Chapter 4

Alex

I'm wasting my time here.

I should be with Sophia, getting her settled in. And I still have to talk to her.

It's hard for me to deny Hilda anything. She is currently clamped to my right arm, chattering away, and I'm starting to get a headache. I've tried multiple times, unsuccessfully, to make my getaway, but she keeps finding excuses to hold me here.

Two hours have passed. It's getting dark outside.

"Hilda, I have to go and see to my guests."

I gently pull my arm away from her, and she pouts. "But you just got here. You spent all those days with them. They can survive without you tonight."

"They are still my guests," I gently remind her. "And we don't treat guests rudely."

"What's so special about those two girls anyway?" Hilda tears up. "Do you know how much I missed you? You didn't even tell me the day you left. I would've come to say goodbye to you, at least."

And throw a tantrum about wanting to come with us , I muse to myself. That is exactly why I didn't tell her.

"We were on a mission for Queen Karina," I tell her firmly. "We had to leave as soon as possible. There was no time for goodbyes."

"So, who are they?" Hilda doesn't look very pleased. "Those two girls. Why did you even bring them here? Where did you pick them up from?"

I know Hilda isn't aware of Sophia's true identity, but it still irritates me to hear her talk about my mate so dismissively.

"They are very special guests of mine. They're going to help the pack. So, I want you to be very nice to them."

She sticks out her bottom lip and crosses her arms over her chest. As a three-year-old, that was a cute look for her. Now, it might look provocative to other men, but not me. I get to my feet.

"I really do have to go. And make sure you don't mention our guests to the soldiers or the nannies."

Hilda's expression turns serious, and she follows me to the door. "Alright."

"Did they cause any trouble?"

She shakes her head. "No. We all avoided them. We did hear that Karina was planning to visit, but she never did."

The talk of Queen Karina reminds me of Julia, the Queen's right-hand woman and the bane of my existence. Julia has been my tormentor since childhood. She followed us all the way to Oakrest and caused a bunch of problems for us. Her obsession with me has been a thorn in my side for years.

When we took Sophia and ran, we left Julia there in the town. I'm hoping against hope that Noah discovered her identity and killed her. That way, I can blame her death on the South Alliance and wash my hands of the entire matter.

I head out, despite Hilda's protests, and make my way to the guest house. Patrick is waiting for me outside, and when he sees me, his expression turns into a scowl. He straightens up and walks over to me. "Have you lost your mind, Alex?"

It's rare to see Patrick this worked up.

"What?"

"Did you forget that you brought your mate here?" Patrick asks furiously. "You let another female climb all over you, and then you insulted Sophia in front of her before going off arm-in-arm with that female. Do you have any idea what is going on in Sophia's head right now?"

My eyebrows knit together. "What the hell are you talking about? That was Hilda. Sophia has no reason to worry about—"

"You know that," Patrick growls, "but Sophia doesn't. The look on her face when she watched you walk away from her, after telling Hilda that she was ‘nobody,' was the look of utter heartbreak. Only a fool would behave like that."

I go still. "I didn't—"

The sentence gets stuck in my throat because, when I think about it, obviously Sophia would have come to the wrong conclusion. I had been about to tell her before we were spotted that she cannot let the pack know that we are fated mates. Not yet.

Shit. I fucked up.

Patrick drills his finger into my chest. "As for Hilda, I've always told you to stay away from her. She's not a child any longer. You are not raising her anymore. Stop treating your relationship as it was when you found her. You may see her one way, but that is not how she views you."

Now I feel irritated. "Hilda is like a little sister to me, Patrick. You know that."

"Do you think Sophia will be that understanding?" Patrick demands. "What do you think the woman who left everything behind to come here with you is going to do when she sees that there's another female in your life more important to you than her?"

"Hilda is not more important to me than Sophia—"

"Well, you could've fooled me."

My voice lifts in anger. "I think of Hilda like a sister, Patrick. I raised her!"

