Chapter 18

Rome

"Oh, hell no. Not you. Never you. You're banned from this shop for life."

He hadn't been expecting a warm welcome from Seren, but Rome didn't think that she would have told anyone about what happened between them.

He'd done his research well ahead of implementing any kind of plan. He'd always sensed that Seren and Becka had a special bond and he'd found out that they were best friends. Becka was the reason Seren got into tattooing after her divorce.

She stood now, a raven haired she-demon. Okay, so she was a vampire, but it was pretty much the same in his mind. As a wolf, he'd always been leery about vamps. Every shifter was. They drank blood. That was a whole different universe than just spilling it. Becka defied convention. She walked around at all hours of the day and he'd seen her, over the years, eating regular food. The blood thing was certain, but it appeared that the other lore about vampires was straight up myth. People thought that wolves could only shift on a full moon, or that it caused a shift against their will. Although, maybe that was werewolf stuff, and he'd yet to meet one of those. As far as he knew, they were just legend, but he could be wrong.

Becka snapped her fingers the second he walked through the door. There were two younger women, probably early twenties, in the waiting area. They looked over at him and immediately scowled and took out their phones.

God fucking damn society and cellphones.

Walking over, snatching the things out of their hands and crushing them under his boot probably wasn't good etiquette, and he'd come to make a point.

He'd come to apologize.

That was pretty much a first.

It was Friday morning. He'd had all week to think about what happened in his office on Monday evening. The closer it got to the weekend, to the allotted time with Waverly, the worse it got. He had to do something or Seren wouldn't show, and Waverly would be crushed. She was just a little girl. She didn't know the difference and she didn't deserve to be punished for his sins. He'd arrange it so he didn't have to be there if Seren would accept, but he knew he had to talk to her. He was a bastard, an unfeeling, despicable bastard. He knew he had no right to ask for her forgiveness, but he had to tell her what he'd done. Maybe somewhere buried under all the assholeness, he did have some honor.

It took him all week to try to come up with a solution and find the right words. It took him all week to figure out how one even went about saying sorry.

It wasn't that he didn't mean it. He just couldn't figure out a way that Seren would agree to see him and hear him out.

Showing up at her work was all wrong. He knew Seren would be immediately incensed at his bold, egotistical move, but cornering her outside of work seemed even worse.

"I'll call the cops, I swear." Becka had her phone out now. The two girls on the couch were definitely recording the whole thing. They weren't even being discreet about it.

Rome knew Becka wouldn't get the police involved, but regular human witnesses were another thing. He had to keep calm. No wolf action allowed.

He wasn't going to be able to rationalize with the vampire guard dog, so he took the next best course of action and stalked past the reception desk. Seren's room was just down the hall, second door on the right. She'd fully renovated the building when she bought it and everyone got a nice, homey, clean room of their own.

Becka thundered after him and he wouldn't be surprised if the other two were on her heels, documenting the chase.

Seren had a client in her chair. A large dude with his shirt off. She was tattooing his chest, which was of course allowed and she was completely professional about it, but Rome went into raging bull mode. He saw straight red.

How fucking dare this prick walk in here and sit down in Seren's chair? Take up her time? How dare he position himself so she was so near, so intimate, her body hovering just inches above his, her hands on his skin.

That was her job and they were gloved, of course. Tattooing was about bodies and sometimes they were half naked and it was all very much part of the job, but that didn't matter to him. He couldn't be rational.

All he saw was some fucking guy in there with the woman who was his.

Mine, mine, mine, fucking mine. A thousand fucking times mine.

While wrenching the guy out of the chair and ripping him to shreds would have been exceptionally satisfying, he settled for grabbing the man's shit off the side bench in the corner of the room, tossing it at him, and roaring like a rabid beast.

"Out! Now!"

That bastard in the chair might have had a hundred pounds advantage on him, but he shrank back immediately and then burst into action. Not many people liked picking fights with someone who looked like they enjoyed dragging assholes up through throats and out mouths to create a brand-new species of shifter. They just wouldn't be able to shift back so easily.

