Chapter Twelve

CHAPTER TWELVE

Spencer

Was it weird that my bed felt empty without Corbin in it? Yes, I was pretty sure it was.

I rolled over, grabbing one of the pillows so I could hug it the way I did him, which was pathetic. We had only been sharing the same bed for a couple of weeks, yet I acted like it had been years…and it was only a day without it, and I seemed to think that was a lifetime too.

It could simply be that my body had adjusted to holding something. The pillow I had was small. A body pillow might help. Lots of people had to sleep that way.

That was it. Body pillow for the win…

But that didn’t explain why Corbin hadn’t come over. He’d texted and said he wouldn’t make it over, and now I was driving myself nuts, thinking about it instead of sleeping.

Had he stayed with Marcus? Maybe Corbin was in bed with him right now—his best friend on one side of him and Kai on the other—Corbin getting what he needed from them instead of me, and…would that be so bad?

Yes, yes it would. Jesus, how had I taken to this so quickly? It was supposed to be for Corbin, not for me. Missing it shouldn’t be happening, but evidently, it was.

I grumbled and flipped over again.

Empty beds sucked.

And I’d lost my mind.

Those thoughts plagued me all night, but at some point I did manage to get a bit of sleep.

I was dragging ass the next morning as I got up and got ready for work. I had too many meetings today, as well as budget stuff to go through, which always put me in a shitty mood.

It was noon when I found myself searching Corbin’s name on Instagram, which definitely meant I needed to get a life. Apparently, that wasn’t happening today.

He’d already posted a couple of times. The first was him at the gym, early that morning. He looked sleepy, his eyes slightly puffy in the video of him doing squats.

The next photo seemed to be post gym and shower, wearing nothing but a jockstrap and a smile. Really fucking hot, but there was something about the smile on his face and the dimness in his eyes that made my chest ache. It wasn’t the same as the smile I saw from Corbin in person. His pretty blue eyes didn’t have the same sparkle.

I scrolled through the photos, looking at all of them, at his mouth and his gaze, and noticed the same thing. The photos weren’t something he was excited to do. They weren’t something he felt good about doing. They were something Corbin did because he thought it would make him feel better about himself.

The throbbing in my chest grew as I scrolled through the comments. Hundreds of them, a combination of men saying they wanted to fuck him, wanted Corbin to fuck them, telling him how hot or sexy he was. But then there were the other comments. The ones calling him fake, superficial, full of himself, saying how he’s not that hot, others calling him ugly. What the fuck was wrong with people? Did they really have nothing better to do with their time than to say hurtful things to people on the internet? I couldn’t wrap my head around what people got out of that, what was inside them that made them want to make others feel bad.

And I wished like hell Corbin didn’t open himself up to it. I was at the point in my life where I didn’t give a shit if someone said those things to me, but he would, and damned if I didn’t want to take on every single person who had anything negative to say to him.

Which…was an interesting development, one I wasn’t sure how to handle.

“Spencer?”

I looked up to see Gael in the doorway. “Hey, you. You’re here early.”

“Winter break. And I read this really good book and thought maybe Corbin would like to read it. He probably doesn’t give a shit, and it’s not like I care, but—”

“He gives a shit,” I interrupted. Even if Corbin didn’t want to read it, I knew he would at least try to because Gael had chosen it for him. It was the kind of man Corbin was. “I know he loved Two Boys Kissing, and I also know it would mean a lot to him that you thought of him.”

Gael rolled his eyes. “Somehow I doubt that.”

“Well, you shouldn’t. He asks about you all the time.” Which was true.

A flare of excitement lit Gael’s brown eyes before he turned away to hide it. “Either way, it doesn’t really matter. I just thought I’d bring it to you.” He set the book on my desk.

“Thank you. I’ll give it to him tonight.”

Gael nodded, opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then closed it again. He turned and went for the door, stopping with his back to me and said, “Thanks, Spencer…for everything or whatever,” then walked out.

I couldn’t hold back my smile, and the first person I thought of to talk to about it was Corbin, not just because Gael had brought him the book, but because of what he’d said to me too. Somehow, I knew Corbin would get it more than anyone else.