"And she's not a baby anymore, in case you haven't noticed," Patrick shoots back. "She's a grown woman, and she doesn't see you as a brother."

"You're crazy." I scoff. "Sophia just has to understand—"

"And what if she doesn't?" Patrick asks, his voice quiet now. "What if she doesn't understand?"

I blink, trying to think of that outcome. "Well, she has no choice. She has to accept Hilda."

"Wonderful." My childhood friend sneers at me. "The girl has no support system here, so she has no choice. It's either accept it or accept it, is that what you're saying? Because she has nowhere else to go?"

I feel like a piece of shit hearing Patrick's words. "That's not what I meant."

"Alex," Patrick begins, his voice serious. "I am not telling you to kick Hilda to the curb. But no woman, not even a sister or a mother, should come between two mates. And if you hurt Sophia, you'll just be one more in the long line of people who have betrayed her. That girl still doesn't trust you completely. Don't break what very fragile trust she does have in you. I think you've come close to wrecking it today."

I don't agree with Patrick about Hilda's feelings for me. He's been biased against her ever since they dated for a while and then broke up. He never told me why they split, but ever since, he has not concealed his dislike for her.

"I'll talk to Sophia. I'm sure she'll get it. Hilda is important to me. Once Sophia understands our relationship, I'm sure she and Hilda will grow close."

Patrick shakes his head in disgust. "Boy, when they say rose-tinted glasses, they mean it. This isn't my problem anymore. I just wanted to let you know what's waiting for you inside. I hope you're not an idiot about this, Alex. You've always been stupid when it comes to Hilda."

A little annoyed now, I watch him leave. Maybe Sophia did misread the situation, but once I explain to her who Hilda is, I know she'll understand. I can't just walk away from a girl that I raised for so many years. Hilda's a good kid. A little needy, that's all.

I enter the guest house and knock on the first door. There are five rooms, three of which are still unfurnished.

When the door opens, I see Lily standing there.

"Wrong door," she says dryly.

Awkwardly, I look at her and ask, "Are you settling in okay?"

She makes a sound between a huff and a sneer. "Oh, I'm fine. I'm not the one you should be worried about."

She jerks her head in the direction of the door at the end of the hallway. My mouth feels dry as I glance at the ominous-looking door before making my way down the hall.

Lily calls out, with glee in her voice, "If I were you, I wouldn't do it. She's a little touchy right now."

Her words make me bristle, reminding me of Patrick's warning. Surely not. Sophia has no reason to doubt me.

"You'll just be one more in the long line of people who have betrayed her."

My jaw tightens.

She has to believe me. When she has the full picture, this misunderstanding will be cleared up.

I knock on Sophia's door. I hear the bed creak as if someone is sitting up on it, and after a moment, the door opens.

Her hair is wet. She is freshly showered; her skin smells like soap. She looks at me calmly, her expression carefully masked. "What is it?"

"Are you…Do you need anything?"

The words out of my mouth are not the most sophisticated, but they should incite a reaction. Anger, irritation, or even hurt. But Sophia just looks at me as if at a stranger. It is terrifying.

"No." She doesn't step back to let me in or even invite me in. I'm beginning to feel the stirring of panic.

"I need to talk to you, Sophia."

"About what?"

"About you. I think you misunderstood what happened out there."

She smiles at me, but that smile doesn't meet her eyes. Her eyes are dull. "And you're here to give me an explanation? Did I ask you for one?"

"Well, no." I feel like a child who's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"You're free to do what you want, Alex. Don't let me be a hindrance." Sophia shrugs. "Now, if you don't mind, I would really like to get some sleep."

She's about to close the door, but I stick my hand out to prevent her from doing so. "It's not what you think."

I'm beginning to realize that Patrick had a point. Sophia has completely misread the situation.

"Hilda is like a little sister to me."

"Is she?"

The snarky edge in Sophia's voice reminds me of how things were between us when we first met.

"It's complicated," I try to explain. "She's a little clingy with me, but that's because I raised her. There's nothing more to the situation. Please let me in so we can talk."

