15. Radley

FIFTEEN

RADLEY

The smell woke me first.

Delicious, rich, smoky – the smell of happiness – followed with a subtle scent of Arabica – also known to induce happiness.

A soft thud and a mumbling came from somewhere/someone close-by.

One eyelid eased open, then the other.

I found the culprit standing at the end of the bed. He wasn't looking at me, he was scouring his massive bookshelf, which I planned to properly investigate today. But in the meantime, I intended to admire the fine, fine ass in front of it.

Have I mentioned before how fine Lux's ass is? It is. And those sweatpants were doing wonders for it; firm, round, high. Someone needed to be sent a congratulations note for cre ating the work of art that is Lux Weston's ass.

At some point I must have let out a little moan because he spun around, his eyes flaring.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You didn't," I croaked, pushing my hair out of face, hoping – no, praying – I didn't look like my usual just-woken state because that really would be one of life's kick-you-in-the-ass moments. He wakes up looking like that; I resemble a scarecrow.

Before I could duck under the comforter and hide, he'd skimmed around the bed and kneeled next to me, the mattress dipping under his weight. The scent of oak and deliciousness hit my brain, giving me a morning rush I'd never experienced.

I was so focused on how close he was, the way his lips moved as he spoke to me, that I didn't hear anything he said.

"Eh… what?

His cheeks rippled with a smile as his fingers pushed through my hair. "How did you sleep?"

I blinked up at him while I deciphered the world's most complicated question, and let out a yawn instead. "Good. I think."

"Yeah?" His mouth quirked again, taking my focus. It really was a beautiful mouth, especially when it smiled like that. "All that snoring really takes it out of you."

"What?" I gasped, my eyes shooting wider than they'd ever gone. "I do not snore!"

"Like a tiny, little Goldilocks bear," he teased as he leaned in brushing his lips to mine, and I almost melted into him, especially when his tongue swiped along the crease of my mouth.

Except then I remembered I'd just woken up, and pulled way back, ya nking the sheet to cover my face as I did. I don't know why I thought a thin piece of cotton – Egyptian no less – would deter him, because he merely laughed harder, tugged the sheet down and smacked a kiss to my lips.

"How about I run and get you some coffee? And when I return, we'll pick up where we left off, because if you think I'm not taking advantage of kissing the hot girl in my bed, you're mistaken." He took one more kiss, and stood up. "I'll be back in two minutes."

A girl can do a lot in two minutes under pressure; I managed to pee, brush my teeth, brush my hair, wash the sleep from my eyes, and get back into bed like nothing had happened before he returned.

"Here you go, Goldilocks." He thrust a steaming coffee mug at me, laughing at the sigh which slipped off my lips. This was good coffee.

"Mmm, thank you. What time is it?"

"A little after ten."

I'd already had a panic attack in front of him, he knew I didn't have my shit together, but coffee spraying up your nose is an entirely different ball game. I didn't know if it was worse when Lux used the bottom of his t-shirt to wipe my face, even if it did gift me with a lightning glimpse of his abs. Rock hard abs.

"Did you say ten?" I spluttered finally.

He nodded, repositioning the pillows until they were stacked against the headboard and leaned back. I found myself pulled into his side, his sculpted arm tucking around me, exactly how we fell asleep.

"I slept for twelve hours?" I tried to turn around and look at him, to check he wasn't making fun of me, but he held me firm until I softened into him .

His fingers found mine and weaved them together. "You needed it. Yesterday was a lot."

I nodded. It had been. So much had happened.

Three months ago, I would have spiraled for days. I wouldn't have slept. I would have gone over and over and over everything I'd heard at that table. It would have played on repeat until I'd vomited, then I would have started again.

But this morning? My mind was quiet.

I felt good, great. Amazing. I felt lighter.

It wasn't the twelve hours of sleep. It wasn't even Lux. Not really.

It was my conversation with Holiday that had done it. She'd released something inside me; a darkness I'd been carrying for too long. I had a small group of friends, amazing – if a little overbearing and protective – parents, two kind of annoying brothers, a therapist, Millie – yet for the first time, I'd met someone who'd been through what I'd been though.

I no longer felt alone.

