7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

"What's wrong?" My bestie takes one look at me and knows I'm off kilter.

"I fucked it all up." I collapse next to her on the couch where she's obviously been laying for a while waiting for Jimmy. I burst into tears as she wraps me up in her arms.

"Whatever it is, you'll work it out."

"Not this time." I sniffle into her shoulder. "He's done, and he's leaving town."

"I don't understand."

"Me either." I hug her tighter.

"Well, I got a couple of tests. Want to hold my hand and take one with me?"

I pull back and shift to sitting at the end by her feet. "We should get an apartment. Say to hell with men. "

"Like Smoke would really let you move out."

"You didn't hear him, Brina. He had this finality to his voice that makes me wonder how long this has been brewing."

"Probably since you kissed T-bird."

"Maybe." I draw my knees to my chest and rest my head there. "Let's get this over with." I grab the plastic bag off the coffee table. "Where did you get these from this late?"

"Gas station."

I shake my head. I take one of the tests and hand her the other. "We'll meet back here and read the results together in ten minutes."

"Deal."

Sabrina goes to the bathroom upstairs. I take the half bath in the hallway. I'm not ready to go into my empty bedroom. Not yet.

Quick and efficient, I do the deed, knowing that there's no reason to even look at the results. I'm not pregnant and probably never will be. After washing my hands, I put the test back in the box and return to the living room to wait for Sabrina.

A few minutes of scrolling through silly videos online pass before Sabrina returns. "You ready?"

"I cheated," she confesses. "I'm not pregnant. Did you look yet? "

"Yeah," I lie. "I'm also not pregnant. Are you going to tell Jimmy that you thought you were pregnant?"

"What's the point? False alarm. No need to get him all worked up about something that isn't happening."

"Fair enough." I understand more than she realizes.

"When I saw that negative test, I wanted to cry."

"Because you wanted it to be positive?"

"Is it bad of me that I thought if it were that it would fix all our problems?"

I wish I could tell her that I wish it could be that simple for either of us.

"Or make them more magnified." My stomach gurgles and burns at the thought. "Babies don't solve relationship problems." They can also end them.

"You and Smoke will be fine."

I don't respond. My intuition tells me otherwise. Like Smoke said, we're not going in the same direction. He wants a family. I can't give him that.

The two of us sit in silence for a spell. Both of us lost in our own thoughts and problems. Eventually Sabrina dozes off and I stare out the front window wishing Smoke would return.

The rumble of a motorcycle sounds in the distance. Hope blooms in my chest and quickly wilts at the sight of Jimmy pulling into the driveway .

I trudge down the hallway to mine and Smoke's … my bedroom to give them privacy.

Stripping down to my undies, I grab one of his dirty tees off the chair in the corner, bringing the dark fabric to my nose and inhaling his scent. Fresh tears stain my cheeks as I push the worn cotton down over my body, desperately seeking a connection to him.

All I want to do is go find him to convince him that we belong together. I don't doubt that he loves me. That I'm sorry and will never make him question my feelings for him.

Show him that nothing else matters as long as we're together.

Not even my not being able to give him the child he so desperately wants to have.

That's the difference between fantasy and reality, though.

The front door slams shut with an alarming thud.

"You're pregnant!" Jimmy's voice roars down the hallway.

I don't want to eavesdrop on their conversation. Grabbing my earbuds out of their case, I climb into bed on Smoke's side, snuggling into his pillow. With my earbuds in place, I queue up one of my playlists and open the gallery on my phone, swiping through pics of my man .

Unable to resist, I fire off a text message and wish he'd come home.

Where are you?

Minutes or maybe hours tick by with no response and I no longer hear noise coming from the living room.

It's nearly dawn, and I can't sleep.

I have to see him.

I yank a pair of pajama shorts on and sweep my hair into a bun, not caring that I'm still wearing last night's makeup. The spare key to Smoke's truck beckons me from the junk drawer in the kitchen.

We rarely spend a night apart outside of his nights with the fire department or when he's doing something for the club.

He's going to be leaving for a month. We can't end things like this.

