20. Lux

TWENTY

LUX

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I rubbed a towel through my wet hair, and muted the T.V. cursing myself for forgetting to hang the Do Not Disturb sign on the door. I had plans to watch a movie and wait for Radley to finish at her dinner party, or whatever it was, so I could call her and talk until we fell asleep.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I couldn't ignore them because they'd let themselves in, but also, I was naked. And then there was the other matter of the little chocolate snacks they brought, which I wanted.

"Hang on."

I grabbed the robe hanging in the bathroom, and shrugged it on just as I opened the door.

It was better than a turn down service. Way better.

"Are you going to stand there gawking, or let me in?"

My eyes flicked behind her to Jake, and the smirk he was trying to hold back.

"There's no one here, except me. "

"We still need to sweep."

I knew the drill by now, even if I did roll my eyes every time. Opening the door for them to come in, I pulled Radley into my chest while we waited for Jake and Ethan to be done finding absolutely nothing of interest.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered.

"I wanted to see you," she smiled. It was a smile that could melt the snow settling fast across D.C. By the morning, there'd be a thick layer.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the middle of a dinner? How did you persuade your mom to not go?"

"I called in some I.O.U.s from Ben and Henry." She shrugged, though from the way her eyes sparkled, it took me a second to realize what she meant.

"You snuck out?"

"I did, in the storm. It's freezing outside." Her cheeks must have ached from how wide she was smiling. She was smiling so hard at what was a very impressive achievement I couldn't hold in my own smile, even though I was still kind of stunned.

"You snuck out like a teenager?"

"I've never done it before," she giggled.

This girl. This fucking girl, who'd snuck out of one of the most secure buildings in the world so she could see me… there wasn't enough space in my chest to stop my heart from bursting. I'd lost count of how often I thanked whoever was listening that I'd been in Brown's at the exact same time she had, but I did it again just so they really knew how lucky I felt.

We turned to the guys as they stopped in front of us. "We'll be downstairs."

"Thank you."

I eased the door closed and turned to Radley, who was unbuttoning her coat. "I still can't believe you snuck out. It's freezing."

"Believe it." My dick was hard before her coat hit the floor and she was pulling off her hoodie. "Wanna warm me up?"

"Hell, yes."

It was the last thing I said before my lips crashed to hers.

" I know what I'm thankful for this year."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

It took a second to understand what she was saying through the giggles. "Your tongue."

I tried to act shocked, but the sound of her laughter only had me laughing too. "Radley Andrews, what in the name of sex maniacs have I turned you into?"

The giggle died down to a quiet pop. "The person I was always supposed to be."

I hadn't expected her response to punch me straight in the chest, but it did. She'd taken hold of me, she owned me. Fuck that, I would willingly give myself over to her any day of the week, and I wasn't ready for her to leave me just yet.

Sliding on top of her, I bracketed her between my arms. I needed a few more minutes of looking at her, searing her into my brain like she was seared into my heart. I'd been without her for twenty-four hours and I'd missed her. I'd felt her absence deep in my bones. And now I wouldn't see her for a week. I tr ied not to blink so I wouldn't miss a single part of the way her big golden eyes were smiling up at me.

As I watched her, I felt it . A physical shift in the depths of my soul making room for her as she rooted into me, confirming what I already knew.

"My mom's press secretary had a question about us."

"It was going to happen. We knew she was next after Lowe," I replied, dropping a kiss to her nose. "How are you feeling about it?"

"I wish I'd got to tell my mom and dad first, but it's okay. I want to live my life, and you're part of it. If people see us, then they see us." She smiled, tracing her finger around the contours of my face. I wanted to stay in this moment forever. "When we get back to New York, can we go on dates? Can we do things couples do?"

"You bet your ass we can," I grinned, surrounding her mouth with mine before lifting up so I could look at her again. The one thing wrong with kissing – she was too close to look at. "I need to maximize my time before training starts again. We can do Rockefeller Center, and the Empire State. A hockey game, or…"

"Okay, Romeo, one date at a time." Her eyes widened as she caught sight of the clock on the side table. "Shit, I need to go. The dinner will be finishing soon."