"I really like Holiday," I said, relaxing into him.

Lux hummed. "Me too."

I don't know how long we stayed there, our fingers tangled together while I pressed into his chest, memorizing every beat of his heart, every breath he took, but it was long enough for my coffee to go cold. Leaning over him to place it on the nightstand, I noticed a stack of books I hadn't seen before. It was just like the stack of books sitting next to the bath; all a little bit frayed, like they'd been dropped in the water and dried out or because they were so loved they'd been read over and over.

I grabbed a couple from the pile, my eye immediately drawn to the pristine one on top. When I looked back up at Lux, he offered me nothing but a quick shrug, though not before a lig ht pink flush crested his cheeks.

Holy shit. For the first time ever, Lux Weston was blushing.

"I wanted to give it another go; see whether Elizabeth Bennett is less annoying."

My fingers traced the groove of black embossed lettering. "And?"

He paused, his eyes darting away from me, and let out a light chuckle. "It's not looking good."

I shook my head with a giggle while trying to not to make it obvious that my heart was rattling hard in my chest. Lux had been reading Pride and Prejudice, my favorite book.

He shifted forward and eased out a book from the middle of the pile. "This is my favorite."

A memory flitted across my brain, and I found him smiling with the same expression. "Don Quixote was the book I took from the shelf in Brown's."

"I know. And look where we are now," he replied softly.

We were so far away from that day.

It might have only been seven weeks ago, but it could have been a lifetime for all that had happened, for all that had changed. I knew I was no longer the person he'd met in that bookstore. I could feel it down to my marrow.

The shift had been gradual at first, barely noticeable, but I realized it had simply been gathering speed. My demons were still there somewhere, but for now they were quiet.

I dropped the book down and leaned forward, capturing his perfect mouth before he could do the same to me. I wanted this, I wanted to lead this kiss with this man who'd scooped me up and brought me into his home; who wanted nothing in return except my company.

I simply wanted him .

My lips and tongue swiped against him, hungry and wet, and meltingly delicious. The taste of strawberries had never been so hot, and I would forever associate them with this kiss.

My body took over before my brain short circuited at the feel of this man under my fingertips, ghosting over the muscles he worked so hard for, and up to the soft stubble coating his jaw. This man who'd been under my skin since the second I'd spun around on the stool, and he'd stopped me from falling… in more ways than one.

Warm hands pushed under my tank top, causing a moan to rumble up my throat so quickly he had to swallow it. It was only when he slowed us down and drew back that I realized I was straddling him.

When he said my name – raw, strangled, and gravelly – it sounded almost like he was in pain.

"Radley." The fire in his eyes almost scalded me, while his fingers sliding down my bare skin were hot enough to leave marks. "Radley, baby, we're not in a rush."

"I know." I ran my fingers through his soft, dark silky waves, only for him to catch them and brush them across his mouth

"I'm not going anywhere. I don't want to push you." I could see his lips moving, but all I could focus on was the way his thumb swiped against my ribs; a solid, steady metronome. "Are you hungry?"

I didn't have to think about it, though it wasn't food I was hungry for. "Yes."

Swinging his legs off the bed, he held his hand out. "Come on then."

I was still running on a two-minute pressure driven tidy up. "I'll be right behind you."

Smacking his lips to mine, he said, "Okay, don't take too long. "

"I won't." I gave myself one last opportunity to look at his ass before he closed the door, and I sprinted to the bathroom for the second time.

He didn't want to push me? That was fine.

It just meant I would have to put my big girl pants on and push him enough that he'd hopefully take them off for me.

" H oliday! We're not going to a dumb Halloween party. We're definitely not going to one dressed as Power Rangers. Will you drop it?"

"Oh, come on," Holiday pressed, clearly with no intention of dropping it. "Where's your fun?"

"It's right here in this apartment with me."

I took a stool at the kitchen island to see Holiday roll her eyes, and look at Parker. "What about you?"

He shook his head, and I swear a hint of guilt flashed through his eyes. "They're boycotting for me. We made a pact not to go."

"Why?"

Tanner shoved a forkful of pancakes into his mouth and mumbled something that sounded like "Scout."

