21. Radley

TWENTY-ON E

RADLEY

When you're not paying attention to the clock on the treadmill, you can really pound out the miles. I was about to hit the six-mile marker, and at under forty-seven minutes, I was pretty darn happy with myself.

Who knew the frat boys would be responsible?

When I'd first come into the gym a little over an hour ago, I'd headed straight to the cardio floor and the treadmill I'd reserved. I might be coming to the gym alone, but there was no way I'd be wandering about waiting for a machine to become available. Therefore, like any sensible person, I'd made a plan: run, then weights.

I picked a time which Millie said would be quiet, but not too quiet. There needed to be enough students in here that I'd feel borderline uncomfortable, but not so many that I'd h ave a panic attack. That time had been decided as ten-thirty a.m.

When I arrived, a couple of girls were working on the elliptical machines; a group of four guys on bikes who looked like they were all racing together, and some guys on the treadmills at the far end of the row. Thankfully, the furthest away from the very last one, which I'd booked.

Meg and Ava were under strict instructions to work out somewhere people wouldn't notice them, not close enough that I'd be able to feel their presence. I needed to be as alone as I could legitimately be with my permanent bodyguards in tow.

In the forty-seven minutes and twenty-nine seconds I'd been running, every treadmill in the bank had become occupied.

Ten minutes after I set off, a guy at the very end with a sleeve of tattoos and wearing a Maroon 5 t-shirt noticed me. I knew he'd noticed me because he tripped up on the running belt and nearly went flying off the end. Once his friends stopped laughing, they noticed me too.

Mirrors were a real pain in the ass.

Instead of watching where I was going, I'd been watching the cardio floor fill up behind me. Sure, it could just be that I'd hit the gym during rush hour, except I recognized two of the newcomers as part of a group that followed me out of class at the beginning of the semester, and none of them were being particularly secretive about using their cells.

I'd been running too fast for panic to set in. I was concentrating too hard on keeping my breathing even – the way my track coach had taught me – to let anxiety take over. The endorphins were doing the rest of the work and barricading my mind against the dread.

I responded by turning up the speed .

If they wanted to video me, they could do it while I busted my ass.

For the final half mile while my lungs shredded themselves, my entire focus was taken by watching Holiday's emerald clover bouncing at the base of my throat. I set my rhythm so each foot hit the belt as the clover hit my skin, by the time my legs were ready to give way, I'd run seven miles.

I could do this.

I was brave enough.

In between labored gasps for air, I summoned the words I'd heard over and over from Lux, Millie, and Holiday's clover: I was brave.

I wasn't fragile like a flower; I was fragile like a bomb.

Maroon 5 and his friends were snickering down the end of the row when I stepped off my treadmill. I ignored the eyes that tracked me as I walked past, until I stopped in front of their machine. The other two guys were in Columbia Lions soccer shirts, and the three of them were so busy looking at their cell screens, they hadn't noticed I was standing behind them. In fact, they were so engrossed I nearly lost my nerve.

Instead, I cleared my throat.

Maroon 5 was the first one to spot me, and as he turned, it occurred to me his t-shirt wasn't ironic, and under any other circumstances I'd probably find him hot, in that tattooed Adam Levine style. But there as something about the way his eyelid flickered and narrowed, without a shred of guilt at being caught, that made me want to punch him in the face. The twitch in his lip wasn't helping his cause either.

My fist balled at my side. "Get some good content, did you?"

He stood and stared at me. To the credit of the other two, they looked guilty enough for everyone in here, not just their tatted buddy . I didn't know what was worse; their silence or their lack of denial.

"It's a real asshole move videoing a girl without her permission. Maybe ask next time, or better yet, don't do it at all." I scanned around the three of them, and added, "Or maybe none of you have the balls to speak to girls in the first place." I left it there for ten seconds of silent staring. "Anyway, enjoy the rest of your workout. Try not to fall off the treadmill again."

A horrified laugh blew out of one of them as I walked away to where Meg and Ava were standing. The shaking started as I rounded the corner toward the exit; an earthquake rumbling inside me, pulsating outwards from deep in my belly, and when I spotted the bathroom entrance, I ran.

"Be right back!" I called to Meg and Ava, and ducked into the nearest free stall.

