Chapter 5

5

Shelby

I don't wear heels but if I did my height would be five-three.

Not sure why I have the urge to mention that because I am now being pulled by this huge, hunky hockey goalie as his legs give out over the realization that the one night we fucked, I got pregnant.

"He's going down!" I shout for some odd reason.

Faust yanks at my arms once more and I collide with his super rock-hard body.

I don't need the flood of memories about his body nor do I need the flood of you know what between my legs.

Yes, I'm at the point that any kind of touching and pulling from a man like Faust turns me on way too fast.

Someone pushes a chair toward Faust as he starts to sit.

The chair stops perfectly and Faust's butt hits the chair.

He pulls me and I have no choice but to straddle him.

My vagina crashes down against the bulge in his jeans.

I mean, whatever, nothing I haven't touched or had inside me before.

But holy freaking hell, this guy is packing…

I jump up as fast as I can because I'm not sure if Faust is passing out from shock or if he wants me to ride him and dry hump to celebrate.

He's still holding my arms.

His eyes are milky and almost circling around.

He's completely dazed and in shock.

Someone from behind the counter rushes over with a bottle of water.

"Should I call for an ambulance?" the young barista asks.

I open my mouth to answer.

"No," Faust growls. "Floor was slippery."

"Oh, bullshit," I say to him.

He's suddenly back to life and stands up.

He towers over me more than I ever remember him doing.

Those intense dark eyes of his. Always thinking. Broody and sexy.

Shit. I feel my knees starting to wobble now.

This is just like it used to be with us.

These intense feelings…

But this time it's so different!

I toss that little voice away. This isn't some cheap movie. This is real life. My real life. I'm confronting the father of my son.

I also realize that not only am I changing Faust's life right now, I'm also an evil person.

I never told him.

I never…

"Everyone is going to keep watching us," Faust says. "We should find somewhere else to go and talk. Follow me to my place, Shelby."

It's a command, not a question.

That's how Faust always talked.

That's how Faust always turned me on.

I know the building and I know the apartment door.

But I've obviously never seen the inside.

Faust opens the door and holds it for me.

The place is bare.

It's clear.

It almost looks like the staged apartment they show potential tenants.

There aren't any pictures on the walls. Definitely nothing of Faust and a woman. Meaning no relationship…? At least not a serious one.

No dogs. No cats. Not even a goldfish swimming around, lonely in a big bowl.

The floors are a rich, super, dark brown color. The walls are a mixed white and gray color. All the trim is black.

This place screams money, bachelor, and… Faust .

The floor plan is a wide-open concept. The living room is central to the apartment. The kitchen and dining room are to the left. There are doors to my right, beyond the living room. I assume those are bedrooms, bathrooms, closets.

"I'm going to pour myself a drink," Faust says. "Are you okay to drink…?"

I suck in a breath and touch my stomach. "Christ, I'm not pregnant right now, Faust. Ouch. Thanks for that."

"Fuck," he says. "I didn't mean it like that, Shelby. Fuck. I meant… if you're driving far or…"

He's scrambling. He's flustered.

"Can I just get to the point, Faust?" I ask. "Nothing about this is going to be easy and drinking isn't going to help."

"May not help but it'll calm the voices in my head a little so I can think straight."

"What are the voices saying, Faust?"

"I'm not sure you want to know, sw … Shelby…"

He was just going to call me sweetie, wasn't he? That's what he used to call me.

My mouth goes dry.

Maybe I should take him up on that offer for a drink.

"You had a baby," Faust says. "How old? Wait. I can figure that out. But that means…"

I nod.

"You pick now to tell me?"

"Bad timing?"

He walks toward me. He's got power in his steps. His chest is puffed out. A part of my brain tells me to step back to safety but part of it knows Faust would never ever hurt me.

He's big and lumbering and, yeah, I've pissed him off something fierce, but I still stand there, holding my ground.

Finally holding my ground after all these years.

"What the fuck, sweetie ?" Faust whispers with a growl.

His tone. That word.

Tears fill my eyes.

I scream to myself that now is not the time to cry. I'm not the one here looking for any sympathy.

I can't believe it when Faust reaches for my face and strokes a tear off my check using his thumb.

"You fucked me over," he whispers. "You were pregnant and never told me? You had a baby and never reached out? You've been raising our son on your own. Did you even think of me? How the fuck can you do this to someone? Do you know what you've stolen from me? You've excluded me from everything. Everything! "

His voice pops loud. I gasp and now jump back.

"You don't just pick a random date to show up and fuck up someone's life, Shelby," he growls.

"Isn't that what fate is?" I ask. "Isn't that what happened to us? When we met? That summer. And then everything with Amy…"

"Don't ever say her name."

"Faust, there's a reason I showed up the way I did. Okay, yeah, I'm way too late for a lot of things. And I have a lot to apologize for. And I will. I promise. I will."

"Fuck your apologies," he growls.

His words are unexpectedly icy as they surge throughout my entire body.

How did he go from wanting to run away from me, to almost passing out, to insisting I come here to his apartment, to now suddenly exploding with anger…?

I'm not sure I have the answer because I've never secretly had someone's baby before.

Not just someone's baby, but my dead best friend's boyfriend's baby!

My teeth chatter.

I think about everything that happened between Faust and I ( and Amy ).

She's like a mythical fucking figure that haunts us.

I can see it in Faust's eyes.

I can feel it in my heart.

Yet it shouldn't matter as much as it seems it does.

There's a baby… well, not a baby.

Oakley is six now.

Six years old and curious as ever about life.

Faust stares at me like he hates my guts.

He probably does.

I probably deserve it.

Did I really think Faust was going to be the same guy as before? That he was going to scoop me up into his arms, spin around, celebrate…

"I'll just leave," I whisper.

"Don't you even think about playing the victim here, sweetie ," he growls.

He's hurting. He's like a wounded lion and you can't go near him. He'll attack.

He's just so…

Angry.

I turn to leave and casually slide my hand into my small bag and grab for the picture I planned on showing Faust. Somewhere in my head it made so much more sense than it played out in reality.

I place the photo face down on a small, clean table that sits next to the front door.

I exit the apartment.

My eyes fill with tears again.

And like always, nobody is truly there to catch me or my tears and tell me things are going to be okay.