Chapter 8

Chapter 8

J oline couldn't believe Mark had invited her to band practice. She probably sounded like a fool by thanking him so many times, but those dankes barely expressed all the joy in her heart. Even if he said neh to her joining the band, she'd have the experience of a lifetime.

Her enthusiasm bubbled over. "I'll see you tomorrow at four."

His eyebrows rose. He must think she was a creeper. First, she spied on the band from behind the column. Now she knew his practice schedule. He'd be shocked if he found out she stood outside most of his practices and lessons, listening through the door. And how would he feel if he knew he'd starred in all her romantic daydreams from the first night she'd attended his concert?

Up and down the hall, instructors opened their doors, and students streamed out. Ach! Katie would come to collect the little ones from their classes. Joline had to leave before her stepsister saw her, but she was reluctant to break eye contact.

Mark blinked first. "I have a keyboard student coming." Joline ached as if she'd been cut adrift on a lonely sea. She stared after him until he disappeared from view.

A young boy bounced past her and into the room. The door banged closed with a loud, final click, shutting her off from Mark. Still, Joline didn't move until Katie called to her.

"Instead of just standing there, why don't you help me get everyone? Or you could go up and start dinner."

The reminder of daily chores shattered Joline's fantasies. She moved away from Mark's door, hoping Katie didn't realize who'd absorbed all her attention, because her stepsister would be sure to report it to her mamm .

Despite Daed and Nettie granting Joline her freedom, they kept a constant eye on her. She feared if they suspected her plans to join the Amish Rebels, they might step in and revoke their hands-off policy.

* * *

Mark still couldn't believe he'd invited that distracting beauty to listen to their practice. When his friends arrived ten minutes before the start of practice the next day, he explained about a visitor coming to listen.

"What?" Jerry's voice rose in disbelief. "Since when do you invite anyone to watch us?"

Abel looked relieved. "Have you found someone to take my place?"

"I doubt it, although our guest did claim to play keyboard and sing."

"Claim to?" Joel asked.

" Jah , supposedly this singer knows all our songs."

Joel groaned. " Ach , one of those fans who think they're ready to be stars? Why didn't you say neh ?"

"I couldn't. I'm counting on all of you to vote against—"

"Mark?"

The lilting question stopped his bandmates in their tracks. Everyone turned to stare at Joline.

"This is the guest?" Jerry's gaze zigzagged from Joline to Mark and then to the other bandmates, who were all gaping at her.

Joel elbowed Mark as he walked past. "I can see why you couldn't say neh ," he whispered.

Mark struggled to regain his composure, but she'd thrown him so off balance, he wasn't sure he'd succeed. "Come in, Joline. Meet the band." One by one, he managed to introduce them without stumbling too much.

She stood there, starry-eyed. He waved her to a chair he'd set in the corner of the room, and she walked toward it in a daze. She reminded him of himself the day Mrs. Musselman encouraged him to listen to her sons' band, so he extended the same opportunity his mentor had.

"Feel free to sing along." His invitation earned him glares from all his bandmates.

Joline shrank back the same way Mark had when the Musselman boys frowned at him. As intimidated as she looked, Joline probably wouldn't sing very loud. Maybe the instruments would drown out any off-key squawking. At least he hoped they would. If she messed up their practice, he'd take a lot of ribbing.

As they started the first song, she proved him right. She only mouthed the words, and the guys relaxed. The tension eased, and his friends grew more animated. Mark didn't. He froze up and missed his cues.

Jerry crashed to a stop. "If you can't keep your mind on the music, Mark, maybe we should go."

Mark forced himself to concentrate. "Let's start again from the top."

This time a faint, melodious harmony drifted over Mark's words. Everyone kept playing, but they all stared at Joline. She'd squeezed her eyes shut, so she had no idea she'd become the center of attention. Her voice soared to a crescendo as the song ended.

"Whoa!" Jerry stilled his tinkling cymbals. "Bring that girl up here and hand her a mike."

Joline's eyes popped open. "I—I don't think . . ."

Her protest trailed off when Abel beckoned to her and held out his mike.

"Me?" she squeaked.

He nodded. "Let's do a softer one. You know ‘Missing You'?"

