Chapter 34

Chapter

Thirty-Four

C alliape is waiting for me in my chambers when I return from the death rituals in the temple. The elders carried out the traditional prayer for their bodies to be laid to rest, and the entire congregation was in attendance to watch the passing of the three elder priestesses who were slain in the coup. Next will be the high priestesses, and finally the lesser will be honored with their own death ceremonies in the coming days.

I was permitted to sit with the other high priestesses, no longer alone in the back of the temple. I still felt eyes on me, but it was different today. When the temple members whispered and glanced in my direction, it was not in pity or disgust. It was in praise of what I did to protect the stones. Some even stopped to bless me as I tried to exit unnoticed. They are still wary of me, I can tell, but I cannot deny the relief of their acceptance.

"Have you been here long?" I ask Calliape.

"No, well, yes. I came earlier to get away from Selene, but you were not here." She glances around. "I cannot believe they put you back in this room."

I sigh at her with big eyes, letting her know I feel the same about this space.

"Can they hear us?" She points to my door, where my guards are posted.

"No, and we are safe until morning. I told them not to disturb me, that I am in mourning after the death ceremonies. 99 replaced them with Viathan commanders anyway."

"The Estate allowed that?" She leans against my little desk, glancing back to make sure she didn't jostle the little glass bottles that line the surface.

"99 assigned them to a few other temple members as well, so it was not obvious. The emperor has resolved to using Viathans for protection after the coup and temple attack."

"Huh, that is odd. I thought I heard it was you who stopped a temple attack, not Viathan commanders." She pretends to ponder, looking off to the side dramatically.

I can't help but laugh at her. "I am just happy I can move around more freely."

She rolls her eyes but nods in agreement.

"You said you came early to get away from Selene?" I ask while removing my formal temple robe and then loosening some of the pins in my veil.

"I did." She purses her lips, pulling them to one side.

"How do you do it?" I ask.

"Do what?" She walks to the massive open wardrobe and runs her hand across the high priestess gowns. "Should I wear one of these?"

"You can if you like, though the library is normally pretty empty. And I mean how do you handle it with Selene here? She is so . . ." I cut myself off before I insult the woman who is helping us.

She takes a gown out, holding it by the wooden hanger. "This is very pretty. Um, like I said, I came early." She smiles again and then forces herself to be serious. "She was really hurt that I left. She thinks she knows what is best for me still. If it were up to her, I would be hidden away on the mountain forever."

"And what do you want?"

"I wish I could say." She holds the dress up to her tall, slender form, admiring herself in the door's mirror.

It's hard to decipher if she meant she does not know or if she wishes she could confess the truth aloud.

"Would you like to wear that, Calliape?"

She shakes her head like she is being silly for even considering it. "I should be asking if you are alright. 99 mentioned you may not want to speak on it so he let me know what happened, but I want to know if you are ok."

I shut the wardrobe and turn toward her. "If you mean my light, then yes, I am fine."

"I know your light is fine." She slants her head, playfully indignant. "I mean about the other priestess, Thea."

She knows I failed getting the ledgers from her, the reason she is here, why we have to try the harder of the two options Selene gave us.

"I cannot ask Thea to help me anymore. She is lost to this place, I think. I have to put distance between us for her safety."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you." I make sure my door is locked and try to quickly move on from thinking of the way Thea broke when she recounted how Ben died. "Are you ready?"

Calliape straightens. "Do you know where we are going?"

I nod.

"Alright, think of the details of the location and keep yourself open."

I close my eyes, preparing for the sudden rush of movement.

Calliape puts her hand on my shoulder and shoots us across the Estate.

When I open my lids as we come to a swaying stop, we stand in front of the wall tapestry I was picturing while trying my best to concentrate.

The candles are still high, having only been lit for half the day, but the hallway is as dark as it would be in the middle of the night.

Calliape glances around. "Is this the library?" She nods to the wooden door next to her.

"Yes."

"Is there anyone inside?"

"You should have worn the priestess gown," I tease.

"Go check," she whispers, ignoring me.

I slip inside, listening for any rustling papers and looking for candles out of place as if someone moved them to read.

"Good?" Calliape whispers.

