14. Lux

FOURTEEN

LUX

I did happen to think baths were the answer to everything, but right now, I had no idea what the question had been.

"Did you add salts?"

My brain only registered the noise, not the words, as I opened the freezer door, removed the bottle of tequila, and took a three large gulps. I drank it so quickly it was hard to tell whether it was the cold or the alcohol burning my throat and all the way down to my belly.

Parker and Tanner were sitting on the kitchen stools, their arms crossed over their chests like they were doing their best impression of Simon Cowell on American Idol .

"What?" I managed to wheeze out.

"Salts. Did you add them to her bath?"

"Yes."

Tanner's brows shot up. "The pink, smelly ones?"

Um… "Lavender?"

"Yeah, and the ones that make it feel like you're breathing fire? "

"Eucalyptus?"

"Yep. Those. Did you add them?"

"Yes, I added them."

Parker propped an elbow on the counter and rested his chin on top of his balled fist. "What about bubbles?"

What was with the twenty questions? "I confirm there are bubbles."

"Hmm," he replied. "She's gonna be a while then."

I picked up the bottle, bringing it to my lips as I nodded.

"Is she okay?"

There was something about Tanner's uncharacteristically quiet voice that caught in my throat. I didn't know the answer.

My heart still hadn't settled from the pounding I'd been trying to quiet down since the second I'd spotted Radley sitting at that table. I'd never seen anyone so frightened.

Correction: it had been a long time since I'd seen someone that frightened.

Hence the tequila.

It might appear like I was holding my shit together, but it was all an act. The second her security had left, I'd dragged her down the hallway and into my bathroom. It was the only thing I knew would help with whatever this situation was that we were in. I'd still been holding her hand when I'd turned the faucets on, and only let go when she'd pointed it out.

I hadn't wanted to let go.

I'd stood there as the bath filled and the steam swirled in the air around us, staring at her soft, golden gaze. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, yet I'd never seen anyone so beautiful. I'd gently pressed my lips to hers and left with the instruction to take as long as she needed .

I left her before I did something stupid, like get in with her.

My eyes flashed up to Parker and Tanner, who were still staring at me. "I don't know. I don't know if she's okay."

"What just happened?"

"I dunno." I shook my head, raking my hands through my hair and gripped the strands. "Something. It wasn't good. Have either of you heard of a guy called Christopher Ellington?"

They both shook their head as Tanner picked up the tequila, swigged it, winced, and frowned at the bottle like he'd been forced to drink it. "Radley didn't look good. She looked…"

"Sad?"

"No," I replied and shook my head again. I knew it wasn't sadness, and I was so in my thoughts that it took me a moment to realize it was quieter in here than usual. "Where's Ace?"

"He went to meet Payton for lunch," replied Tanner, grabbing his stomach as it rumbled loudly. "Should we order lunch?"

I shook my head no. "I'll make it. I need something to do."

"I'm happy you said that because I'm in the mood for tacos, and it just so happens that I found all the ingredients," Parker grinned. "What do we do about Special Agent America and his sidekick?"

Fuck. I'd forgotten about them. I just brought her back without thinking through any logistics, or her entourage.

"Do you think we need to tell the concierge there's Secret Service in the building?"

I shrugged, because it was all I could do. I had no fucking clue. We already had doormen, and I knew the underground parking was monitored 24/7. Someone would start asking questions so on, and I really didn't want badges flashed around.

"I dunno. They can't stay down there all weekend, can they?"

"Is that how long she's staying?"

"Yes," I replied. Over my dead body was she going back to her dorm when her roommate was gone, only to be alone all weekend. Even though I was still piecing together the details of why she'd had a panic attack, I knew it had to do with the story she'd told me a few weeks ago about photos being leaked. I also knew her being alone right now wouldn't help. "It's Friday, and she doesn't have class until Monday, so she'll stay here. Is that cool?"

