Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO

Spencer

Icouldn’t stop thinking about Corbin, and it was annoying as hell. Men didn’t usually take up this much space in my head if I didn’t want them to. I worked hard to be able to compartmentalize things. I didn’t obsess, except when it came to him, apparently, because I’d done the same shit after that one night we spoke in college.

When it had just been us on that beach, there had been an undeniable spark on my end. He’d felt different…special. Then I’d heard what he’d said and realized I was wrong. Years later, when I’d found The Vers podcast and realized he was The Charmer, I couldn’t pretend I was surprised by his antics. One look at his Instagram page or the one from The Vers, and it was clear he was part of a queer community who weren’t too welcoming to people who looked like me. Sometimes we could be our own worst enemies.

But then other times, he would say something on the show that surprised me, that sounded like it came from a deeper place, and like maybe Corbin wasn’t as superficial as he came off. Like he felt really fucking alone. Typically, he promptly ruined it by saying something ridiculous afterward.

So yeah, this was basically how I’d spent most of my week, and as I sat in my office at work today, it seemed it might be all that was on my agenda for the day. I couldn’t figure out why Corbin had disappeared when I started talking to Matt at the fundraiser, and quite frankly, why I gave a shit. I hadn’t seen him lately around our apartment building either, but then, it hadn’t been long, so that wasn’t unusual. It wasn’t as if we ran into each other every day and… “Ugh!” I rubbed a hand over my face. What was it about Corbin Fucking Erickson?

“That doesn’t sound good.”

I looked up to see my friend Morgan standing in the doorway, arms crossed, and leaning against the doorjamb with a smirk on his sexy face. Morgan and I had met about five years before, at one of the fundraisers I’d attended, and had connected immediately. He was this cross between confident overachiever and mysterious. The overachieving part likely paid off in his day job as the CEO of a local beverage company.

I didn’t know a whole lot about his past because Morgan didn’t talk about it much, and out of respect, I didn’t push or dig into it. All I knew was he had a dad and two brothers he didn’t have a relationship with, who lived somewhere in Michigan.

Morgan sauntered into my office and took the seat across my desk from me. “Usually, it’s all about work with you, but that sounded very much like the kind of sigh someone gives about a man.”

“No comment. What are you up to today? It’s not like you to stop by in the middle of the day.”

“I had a meeting close by and thought I’d say hi.” He quirked a dark brow at me. “And no comment?”

I waved that off. “It’s not a thing, I swear.” One way or another, I needed to evict Corbin from my thoughts for good.

“If you say so.”

“How’s Rob?” He and Morgan had been together for two years, and they were a shitty match. Rob didn’t deserve my friend, and frankly, I didn’t understand what Morgan saw in him. Rob was the king of empty promises, of making plans and never following through. He spent more time with his friends than with Morgan, and didn’t seem to care much about anything other than himself. Though maybe that was one of the things Morgan liked about him…that Rob didn’t care enough to expect him to share.

“No comment,” Morgan replied, using my own words on me. When I didn’t respond right away, he relented. “Rob is Rob and always will be.”

“You deserve better.”

“Do I?” Morgan asked, surprising me, then shook his head. “Never mind. Pretend I didn’t say that. I really just stopped by to say hi. I need to get going.”

I sighed and stood, knowing there was no way to change Morgan’s mind once he decided something. That was likely why he was still staying with Rob. “I’ll walk out with you. I need to check on some things anyway.”

We chatted a little about this new restaurant that would be opening soon not far from the center, as we headed along the hallway to the main area of the LGBTQ center and then toward the door. I loved working here. I felt thankful for my job every day. It was hard, and we never had enough funding, and there was so much work that needed to be done, but it was important for me to make the world a better place, to be there for queer people and especially queer youth, because not all of us had family like mine.

“Do you have plans tonight?” I asked Morgan. “We can meet up later if you want.”

“I can’t. Unfortunately, I’ll be working late. We’ll talk soon, though.”

“See you later, Mr. Swift,” Rowan, one of the receptionists, said from behind the front desk. Morgan smiled and waved at them.

After Morgan left, Rowan said, “He’s so dreamy.”

I cocked a brow at them. “Also has a boyfriend and is too old for you.”

“Hey, a person can enjoy the view, can’t they?” Rowan said, making me chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess they can. Let me know if you need anything.”

The center was busy today, people walking around, talking, playing games, reading. We had a large collection of queer books, thanks mostly to donations.

A decent number of people spent quite a bit of their days here, especially teens and young adults. We had groups, therapy sessions, medical clinics, book clubs, games clubs, and anything else you could think of.

I headed straight for the library, and like I figured he would be, Gael was sitting in one of the chairs with a book. He was eighteen and would be graduating from high school in June. His dad hadn’t been supportive of Gael’s sexuality, but he’d been gone for years now. There wasn’t anything his mom wouldn’t do for him, but she worked like crazy, trying to make ends meet in an area where it was very hard to do that. Gael was smart as shit and had gotten into a private Santa Monica high school for the arts on scholarship, so he bused in every day from Los Angeles, where he and his mom lived. Their hope had been that it would be better for Gael here than at his old school, and while he wasn’t tortured and bullied like before, he had struggled to make friends. He liked to pretend he was a loner, but I could tell he’d have preferred things to be different.

We weren’t supposed to have favorites, but Gael was mine.

“How’s it going today?” I asked, taking a seat beside him.

“Good. Just reading.”

“What’s the book?”

“Giovanni’s Room,” Gael replied. I cocked a brow and got my first smile.

I wanted good things for Gael so much. He was such a special kid, and I wanted him to know that even though things weren’t always easy now, they would get better. People like Gael changed the world. “You don’t want to go play games with the other kids?”

“Wouldn’t I be in the game room playing games with them if that’s what I wanted?” Gael countered.

“Snarky little shit,” I teased but couldn’t help grinning. It was such a Gael response.

“Ask silly questions, and you’ll get sarcastic responses.”

“I guess. I just wanted to make sure. I saw Laken is here. She loves to read too. I think the two of you would get along well.”

Like a mini adult, Gael reached over and squeezed my hand. “I know you want to help. I appreciate you and all you do for us, but if you try to help me make friends one more time, I might murder you in your sleep.”

I barked out a laugh. “Fair enough. I’ll let you get back to your book.”

He smiled, and I got halfway to the door before he said, “Spencer?”

“Yeah?”

“I really do appreciate you.”

My heart swelled, feeling too big for my chest. “I appreciate you too.” Without another word, I went back to my office.

And yet instead of working, I found myself on Corbin’s Instagram page.

His latest photo was of him in a jock, bare ass facing the camera, and he was looking over his shoulder sexily. I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t one of the hottest things I’d ever seen. Corbin had a great ass. No question about it. But that wasn’t what caught my gaze. Okay, well, it was, at least at first, but then I noticed the look in his blue eyes. The way they didn’t match his smile. It was like he tried to look happy, but those blue mirrors into his soul couldn’t hide the truth, seemed to say that maybe Corbin was tired. Maybe he was sad. Maybe he felt alone.

I shook my head at myself and closed the app. I needed to stop trying to look for things, stop trying to see more in Corbin than was likely there.