"What does that mean?" I whispered into Lux, who'd wrapped his arms around me the second he'd turned to find me sitting at the island, and placed fresh coffee in front of me, along with m y own stack of pancakes.

It was alarming how quickly I'd gotten used to this treatment.

"Parker loves Scout, but Scout has a new boyfriend. Her new boyfriend works for the Rangers, and they're going to the Rangers Halloween party. Scout put it on her social media this week, so we're boycotting."

"What?" Holiday snatched up a strawberry from Tanner's plate. "I'm not talking about the Rangers. There's more than one Halloween party."

"Yeah, but Halloween is tainted."

The look Holiday was throwing at Parker and her brother perfectly summed up the confusion I felt. "That makes no sense."

"It makes perfect sense to Parker," snapped Tanner. "We're staying in. If you want to stay with us, we're ordering pizza and eating brownies. You can still wear your Power Ranger costume, but we're staying in. End of discussion."

Holiday made the sensible decision not to argue back. From the way Lux's eyes widened, and Parker's head dropped so low he could almost lick the maple syrup off his plate, I got the impression Tanner standing up to his sister didn't happen very often.

I ignored it all by forking in my own mouthful of pancakes. All eyes shot to me when I let out a groan.

"Thesearereallygood," I mumbled.

Lux kissed my head with a laugh, and moved back around the island, which is when I noticed a pile of chocolate next to him.

I pointed my fork over. "Why's there so much chocolate out? "

Tanner looked up from the cookbook open in front of him. "Lux is making brownies."

That was clearly news to Lux, seeing as his eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline. "Who's doing what?"

"Lux is teaching me how to make brownies."

My eyes flicked to Lux over the rim of my coffee mug. "You are?"

"Yup," he said with a lopsided smile, "and if you sit there long enough, you'll be given a job."

"I want a job."

Tanner leaned over the counter and eased the blocks of chocolate nearer. "Here you go. We're making two types – regular chocolate and salted caramel."

My eyes moved across the kitchen island again to the counter behind Lux, but I couldn't see a single box of Betty Crocker in sight. "You're making them from scratch?"

He nodded. "What's that look for?"

"Oh," I held back a laugh. "Just that Millie's going to lose her shit. Can we make extra so I can take her some?"

"Who's Millie?"

I turned to Tanner to answer. "She's my best friend in the world."

His eyes shot to Lux, perking up in puppy-like excitement for the first time since I'd sat down. "Is she the hot one?"

"Yeah." Lux's eyes darted to mine with a cringe. "Sorry, that's what he calls her."

Tanner wasn't the first person to call Millie hot, and he wouldn't be the last.

"Then yes, she can definitely have my brownies," he snickered, dodging out of the way as Lux took a swipe at his head. "You need to tell her they're from me though, deal? "

I ripped the first packet of chocolate open, and began snapping the blocks. "Deal."

"Wait!"

I dropped the chocolate, "What?"

"Is she single?"

Lux rolled his eyes and muttered something I didn't catch.

"Yes, she is."

He looked at Lux. "Have you met her yet?"

"No, not yet."

Tanner jumped off his stool, dragged it a couple of inches closer to mine, then hopped back on before slinging an arm around my shoulders. "We should have a meet-the-best-friends party."

"A what?"

"Bring her with you next time, ‘kay?"

"Okay," I smiled, trying to concentrate on breaking up the pieces of chocolate, but in reality, I was only focusing on two words and the way they made little swirly clouds puff around in my chest.

Next time.

I tossed the final two pieces into the bowl and Tanner took it. I watched silently as he, Parker, and Lux all fussed around while making the biggest mess I'd ever seen. Soon the kitchen was nothing but an explosion of chocolate, with big strapping baseball players bickering over who licked the spatula, or who got the caramel.

Holiday had made a quick exit as soon as the baking started up properly, on account of a costume fitting she had coming up, so I grabbed Pride and Prejudice from Lux's room and dropped on the couch opposite her.

"What's that?" I asked, nodding over at the stack of papers she was hold ing.

She zipped her thumb over the pages. "A script I need to learn."

"That's cool, how's it going?" I shifted around, nearer the fireplace, and tucked my legs underneath me.

"It's taking a while," she scowled, "but I'll get there."

