ever told anyone here in Solitude Ridge, but there's so much more that I should tell you, more that I want to tell you." He pauses for a moment before going on, his voice dropping another octave as he says, "I guess I have the same fear as you, that if you really got to know me . . . I don't think you'd be standing here right now."

I shake my head. "No, Renn. That's not possible."

"It is. There are parts of me that I don't want you to ever know because it's better that way. Trust me."

I stare at him, trying to figure out what he means as the firelight dances across his face, but I can't find anything sinister there. I can't see or feel anything about him that would ever cause me to run from him.

"That's not fair. How can it be true for me and not for you? After yesterday, don't you think I would understand?"

I can see that he's at war with himself. Clearly, it's difficult for him to even say it, whatever it is, so I don't want to push him. I want him to come to me when he's ready, just like he did for me. At least now he knows that I'm here for whenever he is ready.

He never pressured me to tell him my deep, dark secrets, so I will do the same for him.

"You don't have to tell me now, but someday?" I ask.

He smiles faintly, and a few seconds pass. "Yeah. Someday."

We look at each other for a few more beats, and it's Renn who breaks his gaze first, turning to look into the flames, the firelight making his already sharp jaw more defined.

And before I even know what I'm doing I ask, "Can I ask you to do one more thing for me?"

He brings his eyes back to mine, a small smile edged with kindness and curiosity.

"Kiss me." I shock myself for being so bold. He goes very still, and after what feels like an eternity, he slowly takes a step toward me. It only makes the nerves in me build, and I start talking to try and calm myself down, but it doesn"t help. If anything, it only makes me sound like a blubbering idiot.

"I just want to know," I say.

"Know what?" His gray-green eyes look a bit wild, making my heart jump.

"What it would feel like. Just once."

He tilts his head a little to the side, smirking before taking another step closer. My skin erupts with goosebumps, my heartbeat thrums loudly in my ears. And his eyes . . . they are almost too much the closer he moves toward me.

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into," he says, a smirk playing on his lips.

Is he really teasing me right now about how good of a kisser he is? Not that I think he would be bad at it. I mean, how could he not be good at kissing, or anything else for that matter?

"Are you really that confident in your skills?" I ask, trying to tease him back, but it just sounds stupid.

He darkly chuckles and shakes his head. "No, it's not that. I just meant . . ." He steps even closer until we are inches apart, my body radiating just as much heat as the fire beside us. "I meant, do you really think I'd ever be able to kiss you just once?"

I inhale sharply. I think my heart stops beating for a second or two.

"Because if you ask me to kiss you, then you should know I've thought about it many times. About what it would feel like. What you taste like." I lick my lips nervously, and his gaze goes there for a moment before looking back to meet my eyes. His voice is low and dark as he says, "My imagination is pretty good at coming up with ideas, but it hasn't even remotely satisfied the thoughts I've had of you. So, if you're sure about this . . . I will kiss you. But I'm warning you, before you fully decide, it won't be once, not even twice. I don't think I could come up with a number that would satisfy me."

He brings a hand to my face, tilting my head back a little, placing his thumb on my chin to hold me where he wants me while he scans my face. I tremble at the sensation and can't help the sharp intake of breath I take at his touch. His movements are purposeful, like he truly has pictured this—like he's planned it all along and was just waiting for me to ask.

I believe him now.

His grip on my chin tightens a little. "Tell me, are you sure, Maven?" His breath dances across my lips, and I inhale again, gulping it down.

"Your expectations of me are much too high. You may be disappointed," I whisper, trying to tame the nerves and heat thrumming through every inch of my body. There's fire in my veins and he hasn't even kissed me yet.

"Doubtful," he whispers back.

I can't tell if I'm breathing anymore, and I want to say something back, but those eyes of an emerald storm steal my words.

"What's it gonna be? I need to hear you say it." His breath tickles my lips again. I breathe, finally, taking a deep inhale.

"Renn, I want you to kiss me. Right here. Right now. And if you don't, I'm never going to ask you again." My voice is breathy and wanting, and he chuckles, satisfied in seeing what he does to me. The vibration of his laugh is so good that I feel it all the way to my toes.

"Trust me, you'll never have to ask me ever again."

He leans down, and I melt. The touch of his lips are gentle on mine, the stubble on his face strangely satisfying against my skin. His kiss is soft, colliding with mine, but then he brings both his hands to either side of my face, his fingers trailing over my neck until they dig into my hair. It's painfully slow, but it feels so incredibly good.

I thought I knew what it felt like to be kissed, but kissing Renn is an entirely different experience. It's nothing like the boys I've fooled around with before, not like Jamie, who just wanted to take something—to use me. They all were lustful and sloppy, but Renn kisses to give me something, giving me a part of himself. He kisses to make me feel, and he's making me feel oh so many things.

I keep my hands at my sides, not touching him yet. I don't know why, but some part of me just wants to see what he will do with nothing holding him back, what he's thought about doing before I take it further. He slips his tongue over my lips and into my mouth, and I can't stop myself as I let out a sigh of satisfaction at the feeling of his tongue brushing against mine again and again as I kiss him back. I try to stay that way, but then he moves a hand to my hip and pulls me against him, and I can't keep my hands off him any longer.

I reach up, touching the sharp edges of his jaw as his strong body pushes up against mine. He hums in gratification. My nerves are out of control, but I feel safe. I always feel safe with Renn—even now, as my heart races and my mind is dizzy from the feeling of him touching me, kissing me, holding me like this.

