Chapter Three

CHAPTER THREE

Corbin

“Hello and welcome to The Vers, where four friends who rarely agree on anything share their versatile opinions about everything. I’m Corbin Erickson, The Charmer,” I recited the opening to our weekly show.

“Marcus Alston, The Realist.”

“Parker Hansley-Weaver, The Romantic.”

“Declan Burns, The Loner.”

We recorded every Sunday at Marcus’s place. His house was where we did most of our gathering. I had more happy memories here than I did at my own place. We’d laughed here together. We’d supported each other here together. Marcus’s house was more my home than anywhere else ever had been because no matter how much they gave me shit, I was not only loved here, but completely accepted for who I was by the three people in this room with me, and now their partners too.

Jesus, I’d been so fucking emotional lately. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, and it was driving me crazy, so I decided to do what I did best and play the game. “Have you guys ever noticed that my nickname fits me more than yours do?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Declan replied.

“But is that anything new?” Marcus asked. “Us not knowing what Corbin is talking about.”

“Yikes…sorry I’m too intelligent for the three of you, but back to my nickname, The Charmer, I’m just saying I’m pretty fucking charming. I was sitting around thinking about that earlier, how incredibly charismatic I am. Some might say I’m absolutely captivating.”

“Oh, did you get up to the c’s in the dictionary?” Parker teased.

“I remember when you were the nice one.” I winked. “I just think I have the best nickname, and I’m much more charming than the rest of you are with your silly little nicknames.”

I was talking out my ass, of course, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“All our nicknames fit us,” Declan replied.

“Much more so before you fell in love—Oh shit. Do you think if I give the boyfriend thing a try, I’ll become less charming? Actually, never mind. That’s not possible.”

“Is that still a plan? You trying to find a boyfriend?” Parker questioned.

“I think so. Though what are my responsibilities if I have an official BF?” I joked.

Marcus ruffled my hair. “Jesus, kid.”

“Every relationship is different,” Parker said. “You and your boyfriend have to decide what works for you.”

“Okay, so maybe I’ll give it a test drive? Give it a go for a week or two and see what happens?”

My friends all laughed, but it was Declan who spoke. “Because that’s something everyone will want to sign up for. Do you want to be my test boyfriend for a week?”

“Sounds reasonable to me. Oh my God! This idea is golden! I could start like a test-boyfriend gig, not just for myself, but for others. I’m a genius!”

“You’re not taking applications or looking for a test boyfriend,” Marcus told me.

“Um…thanks for your opinion, Daddy Marcus, but you’re not the boss of me.”

“You’re not doing it,” he reiterated.

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes I am.”

“Um…maybe we should have this discussion later?” Declan said. “But for the record, I’m on Team Marcus.”

“Of course you are.” I crossed my arms and pretended to pout. “Help me out here, Park.”

“Sorry…I have to agree with them. But that’s just because I love you and you’ll get a bunch of weirdos who have no interest in the real Corb other than being on The Vers podcast’s ‘Try a Boyfriend’ segment or whatever it is you’re suggesting. Believe me, I’ve been on a lot of bad dates, and I’d like to spare you that trouble.”

“That,” Marcus concurred.

“Agreed,” Declan added.

I rolled my eyes. “You guys are no fun, but also, I love you too.”

As I knew he would, Marcus wrapped his arm around me, pulled me close, and kept me tucked into his body. I loved it here. Not just with him, but with any of the Beach Bums. I couldn’t pretend that being closer to Marcus didn’t put me at ease more than anyone else, though. Not because of any romantic feelings people thought I harbored for Marcus, which I didn’t. It was because the bond we shared went deeper than that. Marcus said that the first time he felt what it was like to be loved was when we came into his life. His parents loved him, and he’d always had them both in his life, but they hadn’t shown affection easily and had been more about work than anything else. Things were getting better in that regard lately, and I was so happy for my friend.

And I felt the same—my three friends were the first people who’d made me feel loved on that level I was thinking about earlier, where I was completely accepted despite my shenanigans. Marcus was the first person who told me I was beautiful. When I was a kid and everyone made fun of my looks or my weight, Marcus saw a best friend, and when he told me I was beautiful, I believed him. Now, it didn’t matter how many men I fucked or how many thirsty comments I got on posts, telling me I was hot or what they wanted to do to me. Those weren’t real. I tried really hard to take those words to heart so I could feel good about myself, but it never worked, not for more than a few minutes anyway.

We continued the show with me wrapped up in Marcus, joking and laughing the way the group of us always did when we were together.

When Marcus ended the recording, he kissed my temple. “You good?”

“I am.” I shook my head. “Ugh, Daddy is so annoying.” I sat up and pulled away, Park and Dec chuckling. “How’s the wedding planning going?” I asked Parker.

He and Elliott had drunk-married in Vegas but were having a second ceremony at Marcus’s house in June.