Joline's eyes brimmed with tears. " Jah. "

"Come on then," Abel encouraged.

She sought Mark's approval. When he bobbed his head up and down once, she hopped up from her seat and hurried toward Abel.

Glad Joline was behind him onstage, Mark focused on her empty chair to keep from turning to watch her. As the instrumentals began, he swayed slightly to the beat and steeled himself.

Joline stuttered through the first few bars, but once she got into the song, her notes blended perfectly with his. She grew softer when he did and increased her volume when he emphasized phrases. Even Abel, after all their years of practicing together, had never anticipated his every move like that.

When the song ended, Abel fixed an awed gaze on Joline. "We've found my replacement."

Everyone else applauded. Everyone but Mark. He couldn't move. He barely heard his bandmates congratulating her. Chills had gone up his spine at the magnificence of Joline's melody and their perfect unity.

* * *

Joline couldn't believe it. The guys in the band crowded around her, complimenting her singing, insisting she'd be the perfect addition to the band. They welcomed her as one of them. All except Mark. And his was the only opinion that counted.

Maybe he didn't like her singing. Or had she annoyed him by adding those final trills? It had changed the ending a little and drew more attention to her rather than him. He might not appreciate being upstaged like that.

She stole a quick glance in his direction. His furrowed brow, his distracted air didn't bode well. This was his band, after all, and he'd have the final say.

"Mark?"

Jerry's sharp voice seemed to pierce through Mark's musing, and he snapped to attention, turned in their direction, and stared at Joline as if she were a stranger.

She shivered. He was acting as if he'd never seen her before. That couldn't be a good sign.

"So . . . what do you think?" Jerry asked Mark.

He blinked several times. "I don't know what to say."

"Say you're in ," Abel coaxed. "I won't feel as bad leaving you if you have a replacement like this." He motioned toward Joline.

Mark nodded, but his frown deepened. "Did you say you play keyboard?" He avoided looking in her direction.

She swallowed because he didn't look overjoyed at the prospect. "I've been taking lessons."

His long-suffering sigh told her he didn't really want to hear her play, but the other guys crowded around the keyboard. Abel stood and indicated she should sit.

Reluctantly, she sank onto the bench. What if Mark hated her playing as much as he disliked her singing? She couldn't bear his rejection. She didn't care if she ever got to play in the band if he'd just smile at her again.

"Go on," Jerry commanded, "play something."

Joline sat and ran her fingers over the keys. Should she play one of their songs? Or would that upset Mark more?

"Do you know any of our other songs?" Abel asked.

" Jah ," she whispered, unwilling to disturb Mark.

"Show us."

At Jerry's order, she stiffened her back and willed her fingers to remember the notes. Usually, music flooded through her and flowed into her fingers. She found the notes automatically. Today, anxiety interrupted that smoothness. Her opening notes came out choppy.

"Relax," Abel said. "Maybe we should stop crowding her. Let's give her a little space."

Everyone moved toward their instruments. Only Mark stood nearby, clutching his suspenders as if he wanted to wring someone's neck. Most likely hers.

She'd never be able to play if she concentrated on him. She blocked out everything except the familiar white and black pattern of the keys. This time her fingers moved of their own accord. The first notes of "Will I Ever See You Again?" tripped out softly, but gradually Joline's confidence grew. As it did, Jerry tapped the rhythm softly on the drums. Then Joel strummed a few chords. Soon, they upped their volume to the usual levels, following Joline's lead.

"You're good," Abel said as she finished. He turned toward Mark. "I'll work with her on the timing, but I think she can pick it up quickly."

When Mark didn't respond, Abel elbowed him. "What do you think?"

"I agree." His words came out strangled.

Jerry's sticks crashed down. "That sounded real enthusiastic. What's the matter with you, man?"

Joline's heart sank. She'd already guessed the problem. Mark didn't want her in the band, but no way could he tell her neh , not with his bandmates' enthusiasm.

* * *

Mark swallowed several times to clear the lump in his throat and held on to his suspenders for dear life. If he let go, he'd sweep Joline into his arms and kiss her. He'd never felt this depth of connectedness with another person, let alone a woman. He had no idea how to handle the waves of longing washing over him.