Corbin annoyingly filled my thoughts the rest of the day. It was almost time to get off work when my cell buzzed. My eyes darted toward it, wondering if it would be the man who had twisted my head, but it was Morgan.

“Thank God,” I said to him when I answered.

Morgan chuckled. “I don’t often hear that when I call someone. Want to grab dinner?”

Had Corbin eaten today? If so, how much? “Yes. Fuck yes.” I needed to get my mind off him.

We chose a little hole-in-the-wall, queer restaurant. They served a bit of everything, in a relaxed environment, the walls covered in photos of queer people and articles about queer history and things like that.

Morgan was already there when I arrived. He waved me over.

“I need a drink,” I said.

“Work stuff?”

Usually, it was work stuff, but that was before I’d come down with a case of Corbin Brain. Oh look, that was another form of CB. We were cuddle buddies, but he also left me with Corbin Brain, and had since the first time I met him.

“No.”

“Is everything okay?” Morgan’s brows pinched together in concern.

“Remember Annoying Neighbor?” I asked, having told him a few stories about Corbin before.

“The really beautiful guy you seem to hate for no reason? Yes, I remember him.”

Before I could continue, the waiter showed up. We each ordered a margarita, chips and salsa for an appetizer, and chicken street tacos. It was what we always got when we came here.

The second the waiter was gone, I said, “Yes. God yes. He really is gorgeous.” The thing most people didn’t see was that Corbin was even more beautiful on the inside than the outside. I hadn’t seen it until these past few weeks. I would still never forgive myself for judging him so harshly, and I wished everyone could see what I did in him.

“That sounded very…what’s the word?…swoony. Looks like I need an update.”

“It wasn’t swoony.” Was it? Corbin Brain strikes again. But I wanted to talk to someone about it, and Morgan was the person I discussed stuff with, so there was no reason to stall. “What I didn’t tell you about him was that I’ve met him before.”

The waiter brought our drinks and appetizer while I told Morgan about the night I’d met Corbin in college. From there I went into my long-lasting grudge against him, which honestly, wasn’t normal for me. I didn’t tend to hold grudges.

“And now?” Morgan asked.

Now…now I wasn’t sure what to say about him. It was confusing and exciting and, frankly, annoying too. “Now we’re friends.”

“A friend you fuck?”

“Umm…no?”

Morgan gave a deep, husky laugh. “Why do you sound unsure about that? It’s an easy question.”

Because explaining to him exactly what we did, and doing it without sharing any of Corbin’s private struggles, was difficult. “A friend I cuddle.”

Morgan’s dark brows rose. “Excuse me, what?”

“You heard me. We…cuddle. He sleeps at my house, in my bed. I haven’t even kissed the guy, but we sleep together and snuggle on my couch. I know, I know. It’s weird. I can’t tell you why we do it, but it’s something I started for him, and now I…” Now I liked it. And I missed it. I missed Corbin.

“Now it sounds like it’s for you too and you like this guy.”

Ding! Ding! Ding!We had a winner. “Not like him like him. I just…sorta like him.”

Morgan laughed again, just as the waiter brought our food. He set each plate in front of us, asked if we needed anything else, and when we said no, disappeared again.

“You either like him or you don’t. All this weird code-word crush-talk is bullshit. You’re interested in him. What’s the big deal?”

The big deal was I was supposed to hate him, but I’d never really hated him. And we were an odd couple. I worried about him and wanted to protect and take care of him, but I didn’t know how to do that or if I should want to. Corbin said he was looking for a boyfriend, but I wasn’t sure that was something he really wanted. He just didn’t want to be alone, and the thought of getting myself entangled with another man who could easily walk away from me was…really fucking scary. I’d thought DJ and I were in it together forever, and if that couldn’t last, it sure as shit wouldn’t with someone like Corbin.

Not only that, but if Corbin worried about his body so much, how would that translate to being with me? Would he be able to handle it? Would it embarrass him?

But again, I didn’t want to stop this.

“I’m interested,” I admitted. “I don’t know how much or where it would go, but I’m interested.”

“There’s your answer, then.” Morgan shrugged. “You’re literally the most confident, put-together person I know. Whatever you’re afraid of, don’t be. You’ll conquer it like you do everything else in your life.”