The dude's outline was about half finished, but he raced out of the room with his shirt, wallet, and shoes in hand.

Becka burst into the room at the same time. "I'm seriously calling the police, Rome. You're finished." She raced to stand by Seren, who was standing against the wall. She'd laid her machine down calmly and was now watching him like he'd made good on the butt for a face trick with her client.

Neither woman had trouble glaring him down. They'd perfected the killer look and would have eviscerated him on the spot with very little trouble.

Thankfully, that wasn't a shifter or a vampire thing.

"It's okay, Becka," Seren ground out. There was no mistaking the fact that she was fuming. "I can handle this."

"Ugh, are you sure you don't want me to hypnotize him and get him into the chair so you can tattoo something rude as a warning to everyone else in the world? Blackmailer? Pervert? Creep? Voyeur? Sex Fiend? One Hundred Percent Walking Menace?"

She hadn't mentioned murderer, so at least Seren hadn't told her about that.

"Really. It's okay." Seren looked more like she'd rather spend any amount of time with the devil himself.

Then again, she had. She was an angel that he'd trapped into a contract from hell. She hadn't deserved any of it. She didn't have to give him this time. He hoped that for once, if he was going to be able to show any sort of emotion, it was gratitude.

"I'm giving you ten minutes." Becka threatened.

"Five," Seren insisted. "Then you can come in here and hypnotize away."

"I'll do that." It was conveyed through a filthy look that if she had to come back in there and if he hurt Seren in any way, castration with a tattoo machine was going to be too good for him.

Becka slammed the door so hard the whole building seemed to shake. Incredibly enough, it went on vibrating. No, that was just him. He could feel every single one of his cursed, racing heartbeats obliterating his ribs. Time was counting down. He didn't doubt that Seren was absolutely serious about five minutes.

"It's not that I've never felt anything in my life. I don't know what's wrong with me. Everyone would say something, but no one would be able to define what it is. I do feel, though. I feel guilt over what I did."

"Really?" Seren started gathering up the little pots of ink on her tray and throwing them out. There was zero chance her client was coming back, likely ever. He'd have to compensate her for that loss. It was only right. "You feel guilt. How sweet."

She gave him her back. He was struggling. Drowning. What did she need to hear?

"I feel guilty. I never should have interfered with your business or your life. I saw you. I wanted you. I didn't understand why. With Lila, I knew. With you, it made no sense. I knew I would hurt you, but that didn't honestly matter to me. Not at the time."

"You're a fucking asshole, Rome Nightfall." The inkpots went into the trash with enough violence to tear the bag. She grabbed the paper towel, balled it up, and threw it out. She tore the black gloves off her hands and then stared, cursed under her breath, and grabbed a new pair out of the box.

"I know."

"Why are you even here, then?"

"I need you to know that I know."

Her eyes shot back up. "I know. Now leave."

He was unused to being in this position. Unused to the feeling in his chest. She wasn't happy. He'd done more than wound her and her wolf. Despite the contract, when he'd called her, she'd come. She'd taken him to Brooke's, whatever she felt. He'd been nothing but a forceful ass, and she'd reacted with grace and compassion.

"It wasn't Lila's death that fucked me up. I was messed up long before that. But it did obliterate the few good parts left in me. I can never go back to visit her grave since she's buried on my family's pack lands. I've let that sorrow over losing her twice over, turn into guilt. I know if I had just—if I didn't exist, she'd still be alive. Waverly would still have a mom."

Seren crossed her arms, fresh gloves grabbing at her black velvet dress. She had black tights on underneath and black Mary Jane platform shoes with little bat wings on the straps. "What does that have to do with manipulating me for years? There is no excuse for what you did. If you came here to make one, you should turn around right now."

"I know there aren't any excuses."

His attempts at honesty and putting what was left of his heart out there for her fell flat and smashed all over the floor. He was at a loss. She was right. He'd fucked up and interfered with her life for over a year.

