Chapter 3

3

Shelby

When I open the door, Dani pops up from the couch like a parent about to yell at their kid for being out past curfew. Except in this case, I'm home way too early.

Dani glances at the clock on the wall which is surrounded by framed pictures of Oakley.

"Oh, no," she says. "It went bad. Shel…"

"I didn't see him," I say. "I didn't tell him either. Obviously."

"Wait. What?"

I cringe.

I make the most cliché eek face possible.

"Shelby, what did you do?"

"Well…"

I touch my hair and start playing with it. My toes curl in my shoes.

I really need Dani to look at things through my lens for a moment.

It's kind of hard to just say that to her without sounding like an evil bitch since she can't have kids.

Plus, there are things about me and my life that Dani doesn't know.

Yes, I know she's my best friend. But she's not my first best friend. Or my truest best friend. I believe in life you have people that enter and exit just for some kind of purpose. Even if that purpose is to teach you what it feels like to be hurt.

That's Amy!

Her name stings my memory and my tongue even though I haven't spoken her name out loud in a long time.

Just exactly who is Amy?

Well…

"Shelby, hello?" Dani growls in a low whisper.

She wants to yell at me but she can't. She doesn't want to wake Oakley.

"I did what I said I would do," I say with the proudest voice I can find. "So now it's up to him to decide. That's that. Simple. End of discussion."

I breeze by Dani, knowing she's going to chase me down.

This would be the perfect time for her husband to text her, be drunk and horny, and demand for her to come home and fuck him.

I cringe at that thought too.

I can't and don't want to picture Dani and Nathan… doing that stuff …

Dani makes her move, beats me to the kitchen and blocks me from doing anything.

She blocks the fridge. Then she jumps to block the sink. Then she jumps again and blocks the pantry door.

I finally stop trying to do anything and let out a long sigh.

"You showed up to this guy's apartment and stuck a note to his door," Dani said. Not asks. She says it. "That's what you did."

"That's what I did," I whisper.

"And you think this guy is going to read this note and call you?"

I look Dani in the eyes. "When you met Nathan, did you fall in love right away?"

"What? Why are you asking me that?"

"Just answer it, Dani."

"No. As a matter of fact, no, I didn't fall in love right away. The night I met Nathan he was in a toga and throwing up off a balcony. I thought he was a complete idiot the way he was acting."

"Oh."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I guess nothing," I say. "I just wanted to know if you ever experienced that love at first sight feeling."

"So this mystery guy. It was love at first sight?"

I swallow hard. I nod.

I saw him first! I met him first! He was supposed to be mine first!

I keep those words hidden the way I've kept Oakley hidden from… Faust…

Thinking his name makes my heart race.

I'm suddenly back to being twenty years old, struggling to survive, working with my mother to try and keep her business alive, waiting to meet the hottest fucking guy I've ever met at the edge of some lake under a moonlit sky, hoping he does more than just flirt with me.

"Look at you right now, Shel. You're blushing," Dani says. "All because of this guy? You need to tell me more about him then. I need the whole story. Why aren't you two together? Why…"

Now I'm biting the nail on my right thumb.

That's my nervous-guilty reaction.

Dani touches my arms. "Okay, hey, sorry for crapping all over your plan then. I'm just trying to be realistic, that's all. Think about it. What if the paper falls off the door and someone throws it out? You know what I mean? Feels like there are a million ways this can go wrong. Plus, this is about Oakley. Not you and this guy. He should know he has a son. What he does from there is up to him. I promise you, Shelby, you'll never be alone. I'm sorry if I've been so pushy with this. My God, if someone was pushy with me about my life…"

Oh, I know, Dani. Remember the time I said something about adoption and you refused to talk to me for two whole days. You made up every excuse but I knew the truth. You were pissed. You want a baby so bad… you want to carry a baby so bad…

"I'm rambling," Dani whispers.

"A little," I say.

She backs away.

"You think it's a bad idea though," I say.

"Well, yeah."

I drove all the way into the city after spending hours tracking down where Faust lives. I had to sneak around and sneak into his building, which wasn't easy to do. The entire time my heart was pounding, wondering if I was going to bump into him. Like literally just run into him because I had to move fast.

Dani's right too.

The note could fall. Faust could think it's a prank.

Or even if he doesn't want to be involved, it should be a face to face conversation.

Seeing him face to face though…?

The last time we saw each other face to face?

You really want to know about that?

The night after Amy's funeral.

Amy… my bestest friend ever.

Amy… the love of Faust's life.

Yeah.

I slept with my dead best friend's boyfriend and had his baby and never told him.

It's a few hours later.

Dani has long since gone home.

I sit at the kitchen table with the baby monitor and stare at Oakley as he sleeps.

My third cup of tea has gone cold, just like the first two.

I dumped each cup out to make a new one, only to smell the warm tea and then get lost in thought, pretending to type a book.

My computer screen strains my eyes.

The white screen and blinking cursor.

Everything I type is crap.

My mind is racing.

It takes all my might to keep my heart from doing the same.

My phone vibrates against the kitchen table.

The time is two-thirty-seven in the morning.

It's me. Responding to your note. Whatever it is you need to talk to me about - it better be something fucking worth my time.

My chin quivers.

"Faust," I whisper.

Now my heart races. Chills soar throughout my body.

I look at Oakley once more.

Yeah, Faust, I think this conversation is definitely fucking worth your time.