We both turned at a loud clatter from the kitchen, witnessing Tanner scramble to catch whatever else was about to drop.

"You wouldn't know he was a professional athlete, would you?" she laughed with a shake of her head, and went back to her script.

Her mouth moved silently, while I opened up the book I'd read a dozen times and tried to remember when I'd last felt so content. Every so often there'd be another loud clatter, or one of the boys would get yelled at by Lux. At some point he came over and sat down, moving my head to his lap so he could read along with me, while Parker and Tanner fired up Minecraft.

Holiday soon moved to sit by the window, every so often asking Tanner to come and practice a scene, at which point Lux would get up to make more coffee, and check on the brownies until they were cool enough to eat. The plate he brought over lasted less than thirty seconds, but the sugar rush of gooey, sticky, chocolatey goodness was exactly what I needed to spur me on.

With each hour that passed, I became more and more certain in the decision I'd made this morning. More certain and way more pent up, until I was nothing but a squirming ball desperate for release.

The sun dipped below the horizon, setting the Hudson on fire. Pride and Prejudice closed with a soft slap, and I twisted enough that I could look at Lux. It would be so easy to get lost in his eyes, in the hypnotic way the blue flecks seemed to always be moving.

He pushed a lone strand of hair away from my face, tugging on the end of my ponytail until my head tipped back enough to kiss me.

"What's going on?" he mumbled into my lips.

I glanced around; everyone was far too engrossed in scripts or games or baked goods to be paying attention to me.

"I'd like to have sex."

Lux shifted back an inch, looking at me. Any second now he would hear my words… and there was the forehead crease… three, two, one. "What?"

"I'd like to have sex. With you."

He blinked. The line in his forehead deepened. He blinked again.

It never occurred to me he'd say no, but… I was trying to figure out how to take the words back when I got yanked off the couch, and found myself pulled so fast down the hallway I couldn't be certain my feet touched the floor.

Lux kicked the door shut and stepped back, leaving me in the middle of his bedroom.

I spun around. "What just happened?"

He was silent for the longest second, his eyes scanning over me, assessing.

"Repeat what you said to me out there," he demanded slowly.

I was no expert, but I swear the timbre of Lux's voice had dropped a pitch. It was the same tone he'd hit this morning, deep and gravelly, right on the precipice of losing control. His eyes, usually so bright and filled with amusement, were now nothing but dark orbs; kind of dangerous, very much a warning.

And yet I'd never felt safer.

"I would like to have sex. I would like us to have sex."

I had to force myself to swallow as he stepped toward me.

There was something about his stride and the way he didn't blink, predatory almost. I didn't know how to describe it. The way the air suddenly seemed lacking in oxygen was making my brain burst.

All I knew was that I'd never felt more alive.

My entire body buzzed like a live wire, a fluttering heartbeat bashed in every cell, except between my legs. There, it was thumping, like a prisoner desperate for release.

He stood over me, tugging on the end of my ponytail again, until my entire vision was filled with him. Only him.

"You don't need to do this for me, Radley."

Just like Holiday said yesterday, it felt like my entire life had been leading to this moment. I'd never been more sure of anything. That's how our story would go.

"I'm not. I'm doing it for me. Only one person has ever had their hands on me, and I want to change that. I want to make new memories, and I want to make them with you."

Anger flared for a split second before his cheeks puffed out, like it was the only way he could keep control over himself. For a terrifying moment I thought he was going to back out, tell me no, but instead, his fingers brushed against my burning cheek until he was pinching my chin, and once more, I found myself forced to look at him.

"Anytime you want to stop, we stop. Got it?"

I nodded.

"Tell me you understand. "

"I understand."

Then his mouth fell on mine.

From that moment on, I had no doubt I had made the right decision, and there was zero chance we were stopping. All our kisses before had been tender and sweet; needy, but wrapped in a boundary of limits that had never been broken. And from the way Lux was hungrily licking against my tongue, tangling us together, I realized just how much he'd been holding back, because if I wasn't mistaken, this man was about to devour me.

Before I was ready, he stepped back, only leaving the briefest gap between us while his eyes slowly roamed over me.