Sophia's eyes harden. "I didn't ask you for an explanation, Alex. I asked you to let me sleep. You shouldn't waste your time on someone like me."

She touches my fingers that are gripping the door, and I feel an electric shock. My hand jerks back, and she closes the door.

She used magic on me.

She's pissed.

I could always break down the door and force her to listen to me, but I don't think she'd appreciate that very much. It would be better if I let her sleep on this, and then in the morning, when she's thinking with a clear head, I'll talk to her.

I linger around the door for a couple more minutes, wanting to leave but also wanting to sort this mess out now.

I hear the bed creek once again. She's lying down.

Sighing, I make my way back down the hall and realize that Lily's door is still open. She's leaning against the door jamb, arms crossed over her chest, a Cheshire grin on her lips.

"That was almost painful to watch."

"Go to bed, Lily," I snap.

"You really don't get it, do you?" Lily shakes her head at me. "That other girl was all over you. Now, I don't profess to know Sophia as well as you do, but I know when somebody's hurting. I thought she was supposed to be your mate. Now she's probably going to be wondering if you brought her to this town of yours to isolate her and use her. She has no way back, does she?"

My claws unsheathe at these words, my wolf enraged. "What are you—"

She arches a brow. "I have ears. It's not like you guys have been very subtle about what's going on. Sophia left her pack for you, didn't she? And since you were in the South when we met, I'm guessing that means she left the South Alliance for you, as well. She left everything for you. And now she's probably regretting it."

"Wait—"

But Lily just smirks and then slams the door shut.

"Oh, and try not to make too much noise outside," I hear her say through the door.

Dammit! If Sophia would just listen to me!

I feel like an idiot. I don't know how close Lily and Sophia are, but they have been spending a lot of time together. What if Lily is right? Did Sophia share her feelings with her? Is my mate really regretting coming here with me? Have I wrecked everything already?

I run my fingers through my hair, gripping it by the roots and letting out a frustrated sound. I have to fix this.

I'll talk to Hilda and tell her not to get so close to me. If Sophia doesn't like it…

But telling Hilda to stay away from me doesn't sound very easy. She's an annoying little sister, and she's going to be very upset if I tell her to put some distance between us. On the other hand, my mate, Sophia, is already upset.

I don't know what to do.

After heading outside, I stand with my hands in my pockets, looking around. The village is the same. I still remember the territories we once used to own. My father was a proud man and a just ruler. The North Alliance prospered under his rule. But when Karina destroyed everything, she seized every bit of territory we had, and what she couldn't seize, she set on fire. My pack, whoever remained of it, was banished to this barren land where not even the simplest crop could grow. She probably expected us to die out, not having predicted how stubborn we could be.

Despite our circumstances and our grief, we thrived. We bore all the torture, all the humiliation, and we dug ourselves out of the hole she had thrown us into. The soil around this village once used to be fertile, but Karina had it poisoned before we were sent here. I was witness to it. She did her best to squash us like bugs, and we did our best to remain resilient.

The bond the members of this pack have with each other is one that will never be broken.

I can feel someone's eyes on me, and when I look over, I see a tall woman in a dark dress, her hair tied in a severe bun. She's one of the nannies that Karina sent. She's watching me. Maintaining eye contact, I sit down on the front step of the guest house and lean back on my elbows.

After a couple of minutes, the nanny turns around and walks away, disappearing from view. I know that if I leave right now, both of my guests may be dead in the morning. I'm not going to ask anybody to watch over my mate. That is my job alone.

Stretching out my legs and crossing my ankles, I lie back, folding my arms behind my head before settling in for what promises to be a very long night.

***

By the next morning, word has spread of our arrival back in the village. The presence of our guests has also been revealed. Before saying anything to anyone, I first have to talk to Sophia.

Nathan brings over some breakfast for her, and he's surprised to see me sprawled outside the guest house, staring up at the sky. He looks down at me, frowning. "Did Sophia lock you out?"