He had to do something, say something. His friends pinned him with searching looks, trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Joline had blindsided him in more ways than just her music, but he couldn't let anyone know.

He growled, "Let's run through a few of our New Year's songs. Abel, you help her." He hadn't meant to sound so demeaning by saying her , but Mark couldn't bring himself to say her beautiful name. He worried it would come out as lyrical as a love poem and give away his feelings.

Jerry clanged his cymbals. "You ready?" he snarked. "Or do you plan to glare at that chair for the rest of our practice?"

With an effort, Mark smoothed his face and even managed a half smile. "Let's do the first four tunes. We'll stop in between for Abel to give instructions."

Joline tripped up a few times, and they had to restart three times after Abel made suggestions for improvement. She proved to be a fast learner, though, and didn't make the same mistakes twice. In fact, the only one who messed up was Mark. He croaked his way through the first song.

"You coming down with a cold?" Jerry asked him.

Mark shook his head, unsure if he could trust himself to speak. He cleared his throat several times, but it didn't help. Every time he thought of her, he choked up. It had been years since he'd prayed, but he was desperate.

Lord, I know I don't deserve to ask for any favors from You, but Mrs. Vandenberg does. I want to do my best for her. Please help me concentrate on the music instead of Joline.

Afterwards, he felt more peace than he had since he'd first formed the band. He missed praying and depending on God's help when he faced difficulties. He yearned to go back to those days of simple, uncomplicated faith. A deep desire to reconnect with the Lord surged through him. For a moment, he considered leaving the band, returning to his family and the church, and committing his life to God.

Behind him, Abel patiently went over a section with Joline. Abel had made that choice. So had Joel. But Mark couldn't break up the band. And he could never, ever give up his music.

If he couldn't get his attraction to Joline under control, though, the band might split up over his inability to sing whenever she was around. Yet, what could he do with all these feelings swirling through him? Music had always carried him away, transported him. Joline did all that and more. Much, much more.

He made it through all four numbers by focusing on the posters hanging on the wall across from him and avoiding glancing back at the keyboard. Not that Joline needed his assistance. All the other guys crowded around her to help and gawk. Envy ate away at Mark, but he kept himself centered on his own music.

Every time Abel instructed Joline, Mark closed his eyes and kept composing a new song in his head. He might never have the courage to share it with the group, but it channeled his thoughts. His bandmates muttered to each other, but Mark drifted on a creative wave.

"Don't mind him," Joel said. "He gets like that when he writes music. Pretty soon he'll have a new composition for us to try."

Mark tried to hold on to the strains floating through his mind, but Joel's words stopped the flow.

To cover up his inner turmoil, Mark rasped, "I think we've done enough New Year's prep for today. Time to work on Christmas Eve."

"You can stay to listen if you want, Joline," Jerry invited.

Mark gritted his teeth. He'd meant for her to leave so he could relax. He could feel her eyes on him, and he tensed up more.

"I'd better go." She sounded uncertain and reluctant.

"Come back tomorrow," Abel said. "We'll get you up to speed."

Mark pretended to be fiddling with his mike as Joline crossed the room. Once she walked out the door, he breathed easier.

She needed daily practice with the band to get ready to take Abel's place, but Mark had no idea how he'd cope. Every time she sang, his spirit melded with hers. For the first time in his life, he understood the meaning of soul mates .

He'd found his, but Mrs. Vandenberg had warned him away from Joline.

What had Mrs. Vandenberg said? Something about it being the wrong time for a relationship. Did that mean he'd never have one with Joline?

That thought made everything in him ache with loss.

* * *

Joline had gotten her heart's desire—a chance to play with the Amish Rebels. But her victory had fallen flat. She'd pictured exchanging secret looks with Mark as the songs ended, but he'd barely tolerated her. And he'd seemed relieved when she'd headed out the door.

Maybe she'd made too much of their eye contact at his concerts. For all she knew, he did that with any random girl in the audience. She'd imagined a romance that didn't exist. It would be hard to practice with the group when her crush refused to look her way and acted like he could barely endure her presence.

As much as she'd enjoyed playing and singing with the band, maybe she should forget her desires. Trying to force herself into a group where she wasn't wanted had been a terrible mistake.