Chapter 3

Sophia

I thought magic would be easy.

I don't know why I thought that.

By the time we cross the border between the South and the North, I have still not managed to find my "magical core." Each time I try to focus on nature and take some of its power, those strange, golden orbs keep appearing. Everybody has stopped freaking out over them, but it's still not something that should be happening.

By the third day, I'm ready to toss in the towel.

Now that we're in the Northern territory, we are much safer and no longer have to travel at the speed of light. We are taking multiple rests per day, during which Lily tries to teach me how to reach my core. Unfortunately, I still can't seem to do anything right.

After a particularly frustrating session with her, I storm off on a walk to clear my head. I need to get away from Lily. I can see that she is judging me for not being able to do something that she considers simple.

I know Alex is going to be right behind me. I can't stop him from following me, but I really want to be alone for a while.

"Alex!" I burst out, hearing his feet treading behind me. "Go back!"

"You know I can't do that," he responds calmly.

I grind my teeth and walk faster. He waits a few steps to give me some space, but I can still hear him.

I feel stupid. That's the whole problem.

I feel incapable. And useless.

I should be able to do this! I don't know why it's so hard for me!

I kick a stone out of the way, trying to control my emotions. My wolf can sense my tension, and it shares my feelings. It doesn't like being defeated by something that should be natural to us.

When I kick the second stone, Alex catches up to me. "That isn't going to help, Sophia."

"And I'm sure you know what will help," I say sarcastically.

"No, I don't," he replies simply before cupping my face and forcing me to look at him with my angry eyes. "I know this is hard. I'm sorry for making you go through this."

"I was going to have to learn magic anyway, wasn't I?"

"Yes," he agrees. "But not like this. At a reasonable pace. And with a proper teacher. You have to be patient with yourself. Things don't just happen immediately, Sofia. They take time."

"You don't have time, Alex," I remind him. "You told me that the nannies and soldiers Karina sent are in your pack right now. Once I get there, they're going to figure out who I am sooner or later. We have to break the link between them and the pups before they know what's happening."

"I know, but punishing yourself isn't helping matters. These things do take time, and they require patience. We'll be at the pack in a couple more days. I don't expect you to master magic by then. We'll figure it out. Together."

I can't meet his eyes, wrenching my face from his hands and glaring down at the moss-covered forest floor. "You don't understand. I can't seem to be good at anything. First, I couldn't access my wolf, and now, I can't learn magic—"

"You couldn't access your wolf because it had been sealed away."

He's told me this before, but we've never discussed it. "When you say it was sealed away…"

"Elsa told me," he says quietly when I trail off. "Back in the forest in Oakrest, when you started getting sick, it was because your wolf had been sealed away. It must've been done when you were born, either by a witch or by your mother. Even the mention of this sealing off created a block in your mind. You were not supposed to know. Although, I'm pretty sure you managed to figure it out, smart as you are."

It's true. I began to get suspicious in Elsa's office when she brought me there. She dropped hints, and I managed to piece some of them together.

Thinking of Elsa makes my heart ache. I never got to say goodbye to her. When I first arrived in Oakrest as a terrified, young teenager, it was Elsa who gave me a job, as a dishwasher in her restaurant. I worked at the Dancing Bear for as long as I can remember, washing dishes, waitressing, bartending. Elsa became a fixture in my life. And now, I don't know if I will ever see her again.

"Your inability to shift was not because of anything lacking within you. And see how easy it is now?" Alex smiles at me. "Each time you shift, it's easier the next time. Soon enough, you'll be able to shift without a second thought. It will be as easy as breathing to you. It's the same with magic: it's hard at first, and then it'll start getting easier. But you have to be kind to yourself. And you have to have faith in yourself, Sophia. I know I do."

I look up at him. "What if I let you down?"

"You won't." There's a wealth of confidence in his voice. Even when I don't believe in myself, he believes in me. Alex has faith in me.

I don't know where this faith is coming from.

"I know you can do it. You're too stubborn not to get it done. And don't pay too much attention to Lily. She's a kid who enjoys being in charge of your lessons. She's a brat."