I barked out a laugh. “I don’t know about that.”

But what I did know was that I wasn’t going to let Corbin avoid me. Even if he wasn’t interested in me in the way I thought I was with him, I still wanted to be his friend. Being there for Corbin gave me something I didn’t know I needed, and I wasn’t ready to walk away from that yet.

“I do,” Morgan said. “I don’t think you’ve run from a thing in your life. I respect the hell out of you for that.”

There was something in Morgan’s voice, a truth he’d never shared, and maybe a sadness too. He felt like he’d run from something. “Morgan…I really wish you could talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. You’re worried for no reason. We’re just different people. Not everyone is as comfortable sharing things.”

He was right, but I didn’t ever want him to think I didn’t care. “Please tell me that if you ever need to talk, you’ll come to me.”

“That I can do. Now let’s eat. I can’t believe you’re going to be dating Corbin Erickson from The Vers.”

I rolled my eyes. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Because the truth was, Corbin might want to fuck me and might like cuddling with me, but that didn’t mean he would want anything else. He cared what people thought, and people were shitty. They would have a whole lot of things to say about someone with a body like mine.

*     *     *

My self-proclaimed CBwas avoiding me.

He hadn’t stayed at my house in three nights. When I went to his apartment, he wasn’t home. We didn’t run into each other in the hallway or the elevator, which led me to believe he was keeping strange hours so he wouldn’t run into me.

And he’d been posting on social media a lot. Frequently from the gym.

More than once I’d thought about texting him, but I hadn’t. First I told myself I didn’t want to push and that Corbin was done with the cuddle-buddy thing, but then, why was I standing outside Driftwood? He’d posted a reel from there, and like the stalker I’d turned into, I’d come straight down. Maybe I should be second-guessing myself because one of Corbin’s best friends owned this bar. He had people in his life and didn’t need me, but something about the look in Corbin’s eyes, the missing spark in them despite the smile he kept on his face, had all the instincts I’d never had before him shooting into overdrive.

The bar was fairly busy for a weeknight. I hadn’t been here before, so I didn’t know if that was normal. There was security inside, more than you’d usually see in a bar this size, but then, the owner was dating Sebastian Cole, so that might’ve been the reason.

The counter was to the left after coming in the front door, so I went that direction first. As soon as I got close, I spotted Corbin. He was sitting toward the end of the bar, turned to the side and talking to a man who looked like he’d stepped out of a queer Instagram page for working out. The body language made it obvious they were flirting, which gave me pause. What had I been thinking, storming down here like…what, like Corbin needed me? Like I could give him something a million other men couldn’t? But then, maybe I could because I knew my intentions were real. I gave a shit about Corbin and wanted what was best for him. Maybe this guy did too, but there was a chance he didn’t.

“Holy shit. You’re the CB!” a voice came from my right, and I looked over to see Marcus’s boyfriend, Kai.

“Such a ridiculous name.” I shook my head.

“Such a Corbin name,” he replied. “I’m glad you’re here. Can you go talk to our boy, please? I’ve decided I like you.”

I chuckled. “Thanks, but he looks busy.”

“So? I would never let that stop me, and something tells me you wouldn’t either. Plus, Corbin has been weird the last couple of days and hanging out with us more again, which makes me think he’s going through some stuff and hasn’t been with you. We love him and want what’s best for him, so please don’t fuck with him, otherwise my boyfriend will kill you.”

For the second time, Kai made me bark out a laugh. He was a spitfire, that was for sure. “Yeah, I’ve heard he’s protective of Corbin.”

“He is. And it’s a really beautiful thing, so if you are interested but don’t think you can handle that, please walk out now. They’re the definition of what friendship is supposed to be. Corbin needs a man who can accept that.”

“Who said I’m going to be Corbin’s man?”

I glanced over to see the guy standing between Corbin’s legs step closer. He lifted a hand and cupped Corbin’s cheek. Jealousy set ablaze my insides. Why that happened all of a sudden, I didn’t know. For weeks Corbin had been talking to men he might date, and I hadn’t given a shit, but standing here now? Seeing it? I didn’t want anyone touching him but me.

“The look on your face says it all. Go get him, tiger.” Kai winked at me before walking away.