Chapter Thirteen

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Corbin

“Do you want to get out of here with me?” Josh asked…or was it Jake? I couldn’t remember, but then, I didn’t think names were what we were looking for tonight. At least JoshJake wasn’t. He wanted a fuck, and while I’d told myself I was looking for a boyfriend, it had been hard since I stopped going to Spencer’s. I missed the connection, being in someone’s arms, and feeling desired, which strangely, I’d gotten from Spencer even though we hadn’t been having sex. Usually that came from social media or hooking up, but when Spencer held me…it was there. He was—Stop it! Bad Corbin! I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Spencer. He was my friend, and dating him would ruin it all.

“What are you going to do with me if I do?” I flirted with JoshJake. This, I knew how to do. This was easy and gave me that feeling I sought, even if only temporarily.

“Corbin,” Declan said from behind me, warning in his voice. They’d been concerned about me the last couple of days, but I was fine. Not sleeping well and basically living at work, the gym, or with one of the Beach Bums, but I had to keep my distance from Spencer until I figured out how to deal with my annoying crush and not lose my CB.

If I got a boyfriend, would he care if I stayed cuddle buddies with Spencer? Ugh. Why was I still thinking about him?

JoshJake said, “I’ll make you come so hard, you won’t remember your name.”

Which, okay, that was funny as fuck since it was his name I couldn’t seem to remember.

“I think I can work with that,” I replied.

“Corbin!” Declan said again.

I whipped around. “Little busy here!” What was up with the cock block?

Declan motioned toward something on the other side of JoshJake. I looked around him, thinking Marcus was here to be Dec’s cock-block cohort—and saw Spencer approach. My stupid, annoying mouth stretched into a smile. Spencer raised a brow and smirked at me.

“Who the fuck are you?” JoshJake asked him.

“His cuddle buddy and I miss him. It’s frustrating as shit but true.”

I hadn’t thought it was possible, but my smile got even bigger. I felt it in a way I’d never experienced with a basic movement of my mouth before, but it was like it had a direct link into every part of my insides, making them snap and crackle with electricity.

JoshJake frowned. “Cuddle buddy? What the fuck is that? Is it some kind of sex thing?”

“No, it’s a Corbin thing,” I told him, still trying to wrap my head around what was happening.

“Corbin-and-Spencer thing,” Spencer amended.

“Eh. You’re not worth all this,” JoshJake said, making me tense.

“Hey. Don’t say that shit to him.” Spencer put a hand on JoshJake’s arm and pulled him away.

“Don’t touch me.” JoshJake jerked out of Spencer’s grasp and looked back at me. “You’re not that hot.”

Well, shit. He was a dick. I’d dodged a bullet tonight.

“Did you hear what I said? Don’t say stuff like that to him. I won’t tell you again.” Spencer crossed his thick arms.

And that was my cue to step in. I pushed to my feet. “Spencer, it’s not worth it.” I mean, I had been flirting with the guy. I was a lover not a fighter, but I wasn’t going to let Spencer get into a fight for me.

“Fuck you both,” JoshJake said just as security stepped up.

“Get him out of here,” Declan told the security guard.

JoshJake jerked back, gave us both the finger, and stormed out.

I was glad nothing went down. I could’ve handled it myself, but…Spencer had come to my defense. He’d had my back.

“What are you doing here, Spencer?”

“Stalking you, apparently.”

I grinned again, my crush on this man attacking me with a vengeance. I felt…I didn’t know. Shaky inside. Light and fluttery. “I like your shirt.”

He looked down. “I forgot I was wearing this.”

His tee said: I hate to be sexy, but I’m chubby and can’t help it.

“Are you guys about to make out? Because you look like you are,” Kai said, having approached at some point.

“You brat,” Declan said, reminding me that he was there too.

“I can’t believe Marcus missed out on Asshole Spencer defending your honor.” Kai’s hand smacked against his mouth. “I mean…Cuddle Buddy Spencer? In our defense, we thought of the name when you were a jerk to Corbin.”

Spencer shook his head, but the corners of his mouth curled up in a small smile. “No offense taken,” he told Kai, then to me, “Can we talk?”