We never had girls stay in the apartment – at least not to hang out. Payton stayed sometimes, but Ace was at her place more than she was here. I knew there was a significant pleading in my eyes when I looked up.

"You know my motto," grinned Tanner. "The more the merrier."

He didn't notice Parker's suspicious looking side-eye as he hopped off his stool. "You've literally never said that."

"Well, I'm saying it now."

I reached into the cabinet below the island and grabbed the chopping board. "Are there any spare apartments in this building? They could take one of those."

"Want me to call down to the concierge?" Parker asked from the depths of the fridge, before he turned around with both hands full with cilantro, limes, avocados, and cabbage which he dropped on the counter, then went back for a plate of Red Snapper.

Guess we were having fish tacos, and from the looks of it, slaw too.

"Make yourself useful." I put another chopping board and knife in fro nt of Tanner, along with the pile of limes, while Parker ran over to the elevator. "Hey, where are you going? I thought you wanted tacos?"

"Downstairs. I'm more persuasive in person!" he called out as the doors shut. "You got this. I'll be back before they're done."

"He's right," Tanner said as he stuck his knife into a lime and bore down. "He is more persuasive in person."

"Let's hope he delivers then," I replied, slicing up the cilantro and tossing it in a bowl.

Parker delivered. He was back sitting on the stool before the fish had cooked. The apartment one floor down was newly empty, and with a bit of negotiation, Parker had been given the access code for this weekend. A permanent solution could wait until Monday.

I served him a double portion of tacos.

"Hey, it's the expensive highlighter."

I spun around to find Radley standing in the archway leading down to my bedroom, wearing the trackpants and hoodie I'd left out for her – the orange ones. She looked down, and back to Tanner with a smile tugging at her lips.

I crossed the room, sliding the last few inches in my socks. Her hair was piled on top of her head, soft toffee-colored tendrils stuck to her fresh face, her cheeks still flushed from the bath, but more importantly, her eyes were no longer bloodshot. She smelled like lavender and eucalyptus, and I just about stopped myself from burying my face in her neck and breathing her in.

Instead, I bent down and pressed my lips to hers, softly, briefly, but just enough to savor the taste of her.

"Hey."

"That's some bath." She smiled up at me, and just like that, almost all o f the anxiety I'd built up this morning melted away.

"Yeah, I had to give Parker a year's worth of movie privileges for it."

Her head tipped with a little quirk of her lips. "What does that mean?"

"When we moved in, Parker won the master bedroom in a game of beer pong, but that bathtub would have been wasted on him, so I managed to convince him to trade with me if I gave him all my movie-night choosing privileges. It means we only watch Scorsese movies, but it was worth it."

Radley let out another little laugh, louder this time. "It sure was."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, thank you. Hungry."

I crooked my arm, looping hers through it. "Well then, come with me. Lunch is served."

"Tacos?" she gasped as we reached the kitchen island, and had the unfortunate opportunity to witness Parker shoving an entire one into his mouth without chewing.

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah. I love tacos."

"Then sit down."

Tanner patted the stool next to him, and she slipped onto it. Parker passed her a plate, piling it up with slaw, chips, and three soft shell tacos.

"You'll soon learn Weston is the best chef."

"Thank you," she giggled softly, while Parker kept spooning Taco filling until she had to whip her plate away.

To her credit, she didn't seem an ounce self-conscious at the three of us staring at her, waiting for her reaction to her first bite. We were so engrossed, we didn't even look up as the elevator doo rs pinged, because it could only be Ace coming home.

It wasn't Ace.

"You gave her the access code?" Parker hissed, as Holiday stepped down into the living room, her arms laden with shopping bags.

"Hi, guys. What's going on?"

Tanner nearly tripped over the stool leg in his speed to get off it. "Hol, what're you doing here?

"Came to invite you to a party, but it looks like you're having one," she teased, and arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

"We're having lunch."

"Doesn't matter, the party's tomorrow anyway. It's Halloween," she shrugged, lifting the bags in the air. "I've brought costumes for you all."