The second I closed the door, my hands were shaking so violently it took me four tries to secure the lock. Hot, silent tears streamed down my face as I sobbed as quietly as I could. With each heave of my chest, the fear I'd been storing released a little bit more. The wedge of panic eased itself out. The tears diluted the adrenaline coursing through me, until the endorphins resumed their position and I could breathe.

I'd done it. I'd come to the gym by myself. I stood up for myself , and I would live to tell the tale – as soon as I was done shaking, that is.

My skin was still too sweaty, my cheeks too red for anyone to notice I'd been crying, and the girl at the sink barely noticed me at all when I moved next to her to wash my hands.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have videoed you."

I spun around as I stepped back into the hallway to find one of the Columbia Soccer guys standing outside .

His hands were pushed deep into his pockets, his head bobbing while he spoke, like a weird little doll. "I deleted it."

He stood there staring at me. If he was waiting for a thanks, he'd be waiting a long time.

"You run really fast," he added, his eyes flicking to the side as Meg and Ava silently moved next to me; Meg holding out my bag and puffer coat.

"I ran track."

"Wow, it's paid off." He smiled in a way he probably thought was cute, but it was nothing but creepy, especially as his hands were still in his pockets. "Maybe I can take you out sometime, apologize again."

Behind me, Meg scoffed quietly and it took all my strength not to laugh in his face. "I have a boyfriend, but thanks for asking. And as a word of caution, again , don't video or photograph girls without their permission." I walked away without looking back. It was taking all my concentration to hold in the smile as I zipped up my jacket and pushed through the doors into the freezing cold air where I found Millie waiting.

I could have been a rainbow for all the happiness which burst out of me as I spotted her. What I'd accomplished was so minor, but so major at the same time.

"Hey!" I roped her into a hug, forcing her to jump up and down with me as I squeezed her tight. I may have squealed.

"Good workout then?" she grinned.

"Yes, but more than that… God, I'm on such a rush. No wonder people go bungee jumping or skydiving or whatever. I feel like I could do anything."

Millie's face was all confusion as we stopped jumping. "You want to go bungee jumping now?"

"No." I rolled my eyes. "God, no. Absolutely not. I would die. Literal ly. I just mean this rush I'm feeling." I grabbed my chest. "I can see why it's addictive."

Millie looped her arm through mine and set us off walking back to the dorm. "You want to start from the beginning, Rad?"

"I ran my fastest time in ages," I grinned, "since school, I think."

"Hey, well done. That's awesome."

"Yeah, but more than that, the cardio floor filled up with frat boys, and I caught one of them taking a picture, and I yelled… well, not yelled… but I told him to go fuck himself. Kind of, I didn't say ‘fuck'." I was too excited to be able to properly string a sentence together.

Millie stopped us walking. "You saw someone taking a photo and you told them not to? Is that what you're saying?"

"YES!" I pumped my fists in the air, Rocky style. Fuck, I felt amazing! "And then he apologized and asked me on a date."

"What?" Millie's mouth dropped and she glanced over at Meg.

"It's true, she was awesome. Ava and I stayed in the background the whole time."

"Holy shit. Holy shit!" Millie squealed just as loudly as I had, and the two of us set off jumping again. "This is incredible. You're Radley Badley!"

"Yeah, I'm finally the badass."

"You've always been the badass."

I looped her arm through mine again, asking, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Waiting for you, just in case the workout wasn't so great. I didn't want you to walk out and feel you know… whatever." She shrugged, being uncharacteristically coy. "I wanted you to know you'd still done something awesome, but I see I didn't need to."

"Oh, Mills." I wrapped my arms around her again and squeezed tight. The endorphins were still surfing my blood stream, but the tears were also very close to the surface, and I didn't have enough energy left to push them down.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because you're the bestest friend, and I'm so lucky to have you. I wouldn't have survived the last two years without you. I love you, and I don't have the words to describe how much."

Using her sleeve, Millie wiped the tears pouring down my cheeks, neglecting her own. "You saved me when my dad died. I was trying so hard to keep it together for my mom, and my brothers had each other, and if I hadn't had you, I would have lost it. You never left my side when I was going through the worst time of my life, there's no way I'd have ever left you when you were going through yours."

