Chapter 17 - Gemma

The thought of not being able to return to work as I wanted still irritated me, but at the very least, I still had my position. My internship was safe with Ben’s help as we came up with an excuse—a clumsy fall down the shoddy stairs in my apartment building followed up with a fake trip to the emergency room and a forged doctor’s note citing I needed to be home for a few weeks—and while it was a bummer, I also knew it was all to keep me safe.

I spent the next little while working even harder with the hope of making up for the exception made for me. Even if I couldn’t be there in person, I was still just as determined to keep my internship and to prove to myself that I could do it.

With the passing days, I found myself sitting with the idea of what Ben had said before—how we might as well make the most of it. I didn’t care to hear him say it at the time, but with the many changes I had to endure as of late, it didn’t sound as arrogant anymore. Instead, I started keeping that idea in mind.

Even if I couldn’t be in the office, we'd managed to find a compromise that helped us meet in the middle. I could be home and away from the Ivanovs while still getting my articles out and doing what I needed to do.

And while I was trying hard to alter my outlook, I could tell that Ben was doing the same. It perhaps took him a little longer to find his stride, but there was no mistaking his change of heart.

Even with the little things, like what we were going to eat that night, or how we wanted to spend the weekend together, he started involving me more and considering my opinions. It seemed so simple, but it was enough for me to notice, and to feel more gratitude about how he was working towards keeping his word.

It meant a lot to me that he didn’t just tell me what I wanted to hear, and that he was being sincere. I could tell that being married was also a big adjustment for him, even if it looked a little different.

But between working while he was taking care of the family business and spending extra time with him, bonding and better understanding each other, I didn’t have much room for dwelling on the past, or anything else I wasn’t satisfied with.

We were doing better, even if the twins were still a threat, and it wasn’t perfect, but it was at least an improvement.

It wasn’t typical for Ben to be gone on the weekends, but that Saturday morning was an exception. He let me sleep in, so I woke up in bed by myself and urged myself to get up before the entire day slipped away from me.

As I had a quick shower and got dressed, my mind wandered to me and Ben.

Oddly enough, we hadn’t had sex since the weekend we were legally married, and I knew it was because he wanted to respect my space. We had given in to each other in the heat of the moment, and while it was great, we seemed to reach a mutual agreement about taking things a bit slower, prioritizing the tender, intimate moments over lust for the time being.

When I was still mad at him, it was easier to resist that temptation, but as time went on and I could see the change in him, I found myself becoming more open to the idea.

While I didn’t want to admit it in the beginning, Ben was far too attractive for his own good, and the physical chemistry between us was impossible to ignore. The thought alone was enough to stir those longings within me, and as I made my way downstairs, I couldn’t help but wish he was home.

It would’ve been the perfect way to spend the day together, and I had the feeling he wouldn’t mind.

By the time I wrapped up my breakfast, I heard the doorbell ring, and before long, Lara and Vivian were poking their heads into the kitchen. They smiled as they noticed me.

“Gemma! Just the woman we were hoping to find,” Lara said as she approached the kitchen island, reaching up to pull her stylish sunnies off her face.

My brows went up at that, and while I wasn’t all that close with them yet, their outward friendliness made it easy for me to lower my guard. “This could either be a good thing or not so much...what’s going on?”

Vivian laughed in amusement at that and gave me a gentle dismissal of her hand. “Don’t worry, we don’t have any sneaky plans today. We were actually wanting to take you out for a girls' day at our favorite spa.”

“We’re talking massages, mud baths, mani-pedis, and anything else you could ever want,” Lara said with exaggerated extravagance in her voice. “What do you think?”

While the thought of going to the spa sounded nice, I didn’t have very much experience in that department, and I felt a bit apprehensive. It wasn’t essential, and given how hard it was to afford my lousy apartment alone, even getting my nails done away from home wasn’t an option.

Something in me wanted to politely decline and retreat, but there was just something about the looks on their faces that made me think again, and I couldn’t ignore the reality right in front of me. The two of them wanted to do something with me specifically—to spend quality time together and bond. That was also something I wasn’t used to.

It made me consider the strides Ben had been making to be more serious about us and what we both wanted, and I knew it would be beneficial for me to get to know the girls some more. Plus, I could use the distraction and excuse to get out.

Regardless of my slight apprehension, I smiled at them. “That sounds amazing. I’ve never been to a spa before.”

At my acceptance, they both beamed, and before I knew it, I was being swept out of the house.