"Thanks, but we're boycotting Halloween. We already decided."

But Holiday had stopped listening; her entire focus since she'd spotted her sitting at the island, was Radley, who was also staring wide-eyed at Holiday. It was easy to forget Holiday was more than Tanner's sister. I'd seen that look before from fans, or anyone when they realized who I was, and if I wasn't mistaken, Radley was a little star struck.

Holiday marched over, her ponytail swinging wildly, and stopped in front of Radley.

"Hello," Holiday greeted and pulled her into a brief hug, then stepped back. "Cute outfit. Are you Radley Andrews?"

Once again Radley looked down at the bright orange trackpants rolled up four times around her ankles and wrists, and back to Holiday. Two little lines now creased her brow.

"Thank you. Are you…" she paused, her confused eyes flicking momen tarily to Tanner, before a widening in realization. "Are you Holiday Simpson?"

"In the flesh," Holiday replied with a dramatic curtsy then turned to the stove, lifted up the pan lid, and inhaled deeply. "Oh great, I'm starving."

One brow raised as I stared at Tanner. If a genie had popped from a lamp and turned him into an actual sheep, the expression on his face could not have been more sheepish.

"The more the merrier."

H oliday Simpson is the reason I found myself twisted up into a knot with Parker's ass in my face three hours later. But if it had Radley doubled over with laughter like she had no plans to stop, then I'd stick my face in his ass all day.

Actually, no. I wouldn't, but you know what I mean.

"Right hand yellow!" ordered Holiday.

"Where did this game even come from?" groaned Ace, as he somehow managed to twist his arm through a gap Tanner had left with his leg, sticking his elbow into a place no elbow belonged.

There's no way he'd have been able to make that maneuver six months ago. Cosmo was paying off in more ways than one.

"Watch what you're doing with that thing!" Tanner squeaked out.

I tried to look, but it was impossible. It was taking all m y strength to maintain any balance, which also proved impossible, and I collapsed onto the floor, army-rolling to the side before I had any more of Parker's ass in my face, managing a deep breath for the first time since we started playing.

"Left foot blue."

I disappeared over to the kitchen, replenishing the empty beer bottles with full ones, along with a bag of chips and left over guac. Radley was still laughing at the boys as I sat down and pulled her onto my lap, dropping a kiss to her temple. She settled back into me, and I wrapped my arms around her. Only once she'd relaxed did I relax, too.

Since we'd arrived back here, I'd been finding it more and more impossible not to be touching her, until it got to the point where I just gave up trying. It dawned on me that staying in the apartment on a Friday evening playing Twister, while the rain pelted down through the dark sky was not even close to the top ten things I had planned today, yet I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars – especially with Radley's back pressed into my chest like a part of me I didn't realize had been missing.

I'd never had so much fun not leaving my place before.

It didn't take long for the precarious structure in front of us to collapse, setting off Holiday and Radley in another fit of giggles, and the rest of us couldn't help but join in.

"Must pee," Holiday announced, leaping over Tanner and sprinting down the hallway.

"Okay, I'm outta here. That's enough stretching for one day," Ace jumped to his feet. "Radley, good to meet you without getting my ass kicked this time. Don't forget to tell your mom, okay? Boys, some interesting positions here tonight. We need to consider adding them to our repertoire. "

I cough-choked on the sip of beer I'd just taken.

"What did that mean?" Radley asked as she looked up at me.

"Best not to ask."

"Okay," she replied with a smile, twisting enough in my lap that she could wrap her arm over my shoulder. "Thank you for today. I can't believe how much fun I'm having."

Craning my neck, I pressed my lips into hers again, stopping short of slipping my tongue in her mouth like I wanted to. First, I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. Second, my dick was already twitching with her on my lap. Add anything else to the mix, and I was the one who'd be uncomfortable.

"How are you doing?" Holiday dropped down next to Radley, picked up one of the many unnecessary couch pillows, and hugged it to her body.

"I'm good, how are you?"

