Chapter 6

"The house is looking delightful," Grace said as she walked downstairs with Arabella. The banisters were draped with evergreens, including ivy, holly and laurel. The smell of rosemary filled the hallway, having been intertwined with the garlands.

"Thank you. It has been a lot of fun planning everything with Michael. I am so glad we decided to have this party. I could not resist having the house decorated before Christmas Eve; I wanted it to be perfect for everyone and for us all to enjoy it for as long as possible."

Grace smiled at her. "You seem a little more relaxed than you did at the start of our visit."

Arabella blushed. "Yes, I have been honest with Michael, and he was of the same opinion as you all were, which I knew in my heart that he would be, but I was frightened in case I was wrong. I am so afraid of making a mistake that will make Michael think less of me, I doubt myself over everything we do."

"That is impossible; he worships you."

"I do him a disservice, but I am still sometimes influenced by what Philip did, not once but twice." The first man she had thought loved her and proved he was unable to love anyone but himself.

"That is an unfair comparison. Michael adores you and did so even when you were at your worst."

Arabella blushed. "I am ashamed of that time, but knowing how I reacted to my physical deformities and the limitations they caused made me sure that our children would think me a disappointment."

"Any children you have will love you unconditionally."

"I realise that now, you have all helped so much to make me see that my fears were understandable but wrong. The long chat I had with Michael enabled everything to be settled." Arabella put her hands to her cheeks and whispered the words. "We have a spare chamber, for Michael has moved into mine."

Grace gently pulled Arabella's hands from her face. "That is nothing to be ashamed of. You are two people who are deeply in love; it is perfectly natural to wish to be together as much as possible."

"I ache when I am apart from him. I never had this feeling before, not even with Philip. How could I have thought that I was in love with him when it was nothing more than infatuation?"

"Everyone deserves to have a flirt or two when they are young. It was just a pity that yours was with such a cad."

"Trust me to be left with a permanent reminder of my foolishness."

"Think of it as the incident which brought you to Michael; perhaps that will ease some of your concerns. I wish you both all the happiness in the world."

"Thank you. Now come, I have arranged for us to make some wreaths ourselves. I thought it would be entertaining while the men are out shooting game." Arabella led the way into the morning room.

Grace followed, knowing full well what the ache felt like that Arabella had referred to. She had felt it for years after deciding against William. She could barely function in those first few weeks after she had gone to her aunt's house, and it was only because of Fanny's care that she had been able to return to some semblance of normality. That she had never felt truly complete since parting from William was something that she wanted none of her girls to ever feel, and she could only be grateful that they were all settled with men who were perfect for them.

In the morning room, the smaller table from the dining room had been extended and filled with ivy, oranges, apples, ribbons, bay leaves and hellebore. Grace joined the ladies already gathered there, putting on an apron to protect her dress before picking up a woven wreath, immediately considering how it could be decorated.

"I thought we could distribute these to the tenants on Christmas Eve," Arabella started. "If we make a mess of them, at least they have time to dismantle them and make their own!"

"I think they will be at least presentable," Serena said. "I can see the competitive gleam on Julia's face already. How many do you need, for I think she will make double that amount by the time we have finished."

Julia grinned at her friend. "I have no idea what you mean."

Chuckles met her comment, but Arabella continued. "I have asked that baskets of food and practical items be made up for each family."

"That is a lovely thing to do," Alice said, already starting on her wreath. "Is there anything we could do to help?"

"Not really, other than to distribute them," Arabella said. "Uncle Julian brought a toy for each of the children. Michael's mother has embroidered handkerchiefs, and Michael has ordered a bolt of woollen fabric for each house and a twist of tobacco for the men. With the basket of food, I hope they are gifts that will be useful but also make their Christmas a little easier."

"That is extremely generous of you," Lydia said.

"Not really. They deserve a whole lot more. I might not have welcomed hearing the words Uncle Julian uttered when he was tearing a strip off me, but he was right. I had been neglecting the tenants and the estate even before I was hurt. I was not interested in how the place was faring, I just wanted to be in London enjoying myself, at least I did before the accident. After then, as you well know, I just wanted to hide away."