"Yes, everyone is in mourning still and Emperor Matthias suspended unnecessary work in the Estate." I gesture her forward and shut the door behind us. "I heard some of the elder priestesses mention the scholars are in the outer city libraries until the end of the conjunction."

Her eyes flick around the room, not sticking to any one thing except the heavily decorated statue. It must look very strange to her.

"Mary may have stored a key in her old desk to the room with the forbidden books. It's over here," I say.

We rush through the large common room to the back where Mary's desk is located. I take a candle with me, cupping my hand in front of it to block the wind as we hurry through the archway.

"Is this where you were a scribe, Ferren?" Calliape looks around like she is watching the memories play out in front of us, ghosts moving and transcribing in their seats.

"Yes, this was Mary's," I explain and sit down in her chair to begin searching through all the tiny compartments of the desk section and the raised area in the back where she mostly kept supplies.

Calliape inspects some of the things on her desk, picking up her magnifying glass and moving it around.

"There has to be a ward around that room. We have to find a key to naturally unlock it so it will not go off."

"Do you know what kind of ward?" She runs her finger down the binding of a book.

"I do not."

"If it is anything like the ones the highest has in the Estate, then I don't think I will set it off."

"What about me? And you would have to be very sure."

She sits, resolving herself to finding the key as our method of getting into that room.

"Crixa hugged me in the temple," I say suddenly while I sift through the belongings littering the desk. "It was so . . . odd."

"Odd?"

"She looked almost happy to see that I wasn't killed. It was like she was worried." I try to remain calm as I scour every little compartment and drawer, trying not to move too many items and have it appear that someone ransacked this area.

"Careful, Ferren. Even if she is being sincere, what do you think she would do if she found out you were not?"

"I know."

"It is not the same as Selene and me . . ."

"Not at all." I push a few books out of my way.

"But I know what it is like, how they are when you are doing what they want. How good that praise feels."

"I'm glad I told you. 99 would not understand, not without our tether doing a lot of the work." My words come out so sad it almost chokes me.

"Just please be careful. This place is alluring. Even I feel it," she whispers.

When she says things like that, it makes me wonder how her life would be if her mother stayed and she was raised in the priestess order. Maybe that is why she feels a small pull in this direction.

I start on the drawers below the desktop and notice the sticky one is open slightly. I open it farther, a little afraid of what I will find missing.

The dark blue, leather-bound log is not sitting where I left it on top.

That scholar saw me place it back in this drawer. I was not exactly subtle in my caught-off-guard state when he approached me. I have thought since then that he could have been part of the coup, that perhaps the clothes in the hall so close to the entrance could have been his. But what would a First Son soldier pretending to be a scholar want with Mary's strange log?

I remove most of the contents onto my lap until it's empty and not a thing is inside, including the key. I shove it back into place, cramming the papers in without care.

"Would she have kept it somewhere else?"

"No. Maybe, but I don't know where. She had a house not far from here," I ramble, holding my head up by my bent arms resting on the desktop.

"Have you looked everywhere in her desk?"

"Yes." I groan. "Where is it, Mary? Where did you keep it?"

For some reason, I have the urge to feel under the surface of the desktop. I reach my hand down where my legs are tucked in and skim my fingertips on the underside of the wood.

"Try the front." Calliape jumps up, understanding immediately I might be on to something.

I stand and walk around the desk, where my reach could not extend to before. I brush the underside, and my fingertips bump against a little box attached to the top. I pull it slightly and it comes loose.

"Open it!" Calliape scream-whispers.

A thin piece of wood slides across the box like it is meant to hold keepsakes or trinkets. I glide my thumb harder over it to open it completely and pull out a long, darkly tarnished key.

Calliape beams at it. "Where is the room?"

I turn to the back of the office area, toward the door that Mary would use to access the scholars' chambers. She was employed by the temple for the work we did, her transcription desk in this separate area to keep the stuffier scholars from complaining. Their study is strictly on other matters in Cosima, any subject on this world except the priestess order.

"Through there." I point.

"Should we go in?"

I nod, a little nervous to enter, but turn the handle on the door anyway. The room is pitch black aside from a single well-lit desk, the only one in the entire room illuminated.

"It looks like someone is here?" Calliape whispers. "We should go." She places her hand on my shoulder, vibrating with the need to fold the distance and escape.

