Chapter 9 - Lila

Standing in front of the full-length mirror, I stare at my reflection, smoothing my palms over the lace that hugs my hips like a second skin.

The luxurious fine lace feels exquisite on my skin, the wedding dress sitting pretty on my larger figure as the corset presses my breasts into steady peaks. I sigh discontentedly, feeling extraordinarily beautiful for the first time in my life. It’s not enough to change my mind.

“You make a beautiful bride, Lila,” Valerie admires me from the side. I meet her teary eyes, shaking my head.

“It’s not like it matters,” I whisper tersely, quickly glancing at the door to make sure no one is outside. “Is everything ready?”

Valerie nods hesitantly as she comes over, resting her hands on my bare shoulders where the neckline of the dress dips. “Are you still sure about this?”

I take a quivering breath, nodding while I gulp. “This is for the best, Val,” I assure her while inadvertently assuring myself, consoling both of us when I take her hands and give them a gentle squeeze. “Just promise you’ll find me.”

Valerie’s eyes water. “First, you need to make it out of town. I’ve checked the patrol rotations, and the south border is your best way out.”

“At least I’ll get to say goodbye to our favorite spot.”

“Don’t…” Valerie gulps on her sob as she pulls me in for a hug. “Don’t make it sound like I’ll never see you again.”

“Impossible,” I promise as I hold her tightly. A long moment passes before we break away, and Valerie’s eyes turn a translucent shade of green.

“It’s time,” she informs me after receiving a mind link from the maid. “Alpha Flynn is on his way to the town hall.” Valerie grabs my hand and pulls me out of the upstairs bedroom in the main house.

We’re supposed to be making our way to the hall, where Flynn and his family await my arrival in the wedding dress. Instead, we’re stealing to the back door, our movements hushed until we’re safely outside.

Valerie grabs the bag she’d hidden behind the trash can outside, swings it over her shoulder, and then leads me into the woods.

Passing by the cabin, my only regret is not saying goodbye to my brother before fleeing this quaint town in Rosette Valley. One day, when the dust has settled on my escape, I’ll find him.

For now, I have to run away to protect myself from the treacherous claws of Blood Moon’s Alpha. Lord only knows what he was thinking when he picked me as his mate, expecting me to go through with it after everything he’s done to hurt me.

We reach the body of water that’s become a monument to the incident that occurred there. Now, it’s where we stop to say our last goodbyes before I leave. A monument of departure, where I’ll say goodbye to the tragedy dealt here and leave the past behind, along with the pack.

“G-goodbye, my f-friend,” Valerie chokes before flinging her arms around me.

“Goodbye, Valerie,” I say with a hard gulp, not wanting to change my mind because of the awful pang of regret in my chest. The excruciating pain cuffs my voice in my throat, and I choke on all the words I want to say to my best friend, like thanking her for being the only werewolf in the Blood Moon Pack apart from my brother who’s shown me kindness. Her friendship has been the lifeline I needed not to give up entirely, allowing me to become strong enough to decide to leave.

“You must go back before they suspect that you helped me,” I urge, nudging her arm until she turns toward the town.

Valerie glances over her shoulder with a sigh. “Take care of yourself, Lila.”

“I will,” I nod, clutching the strap of the bag tighter, letting go of her hand and turning toward the outskirts of the woods. Just a little bit further ahead lies the border of the Blood Moon territory. Once crossed, I’ll be free of the pack for good.

I take a step forward and freeze, the bag falling out of my hand when my fingers no longer have the strength to keep holding onto it. My body refuses to work right now, numbed over with no feeling in any of my nerve endings. Even my face turns to stone, my brows unable to furrow. I attempt to move my foot again, only to find that my mind doesn’t seem to have control of my movements. My mobility is obstructed by a force I can’t see or feel. A force that compels me to move my gaze, my eyes the only part of me I can control.

Panic rises inside me, crawling up my throat until it enters the cavity of my mouth. I can’t even move my throat to gulp. Even my breath catches when I try calling out to Valerie for help. All that leaves my lips is a tiny whimper when I see my reflection on the water's surface.