It's not as if Lily has been mean to me, but I can see the judgment in her eyes each time I fail.

"As long as you and I are together, we can do anything." Alex takes my hand in his. "We have a long journey ahead of us, and a long battle. We're going to stick it out together."

His words offer me the kind of assurance I haven't been able to give myself.

"Alright." I don't have much trust in myself, but I can trust what Alex believes.

He kisses the top of my head, and I feel the heat crawl into my face. He takes his other hand and puts it on my cheek; I can feel how rough and hard his fingers are. His hand is bigger than my face. He's also incredibly handsome. We've already slept together once, so I don't know why I get so flustered when he touches me. I never allowed myself to think about him like this till recently. I don't want to get swept away with all these feelings, but I can't help myself. Even in his wolf form, he's magnificent.

Alex pokes my cheek. "Why are you smiling?"

I bat his hand away, blushing. "None of your business."

"With a smile like that on your face, Sophia, you'd better only be thinking about me."

The streak of possessiveness in his voice has me blinking. "Or what?" The challenge in my own tone startles me.

He grins, a slow curving of his lips that lights up his entire face and gives his usual handsome appearance a wicked edge that makes my heart flutter inside my chest.

"We'll find out, won't we?"

His voice is low and husky, and my body reacts accordingly. He sniffs the air discreetly and stares into my eyes.

"We're going back," I say abruptly, rattled beyond belief. Turning on my heel, I begin walking back to the campsite.

He doesn't stop me like I expected but trails after me.

I'm very clear about my feelings for Alex. At least, I think I am. He's my fated mate, and somewhere along the line from when our tumultuous relationship began, I went and fell in love with him. But I don't really know what that means.

I'm attracted to him. I like being near him. But nobody's ever loved me, so I don't know what that kind of relationship entails. I've spent my whole life being told I'm undeserving of love. Elsa showed me affection, as did Rita. Was that love? A different kind, maybe.

These feelings I have for Alex, I've called them love, but I don't really know. When he talks to me the way he just did, I feel anxious and worked up. I want to run away, but I also want to stick around and listen to him. I want to smile, but I don't want him to think that I'm desperate for his attention.

It's like being stuck in a constant battle with myself.

Alex hasn't been pushing me, though. He's not forceful or demanding of my time or my touch. He teases me sometimes, revealing a hidden side of himself. But there's a possessiveness in his eyes when he looks at me or talks to me. He treats me gently but doesn't hover over me. In fact, I would say he regards me as an equal, yet he's protective of me.

When we return to the campsite, Nathan is talking to Lily. I watch them from the trees and realize that they might be close in age. Usually, Nathan is very quiet and reserved, and aside from his one outburst when he tried to kill me back in Oakrest, I haven't seen him act out of sorts. He's smiling at Lily, but I can see the caution in his eyes.

Trust.

Alex's friends have difficulty trusting others. After all, they have suffered greatly over the past two decades. From what Alex has told me, his father used to be the leader of the North Alliance before Karina murdered him. It was a treacherous act, and Alex was left alive solely because shifter laws do not allow children to be harmed.

But I'm sure Queen Karina tortured him in other ways. Alex became Alpha at the age of ten, a puppet whose strings were in the hands of the Queen of the Alliance, a woman so hungry for power that she crushed a majority of the packs under her.

I don't understand this greediness for power that she has. If she destroys every pack within the North Alliance that she reigns over, what will be left for her to rule? A wasteland?

Patrick and Jared have returned and are now roasting a deer in the fire pit. They left to find some dinner for us as soon as we'd stopped to camp for the night. Patrick lifts his hand when he sees us and calls out my name. Alex nudges me, and I find myself walking over to his friend.

"Did it work this time?" Patrick asks.

I shake my head, and he gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Don't worry. You'll get there. Have something to eat. You'll feel much better after."

I'm about to sit down next to him when Alex plucks me from mid-air and seats me on a log adjacent to where his friend is sitting.

