5. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Macabre music plays through the sound system as Smoke leads me like a lamb to the slaughter of this unusual club. The atmosphere is dark, with small flickers of candlelight combing from the candelabra style chandeliers overhead.
I have zero idea where Sabrina is. I can barely see Smoke in front of me in his dark clothes. Eventually, he leads me into another room that isn't much brighter.
I make out what appears to be a bar to my right, but up ahead there are some high back booths, all facing what appears to be a stage area closed off by black velvet curtains. Smoke shoves me into one of the booths that's curved for privacy, so whoever is in the next booth can't see us.
"What are we doing? Where's Sabrina? "
"Sit here and don't move. I'll be back," he barks at me.
I don't appreciate his tone but do as he says. Only because I'm freaking out and have no idea what's happening.
Moments later, a shirtless man with leather straps crisscrossed over his chest with tight leather pants approaches me with a drink. He doesn't speak to me. Simply places a mixed drink on the table. His muscles glisten under the sparse lighting. He's not my type and if Smoke put something like that on, I'd lose it. It's hard not to laugh now. My nerves are a jumbled mess. My anxiety spikes as anticipation for what will happen next looms.
I can't see anyone. I don't know where Sabrina is or Smoke, for that matter. What are we doing here? Did Sabrina lie to me? Is she trying to get back at Jimmy?
Seconds or minutes, I'm not sure how much time has lapsed when Smoke returns without my best friend.
"Did you find her?"
"Yup. Sent her home."
"Why?"
"You'll see."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I hiss out at him, tired of whatever this dance is we're doing.
"Your friend, as much as I don't like her, can do better. She needs to get her head straight and you…" He shakes his head.
"I what?"
"Need put to the test. You kissed Trenton, and I thought we got that whacked shit out of your head. Guess it's a good thing we're here since you don't trust yourself. Perfect place to sort your head. Cause, babydoll, way I see it, there's only two directions we're headed. Either we're moving forward or we're moving in different directions."
My stomach clenches at his words. The idea of being without Smoke isn't something I want to think about, and I don't want to be with anyone else, but he's right. I need to work through this uncertainty. The easier thing to do would be sharing my secret. I'm scared to play that card and push him further away.
"You're right. My head is a mess. I don't know what I'm doing and why I'm sabotaging the best thing to ever happen to me." I know Smoke is the man for me, but I keep wondering if we've got what it takes to go the distance. How will I know? How can I be sure? How can I trust that he won't go running and be the man he was before? A liar and a cheater.
My belly sours at the thought.
The velvet curtains draw back to reveal the window view of a room with a giant bed in the center. One light hangs overhead. Spotlighting the black silken sheets .
"What is this?"
"Hush."
"Smoke!"
"I said hush, woman."
With nothing else to do other than leave, I sip on the drink that oiled up dude gave me. I don't want to give him up. This place isn't how we fix what's broken. Because what's broken might be me.
A fully nude woman enters the room and proceeds to lay in the center of the bed, facing us.
"Does she know we can see her?"
"Of course."
"And she doesn't care?"
"No. She likes it. She wants us to watch."
"Why?"
"Because it gets her off."
"And you like to watch her?"
"I'd rather watch you." His eyes meet mine in the dark, and my stomach drops.
"You'd want me on display for other people?"
"I didn't say that."
"Have you?"
"Have I what?"
"Been in that room while others watched?"
"Would that bother you? "
Tears burn in the creases of my eyes. "Yeah, Smoke. It'd break my heart."
"Why?"
"Because you're mine, and the thought of anyone having those intimate moments that should be reserved for me breaks my heart. Shatters my soul. I may have left my family, but that doesn't mean that some values I was raised with left me. A relationship between two people is sacred. Special. This doesn't feel special at all. It's cheap thrills."
"Told you. My time here was before we met. Can't take it back."
"How did you find this place?"
"Holy is a silent partner."
"And Hazel doesn't mind?"
"Sometimes she comes here with him."
Bile shoots up the back of my throat. "You've watched Hazel do this?" I gesture toward the woman who now has her legs spread, touching herself while anyone who wants to can see. He doesn't answer and the tears I've been fighting since I arrived escape. "You've fucked Hazel?"
His tortured gaze meets mine and my heart splinters.
"You know what? Don't answer."
"What would be the point when you've already decided my guilt and chosen my punishment and sentence? There's something you're keeping from me, and I want to know what it is."
There's no way I'm having this conversation here with all this temptation ready and waiting, should he decide I'm too broken for him. I start sliding out of the booth when he seizes me by the wrist.
"Where are you going?"
"Away from you and whatever in the fuck this is."
"Why does it matter who I've fucked or haven't fucked as long as while I'm with you, there's no one else?"
"Because it just does."
He releases his hold on me, and I storm out to the parking lot, hoping by some miracle that Sabrina hasn't left yet. I don't want to fight with him and yet I'm not ready to tell him. Not when I know he wants a baby. He's all the time making comments about how good I look when holding one.
I glance around the lot, searching for my best friend. Her car isn't among the ones left.
"I've never fucked Hazel. Jesus. But if I had it wouldn't change the way I feel about you," Smoke's sandy voice cuts through the dead of the night.
"You think I'd want to be around her knowing she's been with you? Who have you fucked that I see on a daily basis?"
He pinches the bridge of his nose. "You want a list?"
"Yes," I hiss .
"What will knowing change?"
"I don't know. Something."
"You're fucking nuts. You know that."
"I'm not crazy," I mutter.
"Sure fuckin' acting it." He takes a step toward me.
"I'm not the one who's fucked half the state. I never made a bet on your virginity. I gave you something special, and you used that gift to hurt me."
"Fuck, here we go. I'm done with this. You want to focus on shit that doesn't matter, then I'm out."
"What do you mean, you're out?"
"I'm not having this fight anymore. I'm cutting you loose. I'm riding out in a week to that rally in California. Going alone. I'll be gone about a month. Should give you time to find you a place."
"Find me a place? You're ending things?" My head spins. I can't breathe.
"I don't know what you expect from me, Ember Lynn. I've done everything but go down on one knee because you clam up when I mention the idea. You don't want my ring. You don't want to have my kid. Looks like you sure as fuck don't want to be with me."
"I never said that. It's just too soon. I love you."
"If you really were all in with me, babydoll..." He shakes his head. "You wouldn't question what we've got. So, I'm doing what you can't. I'm walking away. You're free to do what you want or find whatever or whoever you're looking for, because it's crystal fuckin' clear it ain't me, babe."
"You don't mean that."
"Come on. I'll drive you back. I'll sleep at the clubhouse."
"Smoke."
"Let's go," he clips and strolls toward the parking garage down the street.
I'm going to throw up.
I've really done it this time.
The truth hangs on the tip of my tongue. I watch him go, knowing that I'll lose him either way, so why hurt myself any further with the truth?
Maybe it's better this way.
His motorcycle roars to life, and he pulls up where I stand. Part of me wants to refuse the ride, but the part of me that wants to fight for what we have carries me forward and I cling to him for what I'm sure is our final ride.