"I see no one. They may have stepped out. Let's be quick."

We rush to the back of the room, up the long aisle, passing the messy desks on either side. When we pass the lit-up desk, I can't even bear to look at it, as if the reminder that someone has been here recently is too much for my nerves to handle.

I press the key into the door, but it won't even pass the opening of the keyhole.

"It's not the right key." I glance up at Calliape, horrified.

"Try again."

I spin it upside down, but it is still much too large no matter which way it is held.

We hear someone walking, the echo bouncing off the darkness, the main entrance of the room opening.

The young scholar I saw before walks toward us, balancing a scone on the top of a teacup with a candle in the other hand. He looks up and stops in his tracks, noticing me standing in the back of the room.

He gasps a little, like he's seen a ghost and not a priestess trying to break into the forbidden book room.

"We go now, right?" Calliape places her hand on me again and squeezes. "I really think we should go."

"No, no, no. We can't. If we disappear right in front of him, he will know we were up to something," I whisper.

The scholar walks slowly down the aisle toward us, squinting his eyes to make sure we are truly real and not just shadows. "High Priestess Ferren?"

"Hello. I was just—" I have no idea what to say to him.

"I am afraid you have caught me. Truthfully, I have grown so fond of the silence in this room with the others gone. I could not get used to working in the other room," he rambles and gestures toward the room connected, where I met him before when he said he could not work at Mary's desk.

"There is no reason to explain yourself," I say, a little confused at his nervousness, like he thinks he is the one in the wrong.

"Oh, hello, I am Edwin." He leans to the side, and I know he is talking to Calliape even though I have purposely kept her tucked behind me.

She says nothing back.

He nods awkwardly and continues to walk to his desk. "I was hoping to see you again." He takes a bite of the scone sitting on his mug and places everything down.

"Ferren," Calliape whispers.

"It's ok. I think."

"I took a look at the journal I saw you holding . . . Mary's." He holds it up as if it is something I asked him to do. "A lot of it was gibberish, but that was intentional. You said you did not know what Mary was working on before, but this is not the first one I have found. A lot of gibberish in the other as well. I think they are meant to be read together. The Frithian inside lines up perfectly, as if she had them side by side as she was writing. Fascinating." He rounds the desk so casually to find the other book he mentioned.

I can feel Calliape's posture change the moment he mentioned her language.

"What is he talking about?"

"I found some kind of log in Mary's desk. Written in Frithian, names and dates," I whisper to her.

He carries both in his hand as he walks toward us, holding them out like he is beyond excited to reveal his findings.

We both nod.

He stares at us, then the door behind, as if something has clicked and his excitement got away from his logic.

"Do you need something from that room, High Priestess? Are you trying to open the door?"

I stand a little straighter, wondering if he will call the guards, if I can explain this away or if I should tell Calliape to get us out and that our time here is officially over, that we are compromised.

But then he smiles with the side of his mouth. "I have a key if you need it."

"No. We were just—I have never seen the scholar rooms and I wanted to indulge, forgive me."

"You don't trust me, I understand," he says to us both but looks at Calliape for a long time. He pulls back the book, flipping through like he is trying to find the right page. "My husband's sister was a troubled woman. Her and the father of her young girl were . . . Well, let's just say he was not a kind man. Last we heard from her, she had gotten in touch with someone who could get her out of the city but she wouldn't tell us where she was going. That person's name was Mary. My sister-in-law said she worked in the Estate, had access to resources for travel. You can imagine when I heard Mary's position was available. I thought maybe you were helping her, High Priestess?"

He glances up at me from the second book, finding another specific page. When I shake my head, he continues, "This . . . is my sister-in-law's name and her daughter's. The date they departed. Written in Frithian."

Calliape leans in and reads it. "Is she fair in complexion?" Calliape steps out from behind me.

"You are Frithian?" He looks her over, noticing her clothes are not of Cosima, then shakes his head a little to focus. "Yes, she had fair skin."

"What color is her daughter's hair?" she tests him.

"Golden and curly. Very curly. Blue eyes like her mother's," he answers, ready to give us any information we ask.

Calliape looks at me, and her eyes tell me she knows the woman and child he speaks of. "She is well," she says.