Oh God. He was going to tell me he didn’t want to be CBs anymore, which would be my fault as I’d ignored him for days because of my dumb crush on him. This was all because the Beach Bums had fallen in love. Now I was crushing on people. “No,” I said.

Logically, I knew there was a chance Spencer wasn’t going to tell me he didn’t want to be CBs anymore. He had just defended me, after all. But fear and emotions in general were almost always stronger than logic.

Declan groaned. “Jesus, Corb.”

“He means yes,” Kai added.

“No, I don’t.”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to keep stalking you,” Spencer replied. “And who will I cuddle if it’s not you?”

“What? No. That’s our thing. You can’t do it with anyone else,” I said because the thought of it made my stomach ache.

“Please don’t ask to use my office,” Declan complained. “Every time Marcus and Kai use it, they fuck in there. I swear everyone else has sex in my office more than I do.”

“Sounds like you and Bastian need to get on that,” I said, ignoring the fact that Spencer and I didn’t have sex because he didn’t want to have sex with me. Not really.

Spencer eyed me, not speaking. It was intense, like he was searching for something, trying to dig deeper inside me than anyone ever did. What was he looking for? And would he like what he found?

“Come on, Corb. Let’s go home.” He held his arm out for me, and I couldn’t help stepping into his embrace. The second I did, I melted into him, into the comfort of Spencer’s warm, soft body and the feel of his strong hold around me.

“So fucking cute. I’m taking a photo for my baby,” Kai said.

I couldn’t pull my face out of Spencer’s chest to respond. This was…fuck, I’d missed this. I needed this. How could we find a way to make this work?

“I’m going to have security walk you guys out to be safe,” Declan said. “Who knows if that guy has beef with you now or not.”

Spencer nodded.

Neither of us had our car with us, so Spencer ordered a ride from his phone, and then we went out, the car pulling up right away. The second we were in the back seat, I cuddled into Spencer’s side again. “You must have missed me a lot,” I said.

“I did. It’s frustrating as shit. I’ve been driving myself crazy.”

“Me too,” I admitted.

He danced his fingers up and down my arm the way he did when we were in bed. This whole thing was…a lot. I didn’t know how it happened so quickly or what it was, just that it was stressing me the fuck out. I feared losing it, or that he wouldn’t want me in whatever way it was I wanted him.

“This is all your fault,” Spencer added.

“What exactly is this?” I mean, he’d left me an opening, and I needed to figure out what the fuck was going on so I didn’t have to keep avoiding him.

“We’ll talk at home.” Which was likely a good idea.

We were quiet the short drive back to our building, then quiet in the lobby and the elevator up. Like always, we automatically went to Spencer’s apartment, my nerves multiplying with each step of the way.

We took our shoes off, for me just for something to do, but then I couldn’t hold back anymore and blurted out, “I might want to date you!”

Spencer grinned, his forehead wrinkling in a playful way. “Might?”

“Yes. I’m not confirming or denying anything. This is weird as fuck. I’ve never wanted to really date anyone before. This is all because of Marcus, Parker, and Declan! Well, them and the Poddies too.” I was pacing Spencer’s living room, him not joining the conversation, which made me even more nervous. “First, they fell in love, and then, when I told them we’re CBs and all the things we did, they said we were dating, which made me realize I wanted to date you—might, I mean. Might want to date you, and now it’s all I can think about!”

I took a few breaths, and when Spencer still didn’t say anything, I kept going. “You don’t want to have sex with me, and three weeks ago you thought you hated me, so I’m sure dating me isn’t high on your to-do list, but even if it was, I’m afraid of screwing it up or my issues getting in the way or not being good at it. Oh my God, what if I suck at it, but more than that, I’m freaked out that it’ll ruin our friendship, and I can’t do that. I’m sure you can’t either. You would be lost without me and—fuck!” Pain shot through my toe when I stubbed it on the coffee table. “I just broke my fucking toe!” I plopped down on Spencer’s couch, my eyes drifting closed. “And I’m tired…so fucking tired. I’m not used to sleeping alone anymore. How did I get used to sleeping with you so quickly?”

I heard movement before the couch dipped under Spencer’s weight. He grabbed my foot, tugged my sock off, then started examining my toe.

