22. Lux

TWENTY-TWO

LUX

"Why are we going ice sk ating?"

"Because it's fun, and when you date someone, you sometimes do things as a whole friend group." I snatched up my beanie, wondering why I was having to explain this to Tanner. "Plus, Radley wants to spend a day in public, so this is what we're doing."

In fairness to him, he hadn't been awake long, even though it was almost lunchtime.

"Ace never makes us do things as a friend group."

Hmmm, that was very true. We never did things with Payton's friend group… I didn't even know much about them; just that it was Kit, Radley's professor, plus Beulah Holmes, and Lowe… oh, that's why.

"Payton's friend group includes our boss, the Lions head of communications, and the Lions head of legal. Do you really want to party with them?"

He yawned, scratching across his stomach. "Good point."

I know I didn't. Plus, I wasn't exactly in Lowe Slater's good graces right now due to the increased interest in my personal life, and the fact I forgot to call her back. Between the Lions PR department and the White House press office, there'd been a lot of no comment statements sent out in the last month. No doubt there'd be more today, after we'd been spotted skating or eating, or whatever we were going to do. Kissing… yeah, there'd definitely be some of that. I'd make sure of it.

"It's our last full day together until New Year's Eve."

"And just think, by then you'll have met the President of the United States."

I swallowed hard, easing the momentary tightness which gripped my chest the way it had done every time I thought about meeting Radley's parents. I couldn't help it. No matter how much I tried to stop it happening, denied it was happening every time it got mentioned, but the facts were that after Christmas, I was going to the White House to meet the President. So, yeah, I was shitting myself.

I tried again. "I'm flying out tomorrow, so is Ace. Everyone's coming skating. Are you really going to stay here by yourself?" I didn't know why I was having to ask. I mean, we both knew he wasn't going to. Out of all of us, Tanner was the one with major FOMO. "We're going to go for tacos first."

His head popped back around the fridge door as he paused his search for something to eat. "Is Radley's hot best friend going to be there?"

"Her name's Millie."

"Is Millie going to be there?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?" he walked over and cupped my cheeks. "You know I'm always here to give you any support you need. You're my buddy, and if you need me to be par t of this friend group ice skating thing today, then you got it, bud."

My eye roll could have been seen from space.

"Thanks, I appreciate it. Now could you get in the shower? We're leaving in five minutes." I grabbed his shoulders and spun him around in the direction of his bedroom. "Parker, hurry up!" I yelled as Tanner jogged off.

"I'm here," he announced quietly from the couch, like he'd been sitting there all along, which he hadn't.

Sometimes I felt like I was herding cats.

"Are you ready to leave?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously because he looked ready, but with Parker, there would always be something he'd forgotten right as we called the elevator.

He yanked a beanie – that looked exactly like one I owned – over his short dark hair, and stood up. "Yup."

"Good."

He unwrapped a stick of gum and folded it into his mouth. "Why are your panties all twisted?"

"They're not."

"They seem twisted."

"Well, they're not!" I snapped.

His eyes widened. "Okaaay."

"I don't want to be late. I don't want Radley waiting for us, and even though I told you guys about it a week ago, you're acting like you only found out this morning. And as much as I really don't want you guys to make me look bad, I'm not holding my breath."

"Relax, bud, we're not going to be late." He picked up his jacket and shrugged it on, just as Tanner reappeared, pulling another one of my beanies over his wet hair. "See?"

"For the amount of shit you give me about it, you're sure happy helpin g yourself to my closet," I grumbled, hitting the elevator button.

"You know my motto," grinned Tanner. "Sharing is caring."

" N ot going to show off your skating skills, Special Agent America?"

While I definitely spied Ethan's lip curl in amusement, it was impressive how Jake managed to keep his face so completely still. "Not today, Baller."

I jerked forward as Parker slapped me on the back, letting out a loud guffaw. "Baller, as if."

"I'm more baller than you are," I scowled.

"I don't think so… hey, Tan!" Parker hollered unnecessarily, as Tanner stepped off the ice into the private area I'd reserved at the side of the rink.

