Chapter 31: Thad

Chapter 31

Thad

I have a belly full of cake, liquor, and maybe a teeny tiny bit of regret. If I hadn’t gotten so drunk at the hands of my roommates, I could’ve been balls-deep inside of Kelley.

Instead, he’s here. In my apartment. Looking as delectable as my birthday cake. I’m not usually big on celebrating my birthday, and for this one, I wanted to pretend it didn’t exist, but only because at twenty-four, I told myself I’d be so much more successful than where I’m at right now. It’s depressing, so I didn’t want to acknowledge it. And okay, twenty-four is ridiculously young, I get that too, but at the same time, my goal was to be a high-paid baseball star by now. My expectations on age and success are skewed because of that.

My parents and roommates weren’t okay with forgetting about becoming another year older.

Mom drove into the city while Dad was working an overtime shift and took me to lunch to give me their present, which was a scarf Mom’s friend made. She wouldn’t have spent a lot on it because it’s not that great a scarf, and her friend only knits as a hobby, but I don’t care what it looks like or how much it was. I’d rather her keep her money.

When I got home from lunch, my roommates had a “surprise party” waiting, but I think they all forgot it was my birthday, too, because it was a haphazardly thrown-together gathering with people I haven’t seen or spoken to since college, who all had a couple of drinks, some food, and then left.

Anyone else might have been disappointed by the turnout, but this here is what I wanted for my birthday. My roommates doing their thing and Kelley by my side. Or, technically, on my lap. Because there was only room on the armchair, so oh no, it’s the only seat available. Sorry not sorry.

I never in a million years thought he’d come in and leave my roommates in shock and awe, but he’s here. And he came all this way.

My brain starts thinking all the thinky thoughts it probably shouldn’t, but it seems that’s the norm whenever I’m near Kelley now.

Josh brings Kelley a drink, while my other roommates ask Kelley question after question about playing in the majors. They ask what the team plane is like, if a professional locker room smells as bad as the ones at Olmstead University, and a million other things that Kelley takes in stride and answers easily.

“Sorry about them,” I say.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m used to the questions. I’m just glad they’re easy ones to answer.”

“So, how long have you and Thad been fucking?” Gus asks.

I groan. “You were saying?”

Kelley laughs. “It started last winter.”

Gus and Sean, who have been playing video games this whole time, even while talking, both put down their controllers.

“I’m sorry, what?” Gus asks.

“Uh,” Kelley stammers. “I mean … since he came to see me two weekends ago?”

I facepalm.

“Oooh,” Sean taunts. “Someone’s been keeping secrets.”

“You said you had to work, and that’s why you needed the car,” Gus says. “Onri complained all weekend about you taking it for three whole days.”

I sigh.

“Oh, shit,” Kelley says. He stares down at me over his shoulder. “ I figured … you didn’t tell me they didn’t know. I assumed they did if you were comfortable enough to invite me in here and then pulled me into your lap.”

“I said they wouldn’t say anything to anyone. Not that they knew everything.” Am I actually annoyed? Nope. I don’t care. But I will have to apologize to Onri.

“Sorry,” Kelley squeaks.

I slap his ass. “You will be. Let’s go to my bedroom.”

Sean and Gus look at each other, and as if having a silent conversation, they turn their game back on. Loudly.

It’s bad enough hearing the noises coming from Onri’s room—noises I can’t help thinking of the dynamics considering there are three people in there. Are they all together? Is Onri watching? Is?—

Then I realize I don’t want to imagine my friend in either of those situations and have to shut those thoughts down. It’s easy to do when I have the sexiest baseball player in the world in my room.

I close the door behind us and push him toward my bed. My hands are on his hips, and he runs his fingertips up my arms and over my chest, where they settle on my pecs.

“It’s cute you think this is going to lead to anything other than cuddling.”

“What? Why?” My whine is loud.

“Because you’re drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk.”