There wasn't anything more to add, so I hugged her tight. We set off again and soon found ourselves walking through Van Am Quad, which was a throughfare of students at any time of day. We passed through here multiple times a day as it was right by our dorm, but this time, out of nowhere, I started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

I shook my head with a giggle. "This is where we were walking when the guys thought Jake was a creeper, and jumped him."

"I still can't believe that. Poor Jake."

"When are you going to admit to me you have the hots for Jake?

"Admit it?" Her brows shot into the air. "Of course, I do. He's insan ely hot for an older guy."

"There's nothing to say you can't hook up."

"Not for me. I'll admire from afar, and fuck with him from close-by," she laughed.

"Oh, come on, you could totally hook up."

"No. His job is too dangerous." The simplicity of her words carried so much weight it made my heart ache.

"It feels like so long ago since that night," I said, as we passed the rotunda.

Millie wrapped her coat tighter, and squeezed her arm with mine. "It was definitely warmer."

"Yeah, it was. We've gone through a whole season since then." I huffed a laugh. "You remember saying how we were going to make this place ours?

She nodded.

"I wanted to believe you so badly, but I couldn't see it. I can now, I can feel it. We're going to have the best time."

Her million-dollar smile split her face. "We fucking are, but before then, get your ass in the shower because I'm really hungry and we're supposed to meet the others for lunch in fifteen minutes." She pointed to the entrance for our dorm.

"Good job we have a ride then, isn't it?" I called behind me as I took the steps two at a time.

G o to the gym by mysel f

" W hat're you doing?

"Crossing off an item on my list," I replied with a smile at Delaney.

"It's a list of things she wants to do..." Piped up Millie at Delaney's confused face as she whipped the notebook out of my hands. Her eyes moved down the list. "You can cross more stuff off. You stood up to those frat boys, that counts... spend a day in public… work experience… wait, why's that dickhead's name on here?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I just felt like it should be, but I don't know what the action is."

Lux inched closer to me and dropped a kiss on my head.

"I like this list of yours, it's a great idea," Delaney chimed in.

"It was Lux's idea."

Her eyes shot to Lux, studying him for a second or two. "You know, you're alright for a Lion."

The tiniest frown appeared on his brow as he glanced around at us. "What does that mean?"

"Delaney's a Braves fan."

Lux put down his slice, wiped his fingers on a paper napkin, and pinned the three of us with a stern glare – or what he thought was stern, but really it was just cute. "Are you telling me I'm sitting here, eating pizza, in New York, I might add, with two Phillies fans and a Braves fan?"

Delaney nodded. "How does that make you feel?"

"Honestly? Low-grade," he grinned. "What about you?"

Delaney shrugged, the pink ends of her hair bouncing as she did. "I just hope no one I know sees us, because if anyone of my friends back home found out, I'd be disinvited from all future games ."

"Unbelievable," he grumbled, though there was only amusement in his tone. I leaned up to kiss him.

Not only had I successfully overcome a solo gym trip, but Lux was half-way through the first official meeting of my friends, in a busy pizza place south of Columbia. Busy. Four enormous brick pizza ovens lined the back wall, sending the heady aroma of dough, cheese, and herbs around the restaurant, along with much needed warmth. Wait staff hollered orders, in between sitting the lengthy line of hopeful patrons, and I was in full view of it all.

"How about if four of the Lions starting nine show up at your game this week? Then what?"

Delaney's eyes flicked to me then back at Lux. "You're going to come to my game?"

"I'm already making the signs that say Delaney, Lions Fan Forever ," he smirked, holding his hands up to show the banner. "I'm spelling Forever like the number four, and E V A. Maybe we still have time for shirts to be printed."

I'd never seen color drain so quickly from someone's face, even when Millie belted out a laugh, Delaney's expression didn't change.

"Hey, you're funny, Baller," Millie said as she picked up her Diet Coke. "I've decided I officially like you."

The look on Lux's face had me giggling as I leaned up to smack another kiss to his cheek, though honestly, it was hard not to be kissing him all the time.

"Wow, lucky you."

"I know. I mean, I've officially liked you for a long time, best friend, but I understand that some people are slow on the uptake." He winked, turning back to Delaney who still looked confused. "I'm not making a sign, but Radley did invite us, i f it's cool we come? She said it's a big game."

"Yeah, if we win against Yale we'll lead the conference. You can come, I'll just pretend I don't know you, if anyone asks."