"Fantastic. I have the weekend off work." Her finger darted between Radley and me. "You know, I didn't realize you guys were dating. Tanny never said anything."

"Oh…" Radley's gaze flicked to mine, kind of panicked at what exactly we were.

"Yeah, we are," I interrupted, because we fucking were. Our dates might be unconventional, but they were dates. Therefore, we were dating. "But we've been keeping it quiet for obvious reasons."

Holiday reached for her wine. "You guys are cute together. I like it."

And suddenly, I liked Holiday so much more than I thought I did.

"I really wanted to reach out when those photos hit, but I didn't k now you then, obviously. I thought it would be too weird," she said, so casually I almost didn't catch it.

Radley stilled in my lap. I glanced over to the boys, but they were still arguing over who was more flexible.

"Oh, um…" Radley blinked her wide eyes and began brushing a strand of hair behind her ear over and over, while Holiday sat there waiting for an answer, seemingly oblivious to the way Radley's face had lost all color.

Maybe I didn't like Holiday that much after all.

In fact, I was torn between wanting to strangle her and listen for Radley's answer, because since this morning, we hadn't had the opportunity to talk. She'd been laughing so much this afternoon I'd pushed the conversation in the elevator to the back of my mind.

"I hope you don't think I'm being nosy. It happened to me too, it's why I wanted to reach out."

Radley shifted forward, almost off my lap, as her voice dropped to little above a whisper. "It happened to you? Someone took… pictures of you?"

Holiday nodded deeply. "Yeah, it was a few years ago. He was a big-time agent and said he'd represent me. He gave me the address of a house in the Hollywood Hills where a movie was being filmed, and told me to meet him." Her scoff dripped in contempt. "I was so excited, I thought it would be my big break. He said he was running a screen-test, and he needed to see what my body was like. I thought it was weird, but I didn't question anything… so took my clothes off. Dumb, right? It was only when he started taking pictures of me that I realized no one else was in the house…"

Radley's hand shot to her mouth, but it didn't muffle the gasp. Holiday reached out and held her spare hand.

"Nothing happened. I was fucking lucky. A maintenance crew turned up, and I got the hell out of there," she sighed deeply, "but a week later, he called and said if I didn't meet him again to finish what we'd started, he'd send the pictures all over town, and no one would ever want to work with such a dirty little whore. I didn't know what to do."

I glanced at Tanner, willing him to stop fucking around and arguing with Parker. I didn't want to move Radley, but I was so aware of being an outsider to this conversation, as well as the anger bubbling through my veins.

"What did you do?"

"I went to meet him." A sad smile slanted her lips, and for the first time since I'd known her, Holiday looked small. The volume on her usual deafening personality had been turned way down. "I still question why I did it, but somehow my luck hadn't run out. He'd chosen a busy hotel in Hollywood, and someone saw me with him."

"Who was that?"

"Marcy, my agent. She became my agent after… She stopped him in the entranceway to talk – you know, Hollywood types love to network – and when she looked at me, she knew something was wrong. She saved me."

"What happened to the photos?"

"She got them back."

"I'm so sorry."

"Thanks." She shrugged. "I'm sorry for you, too. You know what helps me feel better? I might not be where I am now, because I wouldn't have met Marcy. I'm only twenty-four, I've made six movies, including an Oscar winner, I have my next five movies lined up, and I might not have had any of that – or the fragrance campaign I'm about to shoot, which I'm being paid four million dollars for." She kneeled and wrapped her arms around Radley. "We can't let them beat us, Radley. We're bett er than that. We're stronger than that."

Holiday hadn't been talking quietly, but it was like only she and Radley were in the room. They sat there until the silence between them was only broken by Tanner, who'd stopped wrestling with Parker and was sitting on the floor trying to catch his breath and figure out what he'd just heard.

"Hang on, back the fuck up a minute. What did you just say?" He was staring at Holiday with equal combinations of confusion and… no, just confusion. "Holiday?"