It's not helping that everyone seems to know I fucked up. I stand up and snatch the tray of food from him. "None of your business."

He shrugs. "No need to be touchy. I was just asking. But you need to stop being so nice to Hilda. She's used to having you all to herself, and now that you have Sophia, she's not going to like it."

I watch him leave, pondering his words. Everyone seems to be telling me to stay away from Hilda. I can't just abandon the kid, though. She has been dependent on me her whole life.

Taking the breakfast tray to Sophia's room, I knock on the door. After a couple of minutes, she opens it.

Her eyes are swollen as if she's been crying all night. Behind her swollen eyes is a tired gaze.

I feel sick to my stomach. Should I have stuck around last night and tried to talk to her?

"I brought you breakfast."

I barely get the words out. I know she's not going to let me in, but I'm not going to let her sit here and torture herself with all sorts of scenarios when I can simply clear up the misunderstanding. I walk inside and she bristles.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to talk to you. Shutting me out isn't going to resolve anything, Sophia."

"There's nothing to resolve." She shrugs, her arms wrapped around her middle as if shielding herself from me. The fact that she thinks she needs to protect herself from me pisses me off.

"Let's get one thing straight." I set down the tray and glare at her. "When I was ten, after my parents' murder, I found Hilda surrounded by her own parents' corpses. She was three years old, Sophia. She was a child, and her entire family had been killed. There was no adult to look after her. The ones who were still alive were barely holding it together, and there were too many orphans to look after. I was the one who raised Hilda. When I found her, she was completely mute. The trauma of seeing her parents killed affected her deeply. She wouldn't speak, she wouldn't walk, she wouldn't eat. I had to do everything for her."

Sophia's expression is tense as I continue. "Sure, she's a little clingy, but she has never been away from me for more than a week. She's like my little sister, Sophia. I understand that her presence made you uncomfortable, but I can't kick her out of my life. Not for anyone."

Sophia doesn't have to say a word for me to know that what I just said has hurt her tremendously.

I immediately backtrack, "What I meant to say is—"

"I understand what you meant," she says quietly. There's an edge of finality in her voice that makes me anxious.

I have a feeling that if I drag out this issue with Hilda, it's just going to get messier. I've already explained my relationship with her. I'm sure Sophia will adjust to it.

"Hilda isn't a bad kid. She's just very attached to me. Once you two get to know each other, I'm sure you'll get along."

The corners of Sophia's lips curl, but once again, the smile doesn't reach her eyes. "I'm sure we will."

I have to change the subject because I don't know what else to do right now. "What I wanted to tell you yesterday, Sophia, is that we cannot let anybody know you're my fated mate. Or that I'm even considering you as my mate."

"Ah, I see."

I'm not doing this right. I'm not getting through to her. She has closed herself off from me, and I don't know how to break past the shields she has built around herself. Even though we are standing mere feet apart, there is a wide chasm between us.

"No, I don't think you do." When I take a step toward her, she immediately backs away, her eyes not meeting mine.

"That girl still doesn't trust you completely. Don't break what very fragile trust she does have in you."

"It's either accept it or accept it, is that what you're saying? Because she has nowhere else to go?"

The weight of Patrick's words is finally settling within me, and I realize to my horror what is going through Sophia's mind. I've isolated her from her own people. And now she thinks… Well, I can't even bear to consider what her thoughts must be consisting of.

"Sophia, I can't tell anybody else in my pack about you because, even though I trust these people, I cannot take the risk that one of them will let your identity slip."

"That of the Silver Wolf?" There's a bitterness in her voice, and I hate it.

"No, that of my mate." I cover the distance between us and seize her by the shoulders, trying to force her to look at me. "You don't understand what Karina will do once she finds out who you are to me. She'll stop at nothing to rip us apart and use you against me. I should have told you everything during our journey, but I was distracted by the whole thing with Lily and trying to help you learn the basics of magic. Nobody can find out about us just yet. It's for your own safety."

"Okay."

That's all she says. Not a word more.