"That's fair. We pretend we don't know Tanner most of the time anyway."

I nudged an elbow into his side, though it was like nudging a brick wall. "Hey, Tanner's my buddy. Don't talk about him like that, or he'll never get a date with Millie."

Lux snorted, while Millie's head shot up from where she was staring at the ice in her Diet Coke. "Eh, What?"

"Goldilocks says you're going to go on a date with my boy, Tan." Lux's entire body was vibrating with silent laughter next to me, while Millie's brows dropped deeply.

"I don't think so."

I didn't get to use my powers of persuasion on her as two pre-teenage boys walked slowly up to the table, staring straight at Lux. Lux had picked up another slice of pizza and hadn't noticed.

"Babe," I whispered, tipping my chin in their direction.

"Are you Lux Weston?" squeaked one.

He dropped his slice. "Hey, buddy. I sure am, who are you?"

"I'm Cole, and this is John," Cole blurted out. "We love coming to watch you play. We saw twenty home games last season, and we can't wait for next season. I hope you make lots of catches."

Lux chuckled, his head bobbing as he smiled. "Me too, bud. Me, too."

John, who hadn't yet blinked, thrust his phone out to Lux. "Could we get a picture?"

There was a second of silence as Lux stiffened next to me, even Millie had stopped slurping the ice in her glass. Even though this photo had nothing to do with me, I knew they were waiting for my reaction, protecting me with their silence by giving me space.

I leaned over Lux with my hand out. "Shall I take it?"

Lux turned to me, his eyes smiling wider. "Is that cool? I mean, I could do with the ego boost seeing as I'm sitting with three haters."

Delaney snorted as he shifted out and crouched down next to them, and when I was done, I handed the cell back.

"Good luck for next season. We'll see you there!" Cole waved, walking backwards so he didn't waste a second when he could stare at Lux, and almost collided with a waiter carrying a thirty-inch pizza.

"Thanks for doing that, Goldilocks," Lux said as he pressed his lips to mine. "That was very sweet of you."

"You're welcome."

"Okay, now I want a picture," Millie demanded as she held her phone up. "I want to capture this moment, where my best friend has officially introduced me to her boyfriend."

"I'll take it," Delaney offered and held her hand out, but Millie shook her head.

"Nah, you're in the picture too – just in case we ever need to blackmail you, we have proof you hung out with a Lion."

"Can't you tell her you're not doing pictures today?" Delaney hissed at Lux.

"You try telling Millie no," he hissed back.

"Good point."

"Jakey… Jake!" Millie hollered across to the table behind where he was sitting with Meg. "Could you do the honors? I'd ask if you want to be in it too, but I know how you feel about the Lions. "

Lux mumbled something that sounded a lot like, "Help me."

Unlike me, who took the time to make sure I'd captured a great shot for the two kids, Jake snapped one, maybe two, and threw the cell back to Millie.

"Thanks, Jake. This is so cute! I love it," she beamed around at us, before landing on Lux. "So, the holidays… excited about meeting Emily and Greg?"

"Who?" asked Delaney.

"My parents," I answered.

Her wide eyes replied for her, along with her mouth which dropped silently.

"Don't do that. Don't make it like it's a bigger deal than it is," I pleaded, trying not to look at Lux.

I don't know if it was my brothers, or the fact that I asked multiple times every day during Thanksgiving, including at the dining table, but my parents had finally taken me seriously and invited Lux for dinner. The date was set for December 29 th .

Since then, my anxiety had stayed in a slightly heightened state, while also keeping weirdly separate from the rest of my issues. Lux, however, didn't seem to be phased by it at all.

And just like he always did, he threw his big, cozy bicep over my shoulder, pulled me into his chest, and dropped a kiss on my head

"It's only a big deal because I'm meeting your parents for the first time." He smiled at Millie before continuing. "And yes, I'm excited. I fly back from Nashville, via D.C."

"When's Radley meeting your mom?"

He glanced down at me and replied, "When the season begins. Radley has school, and my sisters have school, but they'll be here for Opening Day." His gaze cut back to Millie and Delaney, all eager smiles and excitement. "You wanna come too?"

Delaney answered with a hard cringe, which only made Millie and me laugh harder.

"Jeez. When am I gonna catch a break?" Lux grumbled. "You three are damaging my ego."