My eyes widen with horror as I witness the color seeping from my cheeks. Rendered immobile, I'm forced to stare into my own eyes as the pools of blue crystallize and turn my vision inwards without needing to close my eyelids.

I know it’s a vision of some kind since the world around me fades into brighter colors not present in the meadow. I begin seeing a vortex of purple and gold that swirls and sways in a magnificent dance of bright hues. It's beautiful and terrifying all at once, fear coursing down my spine when that familiar ring skitters through my eardrums.

A sharp, distinct pain rips through my chest just as the ringing intensifies.

“ You cannot escape…” a faint voice that sounds like my own echoes in my mind. “ You will be cursed…your wolf will be eternally doomed…”

Without warning, the feeling in my body returns and crashes into me with a force that has me bucking forward. The colors in my vision disappear, and a gasp falls out like a shriek of surprise just as my body gets flung to the ground.

“Valerie!” I cry out as soon as I catch my breath, my palms braced on the grass in front of me. A hand flies to my throat, wringing at the remnants of the shackles that just had my entire being imprisoned.

“Lila!” Valerie comes rushing toward me, scooping me off the ground with every ounce of strength in her.

When I'm on my feet, I stare into Valerie's eyes but see the blue hues of my own reflected amidst the green swirls of hers, as if I could see a magnificent being reflected to me, a representation of a higher power shaking her divine head warning me against leaving Zafra.

I gasp as I look around me, the residual gold and purple lingering as tiny orbs in my vision. It fades away slowly, leaving the natural colors around us to emanate brighter.

It's almost as if I can see more clearly now, every blade of grass glistening as if it's been sharpened by the sun's rays. My sense of hearing sharpens too, picking up the sounds of chirping birds in the tallest trees that I wouldn’t have heard before.

“What happened?” Valerie shakes my shoulders, pulling me out of my daze.

“I—” I frown when the veil of distinct and raw colors seems to lift from my eyes and everything appears normal again. “I don't know, Val.” I exhale slowly, gulping as I shake my head. “I think the Moon Goddess finally spoke to me.”

“She did?!” Valerie exclaims, eyes going wide. “What did she say?”

“That I'll be cursed if I leave….”

Valerie and I stare at each other in disbelief for a long moment, a million questions racing through my mind until I break the silence with a nervous chuckle.

A ritual I performed two years ago has only now come to fruition. So much for wanting to connect to my inner wolf!

The Moon Goddess finally answered me, only to warn me against leaving. While I have no inner wolf and have always been shunned by the deity ruling the werewolves, I can’t completely ignore her. She is, after all, my creator.

I just can’t look past all my brooding resentment for Flynn.

“What now?” I ask. “I…I can't go back. I can't marry him. I can’t be his mate. I’ll have no future.”

Valerie bites her bottom lip in contemplation. “I thought the curse wasn’t real…you don’t have a wolf…”

“I…” A hand goes up to my neck with the memory of my restricted breathing a moment ago when I became frozen. I gulp, my throat working against my palm as I shake my head slowly. Something innate nudges me toward my conclusion. “I think this is the answer I was searching for all this time. It lies in me going ahead with this mating ritual. I just have to surrender, and trust the Moon Goddess’s word.”

Valerie tilts her head to one side in deliberation as she frowns. “Those are probably the wisest words I’ve ever heard you speak, Lila. Who are you?”

“Someone who’s heard the word of the Lord, Val,” I say warily, grabbing her hand and swiftly picking up the bag on the side. “We have to go back before they figure out that I was trying to run away.”

***

With the dirt from the woods hidden under the train of the wedding dress, I square my shoulders and take a deep breath outside the hall.

I have no reason to be loyal to this pack, yet something compels me to stick around. Perhaps I’d been wrong. Even without the inner wolf connected to my consciousness, it must be in there somewhere, preventing me from leaving so that I’m not cursed—preventing me from leaving so that I might finally walk down the path that leads me toward connection.

Miles appears from behind the corner, completely oblivious to my prior plans as he smiles broadly at me. He holds out his arm, and I slip mine through the support he offers.

“Are you ready, lil' sis?” he chimes cheerfully, clearing his throat and straightening up in front of the carved oak door.

