19. Gianni

gianni

. . .

“So, we’ve got something to tell you.”

I was seated next to Ellie on one end of the L-shaped couch at my parents’ house. Not close enough that our legs were touching or anything, but I could see how my mother was eyeballing the strange sight of us side by side. There was something like hope in her gaze, which I was probably about to pulverize.

“What’s up?” My dad, sitting next to my mom on the other end of the couch, leaned back and crossed an ankle over one knee. His thick dark hair was graying at the temples, and his forehead had a couple lines, which were furrowed slightly deeper at the moment, like he knew something bad was coming.

I glanced at Ellie, who sat beside me in jeans and a sweater, her expression serious. On the ride over here, we’d agreed that I would do the talking, but I hadn’t exactly settled on the words I’d use, and now I found my tongue tied in knots. “It’s—well, it might be a little bit of a shock. Just to warn you.”

“Gianni, what is it?” My mother leaned forward, her blue eyes darting back and forth between Ellie and me. “Something about the two of you?”

“Yeah.” I looked at Ellie again, but her eyes had dropped to her hands, which were pressed between her knees.

“Oh my God.” My mother gasped. “I knew it! Didn’t I say that being stranded would bring them together?” She hit my dad’s leg and looked at him. “I was right!”

“Is that it?” my dad asked, his dark eyes clouded with confusion. “You two are dating or something?”

“No,” I said quickly. “We’re not dating. We’re just, uh...we’re only?—”

“We’re having a baby,” Ellie said. “I’m pregnant.” She looked over at me. “Sorry, Gianni, but you were taking too long.”

“You’re what ?” My mother’s face had gone white.

“I’m pregnant.” Ellie played with the hem of her sweater. “About ten weeks along. Due in October.”

My dad’s jaw had fallen open, and he was staring at me without blinking. The silence was excruciating.

I cleared my throat. “We know this is unexpected.”

My mother made a noise. It might have been a laugh. Or a scream.

“But everything is going to be fine.” I hoped I sounded more confident than I felt.

“Oh, my God. Does Mia know?” My mother, recovering her voice, looked at Ellie.

“Not yet.” Ellie’s cheeks turned a little pink. “But I’m going to tell her tonight. I’ve just been a little nervous about what she’ll say.”

“Oh, honey.” My mother came over to Ellie and sat beside her, taking her hand. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

Then Ellie shocked me by bursting into tears and throwing her arms around my mom, who hugged her and rubbed her back, making calm shushing noises.

I swallowed hard, feeling oddly left out. I looked at my dad, who still appeared shell-shocked.

“So...” he began, sitting up straighter. “So, a baby.”

“Yeah.” I scratched the back of my neck. “It’s definitely, um, a baby.”

He gave me a look that could possibly be described as murderous, then focused on Ellie. “Sweetheart, how are you feeling?”

“Fine,” she blubbered. “I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m so emotional right now. I’m really fine.”

“This is emotional,” said my mom, who had also started crying. “I can’t believe it. I’m going to be a grandmother.”

“Oh, fuck.” My dad’s expression was now one of alarm. “That’s right. I’ll be a grandfather.” He ran a hand over his hair, like he wanted to make sure it was all still there.

“We know this is a big shock. But we have a plan.” I have no idea what possessed me to say that, since we didn’t.

“What’s the plan?” my dad asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “Are you guys getting married?”

“No,” Ellie and I said at the same time. She let go of my mom, and we exchanged a look. “We’re not.”

“But you’re not still going back to California to do that show,” my mother said.

“Actually, yes. I am.” As I said it, I squirmed a little.

“Gianni Lupo.” My dad’s eyes were hard and his voice had a warning note to it—for a second I was transported back to childhood, sitting on the couch waiting to be yelled at.

“What?” I got up from the couch and grabbed a box of tissues for Ellie from a side table. “It’s only for ten weeks,” I said, handing her the box.

Ellie plucked a few tissues from the box. “I want him to go. He left it up to me.”

“He did?” my mother asked, obviously confused.

“Yes,” Ellie said, dabbing at her eyes. “We talked about it, and I told him to go. He’d already signed the contract, it’s good money, and it will be good for his career. I wouldn’t be happy knowing that he had to miss out on a great opportunity because of—because of—” She looked at me, and I knew she was thinking about those five insane minutes against the wall.

“A blizzard,” I finished.

“Right. A blizzard.” Ellie took a breath. “And I’ll be fine.”

My dad didn’t look happy or convinced, but he didn’t argue with her.

“What will you do, honey?” my mother asked Ellie, playing with her hair. “Where will you live?”

Ellie shrugged. “I’ll probably stay at Abelard. I haven’t really thought that far ahead yet.”

“This is a lot to take in.” My mom brought her hands to her cheeks. “I’ve thought abstractly about grandchildren before, but I didn’t know it would be so soon.”