It had been designed like a Scandinavian lodge with furry blanket things, stuffed reindeers, and a table that appeared to have been made from a tree trunk with four branches sticking out for legs. I couldn't say about the other two countries, but I'd been to Sweden, and they definitely had proper tables.

Tanner sat down on one of the tree stumps we had in lieu of chairs. "Yeah?"

"Who's more Baller? Me or Weston?"

His head moved between us. "Neither of you. I'm the baller of the group. "

"Are not."

"See what you started?" I mumbled to Jake, whose only response was to lift his hot chocolate.

I glanced out at the rink; even for a booked session, it was packed. Groups of girls skating around holding hands and squealing, couples clinging onto each other for dear life, the girl in the center doing some kind of twirling, spinny thing, the kids, the moms, the teens… all having fun under New York's biggest Christmas Tree twinkling with a million lights.

Maybe because everyone was far too busy concentrating on not falling over, or because Parker and Tanner were doing their best to break the world speedskating record and were impossible to catch, or because Ace was mostly making out with Payton, but the boys and I had only been stopped a couple of times for pictures. I spotted Meg on one side, Ava in the far corner on the other, Ace and Payton making out near the middle of the ice this time, but it took me a second to find Radley and Millie.

I don't know why, because I'd already learned I should never underestimate my girlfriend, but I was surprised at how good they both were. Millie's dark brown waves were blowing across her shoulders as she skated backwards, her face cracking with a laugh at whatever Radley was saying. But once my eyes landed on Radley, it was impossible to tear them away. Her black beanie was pulled down low, and like Millie, her long, dark blonde waves had caught the air as she glided across the ice. Even from this distance I could see her cheeks were flushed pink from the cold, but the sparkle in her eyes was as bright as ever.

It felt too easy and simple to say she was beautiful, the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. She was, but so much more. It wasn't just the way she constantly and unsuccessfully tried to blow the hair from her eyes, or the faded dusting of freckles on her nose which seemed to disappear when she scrunched it in concentration, or how the dimples at the base of her spine deepened the further I sank into her.

It was everything you couldn't see – her heart, her mind, her kindness, and her passion. It was the strength she summoned every day to overcome her anxiety, to defeat her demons, and still go to bed smiling (usually with my help).

If I thought I'd loved her at Thanksgiving, it was nothing on how much I loved her now, watching her live her life, having her love me back. It was getting harder and harder to say goodbye to her whenever she went back to her dorm, or class, or wherever she was rushing off to next.

I didn't know how I'd managed to get her, and I sure as fuck wasn't planning to ever let her go. I usually loved Christmas, but the excitement of being at home this year had been dimmed, because I knew I wouldn't get to spend it with her.

I didn't even want to think about Spring Training when I'd be gone for a month.

"Tan, you wanna come and race another lap?" asked Parker.

"Yeah, if you don't care about me beating your ass again," he replied, smiling longingly at a tray of glazed Christmas donuts which had just been placed on our table. He stood up, with a finger held in the air. "Wait, one minute."

I turned back to the ice just as the girls arrived and stepped into the cabin. "Oh, hey there, Goldilocks, how're you doin'?"

But she wasn't looking at me. "I'm wondering how Tanner has any room for that, after the amount of tacos he just ate."

I turned to witness Tanner stuffing the last bite of a chocolate donut into his mouth, and lick each finger with a loud pop, before racing onto the ice after Parker.

"Sorryyyy!" he cried behind him to the girl who'd been gingerly clinging to the boards as she made her way around the rink, on ly to narrowly avoid a collision when he charged out without looking.

"Are you okay?" asked Radley, steadying her, though the girl looked too traumatized to speak as she shuffled away, gripping even tighter. Her knuckles had to be white under those gloves she was wearing.

"That dude is a liability," I grinned, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her in so I could kiss her cold, pink nose, "but you're having a good day? You're feeling okay here? It's busy."

She eased one of her gloves off with her teeth, and cupped my cheek. "I'm so good, and I'm having the best day. I know it's busy, but we have this cute little cabin. I mean… there's no way I'd come on my own," she giggled, which only made me want to scoop her up and kiss her until the morning. But I refrained.