The scholar has to lean against a desk while hearing Calliape's words, the update on his loved one. "That is wonderful news."

"She is on Frith, protected by the forest."

"Thank you."

"We do need your key," I admit.

"Ferren," Calliape warns again.

"You said you had no allegiance to the temple. Is that true?"

"I took Mary's job to find out what happened to my sister-in-law. I knew there had to be some kind of arrow pointing in the direction of what Mary was doing. I'll give you any book you need in there if you tell me more about her."

I look to Calliape, who nods in a single reluctant motion, and then I turn back to Edwin. "Deal."

He slowly sets the log down on his desk and opens the drawer on its side.

"Are you trying to get your sister to Frith as well?"

"Why would you ask her that?" Calliape's tone is fierce.

"I assumed. I saw you with the travel log, High Priestess. Did you truly not know Mary was smuggling people out of Cosima? You worked so close to her."

I do not want to answer him, give him any more details than I have to. For some reason, it hurts to hear what Mary was doing in secret. Even if she never in all the worlds would have told me about it.

"Can we trust you? If I open this door and borrow a book, will you tell no one?"

"You will bring it back eventually?" He smiles.

"Yes."

He hands me the key and sits at his desk, looking expectantly to Calliape to hold up her end of the bargain.

I don't hesitate to slip the key into the lock and open the heavy door, leaving the two of them on the other side.

The room inside is dark and dry. Dozens of bookcases line the windowless walls, filled to the top with ancient books. It doesn't take me long to find the aisle I am after. It's set up in the same system as the library I have spent most of my life in.

I hold out my candle to the spines of the birthing and attendance logs from the Temple of Divine Mothers. Selene said they would be kept in here as there is only one entry per woman to be made, unlike the ones in the school which are updated continuously on the child's progress.

There is a book with significantly less damage and not a single speck of dust on it, like it has been recently removed and recorded in.

I pull it out and flip through it briefly, knowing it's exactly what Selene said we would need. I stack two more on top even though the entire bookcase is full of them. Three decades of logged births should be enough to establish some sort of pattern.

I use my back to push open the door again and find Calliape sitting across from the scholar, speaking softly to him. He looks emotional, the information she gives him on his loved one almost moving him to tears.

They both look up at me when I draw closer.

"I should get back to work." He sniffles and holds out his hand for the key. "I will expect those back soon, High Priestess."

"You have my word."

"You have mine as well." He smiles tightly.

Calliape touches my hand and folds the distance faster than any other time before, wanting to leave the Estate desperately. I cling to the stack of books and close my eyes until my feet are firmly planted on solid ground again.

"They are bigger than I thought," Calliape says as I open my eyes and check that they are still in my arms. She brought us right outside the safe house door in the large cargo hangar where August's ship rests in the distance, as if she had both the safe house and his ship in mind and we ended up right between them.

99 stands under the ship, pointing at a panel and instructing Thad, who nods and cranes his neck to view it.

"Thank you for speaking with the scholar, for trusting that it was ok," I say, still watching 99, who has not noticed our arrival from across the giant space.

"His sister-in-law left because her child was born spontaneously divine. She was keeping it from the temple and the father found out. They are both really nice, and she has a son now too." Calliape smiles.

"There are so many people in your village from Cosima, aren't there? I noticed them when we arrived."

"Mary helped a lot of them leave, my mother and Selene included." Calliape places her hand on the knob and pauses, like she can tell I am not going to follow her.

Sparks fly across the hangar where another man works on part of a ship, fusing together a giant metal piece. The sound blots out anything 99 could be saying, the spray of fiery amber sparks reflecting off his visor and the shiny details of his armor. It's a little mesmerizing to see him when he does not know he is being watched.

"Are you coming in?" Calliape's voice is a little amused by the obvious distraction.

My mind pulls me to the memory of what he said in my chambers last night, the almost promise he made for when we tethered again.

As if called from across the worlds, 99's visor locks in on me as he begins his powerful stride across the hangar. My stomach does a nervous flip in a way that it has not since we were strangers to each other. And when he walks through the sparks created by the man smoldering metal together, the embers bouncing off his armor without a single flinch, my stomach flutters for an entirely different reason.