This is really happening. Renn is kissing me, and God, I only want more. I stand up on my toes to kiss him harder, wrapping my arms around his neck, and he lets out a groan, sending chills through my body.

"This is probably a bad idea," he says, panting against my lips. His heartbeat thrums on my palms as I move my hands to lie against his chest. It's beating as fast as my own.

"Too late," I say, my breath shaky. He pulls back a little, our lips still dangerously close together.

"You don't want to get tangled up with someone like me." His eyes glaze a bit as he says it, but I scoff.

"Someone who offers his place to a friend in need? Who cares enough to help her in a most dire situation?" He searches my face, and I notice a bit of disbelief in his eyes. "Renn, you are the kindest, most selfless person I know." His hand slides to my neck, tilting my head back a little as I look up at him. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm already tangled up with you," I say softly. Renn looks at me with concern in his eyes, but then he leans down and kisses me along my jaw. I close my eyes at the feeling of his lips trailing up until he reaches my ear.

"That's what I'm afraid of," he whispers, his lips grazing my ear slightly.

Just as I'm about to say something back, my phone rings. "That's probably my mom."

He leans in to kiss me again, but then pulls away. "Yeah, you better get that. She's probably worried about you with this storm."

Renn drops his hands, taking a step back. I notice a look of disappointment on his face, and it makes me smile as he walks back to the hearth, giving me some space. I reluctantly take my phone out of my back pocket before taking a deep breath and answering the call, not realizing how out of breath I really am until I try to speak.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you?"

"I'm good. There's a bad storm that came through today and the power went out, but I'm fine."

"Oh, no! Are you staying at Mina's?"

Renn stokes the fire again, even though it doesn't need it.

"No. I'm actually . . ." I pause, and Renn glances over to me with a mischievous look on his face, trying to hide a smile. Stop that, I mouth to him. "I'm at Renn's place, actually."

There's dead silence on the other end for a few beats.

"You're staying at Renn's? All night?" I roll my eyes as Renn leans against the mantle, watching me.

"Yes, Mom. I'm staying here all night," I say the last part slowly, giving Renn a look like, don't even, but he ignores me.

"Probably tomorrow night too!" he yells.

I gawk at him and cover the phone speaker. "Would you shut up!?" I say, trying to whisper, but I laugh instead. He puts a hand on his chest as he laughs. "Ignore him, Mom."

"Oh! Well then . . . That's great." Her voice is edged with worry, but maybe also a hint of relief.

"Yeah, it is great," I say, giving him another look.

"Well . . . I'm glad you're okay."

"Yep, we're all great here," I say, quickly trying to end the call before Renn jumps in with something else to tease me with.

"Okay, good. Well . . ." She pauses. "Have a good night."

"Okay. Goodnight, Mom. I love you, bye," I say as fast I can and tap the end button aggressively. "You're ridiculous," I say, laughing as Renn walks back over to me.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I thought that was pretty great." He smirks, taking my hand and pulling me toward the couch. My heart rate intensely accelerates again, but just before we sit down, Renn's phone buzzes. He lets out an angry groan, dropping my hand.

"That's it. I'm throwing these damn phones outside, and I don't care that it's raining." I cover my mouth to keep from laughing too loud. He looks down at the screen. "It's Valery. It could be an emergency."

"It's fine. No worries." He smiles at me for a second or two before answering.

"Hey, Val." He looks at me and winks. I can hear Val's muffled voice but can't make out exactly what she says. "Not much, What's up?" There's another muffled response from her end, and Renn nods along to whatever she's telling him.

"I can be there in twenty minutes . . . Uh-uh. Of course. Yep. Okay, see you soon." He slides the phone back into his pocket. "There's some flooding on Main Street, and they need help getting some barriers set up to direct the water from the structures." He genuinely looks disappointed, and so am I.

"Sounds like they need you."

He takes my hands in his, and I'm pleased with how easy and quick it is, that he doesn"t hesitate to touch me. "Hopefully I won't be too long. Are you okay being here by yourself?"

"Yeah. I've got Shy. I'll be good."

He squeezes my hand. "Okay, good. I'll try to hurry." He lets go of my hand, moving toward the front door to grab his raincoat. I watch as he shrugs it on. "We can talk about this when I get back, okay? I'm sure you have some thoughts," he says, winking. I walk over to hit him on the arm.

"Whatever. But yeah, I do." He bites his lip, trying not to look too pleased with himself. "Like what happens next, for starters," I add.

He takes my face in his hands again. "I don't know about you, but I hope more of this." He doesn't wait for my response as he kisses me again, practically taking my breath away. But this time, I push against his chest, and I can tell he wasn't expecting it as I keep pushing him to walk backward until his back hits the door.

I pull away. "I hope so too," I whisper against his lips and see his throat bob. I did that, I think to myself.

I step away, and he grabs the door handle to walk into the storm, but before he goes, he grabs my hand again, pulling me to him, kissing me quickly before saying, "I'll be home soon." Then rushes out the door before I can even kiss him back or say a word.

"Not fair," I say, smiling to myself. I walk back to the couch in a dizzy haze of euphoria and plop down next to Shy. She lifts her head to study me, cocking her head to the side.

"I know. I can't believe that just happened either." She blinks a couple of times and then rests her head back down on her paws.

I gather up some of the blankets that Renn must have placed next to the couch earlier. I don't mean to fall asleep, but I do, wrapped up in blankets that smell like him and are as soft and comforting as his kiss.