I just about moved her out of the way in time as Parker and Tanner hurtled back into the cabin, tripped, and fell on the floor as they cried out, "I win!"

Millie returned from the bathroom, taking one large step over them and sat down on the spare log next to Ethan. "It was a tie," she drawled, picking up a hot chocolate and taking a long sip.

"You guys are idiots."

The idiots jumped up and brushed themselves free from the ice and sludge they'd fallen in.

"No way it was a tie. I won!" declared Tanner, positioning himself on the log next to Millie. "I left after you."

"This is why I don't have kids," grumbled Jake.

Wrapping my arms around Radley, I leaned us against the boards and peered up at the Christmas Tree. "Did you write your letter for Santa yet? "

"No," she whispered back, pulling my arms around her tighter. "I don't need to. I have everything I want this year already."

"Yeah?"

She spun around in my grip. Her beanie had fallen so low it was almost resting on her lashes as she looked at me. Using my chin so I didn't have to let go of her, I nudged it up.

"You've no idea how much you've given me the past few months. It's like everything has started falling into place since we met, everything I'd been learning in therapy is falling into place. It was finally unlocked…" she smiled gently, "and you were the key."

I shook my head. "You've done it all. It was always inside you, you just needed to find the right time. I'm so proud of everything you've let yourself do. I'm so proud of you , period."

I dropped my lips to hers, feeling the warmth of them against the rest of her cold face. She tasted like hot chocolate and nutmeg, sighing into me as my tongue swept across hers, and the noise around us silenced with each slow, purposeful glide. Just like every time I kissed her, I wanted to stay in this moment forever, and just like every time, I very reluctantly pulled away.

"You wanna come skate with me again? I need an excuse to hold your hand."

"You can hold my hand whenever you want." She tilted her chin up to me for a kiss, to which I obliged. "And you can kiss me whenever you want, too."

"That's good to know," I mumbled, without breaking contact.

We stepped onto the ice, where Tanner and Parker were now leaning against the boards and playing a game where they guessed who'd fall over next .

"You two dipshits wanna come skate?"

"Hang on, just watching that dude. He's gonna go any second."

Radley and I followed the direction he was pointing, but neither of us could figure out who Parker was talking about, because it could have been any number of people. I leaned into him to ask just as he ducked behind me, and spun against the boards.

"No way, no fucking way," he hissed.

"Parker, what are you doing?"

"There," he hissed again, pointing out to the ice.

Radley bent down and peered around my legs. "Are you okay?"

"No, over there!"

"What are you doing?"

"Over there," he repeated and stood up, keeping himself behind my body and tipping his chin toward the ice as he mumbled from the corner of his mouth, "There. Is that Scout?"

"What're you guys doing?" asked Millie, resting her elbows on the board.

"I'm not entirely sure."

Radley rammed an elbow into my ribs. "You do know, we're looking for Scout."

"Who's Scout?"

"Parker's unrequited love interest."

Millie rubbed her hands together with ill-concealed glee; the exact same look Tanner got when he was up to something. "Oooh, where is she?"

"There," pointed Tanner, "in the green fluffy coat."

"Don't make it so obvious," snapped Parker, still hiding behind me .

"It's not obvious if none of us can find her."

We all stood there, our eyes slowly scanning through the crowded ice, playing our own version of Where's Waldo; the real-life version is way harder. Everyone was moving, falling, and passing behind other skaters. It took a minute filtering out the dozens of other colors dotted across the ice until we found the green coat and the girl inside it with pale blonde hair, slowly skating alongside a tall-ish guy dressed in black.

"Oh, she's pretty."

"I know," gritted out Parker, who ducked down again as she skated past, even though there was at least ten yards and fifteen people between us and her. "Fuck, I can't believe this. What are they doing here?"

"Skating."

Parker shot Tanner a death stare he could only have learned from Special Agent America. "I'm getting outta here."

Radley crouched down to where he was still hiding. "No! Parker, don't go. Don't let them ruin your afternoon when we're having so much fun."