“You sound awfully happy, Miles,” I chuckle nervously, fixing the train behind me so that the dirt is undetectable.

“Why wouldn’t I be? My best friend is about to be my sister’s mate.” He turns to me and winks. “And you’ll connect to your wolf.”

I open my mouth to object, but the doors open up to reveal the hall and relief washes over me as if I’ve been saved by the bell. Miles has no idea that this whole thing is a sham and that his best friend couldn’t care less about me.

It’s better this way, I decide as I inhale languidly, setting my eyes on the rolled-out burgundy carpet that leads to the altar. I keep my gaze trained to the paisley patterns sprinkled out on the carpet as Miles leads me down the aisle. The empty hall is cold, the eerie silence sending a shiver down my spine.

It’s unsettling only because the emptiness foreshadows the trajectory of my life. After today, I’ll be bound to the Alpha of Blood Moon without any hope of him giving me what I need to reach my fullest potential. Alpha Flynn Lycoan will never be able to provide what I truly need. I have to settle for this facade and live under the same roof as the man I’ve come to hate.

Hate is a strong emotion, but it only stems from a feeling as powerful as love. A love that had quickly turned poisonous, thanks to his rejection. A poison so strong, it turned my heart to stone.

My shoulders slump as I keep my eyes down, but Miles nudges me as we continue forward, forcing me to look up.

As soon as I do, I meet Flynn’s eyes as he stands on the stage awaiting my arrival. The warm depths of gold hold a sense of anticipation in their bright twinkle, a feeling that flows over me and spurs each step I take closer.

The deafening silence around me isn’t so frightening anymore. Not with Flynn’s penetrating gaze fixed on me with such intensity. Instead, the silence is filled with the sweetness of chirping birds and slithering snails and the rustle of trees that sway with the wind outside. It all comes together in perfect harmony, shining a bright light of hope on the future that doesn’t seem dreadful anymore.

Lost in a daze, I walk up to the stage, where Miles leaves my hand in Flynn’s. The moment our hands make physical contact, an electric surge rushes through me.

I’m reminded of that day out by the dam, still images flashing through my mind as I stare deeply into Flynn’s eyes. His gaze is equally firm, forcing me to face the memory of his rejection. Except the ending isn’t as I remembered it, an image of his embrace flashes into my mind.

The past has somehow been altered in my recollection, even though the memory of the heartbreak remains. It’s almost as if I’m seeing things from a different lens, through Flynn’s eyes—as if I’m meant to let go of the past for the sake of moving ahead.

Surrender.

This is the epitome of what I felt earlier in the meadow, wanting to flow with the wind and see where it leads me. Prompted by what felt like the Moon Goddess’s intervention, I couldn't ignore Her despite my personal feelings.

Now, that flow has me navigating the ritual of marriage as we utter words of promise and drink the brew of natural herbs. It all goes by in a blur, the anticipation of the outcome plundering my heart into a speedy trot. Though the only werewolves present are the Alpha’s immediate family as well as my brother and best friend, even their presence disappears, leaving me to focus solely on the Alpha of the Blood Moon Pack.

He hasn’t stopped staring into my eyes, his brows furrowed ever-so-slightly as if he’s confused about this whole thing. Even through my mesmerization and steady daze, I have no idea why I suddenly feel like I’m letting my guard down—those walls I built come crumbling down, exposing me to the feelings I once had for Flynn and to that deep pull I felt toward him when I called him my mate.

Flynn clears his throat, breaking the intense eye contact for a moment as his eyes flicker to his father. The old Alpha of the pack nods encouragingly, and Flynn turns back to me.

“I, Alpha Flynn Lycoan, take you, Omega Lila Hargis, as my mate and Luna of the Blood Moon Pack.”

His words impact the function of my brain, and I short-circuit for a moment as the weight of that vow washes over me. I gulp hard, feeling his thumbs press into my hands as if encouraging me.

“I-I,” I whisper timidly. “Omega Lila Hargis, take you, Alpha Flynn Lycoan as my mate.”

The moment of hesitation turns to confusion when I notice Flynn exhaling as if he’d been holding his breath. Why would he be feeling relieved? Did he sense that I didn’t want this, and was afraid I’d reject him?