"Not so close," he says pleasantly.

When I glance at him, his eyes are dark, and he whispers, "I'm a very possessive man, Sophia. Try not to sit too close to males who aren't me."

Taken aback by his behavior, I watch him as he sits down next to me and breaks off a piece of the deer leg, which is perfectly roasted. As we share the meat, I can't stop thinking about his words. Is he really going to be like that? And do I hate it?

My wolf is quite pleased by his behavior, but I don't know what to think. It's not unpleasant, but I wonder if he's like this because I don't have his mating mark yet. I think it was Elsa who told me that the mark is typically given during sex. But we don't…I mean, he hasn't tried to sleep with me. So, when does he plan to give me his mark?

I don't even know how to broach the subject. What will he think of me if I ask him about this?

I stare down at the meat in my hand.

I was never an overthinker before. Now, I'm analyzing each and every interaction with Alex. I'm obsessing over what he thinks of me or what he will think of me if I behave or act in a certain manner. It's exhausting.

And it is completely unlike me.

After we all eat, Lily and I sit together again.

"You have to completely empty your mind," she instructs me. "Don't think of nature. Don't think of anything. Just try to feel the power inside you. I cannot explain it in any other terms. You will understand what I mean once you feel it."

I close my eyes and tune out every sound except those of the wind, the night critters, and the winged creatures in the distance. While I am able to block out the noise from the people around me, try as I may, I'm unable to do so where nature is concerned. Those sounds are amplified.

Once again, I feel the same energy inside me that builds each time those golden light orbs show up. I'm about to stop, feeling defeated, when I remember how Alex claimed to have faith in me.

I need to have faith in myself.

I have to keep going.

I hear a buzzing sound around me, as if someone is talking, but I ignore it.

I keep searching within, and suddenly, my fingers start to tingle. The sensation spreads to my arms, through my chest, and throughout my body.

There!

That has to be it!

I can feel something pure inside me. It's similar to the energy I felt when Lily was casting her spell to stop the zombie wolves. But it's deeper, cleaner.

My eyes fly open, and Lily is speaking to me, looking shocked. The air around me is filled with those same golden orbs of light, but this time, my hands are also glowing. And all the orbs are coming into my hands.

I stare at my hands and then look at Lily, stunned.

"Well, what do you know," she says, gaping at me. "You were doing it right the whole time. I shouldn't have expected you to draw energy from your surroundings like we witches do. This is fascinating."

I watch as the orbs completely vanish into my hands. "I've done it then?" I ask her as I look up.

"Yes." She's still staring at me as if I've suddenly grown two heads. "You actually did it!"

Alex is beaming at me, a proud look on his face.

"So, these orbs…?" I question Lily.

"I guess that's how you source your power." She has a curious expression on her face. "I've never seen anything like this before, but then again, it's not like I've got a lot of experience, do I?"

I look around at everyone watching me and feel stark relief. If I've found my magical core, that means I'll be able to help them.

"What's next, then?"

Lily smiles at me. "Now that you've been able to find your core, you have to strengthen it first. Then, the easiest thing to do is to create a barrier, like I've shown you before."

"And to do that, do I have to speak words like you did back when we were fighting the zombie wolves?"

She grins. "No. Those were spells. Spells are incredibly powerful and can only be cast using the old language. You can use your magic without speaking. Magic is internal. You have to draw it out of you and manipulate it. Spells are usually used by older witches and are meant for powerful purposes."

I tuck my tongue in my cheek and consider the situation. To unlink the pups from Karina's people, I doubt it's going to be as simple as manipulating my magic. There's a good chance that I'm going to need spells for that. And if so, I will need Lily's help.

We spend the next hour trying to create a barrier. I manage one, but it's quite weak. Still, Lily is impressed. "It took me months to learn how to create my first barrier. You may be new at this, but you're progressing faster than normal. Maybe you have a lot of raw potential."

"Or my magic is simply different, like you said," I respond.

She nods in agreement, then says, "I think we should call it a night for now."

