9. Emma

Emma was more grateful than ever for the soundproofing as she sobbed, knowing that Lily wouldn't hear and come to investigate. Then she remembered that it was Vivian who'd had that soundproofing installed and cried even harder.

How could Vivian do this? Yes, Emma had fucked up. She should never have expressed her feelings so soon, knowing that Vivian would likely freak out. It had just slipped out in a moment of contentment… and ruined everything.

While she had known that Vivian would panic, she hadn't anticipated how deep Vivian's fears about relationships truly ran. She had expected to have to spend hours talking Vivian down before they could settle into each other's arms and go to sleep for the night.

Emma hadn't expected this. For Vivian just to leave, without even trying to talk. The fact that she hadn't even tried to work things out hurt almost as much as her leaving in the first place.

Emma had already lost so much in losing Alison. It had taken a lot for her to make herself vulnerable and fall in love again. She couldn't bear that now she was losing Vivian, too. As different as the loss was, it still hurt so much.

Emma had been through breakups before, but nothing that felt like this. She didn't feel like her heart was broken. It was like a large chunk of it was gone, erased, pulled out by a string when Vivian left her. Vivian had that piece of her heart now, and Emma feared that she would never get it back.

She didn't sleep that night. By the time the sun rose, the trashcan was overflowing with tissues and Emma's eyes were red and puffy.

Lily would be up soon. Emma had to get herself under control, for her daughter's sake. Lily would be scared if she saw her mother like this.

Emma closed her eyes, trying to focus on something other than Vivian. She instead thought about Lily's upcoming camping trip with her class at school. There were a few things she needed to buy. She and Vivian had been planning on spending those four days together… and she was back to Vivian again.

Nope. She was not going to start crying again. Emma dragged herself into the shower, turning it on cold, trying to shock the thoughts of Vivian out of her system.

The cold water was so unpleasant that it drove all other thoughts out of her mind, which was exactly what she'd been hoping would happen. When she was out of the shower, determinedly thinking of Lily's camping trip, she put on a thick layer of makeup to try to hide how swollen and red her eyes were.

She seriously considered calling in sick to work, but in the end decided that there would be no point. She would have to face Vivian eventually and putting it off wouldn't make things any easier for her when she had to do it.

Emma didn't know what to expect when she walked into the office, but she wasn't entirely surprised to find Vivian's office door firmly shut. Well, she could do her job just fine on her own. If Vivian didn't want to see her, then Emma wasn't going to beg for her attention. They could communicate about work matters via email if necessary.

She didn't see Vivian for most of the day, but as the clock neared five, Vivian strode into the open plan office area, heading straight for Emma. She looked immaculate in a black pant suit. She was so strikingly beautiful, with fine cheekbones and deep dark eyes that Emma wanted to lose herself in. Only right now those beautiful eyes were as cold as black stone.

Emma braced herself, not knowing if this was going to be a personal confrontation or a simple work matter.

"Emma, our client is requesting that we move that meeting scheduled for Thursday to tomorrow. Can you check my calendar and reschedule it if possible?"

"Sure thing, Vivian."

Emma should have known better than to think Vivian might want to talk about anything personal. She was in full Ice Queen mode, her gaze cool and remote. It was as though the last few months had never even happened.

Emma's heart squeezed as she watched Vivian walk away to talk to a few other people. The place where the missing piece was ached, but there was nothing she could do about that now. Time healed all wounds, right? Emma had survived so much worse, she knew she could survive this. Things with Vivian would get easier. She had only to wait.

It seemed that time did not heal all wounds.

Three weeks later, the hole in Emma's heart was as empty as ever. Every time she saw Vivian, it felt like a stab in the gut. She thought she was doing a relatively good job at hiding it, but she couldn't hide from herself.

Lily was her only solace. She did her best to focus on her daughter and ignore her own pain. Lily didn't deserve to suffer for Emma's mistakes.

Without Lily's light in her life, Emma didn't know how she would have managed. It was hard, but she needed to keep her life together for Lily's sake, so she soldiered on.

