Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR

Spencer

Even though it was the weekend, I’d just finished up a spreadsheet for work, when there was a knock on my door. I frowned, not sure who it could be. I didn’t often have people stopping by out of the blue.

For a second I thought about ignoring it because I was tired and didn’t really feel like dealing with people. Money was tight at the center, and I wasn’t getting the responses I was hoping for when it came to some of the events I was trying to plan, and that put me in a shitty mood.

When the knock came again, I stood with a sigh, went to open the door—and frowned. Corbin was the last person I’d have expected to see there.

“I was thinking it’s been a while since you’ve seen me, so I figured you must miss me.” Corbin gave me a wide-mouthed smile, likely inspired by what smelled like the whole bar he must have drunk.

“Did you drive home?”

“Of course not. You must really think I’m a shitty person. Can I come in?” Corbin didn’t wait for an answer before slipping around me and coming into my apartment. He’d never been inside before. Most of our interactions happened in the hallway or elevator.

“Usually people wait for a response before taking action.”

“Most people aren’t me…and you missed me, remember? It’s okay to admit it. In fact, if you don’t, I’ll know it’s a lie. Is this your family?” he asked, looking at one of the photographs on my bookshelf, then brushed his fingers over his very light five-o’clock shadow.

Okay, well, that was a quick change of subject. I had no idea what was going on here, but something in my gut told me not to call him on it or ask him to leave.

“Yeah. My parents and my siblings.”

“Are you close?”

“We are. They’re my biggest supporters in everything I do.”

“That’s Marcus, Parker, and Declan for me. They’re my person…my peoples? My people. Drunk-talking is hard. But they’re that. I’m lucky to have them, and their partners are lucky to have them too. It’s kinda perfect. None of them suck. What are the odds?”

I chuckled, walking over to stand beside him. “You don’t have blood family?” I asked because clearly his friends were that for him, and blood wasn’t what made people family.

“I do.”

A heaviness filled my chest, putting pressure on my heart. “Are they not accepting?” It was the story of too many people in the queer community.

“They love me. They just think I’m going to hell. But I don’t want to talk about that. I tried to find a boyfriend tonight, but all anyone wanted was to fuck me.” He walked to my couch and fell onto it, like he’d been here a thousand times.

“Did you randomly ask men if they wanted to be your boyfriend?”

“No, I’m not an idiot. I told them I’d probably be taking applications soon and asked for their contact info.”

My mouth fell open, not quite sure how to respond to that. Corbin winked and grinned. I couldn’t tell if he’d been joking or not. “Really?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know. Why? Would you want to apply?”

I didn’t answer that. “I’ve heard your show. You wanting a boyfriend is new.”

He dropped his head back on the couch. “They all have one and I don’t, and I miss them even though they’re right here. It looks amazing…being loved like that, but even more than that…I’ve never felt like the odd man out with the Bum Bums…the Beach Bums before, and now I do.” He closed his eyes and turned his head away. Damned if my insides didn’t start to soften for him even more. Corbin was not what I’d thought, not what I’d expected. I didn’t know exactly what it was, but it was clear he was hurting.

I sat down beside him. “It’s normal to feel left out. I don’t think that means you should start taking boyfriend applications.”

“I drank too much,” he changed the subject again.

“Yes, I’d say you did.”

“Way too many calories. I’m going to have to work out extra hard now.”

I frowned. “I was thinking more about how drunk you are.” Jesus. He was worried about calories when he felt like this?

“I talk a lot when I’m drunk. I’m gonna be annoyed I said all this to you.” He opened one eye, the other squinting while he looked my way. “Someone online called me shallow, and someone else said I’m getting fat.”

“Fuck them. Is there something wrong with being fat?”

This time, both his eyes widened. “No. My thoughts are just broken.” He gave me another goofy smile that didn’t match the mood or situation. “I almost went home with a guy to have sex just because I wanted someone to hold me. It makes me feel safe and wanted. How fucked up is that?”

Who was this man? He was saying so many unexpected things today. I felt like I was on a merry-go-round, my thoughts spinning, getting more and more confusing.

“Corbin…don’t have sex with people just to feel loved. You deserve better.”

“I don’t. I love sex. I do, but today I’m weird. And I’m a cuddle slut. I didn’t realize it until Elliott told me. I just like to be close to people. Sometimes Marcus would cuddle with me when he knew I needed it, or I’d lie with my head in his lap and he would run his fingers through my hair. He would still do it, but I feel like an asshole because of Kai…and then like a loser for putting my friend in that situation. I hate drunk mouth. I need to stop, but I can’t.”

Because he clearly needed to get all this out. Had Corbin ever shared these things with anyone? And why had he chosen me? Someone who hadn’t always been very nice to him. “Are you in love with Marcus?”

“No. People think that, but I’m not. It’s hard to put into words, especially when I drank my weight in alcohol. I think some things just are, and that’s us. He can give me things others can’t.” He was quiet for a moment, and I was trying to come up with a reply, when he said, “So…do you have a bathroom because I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Oh shit.” I shoved to my feet, grabbing Corbin’s hand and tugging him with me. A loud, giddy laughter fell from his lips as he tripped along with me. “It’s not funny,” I told him, but it kind of was.

I didn’t know what made me do it, but I passed the bathroom in the hallway and led him to the one in my bedroom. I guess because it was bigger and more comfortable? The second we got inside the room, Corbin said, “Hey…your apartment is set up almost exactly like mine!” before rushing to the toilet, falling to his knees, and emptying his stomach.

I should have left. The smell wasn’t great, but something I didn’t understand wouldn’t let me walk away. I didn’t want Corbin to feel alone. I didn’t want him to be alone. So instead of giving him privacy, I knelt beside him, rubbing his back while he vomited.

“What are you doing?” he asked while flushing.

“I don’t know.” Because I didn’t, and honestly, it was easier not to think about it. The second round of upchucking gave me an excuse not to dwell on that and concentrate instead on massaging his back.

I didn’t realize it was possible for someone to vomit as much as Corbin did, and I couldn’t lie, it was gross, but I stayed with him. When he flushed a third time, I stood up, got a washcloth, and wet it before handing it to him.

“Well…this is embarrassing.” Corbin took it and wiped his mouth. “I should go home.”

“No,” I replied, and the shock in his eyes reflected the same feeling inside me. If Corbin had wanted to be alone, he wouldn’t have come here. We might have a complicated relationship, but I wasn’t an asshole. I didn’t want him to hurt, and it was obvious that Corbin was hurting, that maybe he hurt a lot.

Corbin sighed, leaning against the tub, legs bent and feet flat on the floor. His dark hair was messy, probably from sweat and running his fingers through it. It was the worst time, but I couldn’t help noticing his strong jaw and full lips.

“I’m sorry I ruined your evening, Spencer.”

“You didn’t ruin my evening,” I replied honestly. He’d shown me a different side to him tonight.

“Oh, so you were looking forward to watching a thirtysomething-year-old man puke his guts out like a drunk frat boy?”

I chuckled. “Well, I can’t say that was my favorite part or that I’d like a repeat of the vomiting.”

He was quiet again, and I found myself sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall across from him. Hanging out in the bathroom was weird, right? I should give him some privacy or let him go home, but I didn’t offer, and Corbin didn’t mention it either.

The first time we’d met, I’d wanted to know more about him, and that feeling was amplified after tonight. What was going on in that head of his? And why did I want so fucking much to be the one to help him through it all?