"You want me to keep seeing Waverly. Is that why you're here?"

"Yes!" He felt the first stirrings of profound relief.

Her lips pinched together. "I'm sorry, but I can't. You need to find someone else. Promise me that you'll do that. I know she's attached to me, and this isn't fair to her—"

"What if I wasn't there? What if you never had to see me again?"

She'd expected that and she shook her head. "Truly, I feel horrible, but it has to be no. Get your family involved. They want to help. I've met them. I know that they're worried about you. They love you. If you asked, they'd find a way. Why don't you just keep your stake in the auto repair shop and move? Why not live close by? Close enough that they could take Waverly during the day or see her for hours and do a far better job mentoring and preparing her than I could ever do one day a week. I'm a useless shifter anyway. I'd never even been on a full moon run before that one with your pack. They were exceptionally kind to allow me to be there. I don't think they would have if they had known what was really going on between us. That I wasn't—that we don't mean anything to one another."

She looked miserable when she said it. It didn't just bite into him. Her pain became his own. It made all of him uncomfortable, including the wolf, who he'd been so out of touch with for the past two years, ever since leaving his pack.

"I have nothing to offer more than I know what I did, I know it was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it."

"Are you trying to say sorry?"

"Yes. I am. I'm sorry. Truly. Beyond sorry. Beyond any words."

He expected mockery, but Seren closed her eyes. He should have known better. She might not forgive him, and she might be scornful and doubtful of everything to do with him, as she should be because that was only in the interest of self-preservation, but she wasn't cruel. That was entirely his domain. He just was. That part of him didn't have a thing to do with Lila. He'd taken his vengeance.

"I'm sorry for the things that have happened to you. How your mate was killed. That life can be so cruel."

The tear in his chest turned into a chasm. He was being split apart. He put up a hand to make sure it wasn't real. He'd felt plenty of pain, plenty of anger, despair, and guilt over Lila, twice over. He could feel. It was just that he wasn't used to feeling this . Whatever it was. Overload, probably.

"Grief makes people do things they wouldn't normally do. We're all just trying to survive, and I see that the way you chose to go about obtaining me was basically a self-preservation instinct. You could have done worse, I suppose. You could have written anything into that contract, knowing I would have had no other choice. You never forced me to give all of myself. What you wanted you could have gotten from watching porn or going to some club. In the long run, it was more innocent than it could have been. You stopped me and admitted the truth before…" She didn't finish. Her face flushed. "This isn't a pass. I'm going to say this once and once only. I never want to see you again. You're trying to control situations that can't be mastered. You're confused. The past couple of years have been hell for you, and you haven't healed." She watched him carefully, her eyes searing.

"I never should have wanted you," he muttered. "Never."

"It would have been easier for both of us if you hadn't." The flicker of pain on her face made him curl his hands into fists so hard that his nails scored his palms.

"What can I do to make it right? I'll pay for your client I just scared away. I overheard you talking with Becka about the building needing roof repairs, and that was months ago. I could pay for them. I could give you cash, and you could do with it whatever you will. Payment for the time I stole from you. For the opportunity cost of doing something else when you were with me."

That crisply delivered speech only made her face fall. This woman was incapable of unkindness. She could be angry and still graceful. She could forgive because she was ruled by her heart and her heart was full of compassion and the rare beauty of true kindness.

"I don't want money, but thank you for the offer. I accept your apology and I'll move on with my life. This happened and there's no pretending it didn't for either of us. I'll take it as an opportunity to learn and grow. I hope you can do that as well. I hope that you've heard what I said and that you can consider how you can make positive changes in Waverly's life. I know you're here for her, because you love her tremendously, but that you're also here for me too, and I appreciate how hard it was for you to figure that out and show up here."

When Seren took her machine and started to dismantle it, the power cords first and then the cartridge, and carefully set everything aside to be cleaned and sterilized, he knew it was over.

"If you don't want to get hypnotized, which by the way is real, you should leave. Becka will make you do some incredibly humiliating things. She knows everything related to this shop and the contract, and she's not happy."