“You gave me a thumbs-up emoji. At first, I thought you were rude, but now I’m guessing you were too drunk to string two words together.”

“It was probably one of my roommates. They stole my phone … Fuck, they still have my phone.”

“You can get it in the morning. I’m exhausted from all the travel and then the long-ass drive. You’re still drunk. And even though it’s not the night I planned, it’s the perfect way to end your birthday.”

I make a sound like a buzzer for an incorrect answer on a game show. “The perfect way to end my birthday would be with a bang. A literal one. From my dick. ”

Kelley laughs, but I don’t see why the truth is so funny. “Maybe after a few hours’ sleep, when you’re sober, we can work something out.”

He guides me to the bed and pulls back my covers for me. Once I’m tucked in, he moves to the other side and slides in next to me.

“Mm. Sober.” My eyes suddenly feel like lead. “Sober sex is also fun.” Any sex with Kelley would be fun. I want more of it.

More chances to have it. More visits.

I wish he lived closer than Philly.

Kelley says something about wanting that too, but that doesn’t make sense unless he’s a mind reader.

“Or if you’re talking in your sleep.”

“Oh. Inside thoughts are being said out loud.” Good to know.

Kelley kisses the tip of my nose. “Please say your inside thoughts out loud. I like them.”

I try to think of something funny to say, but all that comes out is “Pineapple nipples” and then I fall into the darkness of sleep.

I awake with a killer hangover but an optimistic outlook on Kelley’s and my future possible … situationship. Because if last night showed me anything, it’s that I am undeniably, one hundred percent invested in Kelley, and I want more. Instead of getting pissed at me for being drunk and stupid last night, he stayed. The only thing he was upset over was that I didn’t tell him it was my birthday.

I was drunk enough to have fuzzy memories of last night, but I wasn’t blackout drunk or anything. I remember the words he murmured to me in bed while I was falling asleep. That he wanted more from me too.

Or maybe I dreamed that part.

Either way, that’s not going to stop me from putting it all out there today. I’m not sure how it could work other than me coming to stay with him every weekend he plays home games, but I’m willing to do it. The only real question hanging over our heads is if Damon found out, would he allow it, or would I have to choose between my career or Kelley? With Zaka being interested in me as an agent, it doesn’t feel as daunting going with another firm as it originally did. If Damon didn’t allow it, I could still have both. It would be the more difficult route, but the more time I spend with Kelley, the more I realize some of the best things in life are the things you have to fight for.

I’ve spent my whole life wanting to be the middle of the pack. I’ve wanted to be good enough but not one of the greats because I’ve always thought the higher you are, the harder the fall. But with Kelley, I might be ready to fall.

I roll over, still half-asleep and brain fried, but where I’m expecting to find Kelley, I find nothing but a cold, empty bed.

I swear I woke up multiple times last night with him wrapped around me. Or me wrapped around him. It was as hot as a damn furnace in here, but it was amazing.

I sit up and rub my head. Did I imagine the whole thing? Did last night really happen, or did I pass out drunk after all, miss my party, and dream the most amazing dream about a man driving half the night to come and see me?

My room is quiet, but the TV must be on out in the living room because there are muted voices that I can’t make out.

“Get him some water,” I hear clearly. The voice is getting closer.

Josh appears a second later in my doorway, wearing only his boxers.

“Aww, you talking about me? I need some water for this hangover.” I throw my legs over the side of my bed, preparing to stand.

“Get your own fucking water, but you need to come out here. Now.”

I have no idea what’s going on, but for Josh to sound this worried, it has to be bad.

“What happened?” I ask.

When I round the bed, I notice Kelley’s clothes on the floor. Okay, I definitely didn’t imagine him being here, but now I’m freaking out that something is wrong with him.

My suspicions are confirmed when Josh says, “I heard yelling, and it woke us all up, but when we got out to the living room, Kelley was on the floor.”