"Not many young women would want to know about running an estate; even fewer would know how to. It took me some time to work out how to run my home efficiently. The previous owner had been very extravagant with their improvements. It took me quite a while before everything was as I wished it to be," Fanny said.

"Thankfully I have changed and I want to know everything about running an estate now," Arabella smiled. "But I have a lot to learn, and only with the help of Michael and the indulgence of my tenants can I hope to have everything back to how it used to be, if not better than it was."

"You have already done an amazing job," Grace said. "But why is Mrs Follett not here?" She asked of Michael's mother, who was living in the Dower House.

Arabella sighed. "No matter how much I try to convince her to join us, she refuses. She says that once a servant, always a servant, and, yes, I have pointed out that her son was a servant but now is the head of a large estate, but it is to no avail. They come here regularly when we are alone but told us firmly that they would be staying away whilst the party was going on. It makes me sad that they do not wish to join us, but Michael says that they would be uncomfortable."

"He knows his parents, so he is right to advise you, although it is a real shame because she is a lovely lady," Grace said. "I will call in and see her."

"I have spoken to her," Serena said.

"Oh really? I did not realise you had met," Arabella said.

"I was out with Hamish, and she was working in the garden. I think she was trying to persuade Mr Follett to go back inside."

"That does not surprise me. He is always trying to do too much when he should be resting; he is still very weak."

"Hamish stepped in and helped Mr Follett with what he was struggling to do, and Mrs Follett chatted to me while we waited. She invited us in, and one way or another, we started talking about embroidery and sewing in general," Serena admitted bashfully. She had a lucrative business in designing embroidery patterns and fashioning exquisite creations. It was enough to have kept her parents funded in their lavish lifestyles, while Serena had barely been able to keep any of the funds she made for herself. When Hamish had discovered this, the money stopped flowing from Serena to her parents and, instead, Serena kept the whole. She had tried to give it to Hamish on their marriage, but he had refused, being heir to a title in the Scottish Highlands and in no need of his wife's earnings.

"Of course you did," Lydia chipped in. "Somehow, the conversation always includes sewing."

"Are you accusing me of being a sewing bore?"

"I would not dare. Your talent is so great, you are perfectly entitled to speak of it whenever you like." Lydia smiled.

"Anyway, at Mrs Follett's request, I quickly drew a pretty but relatively easy to sew design, as she had a lot of handkerchiefs to embroider."

"You just sat and designed something new?" Julia asked.

"Yes, it was not much, just flowers with the leaves winding around them to give a little interest. I offered to help sew them, but Mrs Follett insisted that she does not have enough to do and it would help fill her days," Serena answered.

"I am in awe," Julia said. "This is as far as my abilities and talents go." Holding up the wreath, which had more items falling off it than there were attached, she grimaced. "I will not object to any help anyone is willing to offer me. I think in this instance my confidence in creating these masterpieces has been vastly overestimated."

The others laughed, but Arabella shook her head. "I do think we have been a little unfair with Michael's parents. They were so used to working all day, every day, and now they have servants and are retired. I think it has been too much of a change in too short a time."

"Have you asked them what they want from their new life?" Grace asked.

"No. I feel a bit embarrassed, and I am so afraid of making them feel uncomfortable. I thought if I asked, they might imagine I thought they were being idle, which of course I am not. I just want them to be happy, and although they are happy to be close to us, I know there is something missing for them," Arabella answered.

"In that case, I shall make it my business to call in. Would you like to join me, Fanny?"

"The sooner, the better," Fanny answered, holding up a wreath that looked in as sorry a state as Julia's did. "I feel my talents do not stretch to Christmas decorations either."

"Well, there is no time like the present. Julia, you could finish ours off because you most certainly need the practice."

"Thank you, friend," Julia said in mock outrage. "I regret saying how competitive I am now."

"We know that fact anyway," Lydia said. "At least it gives us a chance to be better than you at something."