I have to tell him. There's nothing left to lose.

I make it to the front door only to be met by Jimmy.

"You'll be wasting your time."

"What do you mean?"

"Left orders at the gate to deny you entrance."

"He wouldn't."

"Afraid so."

"What did he say?"

"Nothing really. Told me to be looking for a new place to crash. Perfect timing, though."

"Why is that?"

"Sabrina being pregnant and all." He grins and I frown.

"What makes you think she's pregnant?"

"She didn't tell you? Figured that was how Smoke knew."

"Smoke told you?"

"Slipped out. He was drinking, but yeah. We woulda been needing our own place, anyway."

"You talked to Sabrina about this?" The stairs behind me creak, and I turn to face Sabrina. Her expression begs me not to tell Jimmy what she shared with me. That her pregnancy scare was a false alarm. Jimmy's a friend too, but she's my oldest and dearest friend in the world. I won't betray her even if keeping quiet feels ten shades of messed up. "Congratulations to both of you." I offer them both a weak smile that has me wanting to vomit.

"We're so excited. Aren't we?" Sabrina beams at Jimmy, and I wonder how she's going to get out of this.

"I'll talk with you later." I step around Jimmy, determined to see Smoke. "I have to try," I mutter.

Pulling up at the clubhouse, I'm met with the last person I want to see right now.

Creed. The jerk who tried to manipulate me into a threesome with him and Angel disguised as a date when I was fighting with Smoke.

"A little early, isn't it?"

"I need to see Smoke."

"No can do, beautiful. Sorry." He shoots me a grin that doesn't say he's sorry at all. Unfolding his bulging biceps from being locked across his pecs, he struts out of the guard shack at the gate that's usually manned by a prospect.

Creed may be an asshole player, but he's hot and easy to look at. Too bad for any girl out there interested in any type of relationship with him that he's only going to crush their heart.

"I only need five minutes."

"Pretty as you are, it'd be my ass on the line."

"I thought you liked me."

"You know, I think you're gorgeous and we would have had a good time, but I have my orders."

"Call him and tell him I'm here."

"And what's that going to do other than piss him off?"

"Please? You owe me after that whole stunt you pulled on me."

His head moves side to side, but the smirk crossing his features gives his decision away. "I do this for you. It makes us square. "

"Agreed."

"Give me a minute. Fuck," he mutters, scrubbing his large, tattooed hand over his face.

I pace back and forth along the gate as he pulls out his phone and fires off whatever excuse he's giving to bring him to the fate. My heart is my throat. Am I going to faint or throw up? That depends on Smoke and his response to my showing up here.

He was so ready to let me go.

All of his promises of loving me are empty.

You don't throw away the supposed love of your life in the blink of an eye.

"He's coming," Creed tells me, sounding about as dead as I feel inside. "Listen, I don't know what's going on with you two, but I'm here for you."

"Save it for the next girl you try to play. I'm really not in the mood right now for you or your smooth talking crap."

"I deserve that." His response surprises me. "Thought I'd try to deny that, huh?"

"Yes, but I trust you about as far as I can throw you." That earns me a low chuckle.

"Fair enough. We had good chemistry, though."

"I was trying to make Smoke jealous. I'd stop while you're breaking even if I was you."

"Hmm," he mutters, stroking his chin as he glances back toward the clubhouse.

I follow his gaze, watching Smoke navigate the parking lot, barefoot and sexy clad in his jeans with the top button undone. The sight of him is enough to have me wanting to drop to my knees and take him in my mouth right here, Creed serving witness be damned.

But I have more pride than that. I'm not a club girl, even if I was mistaken for one the first night I came here looking for my brother. What I found instead was Smoke and became a pawn in one of his stupid bets.

Against my better judgement, I forgave him because I thought we had something special. That he loved me. So much that he killed for me.

Where did we go wrong?

Why is he doing this to me?

To us.

One day, we were going to have it all.

Weren't we?

Or was it all a fantasy I built up in my head?

I'm not crazy.

I'm not.

We belong together.