The first and only time I'd had sex, I'd spent days picking out the ideal underwear. I'd made sure the blue was the perfect shade to compliment my skin tone, I'd checked and rechecked it snuggled against my boobs and ass, that it made my legs longer and my tummy flatter. Now, I was wearing nothing but a pair of white cotton briefs under his sweatpants and hoodie, yet I couldn't have felt sexier; not with the way he was looking at me like I was the only person he'd ever laid eyes on. Like he was struggling to control himself.

The longer he stared, the harder the pulse between my legs beat, until I was squirming so excruciatingly, I was struggling to control myself.

"Arms up," he ordered, his warm palms pushing underneath the hoodie and brushing against my ribcage as he tugged it free.

And if I thought I felt sexy before, it was nothing compared to how he was making me feel now, under a gaze that could only be described as scalding.

I didn't have time to react before he dropped to his knees and untied the drawstring of the trackpants. They pooled at my feet, and he sat back on his haunches.

"Fuck, Radley, my strong, beautiful girl. You're fucking perfect."

My skin tightened with goosebumps as his hands ghosted up the back of my calves, inching higher so painfully slowly that I could only manage short, sharp inhales. His hands kept moving until his palms eased under the edge of my panties and cupped my ass.

"Do you want to stop?"

I was concentrating too hard on the way his palms were rubbing smooth circles across my ass, the way his fingers had spread so they grazed further down my crack with each movement, to give more than a cursory shake. As it was, I could barely manage to keep my eyes from rolling back, especially when I knew his fingertips were now coated in me.

Lower and lower they dipped, before he removed them completely. I didn't have a chance to protest before his palms found a new path, rubbing me slowly over the soft cotton in the most delicious, infuriating way – enough to make me soaking wet, but not enough to push me over the cliff I was climbing.

"Have you ever had your pussy licked?"

My entire body felt too heavy for me to move, let alone respond. Every inch of me was more swollen and sensitive than it had ever been in my life, everything coiled so tight I was shaking from the pressure.

"Say the words, Radley."

"No."

Back and forth went his hand, the heel of his palm pressing just that little bit harder with each pass.

"Have you ever had an orgasm? "

Jeez, what was with the twenty questions? A long, garbled moan sounded out by way of my answer.

"Radley, words."

"Yes, I've had an orgasm, but only by myself, and not for a long time."

I didn't know if that was the answer he was looking for, but in the next breath, I found myself launched in the air, only to land in the place I'd had my best night's sleep to date. The coil tightening my spine twisted another degree when his lips dropped to my belly, and he trailed a hot, wet path down my body.

I should have heeded it as a warning of what was to come, because no sooner had he relieved me of my panties than I found my thighs wrenched apart, and his tongue dragging through my hot, wet center.

This was better than I'd ever imagined.

"Oh… Lux… Jesus." I swear my entire spine cracked from the vicious arch I'd formed, my tiptoes pushing hard into the mattress by the time his lips found my clit.

He solved the problem by flinging my thighs over his shoulders, pausing only briefly to throw a smirk my way before resuming his position.

I had nothing to compare him to, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Lux knew exactly what he was doing to me as his tongue relentlessly stabbed inside me while his big hands cupped my ass, fingers kneading along my crack.

The edge of the cliff I'd been climbing was so close, I was practically touching it. Fast. Hard. Slow. One final swipe of Lux's tongue across my clit pushed me so hard off the edge that my vision blurred to darkness. There was nothing lighting my fall as my entire body convulsed – though convulsions seemed too tame to describe what was happening to me; more like ri pped apart from the inside and swallowed whole, my cries wrenched from my throat.

I'd told Lux I'd had an orgasm before, but I'd never had that.

I'd never felt like I was drifting above my body. There's no way I'd recover from this.

"Radley…"

Lips dragged themselves up my body, over my hyper-sensitive nipples to the base of my throat, until soft fingers swiped across my brow.

Blinking through the black spots, I found Lux peering down at me, that same almost insolent smirk cresting his lips. It was only when my eyes properly focused, that I realized his lips were glistening in my wetness. A second later and I was tasting myself as his mouth surrounded mine, his tongue feasting with the same fervor.

"Consider your pussy well and truly licked. And, Radley… now I've licked it, it's mine."