“You are going to love it!” Lara exclaimed, giddy at the mere idea. “I’m in the perfect mood to spoil you with all the high-end treatments.”

I giggled to myself at the thought as I followed them, and soon enough, we were heading through the city and chatting in the back of the SUV.

It didn’t take much time at all for me to realize just how right Lara had been. As we sat in a sauna and allowed the steam to relax us, I found myself not wanting to leave despite the mild discomfort of that heat.

Lara let out a satisfied exhale. “You two have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for moments like this. I was stuck surrounded by testosterone for far too long. But this is so nice.”

Me and Vivian both snickered at her admission, only able to imagine how difficult that must’ve been for her.

As much as I always wanted siblings of my own, it was hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of having multiple brothers and no relief from that inevitable chaos.

“I love them dearly, but they’re animals sometimes,” she hummed, head tipped back while she effortlessly soaked in the sauna’s benefits. “My cousin Anastasia knows what I’m talking about. She’s in the same boat.”

“Speaking of boys, how have you and Ben been lately?” Vivian asked lightly, sounding genuinely curious.

While it would’ve been easier and simpler to give her a rather bland response, I decided against it and chose to be more honest. “Things have been better than at the start, but we've reached a bit of a weird middle ground. We both seem to want the same thing, and we’ve been making strides, but something still isn’t quite right. I don’t know how to explain it…”

Even if I didn’t think my explanation was all that helpful, Vivian seemed to understand immediately. “I know the feeling. My marriage with Ari didn’t start with any love at all. In fact, I hated him. I was so mad at first.”

My brows came together as I met her gaze. “Really? But you two seem so close, almost like you were made for each other.”

She smiled at that. “Really. It wasn’t always that way between us, but we made it work. There were a lot of ups and downs and a few scary moments, but he showed me just how serious he was, and I got to know him beyond his tough exterior.”

I allowed myself to soak in her words. While I found myself not hating the idea of being married to Ben as time went on, that doubt lingered in my mind when it came to his determination to maintain something between us. I was afraid he would run out of steam or just give up altogether, but seeing how perfect Vivian and Ari were for each other, I felt a renewed spark of hope in my chest.

Vivian’s smile grew more supportive as I pondered the idea. “It probably seems uncomfortable and weird right now, but I’m sure you two will reach a more solid place. It can be hard work, especially keeping each other accountable, but I know you can get there. Just have patience and don’t try to rush anything.”

I was surprised by how much her encouragement seemed to genuinely help me, and I smiled faintly at the idea. “Thanks, Vivian. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who has experienced this. It definitely feels like uncharted territory.”

“At least having ties to the world of organized crime certainly keeps things interesting. You never really know what to expect, especially when it comes to marriage,” she murmured with a knowing grin. “Although, they always seem to find a way to make it worth it.”

Catching on to her suggestion, I mirrored her expression and nodded.

Lara groaned with exaggerated disgust at the topic as she fanned herself. “It’s so weird hearing my brothers being talked about like this…I know it’s inevitable, but girl talk gets a little strange in this situation.”

Aware of that strange gray area for her, Vivian and I laughed.

“Sorry, Lara,” I offered, unable to hold back.

She sighed and shrugged. “It’s alright. Anyway, I’m glad you’re starting to come around to the idea, at least. You should’ve seen how miserable Ben was before he met you…he’d try to act all nonchalant about it, but he was always moping about not being married like Ari and our cousins. I could tell it was weighing on him.”

“It’s hard to imagine him being like that. He always seems so sure of himself.”

Lara snickered. “That’s true, but honestly, it was a little sad. Although, he seems different now. More level and able to think about other things, at least. I can already tell you’re a great match for him.”

I smiled at that, warmed by the idea of having a positive effect on Ben.

Before, I wouldn’t have cared less about that, but with us both trying to make things work, it was an appealing thought to consider.

By the end of our spa day, I couldn’t help but feel more connected to the girls. It was nice to have the chance to get out and spend some quality time with people who understood both the nuances of our interesting lives and how necessary it was to have those moments of reprieve.

They made our time together feel easy and spontaneous, and I was looking forward to another girls' day.

Beyond that, I felt a little different about the whole situation. My mind was opening up to everything going on between me and Ben, and while things weren’t perfect, there was still time to work towards it.

If Ari and Vivian were any indication of what could happen with patience and effort, then I could see how it would be worth it.

Our marriage was unconventional, but that didn’t mean it had to be void of feelings or connection.