"Oh man…" Out of nowhere, my lips descended on her neck, blowing raspberries until she scrambled out from underneath me with a squeal, and rushed across the room. "I feel so used."

I leaned back, positioning myself against the ridiculous amount of pillows so I could watch her get dressed. There was something about the way she eased back into the bra and panties I'd removed that had my dick twitching .

"If I could stay, I would, but I'm on borrowed time. My brothers can only put my mom off from checking on me for so long, and they're terrible at lying." She disappeared inside her hoodie, my orange hoodie I had yet to get back from her, and something told me it was unlikely I ever would. I didn't give a shit. Seeing her in my clothes made her feel mine.

Mine.

"I'll remember that for when I eventually meet them."

The mattress dipped as she scooched up next to me to lace her sneakers. "You really want to?"

"Try and stop me."

"I already lined up the holidays with them, how does that sound?"

"I think it sounds good." Easing up, I caught her mouth with mine, stealing one last quick taste of her before she went home.

She pulled back with a soft moan, or maybe it was a groan. "I'm sorry I have to leave. You know I don't want to, right?"

"Hey…" I caught her hand, pressing my lips to her palm. "That I got to see you at all tonight is a big bonus for me."

She smiled, but it wasn't the smile she'd been wearing a minute ago, especially when a sigh passed her lips as she pushed her fingers through my hair.

"Radley, what's going on?"

"I wish you'd been my first."

She'd whispered it so quietly I sat up, shifting back so I could be eye to eye with her, so I could see the perfect shade of gold flicker back to bronze like it always did when she was happy. I hated the way glitter boy – as we were all now calling him – was still having such an effect on her. On us . I fucking hated that she still carried shame for something she shouldn't; that he'd dimmed the glow I only ever saw on her when she was truly relaxed, but wanted to see all the time.

I wanted to see the fire and excitement she'd walked in with, having snuck away for the first time in her life.

"Radley." I hooked a finger under her chin to bring her eyes in line with mine so she could see how sincere I was. "I might not have been your first, but I can be your last."

"What do you mean?"

"I love you."

"What?"

"I love you," I smiled. "I nearly told you earlier when we were talking, but I wanted to wait until we were together, so I could do it in person. And here you are."

"You love me?"

"I do." I held her eyes, waiting while she searched mine to see if there was any hint of a lie. She'd be searching for a while. "I think I've loved you since you were standing on the stool in Brown's."

"The first time we met?"

I gave one deep nod. "Yep."

I stayed as still as possible, watching her chest slowly rise and fall as her fingers traced patterns along my skin. "One of the things I talk about with Doctor Jessops is whether I would ever get to the point where I could trust anyone again, whether I could trust someone enough to let myself fall in love with them." She looked at me, blinking focus back into her watery eyes.

"I understand," I said, keeping my voice as soft as possible. "I know how hard I have to work to get you to trust me, but I wanted you to know how I felt, because I want you to know I'm not going anywhere. "

"No." Her head shook, and those two little lines appeared in her brow again until I smoothed my thumb over them. "I'm saying, I hadn't realized I was already there. I'd already reached that point."

"What?"

"I love you, too."

Now it was my turn to be shocked. I hadn't expected her to respond, I'd almost prepared myself for her not to. I thought I'd be waiting a long time. I sat back against the pillows while I let her words sink in. "You do?"

"Yep."

"Well… shit."

Just like that, her eyes warmed to bronze. Brushing her lips to mine one last time, she jumped off the bed and ran to the door before I could stop her

"Wow, I get myself a boyfriend and the romance has already died. Don't forget my mouse ears." The door had almost closed behind her when she popped her head back around it. "Hey, Baller, I love you."

Fuck Disney for claiming to be the happiest place on earth. It wasn't.

The Four Seasons, Washington D.C., had just taken that title.