25. Chapter 25

Istare at the ceiling of the bedroom far after the lights are off and I should be sleeping. The fight earlier in the day and all the training sessions aren't enough to tire me out.

Or maybe I'm thinking too hard.

I've been thinking about the purpose of uzains for quite some time already, but I've never mentioned it to anyone. I don't think there's a solution to that. Maybe Hazel has it right.

I didn't even mention it to Vrek.

Where is Vrek? What's he doing?

I wish I could contact him. He and I spent a lot of time together. But... Now that we are on different spaceships, it feels like we are more than a lifetime away.

Speaking of which, is he still alive? I hope so?

There are a lot of uzain battleships and a lot of uzains. Most injuries and casualties won't be reported and broadcast to all the ships. Even if they do, only the captains will know about that.

Vrek is fine, right? And so is Serena, right?

I let out a soft breath, trying my best not to wake Hazel. I'm probably overthinking that. Maybe when we finally go back to the base camp, I'll meet them again. Hopefully, they will also be stopping by at that time.

More importantly, Hazel...

Will she want to stay with me? I know our agreement is for us to pretend to be mates. I thought that would protect her, which seems to be working. But...

Now I feel even stronger for her and I really want her to stay.

Is she asleep? Or is she also busy with her thoughts?

I don't know what I can do about that. I can fight for her, but I'm not sure whether she even wants that.

What if she wants a life making tasty food in a regular stall on a space station instead of doing crazy things with me? For her, what uzains do is probably so far off the regular and risky.

I glance at her without moving my head. She is snuggling to my chest and I don't want to risk startling her.

The spaceship will arrive at its destination very soon. We'll unload our cargo, then...

It won't be hard to give her the chance to sneak off. She will take my heart with her to far, far away. My horns hum and ache. That has to be the wrong decision to make.

But... What can I do if she doesn't want me?

I've already proven myself to be the strong uzain who can protect her, but maybe that's not enough. Or maybe humans don't think the way uzains do.

Well... Maybe for humans, you have to have great cooking skills to get a mate. Then I'd be a failure for sure.

I hope not.

After she leaves, I'll be on my own again. There won't be another mate for me. That's the way for uzains. There won't be someone that hits me as hard as Hazel. Maybe there will be someone else who's rejected by their destined mate out there who will want me. Or maybe I'll stay on my own.

I close my eyes, willing myself to sleep.

After she leaves, the whole fleet will laugh at me. Imagine what they will say... I must be such a bad uzain that even after I won against the captain, she still didn't want me.

The captain is going to be so happy about that and I'll never hear the end of that.

If only I could contact Vrek, maybe he could tell me about getting a human mate to want me. Or maybe Serena, she knows what she wants in her mate.

Hm...

I don't think Vrek can cook a thing to save his life too. Maybe cooking skill isn't a requirement?

Vrek didn't fight any other uzain either.

Am I doing it wrong?

I thought I was a pretty good one, but maybe that's not what Hazel wants.

Maybe... she doesn't want a uzain as her mate? Now that's going to be hard. I can learn to cook and fight better, but I can't change what I am.

Now, I'm not sure whether I want tomorrow to come. I want my answer, but I don't want it at the same time.