She would face this like she had faced every other challenge—with determination and drive to get through it. She had gotten herself this far and she wasn't going to let this thing with Vivian derail her life.

Lily's voice drew Emma out of her dismal thoughts.

"Mom, why can't we see Vivian anymore?"

The dismal thoughts intensified.

Emma didn't want to lie, but she certainly wasn't going to get into the whole tragic affair.

"Vivian and I had a fight, and we've decided not to see each other outside of work."

"Why not? You told me that if I fight with someone, I should talk to them and try to make things better. Can't you make them better with Vivian? I miss her."

Emma grimaced. Nothing tasted quite so bad as having to eat your own words.

"What I told you is true, but it's not going to work for Vivian and me."

"Have you tried?"

Emma sighed internally, trying to figure out how to explain this. "Trying isn't going to help in this situation. Sometimes, there is no way to fix things. It's an adult thing."

Lily pouted. "Adult things are stupid."

"I suppose they are," Emma conceded. She decided that a distraction was in order. "How about we go out for ice cream?"

"Yes! Ice cream!"

The distraction worked well on both of them. Lily jabbered away about a science project she was doing for school with little prompting from Emma.

When they were home, however, Emma's thoughts wandered back to the conversation they'd had earlier in the day. What she had said to Lily was true. There was no fixing this and staying around Vivian was only hurting her.

Perhaps it was time to move on.

The thought hurt, but not more than seeing Vivian every day did.

Though it felt like a stone in her chest, Emma started looking for a different position at other companies.

She didn't have any trouble lining up interviews. She knew that she was good at her job and she had the experience to prove it.

Emma was unenthusiastic, but she was sure that enthusiasm would come. It had to, right?

She felt only a small spark of satisfaction when the company that was her top choice—a huge international makeup brand—got back to her and offered her an interview.

Emma took the day off work, citing a personal matter. Vivian didn't question it, as Emma had been counting on. Vivian took her employees at their word when they said they needed time off and never pried unless the information was volunteered freely.

Emma dressed carefully for the day and practiced her smile in the mirror. It would do no good to arrive at the interview looking miserable.

The office was near Lily's school, which would make things a lot more convenient for her if she did get the job. Even that thought failed to generate much positive emotion within her, but Emma did her best to hold onto the facts and the logical knowledge that that was a good step.

When she arrived at the interview, she was directed to an office on the top floor. It was different from Vivian's, which many more personal items, making it feel more homey and less intimidating.

Alex Founder, the CEO, looked up as she came in.

"Emma, I take it? Please come in."

"Thank you. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Founder."

"Please, call me Alex. I always feel like people are making fun of me when they call me Founder. I've heard one too many jokes about being the founder of my own company and living up to my surname."

He chuckled and Emma offered a weak smile in return. "Alex, then." She did her best to inject some enthusiasm into her voice, though she wasn't sure how well she did at it.

"So, tell me a bit more about yourself, Emma."

Emma had been expecting the question and was prepared for it. "I grew up in a small town three hours from here. I didn't dislike small-town life, but I always dreamed of moving to a city and taking my career further. My wife died a few years ago, and I felt like I was finally ready to start a new chapter of my life. I moved here with my daughter. We've been in the city for several months."

"You've been working at Sterling Enterprises, correct?"

Emma did her best not to grimace. "That's right."

"Why the move? I know Vivian Sterling by reputation and it's not very often that her employees choose to leave. She certainly makes for a competitive employer."

Emma had expected this question too, but that didn't make answering it much easier. "There were some personal issues between me and Vivian. You're right in that she's a great employer, but we simply weren't a good match. I bear her no ill will, and I've appreciated my time working for her, but I think it's time for me to move on. I'll take what experience I gained with her gratefully and apply the skills I've learned to my new job."

The rest of the questions were easier. Alex asked about her experience, strengths and weaknesses. He seemed happy with her answers, and Emma's enthusiasm rose a bit. The interview took about half an hour, and at the end of it, Alex produced a sheath of papers.

"Well, I have to say I'm impressed, both with your interview and with your resume and supporting documents. I'd like to offer you the job."