“Really good,” Parker said. “I actually wanted to talk to you all about something… I’ve been thinking about how I want to do the wedding party. Of course, I want you all to be included. You’re my brothers and I love you. I thought at first I’d have three groomsmen, and I like that, and I’d love for you all to do that, but also…I don’t know. Neither Elliott nor I are very religious, and the idea of someone who is important to me performing the ceremony just feels really special to me. I want someone I love to make us husbands…again…and the first person I thought of was you.” Parker looked at me.

I sat up straighter, then turned around to see if somehow Declan had magically appeared behind me. Declan was Parker’s person, the one he went to in a similar way I did with Marcus. “Me?” I asked.

Marcus squeezed my leg in support.

“Yes, you. You are The Charmer, after all. I can’t imagine anyone more perfect for it, and it would mean the world to me to have someone I love participate in such an important way on my big day. Elliott loves the idea too.”

Something was stuck in my throat, making it nearly impossible to speak or, hell, even breathe. Parker and Elliott had chosen me to perform their ceremony. They didn’t think I would fuck it up, do something stupid, or ruin their day. They had chosen me not because of how I looked or the attention I got on Instagram, but because they loved me. I hated that these things were often so hard for me to believe. I didn’t know what was wrong with me to make me feel that way. I hadn’t been abused as a child. I had parents and siblings who loved me. While they had beliefs I didn’t when it came to religion and what would happen to me when I died because I was gay, there had never been a day I doubted they loved me. So why was I so fucked up?

“Yes. He will,” Marcus answered for me as I swiped at my eyes. Sometimes I needed a little push, and Marcus was good at sensing that.

“Yeah…I’d love to do it. Can we have a Beach Bums hug now?”

Parker chuckled while Marcus and Declan pretended to grumble, but then all of us were on our feet. Three men had their arms around me as I stood in the center of them. And while things were changing, and they were settling down and all in love, I knew I would always have this. Them.

Why didn’t that stop me from feeling lonely?

When the hug ended, we headed into the living room where Elliott and Sebastian were waiting for us. Kai was in the kitchen, making a meal for everyone. He planned to go to culinary school soon and was often practicing on us. But while his cooking was incredible, he tended to make heavy foods I couldn’t afford to eat. It was so much easier for me to gain weight than for most people, so I was really cautious about what I ate and how often. I didn’t even have to gain weight for people to comment on social media about how I looked like I had. It was a daily struggle.

But I also knew that if I tried to bail, the guys would call me on it. Marcus was always harassing me about eating regular meals. Declan and Parker were cautious about it as well, and now Kai had joined in.

“Mmm. It smells good in here, baby boy,” Marcus said to Kai, wrapping his arms around him.

“I made the best mac and cheese you’ll ever have and a pork roast.” Kai turned to me. “I made something special for you.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not having a threesome with you and Marcus? I don’t care how often you try and bribe me,” I teased, when really, I was thankful he had thought about me. My gaze snagged on Marcus, and I saw how his softened when he looked at Kai…because of how Kai considered me, no doubt. Which sucked, to be honest. I didn’t want people to walk on eggshells for me, but on the other hand, how did I get so lucky to have these people?

“It’s a pesto tilapia with just a little bit of brown rice cooked my special way.”

“Thank you,” I told Kai, giving him a hug.

The group of us sat at the table, eating and visiting. Everyone was laughing and giving each other shit like we always did, but I couldn’t force myself to get into it as much.

I felt off, and feeling that way with the Beach Bums wasn’t something I’d ever experienced. The problem was me. I understood that. They fully immersed me in everything, but…I was the odd man out now. I was still wrapping my head around that. “Oh shit. I didn’t realize it was so late. I have to meet up with someone,” I lied.

“Cancel and stay with us,” Marcus told me.

“Yeah, but I’d kinda like to have an orgasm,” I replied, which was true. Why wouldn’t I want to have one, and it wouldn’t be difficult to find, even if I didn’t really have it all set up like I made it sound.

“It’s early, Corb. Can’t you meet up with them later?” Declan asked. “You didn’t even eat all your food.”

“Says the guy who could slip into one of Marcus’s spare bedrooms with his man if he wanted.” There was a stiffness to my voice I hadn’t intended. Ugh. What was wrong with me? Why was I being so strange? “Seriously, though. I gotta go. Places to go, people to do.”

They didn’t seem convinced, but they didn’t argue with me either.

Marcus said, “We’re going to do something just me and you soon. I won’t take no for an answer.” He cocked a brow.

“I would expect nothing less of my daddy.” I winked. And I wouldn’t say no. Why would I? Even if there was a voice in the back of my head telling me a grown-ass man shouldn’t need his best friend to do that so he felt loved.

When I left, I didn’t get on an app for a hookup or message any regulars. I headed for a bar and ordered myself a drink.