6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

"I'm sorry." My babydoll stares at me with tears streaming down her face, but if she doesn't see a future with me, then what are we even doing?

"We are who we are. I'm a man with a past you can't see beyond. I'm not going to apologize for the man I used to be."

"Please don't go to the clubhouse. Come inside. We can talk about this. We can fix this. Please, honey." She tugs on my arm, digging her nails into my skin deep enough to draw blood.

"Let go." I push her hands away. "Stop making a scene."

"Then don't leave." She drops to her knees, wrapping her arms around my legs.

"Why? "

"You love me enough to want to marry me."

I think about the ring in my pocket, but we both know if I asked right now, she'd say no or would agree only to keep me from going. "I do, but I also love you enough to let you go. Knew I never should have started with you, but I did. I let you in and tried, babe. Tried like hell to be a man worthy, but I can't keep fighting for someone who doesn't know what they want."

"I want to be with you."

"I'll call you before I ride out."

"Smoke." Her voice and the tears in her eyes nearly break me in two.

I love her so much it's killing me.

I lean down, pinching her chin, forcing her to meet my gaze. "Was good while it lasted. I'll never forget the beauty of you."

"Why are you talking like we won't work through this?"

"When you told me about your feelings for T-bird, I had faith enough in us to tell you to see if there was something there because I knew without a doubt I wanted to spend my life with you, but our timing isn't now. Your brother was right. I've been pushing too hard for something you're not ready for. Kills me to walk away, but I've gotta." I pull her to her feet as her tears continue to fall. "Truth of it cuts me bone deep, but you've gotta experience life and I need to give you the room to do that. I can't keep you trapped like a caged bird." I reference her latest addition to her tattoo. I press my lips to hers, my heart shattering into a million goddamned pieces.

"Wanted to give you the world," I tell her as all the air in my lungs whooshes out. Pain rips through my chest, squeezing my heart so damn tight I'd swear I was about to fucking die. My pulse drums in my ears as I walk away from my babydoll, leaving her standing in the driveway.

I swing a leg over my Harley, unable to look at her one last time. When I ride out to Anarchy with Prez, I may not come back.

There's been rumblings within the club that the reason Murder is attending this rally is because he's meeting with Big Daddy to discuss patching us over to the Kings. I don't know how much weight there is in the rumors, but I know there's been a need for change for quite some time. I don't normally stick my neck into the politics of how things operate, but this ride to California just may change that.

At the clubhouse, the place is practically shut down for the night. No one's managing the bar. Only person around is that dumb fuck Jimmy. Seems we have something in common. Neither of us wants to be at that house tonight. One of us should be there and it sure as fuck isn't going to be me. If I go back right now with the mood I'm in, I won't be able to control myself.

Took every bit of pride and strength in me to walk away.

I can't be in the same room with her right now. Never in my life have I felt like such a low piece of shit with the way she stared at me like I was beneath her when I told her about Holy and Hazel.

I've never fucked his Ol' Lady, but yeah, I've fucking watched him fuck her brains out in one of the rooms at the Viper's Spit Pit. They get off on that shit. There's been times in my life where I did to. I'm not ashamed, but Ember sure as fuck was disappointed in me.

I've never hidden who I am or what I've done from her. It's only that I never expected she'd judge me for it. Though I suppose I should have been anticipating that reaction to occur with the way she was raised to think sex is dirty. Thought I was getting her past that bullshit and she was coming out of her shell.

I know that her father trying to barter her like property to an old dirty bastard fucked with her head, but that ain't me. We had a good thing. At least I believed we did. Thought for damn sure she'd want the fairytale. To have my ring on her finger and shoot our shot at having a couple of kids. Like the rest of my club brothers and their women.

Even Holy and Hazel are trying.

Fuck. Maybe West Virginia is no longer the place for me .

I can't be here and not be with Ember.

She's all I want.

I sleep, dream, breathe, and bleed her.

My babydoll with those big blue eyes and pouty lips, I want nothing more than to kiss.

I've done everything save throw out her birth control and knocking her up.

Been patient.

Understanding.

Stepped aside while she explored her feelings for another man because she's young and hasn't been out in the world on her own for long. She needed that, and I gave it to her.

Would give her the world in the palm of her hand if I thought it'd be enough, but I'm seeing that it doesn't matter what I do if she's not all in.

Not like I've been.

"Yo, asswipe," I call out, waving Jimmy to the end of the bar where I'm downing a bottle of my good friend Jim Beam. Trying to drown all these thoughts that have got me in my head about everything I've ever done.

Every choice I've ever made that led me here.

"Everything okay?" he perches his boney ass on the stool next to mine.

"Nope. "

"Want to talk about it?"

"Fuck no. Need you to drag your sorry ass to the house and keep an eye on Ember."

"Is she in danger?"

"Only from herself. I ended things."

"Are you fucking stupid?" He blurts out, and I glare at him in warning.

"Now isn't the time to get on my bad side, Prospect."

"No disrespect, Smoke. But she's a fucking hot ass piece and you leave her vulnerable and the vultures are going to circle."

"That's why you'll be keep an eye on her."

"You're not taking her to California?"

"No point in it now." Was planning on surprising her with a proposal while on the road. The ring I've been carrying in my pocket waiting for the right time to ask burns through my pocket as I reminder of what I've lost. Almost asked on the roller coaster. Knew what her answer would be, though. There was no point. I'd worked it out with Roane last week for her to have time off. I'll drop by before her shift tomorrow and have him put her back on the rotation. She'll need the income. No way her, dumb, and dumber will be able to afford the house we're in now. I pay eighty percent of the bills.

"I don't know when I'll be back from this trip. Probably be a good idea for you to get your affairs in order. Time to decide. Kiesha or Sabrina. The club or the women. You're running out of time and I'm not covering for your stupid ass anymore to keep the peace. You're all going to need to find a new living situation at the end of the month."

"So that's it. You're done with Ember just like that?"

"Just like that," I repeat and take a hard pull from the bottle.

"You're fucking up."

"Says you. The kid who has one bitch knocked up and another on the side." I shake my head as he stares at me, openmouthed.

"Sabrina's pregnant?"

I punch him in the dick.

"What the fuck?" he chokes out.

"One, better start wrapping it up. Two, don't ever refer to another man's woman as a hot little piece." I pass him the liquor bottle. He needs it more than I do right now.