Emma hadn't been expecting that. This was what she wanted, but now that the time was so unexpectedly upon her, she balked. She quickly tried to order her scrambled thoughts.

"I've got a few other interviews lined up. You are my top choice, but I've already committed to those interviews, and I want to keep that commitment. Can I get back to you in a few days?"

"Of course. I respect your desire to keep your word. Can I expect to hear back from you by the end of the week?"

"Definitely. I'll be in touch."

"Thanks, Emma."

"Thank you, Alex. I hope to see you soon."

"You can count on it."

Emma saw herself out of the building, feeling thoroughly downcast. She had exactly what she wanted, but it had failed to make her happy. Perhaps happiness would come, but for now, all she felt was dread.

She had been putting this off for too long. It was time.

Vivian was in her office, as usual. Her expression became guarded when Emma walked in, but her voice was perfectly polite. "Emma, how can I help you?"

"May I sit down?"

Emma clutched the sheet of paper she was holding in sweaty hands.

"Of course."

Emma sat down and steeled herself. She put the piece of paper on Vivian's desk. "I would like to hand in my resignation."

Shock and something else Emma couldn't quite read rippled across Vivian's face before she quickly composed her expression behind walls of ice.

"I see. Are you unhappy here, Emma? Is there anything I can do to fix it?"

Emma shook her head, her eyes on the corner of the desk. "No, there isn't anything. There's nothing wrong with the workplace environment. This is one of the best places I've ever worked at. It's just too hard, after everything…"

Emma hoped that Vivian wouldn't make her explain further, and Vivian quickly made that hope a reality.

"I see. I'll be sorry to see you go, Emma, but I wish you all the best. I will give you excellent references for wherever you apply next."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." Emma bit her lip, trying to hold back tears. Some small part of her had been hoping that Vivian would try to convince her to stay. Honestly, it wouldn't have taken that much convincing. While she knew that Vivian was simply trying to respect her boundaries, she was still hurt. This was yet another instance in which Vivian simply didn't want to fight for her.

It only confirmed the decision Emma had already made.

"Thank you, Vivian. I'll do my two week's notice, of course, and I can help with finding you a new assistant."

"I appreciate that, but it won't be necessary. I don't want you to stay here if you're unhappy, Emma. You're free to leave when you wish. I'll be fine for now, and I can find a new assistant in my own time."

Vivian's words felt like a punch to the gut. Emma knew how much extra work it would be for Vivian to be without a personal assistant while she went through the vetting process of finding someone new. Did Vivian really want her gone so badly that she would put herself through such an ordeal just to have Emma gone sooner?

Maybe Vivian had been hoping Emma would resign. She wouldn't fire her, of course, not when Emma hadn't done anything wrong, but judging by Vivian's response to her resignation, it seemed like her decision was more of a blessing to Vivian than an inconvenience.

She needed to get out of here before she started crying. "Thanks, Vivian. I wish you all the best in the future."

This was the last time she'd ever see her. Emma looked once more into Vivian's dark haunted eyes for a long moment before the urge to cry became too much and she had to flee the room.

She grabbed her bag, making the decision to leave the rest of her stuff. She could buy new stationery and files. Emma managed to make it to the car before the tears came. She blinked constantly as she drove home, trying to clear her vision.

Thankfully, it was still a few hours before she had to pick Lily up from school, so she had time to compose herself.

Emma made herself a cup of tea, trying to get her tears under control. This was a good thing, she told herself. It was exactly what she wanted. She and Vivian had ended things on good terms, and she had the job she had been aiming for.

She typed out a quick email to Alex, telling him she accepted his offer. Emma sipped on her tea, trying desperately to think of anything other than Vivian.

Alex's response, about ten minutes later, did a good job of distracting her. He was enthusiastic and wanted her to start on Monday.

The thought of working for someone else made Emma feel vaguely ill, but she knew that throwing herself into a new project would be good for her.

This chapter in her life was closed. She was glad that she'd be working for a man this time around. There was no chance of her falling in love with him. Emma didn't think she could take any more heartache.