"You're not happy either," he blurted. He wasn't used to feeling desperate, but he did now. Desperate for a few more minutes of her time. To get her to change her mind. To be able to put feelings he didn't understand into words and to utter them and have her hear them. "You haven't been happy in all the time I've known you."

She gave him a watered-down smile. "Happiness is hard for more people than just you. I have my own demons, but I'm working on it. I truly hope you can do the same. You could have a good life, if you wanted it. For Waverly, I think you could learn how. Ask for help. Call your family. Reconsider everything you know. It's not too late. You're not as damned as you think."

As usual, that light burned in her eyes. She saw past his villainy and treachery to the goodness she wanted him to believe in. He felt like he'd just been slammed into the ground by a stampede of elephants. He exhaled too loudly and for just a brief second, he was embarrassed at the sound it made. He hadn't come to be proud or to hide, he'd come to be vulnerable and exposed. He couldn't do that properly, not even for Waverly.

He shouldn't have been surprised. He was a curse who left a trail of misery and storm clouds in his wake wherever he went.

"You have lots of life to live yet." She was so far from finished with him. This was his penance that he'd stand here and take it before he left and never saw her again on pain of her vampire friend.

He could handle the vampire.

What he couldn't handle was destroying Seren's life any further.

She deserved so much more than he could ever give her or could ever hope to atone for. She deserved the world, not a shitty little slice of it carved off and cursed with his odorous presence.

He hoped someone would come along and give her happiness. Give her everything. Treat her like she was—

I don't fucking hope that. Let's see him fucking try. I'll find him and annihilate him.

Nice. Classic. You had a shot. Let her have her life back. You'll only hurt her.

No. You'll destroy her like you destroy everything you touch.

"You've been building the pieces of a good life around yourself so that anyone who looks thinks you're doing okay and that you've moved on, but you should really live . That's token advice, but it's good advice." Seren's hands shook, and she clamped down harder on the tattoo machine.

"What about you?" he challenged. "You didn't seem truly happy before."

She shrugged, but he imagined that under the gloves, her knuckles whitened. She held onto the machine like a lifeline. Or a deathline, because he was probably very close to being stabbed with it. She'd already ejected the cartridges, but she could probably make it happen with the remainder.

"I never pretended to have it all together. I love this place. I've put a lot of my time and heart into it. I love tattooing. It's not what my family wanted for me, but it's what I wanted. I took a chance on it and no, I'm not one hundred percent happy, but I also don't need to depend on another person to try to fill that role. I don't need to hand my heart to someone who is only going to…" She trailed off and looked away.

His heart palpitated so hard it physically hurt.

He'd find her ex. Find him and kill him. He'd make it hurt the way he'd clearly done something to hurt her.

Her attention snapped back on him like he'd said it out loud. "Leave it alone. Don't be crazy enough to do anything to anyone who doesn't deserve it. We had a difference of opinion over children. He wanted them. I wanted them. I couldn't have them. He found someone who could and moved on from the hurt of it before we'd officially ended. It was an asshole thing to do, and my parents don't even know that he did it. They think I wanted the divorce. I mean, I did, they just don't understand why. Was it even about kids? I don't think so. It hadn't felt right for a while. Relationships are just like that, I guess. Marriage is one hundred percent the cause of divorce." She laughed and it was surprisingly genuine.

"Why?" he asked bluntly. They seemed beyond things like polite niceties. He'd never had any manners to begin with.

"Why couldn't I have kids?"

"Yeah." He couldn't find every doctor she'd ever gone to, if any, and kill them too, could he? Maybe he could just make them suffer. Malpractice cases apparently weren't that hard to frame.

She sighed, drawing his attention back. She was so beautiful. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her. Not just because he desired her, but because maybe his closeness could help her heal.

Your ego is one hundred percent out of control.

