Chapter 4

4

Faust

I'll put it this way - it wasn't the first night of my life that Shelby has ruined.

After reading her note, I made the necessary arrangements to cancel my plans for the night. Meaning my post-game routine went to shit.

I always find someone to take care of my needs after a game.

It helps me relax. Strips away the stress. Allows me to focus, sleep and hit the reset button.

Instead of that, I spent the night letting my mind travel back in time.

I can't imagine what there is to talk about. Maybe Shelby is going through some really dark stuff and needs to find a way to make peace with decisions from the past.

At the same time, why drag me into it? We both know what happened that night. And it wasn't just that night either. It's been long enough to actually be honest about the entire situation. It was messy. Too many feelings involved with too many people.

She lost her best friend.

I lost someone I loved.

Sure, our paths touched. That's it though.

Our paths touched.

They didn't collide. They didn't merge together.

It was just…

My morning is just as fucked as the night before.

I have my meals delivered on a weekly basis. To prep breakfast I take a meal from the fridge and heat it up. It's quick, easy, and I know exactly how much of what foods and nutrients are going into my body.

I skip my morning shower and go to the gym instead.

That is the closest I get to peace and quiet, even with music echoing in my ears.

I pretend like nothing is bothering me as I lift weights.

I pretend as though the name Shelby doesn't do something to me.

Sure, it was years ago, but it wasn't twenty years ago, you know?

It was more recent than I care to think about.

Too complicated to even think about. Right up until now.

While Shelby and I never had an actual goodbye, there was an understanding in a sense. A silent understanding.

When you wake up the next morning after sleeping with your girlfriend's best friend and she's not in bed anymore… that sends a clear message, right?

I call it quits at the gym and go back home for a shower.

I can't believe that as I'm showering, I find myself thinking of Shelby and that night .

The most awful kind of temptation.

The two of us with a sense of relief that was so sad to feel.

Nobody would ever wish death on anyone…

I close my eyes, step into the hot water and grit my teeth.

I can't help but picture Shelby's face. I can't help but think about touching her hips. My fingers moving under her shirt. The way we kissed that night. Those deep, heavy breaths, laced with whiskey and guilt. Our eyes meeting over and over, waiting for one of us to stop it from happening. Waiting for someone to call out, ‘This is fucking crazy! What the fuck are we doing?'

Nobody did.

Next thing I know, my right hand is wrapped around my cock as I think about Shelby's beautiful body in my hands. Her naked body… all mine…

I'm squeezing the thick root of my cock. My fist shaking. I'm gritting my teeth.

I know if I offer myself one stroke, I'll have to keep going until I finish.

I just can't believe this…

After all these years, Shelby still has this kind of effect on me.

I make sure to get there before her.

I want the corner table where I still have a view of the street.

Most people don't recognize me when I'm here. The few who do rarely bother me. There are a lot of high-profile people who come and go in this cafe. It's kind of a fancy coffee shop. An array of drinks and baked goods that can either be baked normally or baked without every possible ingredient and still somehow come out as a baked good and have something that resembles flavor.

I'm a simple guy.

I sit with the tallest coffee available, drinking it black.

Every person that walks by or into the cafe catches my attention.

If you tell Shelby to show up at noon, she's going to arrive at twelve-thirty at the earliest.

My phone says twelve-seventeen.

The cafe door opens in a hurry.

It's her.

Without thinking, I stand up.

She's scrambling through the door and her little bag hanging off her right shoulder gets stuck in the door. She walks and ends up getting pulled back, almost hitting the door. She spins around and kicks the door open to release the hold on her bag.

Then she pauses.

I catch the left side of my mouth curling up into something like a smile.

Same old Shelby… always the picture-perfect definition of a hot mess.

I notice her hair is a little shorter. A little curlier. A little bit lighter too.

My eyes want to travel down her body but I fight it off.

Then I don't.

I look at her ass.

Light blue jeans, fake pockets, cupping and hugging.

"Fuck," I mumble to myself as I swallow hard.

Shelby spins around from the door fiasco and looks right my way.