She pulled away from Radley, twisting on the couch until her feet were flat on the floor and faced Tanner. "I didn't tell you because I knew how you'd react, and you were still playing in the minors."

"Wh… what? Excuse me, what? You didn't tell me about some guy sleazing on you because I play baseball?! "

She leaned forward, and it dawned on me that Holiday wasn't just the brains of the operation, she was his protector. "I'm sorry, Tanny. I couldn't have you beating the shit out of a guy when you were about to hit the major leagues."

Before Holiday could take her next breath, Tanner was on his knees in front of her. "What the fuck?! I'm your brother. I'm supposed to be able to protect you."

"And what would you have done?" she asked, pointedly.

He sat back on his heels. "I'd have fucking killed him."

Holiday laughed, reaching out to cup his cheek. "Exactly."

"Where's the guy now?"

She took a deep breath, a wide smile crossed her face as she shrugged. "He's dead."

We all went from shock to shock. From the way we were all staring at Holiday with our mouths open, it was clear the four of us were all thinking the same thing .

"Holiday…" Tanner whispered, "did you kill him ?"

I could almost see Tanner plotting out how to help her bury the body.

"What? No!" Her wide, crystal blue eyes, the exact same ones as Tanner, trailed across the four of us, and she fell back onto the couch with a loud laugh. "No! He was fat and gross, and the burgers caught up with him. He had a heart attack."

She was laughing so hard that we could only make out one or two of the garbled words leaving her lips. It became infectious. Radley was next to go, and once she started, I went. Then Parker, and finally Tanner, though he was still understandably pissed.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me. Do mom and dad know?"

Holiday nodded. "Yeah, and I know I should have told you too. I just wanted to protect you as well. I didn't want to ruin your career, and then I kind of forgot because I've been busting my ass to make something of myself. You've been busting your ass playing baseball, and it's not the sort of thing you discuss over text message. I'm sorry, I truly am." She pulled him in for another hug, then turned to Radley. "What happened to your guy?"

"Nothing."

Now it was our turn to stare at Radley.

"What?" snapped Tanner harder than he meant to. "Nothing?"

Radley shook her head. "No. He videoed us having sex, and leaked the pictures. And nothing happened."

I hadn't realized I'd been holding onto Radley so tightly until she yelped. I looked down to find my fist wrapped around her wrist.

"Shit, I'm sorry." I lifted it to my lips for a kiss, a poor attempt at making it better. Nothing would make it better .

"So he's just walking around all day being a dick? He hasn't been arrested or beaten up, or anything?"

Radley pulled on the drawstrings around the hoodie. "No. It could never be proven they came from him. The last I heard he graduated and went to a law firm in D.C. Even if people did know what he'd done, my mom has enough political enemies that he'd never have trouble finding a job."

"What was his name?"

"Christopher Ellington."

Parker and Tanner's eyes shot to mine. It was the guy she'd mentioned in the elevator, the one who'd set off the panic attack this morning. I'd known of his existence for less than a day, for a girl I'd known less than two months, and I was mentally plotting his murder.

Now I knew why Holiday had waited to tell Tanner.

Tanner, who'd been tapping away at his phone, looked up. "Found him. He's at Rennick, Gryborn, and Sloe. Junior Associate. He looks like a total dick cheese."

My eyes flicked to Radley's as she giggled. "Yeah. That's one way of describing him."

"Well…" Parker snatched the phone from Tanner, zooming in on the screen to confirm Christopher Ellington was indeed a dick cheese, "…what are we doing with him?"

"What d'you mean?"

"He needs punishing," Tanner replied.

"No." Radley stiffened against me, and she shook her head. "No, I can't do anything. I don't want to drag it up again, and I can't have anything come back to me. No."

Tanner held back whatever he was about to say, but I knew that look on his face. It didn't take Freud to see that this wasn't about Radley. Wouldn't even take a first-year pre-psych student. Thi s was about what he couldn't do for Holiday.