"I don't want to be here while they're all couple-y, and I'm just reminded that I was too much of a pussy to make a move. Goddamn Christmas couples," he grumbled, looking right at me like it was my fault.

"You know," Millie began as she tapped a bright pink nail against her cheek while she stared through the crowd to where Scout was, "she doesn't look that happy, or couple-y."

Parker nearly slipped over from the speed he stood upright, only just saving himself from landing on his ass. Tanner tried to stop his snort of laughter, but instead, he knocked himself off balance. For several seconds, the pair of them flailed about, their arms spinning like rotor blades before they dropped in a heap on th e ice.

"Why are my friends so embarrassing?" I muttered, holding out both hands to help them up.

"They're hilarious, what are you talking about?" barked out Millie, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. "I would pay money to see that again."

But Parker wasn't amused in the slightest. The second he was balanced again, his eyes scanned around the crowded rink. "Where is she?"

"There."

We all turned – carefully – in the direction Millie was pointing.

"I dunno," Parker sighed, with a long sorry-looking shake of his head. "They look couple-y to me."

"I'm telling you, she's not happy. Rads, don't you think?"

Radley's eyes narrowed. "I agree. They don't look happy."

"Yeah, that's a cuffing season romance if I ever saw one."

Tanner, Parker, and I all turned to look at Millie. I did the honors. "A what?"

"Cuffing season."

"What is cuffing season?"

Her eyes fixed on us one at a time, her brows shooting up until they disappeared under her bobble hat. "You know, when the weather starts getting colder and you find someone to get all snuggly with in the winter, when you want to stay in more." She banged her wrists together. "Cuffing."

Tanner thumbed to Radley and me. "Like these two?"

"What? No. We're not cuffing? Are we?"

Millie shrugged. "Not unless you break up in the spring."

"Yeah, that's not happening. We're in love," I declared and pulled Radle y closer, planting my lips on hers, just to really hammer the point home. We were not breaking up. "What's the opposite of cuffing?"

"Wait," Parker said, scrubbing a hand down his face, "are you saying they're breaking up in the spring? Is that what happens?"

"If they're cuffing, most of them are done by Valentine's. It's a high-pressure holiday."

His entire face lit up with the world's most excited – and yet most evil – looking smile. He only needed to tap his fingertips together and he could be the next cartoon villain. "How can we find out?"

"We can do some undercover work."

"How exactly are you going to do that?"

Millie's up-to-something grin reappeared. "I'm not the daughter of a C.I.A. operative for nothing." She handed Radley her hot chocolate, then turned to Tanner and Parker, reached up, and pulled both their beanies off, switching them.

"Hey!" Parked grumbled, running his hands over his head. "What did you do that for?"

"Tanner's pink hat is too obvious; he needs the black one."

"Obvious for what?"

"Obvious for being undercover," she replied with utmost seriousness, and stepped onto the ice. "Put your sunglasses back on. We're going to find out what's happening."

The look on Tanner's face was far from serious, like all his Christmases had come early as he slipped his aviators onto his nose. "Happy to offer my undercover services. Just to be clear, I'm okay if we need to make out… you know, if it means our cover isn't blown."

Millie's eyes nearly stuck in a roll. "Okay, sure. Let's go. "

The three of us watched as they skated off; Tanner making a grab for Millie's hand, only to be shoved away.

"I should have warned Millie than Tanner likes a challenge."

"I can't watch this," Parker grumbled, without making any attempt to move or look away. Instead, he removed Millie's hot chocolate from Radley's hands and drank it.

The pair of them zipped in and out of the crowds, closing in on Scout and the Douche until they were right behind them. They followed for a couple of feet before overtaking them. Tanner twisted around so he was facing Millie, before skating them away to speed around the rink. It didn't take long for them to be back by Scout, repeating exactly what they'd done a minute earlier.

"How did they get together?" Radley asked.

"I heard they met on an app."

"What kind of douche uses an app?" Parker grumbled again. "He's such a douche. Radley, don't you think he looks like a douche?"