I opened my eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure your toe is okay first, which it is. I don’t think it’s broken.”

He brushed his thumb back and forth over it, leaned forward, and kissed my fucking foot—which was way more swoony than it should be—then lowered it to the floor again. “Second, I do want to have sex with you. I told you that. And our friendship will only get ruined if we let it. We’re in control here, Corb. We can make sure we’re keeping our friendship and CB relationship a priority. And third…I might want to date you too.”

I’d perked up at everything he’d said but nearly jolted out of the seat at that. “Might?”

“Oh, so it’s okay for you to say might but not me?”

“I take it back. There’s no might. I want to date you.”

He smiled. “I want to date you too. But that means you’re mine while we’re together. I’m not sharing you.”

“Fucking swoon. Yes, let’s do that. Who knew dating was so hot?”

Spencer laughed, and God, I loved being able to make him do that.

“I’m serious about the friendship thing, though. That’s important to me too. I don’t want to lose that, so if we’re having second thoughts or if we’re unsure about something, we need to talk about it.”

“Done.” Because Spencer wanted to date me. I might not be DJ, the guy he’d been in love with—and maybe still was—but I was something.

“Also, I need to make sure you know it’s because I like you, who you are inside. I mean, you’re gorgeous too, but you’re more than that. I’m dating you and will be having sex with you because I like you. You’re more than a fuck to me. I would want you even if you weren’t as beautiful as you are.”

No one had ever said that to me before. When I was younger, no one wanted me because of how I looked, and now as an adult, it was the only reason people did. “Okay.”

“Do you believe me?”

“Probably not, but I’ll try.” It was the best I could do.

“It’s a start. I’ll have to do everything in my power to convince you. If we’re going to do this, I need to make sure we’re on the same page. DJ…”

“I would never do that.”

“Okay, but just like you have to try to believe me on why I want you, it’s similar for me. I never thought he would just walk away. It still messes with my head. Why was I so easy to walk away from?”

“I would never do that.”

“Good, now I really need to kiss you. I’ve wondered what you taste like since I was eighteen years old,” Spencer said before leaning in and pressing his mouth to mine.

My whole world exploded. I moaned before he even lashed his tongue against my lips. When he did, I opened up for him, needing him inside. Spencer wanted me, and he said it was for me. This person who made me feel safe the way only the Beach Bums ever had, he wanted me and was dating me and now was kissing me. He needed to shave, but his stubble scratched against my face in the most delicious way, making me crave him even more.

I climbed into Spencer’s lap, straddling him. My dick was already achingly hard. It had been weeks since I’d been with anyone—even before that night at the fundraiser where I’d spoken to Spencer—and that wasn’t something my body was used to.

“Please,” I begged, kissing my way down Spencer’s throat, wanting his arms around me because I loved the way it felt to be enveloped by him, but I wanted his dick inside me too—not only to feel that connection, or because I loved sex, but to know he wasn’t lying and he really did want me.

“Please what?” Spencer held my chin gently, turning my head so I looked at him.

I grinned. “Please let me ride your dick…or I can fuck you. Either way. I just want to be with my… Okay, I was trying to think of a new name since we’re dating now, but you’re still my CB.”

Something in his expression softened. I didn’t know how to word it other than that. “Jesus, you’re so fucking special.” He held my face again, brushing his big thumb over my cheek like he wanted to treasure me. It was another way no one had treated me before.

“Clearly,” I teased, heart thudding.

“I’m being serious. Don’t make a joke out of it.”

“Okay.” My chest squeezed in an unfamiliar way.

“And I don’t know if we should have sex…not because I don’t want you. I want you so fucking much, it’s killing me, but—”

“I know you want me for more than how I look. I feel it. I can’t always believe it, but I need you, and I promise you’ll love it. I’m very, very good.” I kissed the corner of his mouth. “I don’t want you to do something you don’t want, but if you’re holding back because you think it’s better for me or will show me you want me for more than sex, that’s not going to work. Right now, I just want to know what it’s like to be with someone who makes me feel good on the inside. If you expect me to believe you on what you want and how you feel, then you should believe me too.”