“Believe me, I know.” Ellie blew her nose and laughed a little. “This isn’t exactly the way I planned to start a family, but it’s the hand I was dealt.”

“I don’t understand why the dealer wasn’t more careful.” My dad was still giving me threatening looks.

“The dealer was careful,” I said defensively. “Mostly.”

“Nick, stop it.” My mother glared at my dad. “That’s not helping. And this isn’t a catastrophe—it’s a baby.” She smiled at Ellie, her eyes welling again. “A baby. Mia and I are having a baby! This is incredible!”

“I’m sorry, Ellie.” My dad got off the couch, came over and kissed her cheek. “I’m happy too. It’s just a shock.”

“I get it,” she said, blushing a little, which made me feel sort of sorry for myself. My mom was allowed to hug her, my dad could kiss her cheek, but I could hardly get close to her without her flinching. Why didn’t she like me?

Fucking everybody liked me!

Except, apparently, my father.

“We’re here for you, sweetheart,” he said to Ellie as he sat down again. “We’ll support you the whole time.”

“It’s not like I’m leaving her with nothing and never coming back,” I said, squaring my shoulders. “I’ll support her too.”

“What are you going to do when you get back, Gianni?” My dad looked at me. “What’s the plan? Where will you work? Where will you live?”

“I don’t know yet,” I admitted. “I just found out she was pregnant last night, Dad. Give me a minute.”

“It’s going to be fine, no matter what,” my mother said. She put an arm around Ellie and pulled her close again. “Better than fine. It will be wonderful. You’re going to have all the help you need. This baby is wanted and loved.”

“Thank you.” Ellie sniffed, leaning against my mom. “I appreciate it.”

When we stood up to leave, my dad took my arm. “Can I talk to you alone please?”

Fuck.

“Okay.” I looked at Ellie. “Give me a sec?”

“Sure,” she said. “I have to use the bathroom real quick anyway.”

I followed my dad through the kitchen and into the garage, where he snapped on the light. It was cold in there—cold enough to see our breath—and I buttoned up my coat.

My father stood in a plain black T-shirt with his feet apart, his inked-up arms folded. Somewhere on his chest was my mom’s name in a heart, tattooed when he was like twenty or something, the writing blurry and the ink faded now, but the sentiment behind it the same.

But it wasn’t like that for everyone, and that wasn’t my fault.

“You got anything to say for yourself?” he barked.

I shrugged. “Like what?”

“Like what? I don’t know whether to hug you or take off my belt and whip your ass for the first time in twenty-three years.”

“For what, Dad? It was an accident.”

He shook his head. “Accidents happen. That’s not why I’m mad.”

“Then what are you mad at? Even Ellie isn’t this mad, and she’s the one having the baby.”

“She’s a sweet girl.”

“I know.” I ran a hand over my hair. “I’m going to support her. It’s not like I’m abandoning them.”

He cocked his head. “So running off to do some TV show and leaving her behind to deal with everything is supportive?”

“She told me to go, Dad. You heard her.” I fidgeted, shifting my weight. “I even offered to marry her. She said no.”

“You offered to marry her? Or you asked her to marry you?”

“What’s the difference?”

My dad rubbed his face with both hands, noisily inhaling and exhaling.

“I also offered to take her with me to California, and she said no to that too. She’s very independent, okay? And I’m the last guy on earth she’d want to spend the rest of her life with. She thinks I’m a liar and a game player.”

“Why does she think that?”

I cringed. “If I tell you the truth, you can’t be more mad.”

“I’ll bet I can.”

Knowing I’d regret this—or maybe that I deserved any shit he’d give me—I took a breath and confessed the truth. “My SUV wasn’t really dead the second day. I made it up so she’d stay at the motel another night with me...which I’m pretty sure is the night she got pregnant.”

His stare got even more mean.

“I know, it’s shitty. I told her the truth the very next day, I felt so bad.”

“Was she upset?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Basically it confirmed everything she thought about me before.”

“Jesus. No wonder she doesn’t want you around.”

“Look, I made a mistake, okay?” I raised my voice to my dad, which I knew was a bad idea. “But I apologized and I’m trying to do the right thing. She’s telling me to leave.”

“Is that what you want to do? Leave?”

“Yes,” I snapped, although at that point, I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted. Mostly I just wanted to get out of this damn garage.

My father gave me a look of disappointment that hurt worse than any belt. “I thought I raised you to be a different kind of man, but maybe I was wrong.”

“You raised me to work hard and go after what I want,” I argued. “And I never wanted this!”

“This isn’t just about you anymore!” He poked my chest. “And I raised you to put family first, not yourself!”

I lowered my voice. “She doesn’t want me, Dad. Not like that.”

“I don’t blame her.” Shouldering past me, he went into the house.

Which was just as well, since I had no argument.

I didn’t blame her either.