I can’t get to him faster. While I like that my room is down a hall while three of the four other rooms are right off the living room because it means my room gets less noise than theirs, I’m pissed it takes more than ten extra seconds to get to Kelley.

He’s on the floor, like Josh said, and Gus stands above him, holding out a glass of water, which Kelley refuses to take.

He won’t even look at it.

I don’t think he can see it.

His knees are tucked up to his chest, and he has his arms wrapped around them like he’s hugging himself and trying to make himself as small as possible.

He’s in full-blown panic mode, and I’m not sure anything can bring him back.

I fall to my knees in front of him. “Kell?”

I get some movement, a flickering of his eyes as he moves his gaze to mine, but it’s like no one’s home. His dark brown stare almost looks like he’s in a trance, a hypnotic state.

I grab the water from Gus, and Kelley takes it from me. He needs both shaking hands to lift it to his lips, but he downs the whole thing.

“Just breathe,” I say.

I want to ask him what happened, but he’s in too high of an elevated state. Making him talk about it right now will only make things worse. His phone is beside him, and seeing as none of my roommates would’ve been yelling at him or vice versa—they don’t have reason to—I can only assume he was on the phone.

“Did any of you hear anything that was being said?” I ask my roommates while I pick up Kelley’s phone.

He doesn’t try to stop me. Not even when I use his face to unlock his screen .

I go to his call log, and my heart sinks. “Where’s my phone?” I demand.

“What is it?” Josh asks.

“You fuckers took my phone last night. Go get it.”

Gus disappears and then hands over my phone, which, weirdly, has full charge. Knowing Gus, he probably confiscated it and then charged it for me. He has a weird sense of punishment.

I’m terrified my suspicions have been confirmed when I have three missed calls from the office. On a Sunday.

I go to my voicemail, and the first one is Brady telling me to answer my goddamn phone. The next is just a frustrated rumble of random noises and swears, and I think it was Brady again but can’t be too sure. It’s the third one that gets my heart pumping.

“Hey, Thad, it’s Damon. I know you’re not technically Kelley’s agent, but we had to give him some tough news this morning, and now, Brady, Merek, and I can’t get a hold of him. We were hoping you could try. One of us might need to go to his place to make sure he’s okay if we can’t speak to him. Anyway, let us know as soon as you can.”

There’d be no point in them trying to go see him in Philly when he’s literally only a couple of blocks from the office.

“Kelley,” I say again. “Damon and everyone at King Sports are worried about you. What happened?”

In my head, I’m silently chanting, Do not be a trade. Do not be a trade.

“I-I …” He sucks in a sharp breath. “I’ve been traded to LA.”

Motherfucking son of a whore.

It couldn’t have been the two teams in New York or even the one in Boston. It had to be as far away from me as possible.

It might be selfish to have that as my first thought, but considering five minutes ago, I decided I want to be with this man in any capacity I could be … I can’t help thinking this trade was fate’s way of reminding me I can’t have what I want.

I couldn’t have baseball, I can’t have Kelley, and I can’t have happiness.

Is this my karmic justice for getting all of Mom and Dad’s attention growing up? Did my brother put a hex out on me to be miserable forever? Alone? Bitter?

“I knew it,” Kelley says.

I rub his leg. “Knew what?”

“That coming out would be bad for my career. I’m in a slump, and instead of having faith I’ll come out of it, they’re shoving me out. Making me someone else’s problem.”

“I know it might seem that way, but I’m sure there are other reasons for the trade.” I’m not, actually, but hey, look at me, learning how to use supportive words instead of non-dismissive or tough-love words finally.

Kelley’s finally coming out of the fog, catching his breath slowly, and when he manages to calm down and looks at me, it’s with ire and confidence. “Whatever the bullshit reason, I’m going to prove them wrong and make them regret the day they ever let me go.”

I force a smile. I genuinely am proud of him for pulling himself out of a panic attack, but I can’t smile for real when my heart is hollow.