For once, the boys stayed quiet. In might have been the longest they'd ever gone without speaking. Parker was still staring at the screen, while Tanner looked like he was thinking harder than he'd ever thought in his life. Holiday went to fetch more wine from the kitchen, and as she walked, the metallic sheen on her sweater caught the light from outside, jogging a memory I'd forgotten about, and from the way Parker sat up and snapped his fingers, it would seem that his memory had also returned.

"I've got it."

"What?"

His eyes flicked from Tanner to me, and I knew he was thinking of the exact same thing I was. "We're going to glitter bomb him."

Radley twisted in my lap. "What?"

"Tan, remember the human disco ball you dated a couple of years ago?"

Tanner's gaze slid over to Holiday as she sank back onto the couch. "Um…"

"Yeah, come on..." Parker leaned over and slapped him on the arm, "you have to remember!"

From the way Tanner's jaw was clenching while his mouth pursed up like cat's asshole, I'd say he remembered very well, but absolutely did not want to share his experience while Holiday was present, but Parker either hadn't noticed, or didn't care.

"You said it was like fucking the Tooth Fairy. There was glitter everywhere."

"Parker! Will. You. Shut. The. Fuck. Up!" he gritted out, but it was too late .

Holiday's feet hit the floor again, and she leaned forward until Tanner couldn't escape her pinned stare. "You used to call my assistant the Tooth Fairy."

He shrugged, and looked anywhere but Holiday's direction. "Did I? You have a lot of assistants, Hol. I can't be expected to remember them all."

"You remember the one that stole ten grand and my favorite purse?" She gasped suddenly, her finger pointing right in Tanner's face. "That's why you bought me a new purse and put ten grand in it! I thought you were being nice."

"I was being nice."

"I can't believe you fucked my thieving assistant!"

"It was before she became a thief!" he shot back, like that would justify the entire situation.

"Oh, so she stole it because you never called her." Holiday shifted back on the couch with a loud huff, though her narrowed and beady eyes never left Tanner, who was refusing to look at her.

"Can we get back to what Parker was saying before we all forget?"

I think I'd forgotten.

Parker shot an apologetic toward Tanner and cleared his throat, "Yeah, so this… um… thief-girl, she always seemed to be covered in glitter and that shit gets everywhere. It was all over the apartment…"

Holiday looked like she was about to puke.

"Park, get to the point."

"Yeah, sorry… you can buy glitter bombs. We'll send one every day. He won't know when to expect them."

An evil grin spread on Tanner's face. "He'll be finding that shit for years. It'll drive him crazy. We can send them to his office. "

"He'll never want to leave his house."

The boys looked so impossibly pleased with themselves I didn't want to say no… then Radley tried to muffle a giggle, only it turned in a yawn. A big one.

"Sorry," she mumbled behind her hand, "I'm pretty beat."

"Yeah, we can call it a night." Pressing my lips to her head, I shifted her off my lap, immediately missing the warmth of her. "Come on, I'll show you the way."

Giving Holiday a hug, she waved goodnight to the guys.

"Hey, Radley, if it makes you feel better, our naked asses are on the internet too!" hollered Tanner after us.

I held in the groan as Radley laughed. I lived with idiots, even if they were kind of funny.

"Do you think they really will send a glitter bomb?" Radley asked, holding her toothbrush out for me to squeeze paste onto.

The agents had been back to Radley's dorm to grab her things, and we were now standing in the bathroom while we brushed our teeth. I knew for a fact my bathroom had never seen this level of domestication, and as I caught her eye in the mirror for the tenth, maybe twentieth time, I realized how much I loved it.

Fucking loved it.

I nodded, scooping up water to rinse my mouth. "Unless you specifically tell them not to."

She shook her head. "No, I'm not going to tell them not to. If Tanner wants to send a glitter bomb to feel better about Holiday, then I'm not stopping him. I wish I had the guts to do something."