Right at me.

Our eyes lock.

Her eyes are big, bright, cerulean blue.

Those same fucking eyes.

Amy's eyes were a hazel color and her hair was-

I look at the table.

My stomach feels like someone has jabbed a knife into it.

That's what we did to her, right? I mean, technically she died before… but…

This feels like a gigantic mistake.

There is zero need for this.

Whatever Shelby's reasoning, she'll have to deal with it on her own.

I can't be a part of this.

I leave my coffee on the table and have no choice but to walk toward her to get to the door and get the fuck out of the cafe.

The closer I get to her the more my mind tells me to just grab her and hug her.

Just fucking kiss her.

Just fucking tell her everything I've been wanting to say for such a long time.

Hey, remember when you told Amy you want to get married and buy her a house?

I grit my teeth so I don't yell ‘Fuck' in front of everyone.

The moment comes and I have to walk by Shelby.

Honestly, for a split second I think about just pretending like I don't know her.

That would be such a dick move though. Then again, if she's here to talk or even think about rekindling something, me being a dick to her is the best way to get her out of my life.

I decide to just keep walking.

Ignore her.

Fuck this. Fuck anything to do with the past.

"Faust, don't," Shelby says.

Her sweet, tender voice jolts me. I freeze.

I cannot be that easily swayed by her voice.

"Please," Shelby whispers.

"Whatever this is, it's a bad idea," I whisper back.

We're standing in such a secretive way.

I'm facing the door.

She's facing the counter.

We're not looking at each other.

Acting like this is still forbidden and wrong.

I just can't look at her again. I can't look at her fucking eyes and not feel myself wanting to just…

"We're not going to do this, Shelby," I say, speaking her name. "There's nothing from the past that matters now."

"You're wrong," she says. "Please, Faust, just look at me for a second."

I suck in a slow breath and turn my head.

Shelby is looking up at me now. Her eyes are glossy.

Tears? Is she about to cry? Over what…?

I narrow my eyebrows and curl my lip.

I'm not going to fall for some bullshit crying routine here.

"What?" I growl.

"I don't want to say it out loud," she whispers. "Can we go sit down?"

"No. Whatever you have to say, spill it."

I see her thinking. Wanting to choose her words carefully.

Now I'm getting annoyed.

This grand gesture of love nonsense…? I don't have a care in the world for it.

I've managed to now push Shelby back to the recess of my mind.

I've got about a minute to get out of here before I fall back again.

I'm not going to let that happen.

"Fuck this," I say to her.

I walk away and push open the door.

I know she's looking at me, probably crying now too.

Nothing can make me look back at her again.

"I got pregnant, had a baby, and never told you!" Shelby yells.

Well, I guess I have no choice but to look back again, huh?

I get close to Shelby.

I must look threatening as hell.

My jaw tightens again.

I'm scanning her face to see if she's lying to me. Maybe she just said that to get my full attention again.

There's not an ounce of mistruth in her eyes or on her face.

I look down at her stomach as though she's pregnant right now.

She quickly covers her stomach.

"A baby?" I whisper.

"Yes," Shelby says. "Yours. Ours. That night…"

I look around the cafe.

There's a few curious eyes but nothing too much.

I need to make my next move here. And fast.

Stay and get some coffee? Talk? Catch up…?

"Baby," I whisper again. I look around once more. "Where is…?"

"Not with me, obviously," Shelby says. "And he's not really a baby anymore either."

" He ," I say. I blink fast. "You're telling me I have a… son…?"

Shelby nods.

She's completely and totally telling the truth.

Suddenly the cliché, messy coffeehouse jazz music bothers me. The smell of the fresh coffee irritates my nose and my stomach. My palms are red-hot, sweaty, and then dry a second later. The cafe starts to spin. Wobble.

I can't believe this.

I grab for Shelby. Looking at her… she's the only part of this that's normal and calm.

I'm a six-foot-six, gigantic goalie who faces pucks that hit me at over one hundred miles an hour…

And I'm pulling at Shelby as I start to pass out.