That wasn't his most logical thought process. He'd hurt her and he couldn't apologize enough to make it right. Sorry was a paltry and pathetic word, and even if he was so heartily sorry, it didn't matter. Sorry was the most frustratingly inept concept.

"Endometriosis. And before you ask, yes, I actually did go to the doctor. I even got surgery more than once. I trusted my wolf enough to submit myself to human doctors. My parents know nothing about it. They would have been a wreck. The great thing about being a shifter is that you heal fast. The bad thing is that the stuff that isn't supposed to be there grows back equally as fast. Isn't that painful? Yeah. Cripplingly sometimes, but I've found ways to deal. Exercise, breathing techniques, meditation, heat, pain killers, all of that is pretty effective." She set the tattoo machine down and rolled her shoulders, refusing to look at him. "I don't feel like I'm less of a person or like something is missing for me. I was angry years ago, but I'm not now. I've worked hard to have a full life. I'm still working at it. My condition doesn't make me less of a woman or less of a wolf."

"Of course not," he growled, hands clenching and unclenching. The rage was growing in him, the heat of anger and adrenaline tearing through him so hard it was nearly crippling. His wolf got in on the action, the beast whipping back and forth, eager to get out and just fuck something up on Seren's behalf.

Also not logical, but how many emotions truly were? That's why they were feelings, not facts. His mother once said something like that to him.

His mother was a wise, good woman. He should have listened to her more often.

Then, he wouldn't be here.

He'd never have Waverly. He'd never have met Seren. He would have escaped most of the pain and torture of his life. He'd still have a pack. He'd still have a family.

He still had a family.

Seren was right.

"The universe gave you a shakedown and I only added to your misery. I threatened to destroy what you'd built when I knew how much you loved this place and your craft and that's unacceptable."

"Yes," she said simply, frowning. "I'm glad you get it. You're going to have to go now. Sorry, but I can practically feel Becka vibrating on the other side of that door."

"Is she standing out there?"

"Can't you smell her?"

"No." He tried. He couldn't. "The scentless thing is true, isn't it?"

She nodded. "She's my best friend. I'm very attuned to her. I'm glad you came to apologize. Thank you. It won't change anything, but I'm still glad. I do hope that you can find a way to build up your own happiness. You also got a bad shakedown. Waverly deserves better."

"She deserves better than me." A truer statement had never been implied more often.

"I didn't say that."

"You meant it."

"No."

"Okay!" The door flew open and Becka barged into the room. She really had been standing out there. He truly hadn't sensed her or scented her. She stalked towards him menacingly, like a guard dog protecting its master. Her lips drew up ferally and her fangs descended. "It's go time, Rome. You should have left with you had a chance. I'm going to enjoy hypnotizing you. Your blood is going to be delicious. I'm goddamn starved ."

"Don't threaten me with a good time," he yawned, bored.

Becka's eyes rolled in their sockets, but Seren stepped between them. "Let him go, Becks." She grasped her friend's arms. "I'm fine. This conversation took a little longer than five minutes—okay, a lot longer—but it needed to be had. Rome is leaving and he's not coming back here. Ever. He's going all on his own, no hypnotism required."

"I was almost looking forward to making a snack out of him. I wasn't going to be gentle. This asshole could use a sore throat as a reminder not to mess with the people I love."

"He's got that already." Seren edged Becka back a few steps, against the wall. It didn't stop the vampire from glaring at him as he headed for the door.

He wasn't afraid. Becka wouldn't kill him. If she wanted to hurt him, he deserved it. Pain never bothered him in the least, unless he caused his family and the people he cared about to feel it. He'd caused them plenty.

He'd come to offer Seren something to think about, but the opposite happened, and he was walking away with his thoughts racing.

The day he'd first seen Seren, his closed off frigid heart received a hairline crack.

It was now broken wide open. He might just leave Casper, but that would mean leaving Seren behind. She'd never agree to come with him. She didn't want him to stay. She'd made it clear she didn't want to see him again.

Fissure or chasm, he'd live with the pain.

There was one thing he was good at, and it was enduring.