"No one can beat Frances's creations," Alice said, pointing to the quietest of the group.

Frances smiled as she glanced at them, all staring wide-eyed at what she had created. "It is with spending too much time in my hothouses and making sure the plants are growing in the direction they should. Twisting and teasing stems into place becomes second nature." The two wreaths she had made were perfection. Enough decoration to look full and elaborate, but with a style that was understated.

"My goodness!" Grace said, moving to stand near Frances. "They are pieces of art."

"That is silly." Frances smiled shyly. "It is only a little wreath, nothing special."

"I beg to differ," Arabella said. "I want one of those for my front door. They are magnificent."

Grace and Fanny left the group cooing over Frances's creations and Julia begging Frances to show her how to improve her own failed attempt.

"They are lovely girls," Fanny said as they put on pelisses and scarves. "None of them has any airs or graces; they are all good-natured and welcoming."

"It makes me sad that society could not appreciate them as they should have been, but then I think that I would not have known them if they had been classed as diamonds of the season when they came out. My life would have been far less fulfilling without them in it."

"But you wish this party to be over," Fanny said once the door was closed behind them, and they stepped into the fresh December air.

"I do, and that upsets me because of the amount of trouble everyone has gone to, but I assure you that I am enjoying it overall. It has been too long since the girls have been together under one roof. I cannot regret that part of the stay at least, and it has been nice having it confirmed that I am making the right decision," Grace said.

"You both look at each other a lot."

"Do we? It is not consciously done on my part, and I am sure it is the same for him." There was no point in trying to hide anything from Fanny, although she was aware that her eyes sought out William far too often for her to admit, even to herself.

"I would not be so sure," Fanny said. "I do not think I have ever seen someone look so longingly at another. If I did not know better, I would say that there was already an entanglement between you."

"Fanny! I hope it is only you who could be thinking that I would get involved in something so sordid as a secret liaison!" Grace was shocked at Fanny's words but also torn. The thought that William might be as confused as she was both annoyed and comforted her. She had often thought that he had walked away more easily than she had, presuming his feelings to be less affected, but perhaps she had been mistaken. It had been such an emotional time. Looking back on it with William's recent accusations in her ears was making her question what had happened even more than she had done over the intervening years.

Fanny shrugged as they crunched over the frozen ground. "I never considered you one to be so prudish. You are of an age where children are not a consideration, so why not enjoy each other's company if it is what you both want?"

"I would consider myself open-minded in many respects, but to lower myself to being a mistress, no thank you."

"In that case, you will have to hope that he proposes again. I would rather have more control over my future than it seems you would. I am not prepared to let life go on around me, if I see an opportunity I am not going to hesitate in grabbing it. We are at an age that we cannot afford to have too many principles."

"Are you suggesting that I should approach him and offer myself to him? Come now, Fanny, as my brothers would say, you are coming it too brown! This is not the Fanny of old speaking."

Fanny laughed. "Grace, none of us is how we were as wide-eyed debutantes. We have life experience, grown older and more worldly-wise, so yes, I am not that pitiful girl who had no power over who she married and had to remain so until finally relieved of my burden when he died."

"Was it truly so bad?" Grace was utterly shocked at Fanny's words, but she was aware that her marriage had not been a happy one.

"Imagine being forced to lie with someone you disliked whenever he wished it," Fanny said bitterly. "Having no choice but to comply when you would rather be with someone else. Yes, it was horrible."

"I am truly sorry. I wish there was something I could have done to help."

"You are doing enough by allowing me to accompany you on your trip. That is unless you do decide to marry William."

"It is too late to go back or try to if we were both willing. As we argue every time we do any more than pass the time of day with each other, I am convinced that the decisions we made, although hard at the time, were the right ones."

"If you say so," Fanny said.

"I do." Grace's words were said with firmness, but her heart did not agree. Every time she thought of never seeing William again, the cold tightness that gripped her almost had her gasping out loud. She had to take control of her life. More and more, she needed her trip to start, but it was going to be harder to leave the shores of England than she had expected it to be.