I sat on the edge of the bath and pulled her in between my legs, my han ds taking all the liberties they could to run up and down her pajama clad thighs. "What d'you mean?"

"I never saw him again. I never spoke to him. Nothing." She looked down at her feet. "I just wish I had."

Hooking a finger under her chin, I lifted it. "What would you have said?"

She shook her head. "I dunno. I try to think about it, and my mind goes blank. There's so much I want to do, but I don't feel brave enough."

"You'll get there."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the full story, about the tape." She looked down at the floor again, worrying at her lip. "I kind of figured you already knew."

Again, I lifted her chin. I needed her to see my face when I said my next words. "You have nothing to apologize for. It's your story to tell, and you'd have told me when you wanted me to know." I dipped again to keep her sight in mine. "I didn't know, but I'm glad I do now. I said it before and I'll say it again, we go at your pace. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you," she smiled, "and for today… my panic attack. You knew what to do."

"My sister used to have them," I started quietly, wanting to share my secrets with her, like she'd shared hers. I wanted her to see she could trust me. "My dad left before I was born, and my mom remarried when I was around seven years old. His name was Steve. Sensible Steve," I laughed quietly, as memories flooded back. "He was so boring. Sensible job, sensible car… I was already obsessed with baseball, but he didn't like sports, any of them, and so I could never really talk to him. But he was nice to my mom. Anyway… when I was fifteen, I'd been away at baseball camp, and one night Steve came home really late. Turned out, he wasn't that sensible. The company he 'd been working for was a front for a biker gang, and he'd been embezzling their money. One of the bikers came home with him that night and began smashing the house up, looking for their money. He took a baseball bat to my mom, and she ended up in hospital with a fractured skull."

I'd been so zoned into the story I barely noticed Radley's hand resting on my cheek. Swallowing hard, I pushed away the guilt which always reappeared whenever I thought about it. I should have been there. I should have been there to protect my mom and sisters.

"I don't think the guy knew the girls were there. Sienna was five and managed to call the police. Her panic attacks started a couple of weeks later. Every time she saw a cop car or heard a siren…" I scoffed, "not things you can easily avoid. I stayed home for six months, sleeping on the floor of her room."

"How did she get over it?"

"She got older, she started to associate police with other things. She saw a child therapist for a long time. We all did. I don't know if she'll ever get over it totally though."

"Great," she sneered.

I grabbed the tops of her arms, making sure I had her full attention. "Radley, listen to me. Sienna's panic attacks have made her a strong, resilient girl. She's a force to be reckoned with, just like you. They're not a weakness, they're a strength. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You are a strong, resilient, brilliant woman."

She blew out a long, frustrated breath. "Everyone sees me as fragile."

"Maybe, but as my mom likes to say, remember a bomb is fragile too, and look at the power it wields. "

Her eyes shot back up to mine, wide and full of comprehension at my words… that she wasn't weak; she was forceful.

"Where is he now?" she asked, finally.

"In prison."

"Do they visit him?"

"My mom does sometimes. Maddie has started to ask, but Sienna never has. She's not ready." My shoulder lifted half-heartedly. That was a subject for another day. I leaned forward and kissed her nose.

"Heavy conversations today."

"Yeah." I stood and took her hand. "Bedtime now."

Leading her to the side of the bed, I pulled back the covers. "Sleep tight, Radley. I'll sleep in Ace's room, so you can have the bed to yourself."

I looked down as her fingers laced into mine, tangling us together. "Don't go." When I met her gaze, her golden eyes were shining so brightly that I couldn't have left her – even if I wanted to. I didn't want to, though I could do with an ice-cold shower, especially when she whispered, "Please."

"Okay," I nodded, willing my dick to stop thickening.

I moved around the bed and got in as she slipped between the sheets next to me. It was second nature when I lifted my arm for her to snuggle into my chest and fold herself around me. As I lay there listening to her breathing settle as sleep took her, I wondered if the fluttering in my chest would ever slow.

Or if this is what it felt like to fall for someone.