It’s not as though the questions running in my mind matter right now. Not when he leans in to complete the ceremony. I can barely pay attention to the way my heart races in my chest, let alone any doubts in my mind.

Time stands still, his gaze condemning me to a lifetime of the unknown as he closes the distance between us with a slow intake of breath. When he breathes out, the warmth of his breath fans my lips and parts them instantaneously, causing the flutter of my eyelids before our worlds collide when he crushes his lips to mine.

Without thinking, I reach a hand up to cup his cheek, sliding my fingers over to his nape where his hair has already started to grow out. Like the gentle bristles of the finest paintbrush, they stroke against my palm as I sigh into his plump lips and lose my sense of self altogether. The minty taste of his essence is intoxicating, mingling with my breath as his tongue dives into the cavity of my mouth while his hands settle on my hips.

He pulls me toward him, the act so subtle but prevalent when I feel the bulge of his manhood press into my belly. He drinks the gasp that falls from my lips, his kiss turning passionate and unhinged when he tilts his head and deepens the dance of our tongues.

I’m on the verge of fainting from how perfect the kiss is, beyond anything I could have imagined, especially since I’d lost any hope of experiencing this very moment. Now, I lose myself in the moment made of dreams, his soft groans and heavy breathing filling my eardrums and setting my body alight. Every nerve ending in me has been ignited, pulsing with the energy constructed by our lips.

I’m about to melt into him, throwing away any awareness that we’re not alone in the hall, when he abruptly breaks the kiss and pulls away. He stares at me with the deepest of frowns, eyes turning cold with accusation as he takes a cautious step back.

“You should leave,” he says coldly under his breath, nostrils flaring as if he’s just become furious because I dared to kiss him.

The rollercoaster of emotions knocks into my gut, only permitting me to stare at him with kiss-swollen lips parted as my brows furrow.

“Return to the Lycoan house,” he instructs with a dismissive wave in the air. “I have things to take care of.”

Flynn turns to his father, whatever he’s saying to the older man becoming a blur in my ears. Just like that, he went from branding-hot to ice-cold with just a few words.

What was I thinking, anyway? I scoff under my breath, turning to the steps that take me down the stage. It was all just a show—I should have known. It’s not like Flynn Lycoan could have cared about the kiss.

Or that we’re now mates.

Gulping on the sob lodged in my throat, I force a smile on my face for the sake of the handful of attendees. I hug the old Luna, Eloise, and proceed to greet my brother with a hug.

At least he seems happy. He’s the only one wearing the biggest smile on his face, rushing to the stage to congratulate his best friend. I grab my own best friend by the arm, pulling her outside the hall where no one can hear us.

“I made a mistake, Val,” I whisper, teeth chattering as dread pulses through my veins.

Valerie notices that I’m trembling and squeezes my hands.

“It’s too late, Lila. You’ve already completed the rituals to seal the deal.”

I shake my head slowly, unwilling to accept this constant hot and cold flip in Flynn. It’s frustrating and confusing, and I’d rather be cursed than live this life.

Absentmindedly, I stroke my bottom lip with a finger, the passion we shared lingering on my lips. I’ve dreamed about kissing Flynn for so long, but now that I’ve experienced it in the throes of resentment, it doesn’t have the same effect I thought it would.

“Not everything, Val,” I point out. “He hasn’t marked me yet. And he’s not going to.”

“But what about the curse?”

“I’d rather forsake any chance of connecting to my inner wolf than be stuck in this life with him,” I bravely admit. “I’m gonna find a way to escape this. I just need some time.”

Valerie conflictedly nods while her brows remain furrowed. “I promise to help you with whatever you need, Lila. Just be sure you’re making the right choice.”

I nod sternly, deciding on the spot that leaving Zafra and escaping Flynn is my only option. For now, I’ll return to the Lycoan house, where Eloise and Silas have moved out so that Flynn and I can take over as the heads of the household.

I’ll fulfill my duties as the Luna long enough to give me time to figure out a way to escape Flynn Lycoan. I’ll fight against that inner voice and do what’s right for me.