A shocked giggle burst out of me before I could stop it. I couldn't stop my pussy clenching at his words either, but I cared less about that.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, even though all my bones had melted.

"You wanna stop?"

"No!"

He chuckled, smacking one quick kiss to my lips before he moved back. His eyes never left mine as he pulled his shirt off and dropped it to the floor, followed by his sweatpants. I wish I'd had the time to admire the cut of his lean, taut muscles, the broadness of his chest, and his smooth, bronzed skin, the stacks and stacks of corded abs, or the way his veins traveled up his forea rm until they reached his thick biceps.

But I was entirely distracted by something else.

Why had it never occurred to me that the height difference between us would pertain to other… parts?

"Radley, look at me."

I managed to drag my gaze away from his massive cock and meet his eyes, and the entirely brazen way he was staring at me while his fist wrapped around his dick.

"It'll fit, don't you worry."

My heartbeat kicked up, rattling in my chest, and not in the way it had been doing up to this moment. Not the good way.

Could sex bring on a panic attack?

The bed dipped as he kneeled down. "Radley, baby, sit up and kiss me."

I managed to push myself up on my elbows, until he grabbed my wrists and pulled me the rest of the way.

"What did I tell you to do?"

"Kiss you."

"What are you waiting for?"

I honestly didn't know. I leaned forward until my lips found his, and I sank into him. "Don't stop kissing me," he ordered without breaking contact. His hands dropped between my legs and two fingers slipped inside me.

"Don't ever stop kissing me, Goldilocks."

I know he swallowed a moan, though all I could focus on was the scissoring of his fingers, stretching me out, and pushing me back up the cliff. There's no way I hadn't drenched his palm, but any further thoughts I had were silenced when he scooped my hips and placed me in his lap .

It wasn't his fingers easing inside me anymore.

"Oh… fuck…" he gritted out. "Jesus, you're tight… so tight…"

My entire body trembled violently while I focused on breathing through what was definitely an attempt to split me in half. I could barely feel the vice-like grip of his fingers pressing into my thighs as he held me over his lap, sliding me onto his cock so excruciatingly slowly, I couldn't tell if I was in Heaven or Hell.

And then it was over, and my thighs locked into place, adjusting to the stretch and size of him, until beads of sweat dotted across my skin in a poor attempt to cool the flames curling around my spine.

"See… I told you I'd fit." He pulled my head back so I could look at him, his hazel eyes burning with fire, all for me. "Are you okay?"

"Move… just please move."

It started slowly. Lux carefully lifted me up and eased me back onto his cock, never quite breaking the connection, but leaving me enough that I missed the fullness of him. His big hands guided my hips, rolling them against his strokes as he gradually increased the speed. When he added his thumb to the mix, brushing against my clit, my body took on a mind of its own.

"Fuck, Radley, you're perfect. So perfect… your pussy…"

With my back arched, his lips found my nipples again, circling them over with his tongue one at a time. Each roll of my hips met his harder… faster… the rhythm dissolving into long, measured thrusts driving into me. We became nothing more than frenzied sweaty bodies.

"Lux…"

"I fucking love hearing you saying my name," he growled against my c hest.

One more powerful thrust…

"Oh God, Lux…"

"Scream it."

He slammed into me again and again, my ass slapping in his lap, until one final, vicious thrust drove the end of his cock into my cervix, and I came again so hard that my brain rattled. This time the darkness was replaced by color bursting from every corner of the room. Bright, vibrant, fluorescent colors; a never-ending rainbow, changing shade with every powerful convulsion squeezing his cock.

I don't know if I screamed his name, or if I was too gone to comprehend anything but Lux burying his face in my chest as his own orgasm shot through him.

Our bodies stayed glued together as we fell back, and all I could focus on was the sensation of his fingertips gliding up and down my spine, and we lay there listening to our harsh breathing subsiding.

"How are you feeling?" he whispered.

It sounded so cheesy to say I felt completely different. Changed.

I pushed myself up on his chest, almost rendered speechless with the beauty of his flushed face, the way his eyes lit up as he searched mine. I grinned down at him. "How long until we can go again?"

Not too long, it turned out.

He answered me with a kiss.