Her head quirked a little, as she really put some thought into it. "Yeah, I guess he does look kind of douche-y."

"Who looks douche-y?" asked Ace in a spray of ice as he joined us.

I shook myself dry. "Dude, what did you do that for?"

"Because it's fun," he shrugged. "Who looks douche-y?"

"The Rangers guy Scout is dating," Radley replied, her eyes still glued to Tanner and Millie who were now holding hands.

"Oh yeah, he's a total douche."

Parker thumbed to Ace. "See? This is the kind of support I need. This is why he's my best friend, no hesitation whatsoever before he answered. Is he a douche? Yes."

"I got you, buddy," Ace said and ruffled his hair. "Anyway, why are we a ll standing around?"

"Because we're waiting to see if Tanner and Millie can find out if Rangers Douche and Scout are breaking up."

Ace spun around. "What? They're here?"

"Yes," snapped Parker. "Where've you been?"

"Um… skating?" he shot back, but pulled Parker into a hug. "Sorry, buddy, that sucks balls. She'll see he's a douche soon, bet you a thousand bucks they'll have broken up by Opening Day."

"That's what we're trying to find out," he replied, his eyes widening in panic as he turned back to the ice. "Shit, where've they gone?"

"They're leaving," Radley announced and pointed into the far corner, where a green coat and a taller dark coat were walking away.

"Where's Payton?"

"Went to the bathroom."

"No, I'm here, what are we all looking at?" she replied, before letting out a loud gasp. "Oh my God, what is Tanner doing? Why is he on one knee?"

Radley and Payton's eyes bulged, their hands flying to their mouths as a horrified giggle escaped from each of them. Tanner was indeed on one knee in front of Millie, and a small group of skaters had stopped to gather around.

"He's such a dickhead," Ace laughed, as we all watched Tanner grip onto Millie's hand, and grin up at her.

After a very painful yet highly amusing ten seconds, Tanner stood to a loud clapping, pulling a shocked Millie into his arms and kissed her.

"He's so dead."

The grin Tanner skated back with was a direct contrast to the fury on Millie's face.

"Here's the happy couple!" whooped Ace, holding his hot chocolate in the air.

"Shut up!" snapped Millie.

"When's the wedding?"

"When Hell freezes over."

Tanner threw his head back, letting out a roar of laughter only drowned out by the sirens going off to indicate the end of the skating session. "Hey, babe, I told you I go all-in under-cover. We needed to be a convincing couple in love. I can't help it if that's the way our story played out."

Millie didn't dignify him with a response as she sat on the tree stump.

Parker snapped his fingers in front of Tanner. "Well?"

"Dude, good news. They're definitely just fucking."

"How'd you know that?"

"Because he couldn't take his eyes off Millie's ass whenever we passed."

"That doesn't mean anything."

Tanner looked at me, then Ace. "Do either of you look at other girls' asses?"

Ace's head almost detached from the speed he shook it. "Nope. No way."

"Same here," I replied. "Radley's is the only ass I look at. It's the only ass I want to look at."

"I rest my case."

Parker narrowed his eyes, unconvinced. "Millie, what did you think?"

Millie looked up from removing her laces. "I think… as loathe as I am to say it… he's right, and not because he was staring at my as s. There's no chemistry between them. They were way too wooden and stiff to be happy."

"See? We're already agreeing on stuff," Tanner winked at her, earning himself a snarl.

It took ten minutes of changing out of skates, another five for Tanner to get more donuts, and maybe fifteen for the girls to go to the bathroom before we made it back out onto Fifth Avenue.

"Okay," Ace said, clapping his hands together. "Let's go back to the apartment and get warm."

"Good idea," I replied, as Millie turned to walk away. "Millie, where are you going?"

"I still need to do some last-minute shopping before the stores close."

Tanner dropped his arm around her shoulders. "If you change your mind and wanna come over, you can stay in my room and we can practice being undercover again."

The extension of her middle finger was her only response as she shrugged his arm off and headed down the sidewalk.

I leaned into Radley, brushing my lips to her ear. "Well, that went about as well as expected."