"Why won't you look at me?" I plead with her, my heart hurting now.

Her eyes finally lift to mine, and there's nothing there, just hollowness. "Because I don't think I should trust you."

Her words leave me speechless.

"What is it?" She gives me a long look. "You wanted to know, didn't you? And now you know. I'll keep my word, Alex. I will try my best to save the children of this pack. But aside from that, I don't really think…I don't believe we need to think about anything else."

She's rejecting me! My wolf howls in fury and pain. She's rejecting me because of my behavior. Did I wound her that deeply? If I had known, I would never have walked off with Hilda. I would have brought Sophia to the guest house myself. I would have…

I would have done everything differently.

Patrick was right. Sophia wasn't ready to trust me completely, and I bulldozed over whatever trust she did have in me.

"Why?" As the word leaves my mouth, I feel her pull away from me. "Sophia, you—"

"You didn't have to introduce me as your mate," she states defiantly. "But you didn't have to introduce me as nobody important. Because now I'm going to keep wondering what you really think of me."

"Sophia…" I say helplessly.

"Go to Hilda. Go to the girl you claim is like a sister. But don't come here again."

I could walk away and do what she says, but if I do, there will be no coming back from that. I created this mess. I knew what Sophia's past was like. I should have been more careful. I can't treat her so thoughtlessly.

"I'll stay away from Hilda." The words feel torn from me, and Sophia looks surprised.

"Why? I'm not asking you to stay away from her. I'm not asking you to stay away from anybody. I just told you, Alex: I will try my best to save the children of this pack. My powers are at your disposal."

"But not your heart," I murmur, my voice heavy. My wolf is wailing inside me now, desperate to salvage the situation.

"Not my heart," Sophia agrees. She's not even trying to hide what she feels. She's just telling me point-blank. There's no fussing about or dramatics involved.

What do I do? If she were to have a fit and shed some tears, it would be easier to deal with. This steadiness, this calm voice as she looks straight at me, hiding herself from me, has me floundering.

"I'm sorry, Sophia." I never thought I would be begging for forgiveness, that I would lower my head in front of anyone. But for this woman, I'm willing to do anything.

"You're sorry?" She sits down on the edge of the bed, looking up at me. "For what, letting an unmated female climb all over you? For making your mate watch? So, you can just apologize for letting someone touch you, kiss you, cling to you, but when it comes to me, you have all these pretty words about why I should not let anyone near me."

The gravity of my mistake is dawning on me. Hilda is like a sister to me, but that's in my eyes. Sophia and I haven't mated each other yet; we haven't crossed the finish line. So, when Hilda leaped into my arms, I can only imagine how Sophia must have felt.

I kneel by her side, trying to plead my case. "Sophia, I'm begging you. It was a mistake. I won't let Hilda touch me so casually again. Or any other woman. Don't shut yourself off to me. Please." I can barely feel Sophia inside me now. The bond between us that has been growing through our closeness is turning icy cold. "Hilda is a child. To me, she'll always be the child I raised. You have my word that I will keep my distance."

"I don't need you to keep your distance, Alex." Sophia tries to get to her feet, to get away from me, but I grip her hands, refusing to let her move.

"Why won't you forgive me?"

She looks at me, her eyes dark, and I see a flicker of anger in them for the first time. "Ask me this question when I let a man take me in his arms in front of you. Ask me when he wonders who you are and I tell him you are nothing to me."

The very image has my wolf snarling inside my head.

"I'm not interested in your apology, Alex. I've always told you that to me, words are meaningless. Anybody can say words. Only actions show what somebody really means. Your actions yesterday made me feel worthless. They made me doubt how you will treat me once you get what you need from me. Once you tie me to yourself with the mating bond, is your behavior toward me going to be different? Will I just be tossed aside?" Her eyes are weary. "I have to ask myself what makes you different from Noah or anyone else."

Her words are like stab wounds to my heart.

She truly believes this.

By my own doing, my relationship with my mate has been thoroughly shattered.