Everybody is tired, and as I curl up on the forest floor, Alex next to me, I stare at the sky, thinking about the difference between spells and internal magic. As I sleep that night, I see a silver wolf in my dreams again. It's not my first time seeing her, and I feel despair at the sight of her.

She's quiet and curled up in a ball.

I wish she would wake up and look at me, but she doesn't.

***

Alex's entire pack lives in a small village. This is odd because usually packs live spread out in towns throughout their territory. But according to Saul, all their territory was seized, and they were forced into this one village.

It takes us a week to reach the place, mostly because Alex slowed down our pace. He hasn't said anything, but I think he's trying to buy time for my magical abilities to grow stronger. By the time we are approaching the village, I am able to create barriers, but that's about it. Lily has taught me a few other tricks, but she wants me to perfect one thing before moving on to the next. She insists I play with my magic to get more familiar with it.

As we reach the edge of the village, Alex stops us.

"I need to have a word with you, Sophia." Alex's voice is grim. "We are going to have to keep your identity a secret. Even about us being—"

He doesn't get a chance to finish what he is saying because shouting is heard in the distance. People are running toward us. I instantly have my guard up, but Patrick stops me.

"That's your new family. They must've been keeping watch."

I glance at Alex, but his eyes are fixed on the people coming in our direction, and he seems to have forgotten what he wanted to say to me. There's a look of yearning and happiness in his eyes. I don't think I've ever seen such an expression on his face before.

The person leading the group is a young woman with short red hair and pretty blue eyes. As soon as she reaches Alex, she jumps on him, wrapping her arms and legs around him in a hold so intimate that it makes my blood boil.

"Alex!" The girl hugs him even tighter, if that is possible. "You're back!"

Anger bubbles within me, but my wolf is losing its mind. Why is my mate letting another female touch him so familiarly? How dare he let her embrace him? He should be ripping her arms off. And if he doesn't want to, I'll do it for him.

I take a step forward, but Patrick puts his hand on my shoulder, discreetly shaking his head.

"That's quite enough, Hilda," Patrick says severely, having sensed my discomfort. "We have company, if you haven't noticed."

As if on cue, Alex untangles himself from the woman. "It's good to see you, too, Hilda, but you need to stop jumping on me like this. You're not five years old anymore."

Hilda giggles. "I can't help it. Every time I see you, I want to climb you like a tree."

I nearly forget to breathe at her words, and when Alex merely chuckles, I stare at him, wondering if he is hearing the same thing I am. This girl is interested in him, and she just admitted as much.

She now glances in our direction and doesn't look very impressed. "Who are they?"

I'm about to step up next to Alex when he says, "This is Sophia, and this is Lily. They will be staying with us for a while."

For a while? I glance at him, confused. He's not going to introduce me as his mate?

"But who are they?" Hilda persists.

Alex smiles at her. "Nobody important."

My wolf goes deathly still inside of me. What did he say? Did he just tell this girl…?

My whole body feels cold, and this time it is Lily who stops me, grabbing my hand. The warmth of her touch jerks me back to reality.

What's going on? Isn't Alex supposed to introduce me…? Why is he acting as if…?

I can't even get my thoughts straight.

"I'll show you two to the guest house. We don't have a hotel here because not many people pass through this area, but we do have some rooms in a guest house." Alex's voice washes over me, and I feel like I've woken up from a beautiful dream into a nightmare.

Before he can take us anywhere, Hilda pulls him toward her and clings to his arm with her whole body. "Let Patrick or Nathan take care of them. I haven't seen you in ages. You have to tell me how your trip was. Come on. I'll make you something to eat."

Say no.

I'm staring holes into the back of Alex's head, and when he agrees to leave with Hilda, my heart sinks. I watch him walk away from me. It's hard not to let the doubts seep in because my eyes aren't deceiving me, right?

He just left with another woman.

He introduced me as "nobody important."

Have I been deceived?

I try not to think so negatively, but I can't help it. There has to be another explanation. As I watch his back getting smaller and smaller, though, I can't think of one.